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Text of the page (random words):
and a groan and that is fine you might just say i get starting high school can be pretty overwhelming i don t want to bug you with a million questions but i am here whenever you need me also if you must ask questions rather than asking yes or no ones which leaves room for a its fine said in a grunting tone and no real information say tell me about you might actually get some information having realistic expectations and understanding that 9th is a transitional year can help get you through this year grades might fluctuate social life may falter but it s all just a moment in time there is always next year ps getting my speaking schedule up and running for the 2023 24 year email me at joani joanigeltman com if you are interested in having me come and present one of my seminars at your school company church temple community group or on a street corner in your neighborhood or book an ask the expert party invite your friends or the parents of your teen s friends to your house and i ll spend two hours giving you all tips and strategies geared specifically to your needs or better yet get a group together and come to my home in holliston for lunch or brunch and expert parenting advice i am launching a new program let s have a kitchen conversation i love to cook and i love working with parents and i have decided to combine both my passions let s do it call or email for more info joani joanigeltman com 781 910 1770 posted by joani joanigeltman com at 11 49 am no comments email this blogthis share to twitter share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday march 7 2023 a letter to my teen i see you a few nights ago while watching the local news a story aired about a local magnet high school an important element of relationship building between teachers and students is for teachers at this school to take the time to write personal letters to students that may be struggling with either school or personal issues who might be able to use a lift up and to express the inspiration this student is for the teacher they filmed the teachers sharing these letters with their students these students were surprised touched and you could see and feel the light that shone from these kids faces and from their tears about the power of being seen all of us can feel invisible as we go through our daily life many of our personal struggles or personal triumphs we keep to ourselves not thinking someone else would understand showing understanding is probably the the most powerful way to connect with another person living with a teenager can be glorious yes it can and hellish the ups and downs can be nausea producing like the scariest roller coaster you can think of unfortunately because the negatives are often louder and i mean that both metaphorically and literally think slammed doors and screaming fights the smaller more subtle successes go unnoticed or fade into the background i m not talking here about good grades on a report card or a turn as the star of the school musical or a great play on the soccer field but a nice moment with a grandparent or sibling or with you maybe a time when your teen was challenged in a new way either academically or with friends and the frustration gave way to a meaningful resolution often these very special moments are so drowned out by the multitude of daily life crisis that your teen doesn t have the opportunity to integrate them into their developing personal identity not i am someone who can rise to a challenge but rather i get so frustrated and can t do it they cannot see the forest through the trees and they need an objective 3rd party to remind them now this is not always easy for parents to do because maybe your patience has been sorely tested and those nice moments have slipped by you as well as you deal with your daily frustrations with your teen here is a tonic for that frustration sit down with an old fashion pen and paper and write your teen a letter that comes straight from the heart emphasis the small moments that you either observed or were party to when your teen surprised you delighted you and reminded you about what a special and unique person he she is this will serve two purposes first to let your teen know that no matter what no matter how difficult life gets during these teen years you love and admire them you are the most important person in your teen s life and especially if they feel they have disappointed you a letter like this can totally turn things around who doesn t love to be told they are special and wonderful write the letter and leave it on their pillow some night don t ask or expect anything in return because the moment they sit with your words and feel your love in the privacy of their own room will be the best gift you could give posted by joani joanigeltman com at 8 46 am 2 comments email this blogthis share to twitter share to facebook share to pinterest monday february 20 2023 frustration the bridge to success parents take this short quiz t f when my kid has a paper to write i love when i i mean when he she gets a good grade t f when my teen is having a problem with a teacher a friend a coach or the other parent i love to provide the solution to make his her life easier and have them benefit from my experience t f when my teen is looking for a job a summer program or community service i do everything i can to help by calling everyone i know t f now that my teen is ready for the college process i do all the research about the colleges visits and requirements because i know how busy my teen is t f when my teen doesn t know how to do something i love telling him her how to do it because i know they appreciate and expect my help so how did you do if you even had one t you might unknowingly be preventing your teen from developing resourcefulness and resilience two personality traits that are present in very successful adults getting straight a s graduating at the top of the class or even going to an ivy league college is not what guarantees success in life most teens demand to be in charge of their social life not wanting help from you at all but when it comes to the parts of their life they feel less confident in they may demand your help and what parents doesn t love it when your teen asks for your help it s like a drug it may not happen often but when it does you are primed and ready for action if feeds your need to feel like a competent and supportive parent especially if your relationship with your teen has been going through a rocky spell but what makes kids feel confident and competent is moving past frustration to success think of it this way perhaps recently you bought a coffee table for your family room from ikea in the store the table looked pretty simple to put together a few slabs of wood some glass a couple of screws and bolts piece of cake then you get the big brown box home enthusiastically throw all the stuff on the floor with the expectation you will have your beautiful table up and usable in an hour or so 5 hours later sweat pouring off your brow swears emanating from your mouth you kick the stupid wood throw the screws against the wall ready to cry uncle you get up stomp around your house curse ikea and the directions that seem to be written for someone with a phd in engineering and then you get back down on the floor and start again and finally because the only choice was to figure out how to put the damn table together the table comes together almost magically and you stand up puffed up with pride and look at your baby and every time a new person walks into your house and they compliment you on your cool coffee table you say proudly i put that table together and honestly it feels as important to you as almost anything else you have accomplished in your life and why is that is is because you persisted through your frustration your feeling of incompetence and what felt like the impossible to your ultimate success it is a feeling you don t forget when you solve your teen s problems for them even if they ask you too when you give into their frustration because it feels unbearable to you you take away the opportunity for them to have their ikea moments the ability to delay gratification develop frustration tolerance and figure it out is something that will follow them all the way through their life through relationships that go through hard times to jobs that aren t working out the way they anticipated money problems housing issues and their own ability to parent an a in english will not be helpful in those situations there is truly nothing more important to teach your teens than the ability to accept and deal with disappointment that they can t have or do anything they want to have or do just because they want it or that when something feels just too hard that you will rescue them from their pain so the next time they come to you for help start first with a so what do you think you should do the process will take a lot longer but when you can say to your teen i am really proud of you i know that was really hard for you to do but you stuck with it and just look at your table book one of my seminars for your school your organization or your company adolescent psychology the parentversion teen social networking putting on the breaks alcohol drugs and vaping how your teens unique personality interacts with risk taking behavior joani s top ten parenting tips sibling rivalry college bound how to help your teen with the emotional ups and downs of the college process joani joanigeltman com 781 910 1770 posted by joani joanigeltman com at 1 40 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to twitter share to facebook share to pinterest thursday february 16 2023 giving comfort to your kids in these very scary times i don t know about you but it seems every day brings some new terrifying event school shootings hurricanes tornados train derailments fires mass shootings political decisions that affect the very way we live our lives and of course let s not forget a pandemic that has taken over our lives for the last 3 years sometimes it just feels like too much not to mention our own life crises at least we as adults have years of life living as adults so that we have a long term perspective on how to cope your teens do not have the benefit of experience they haven t lived long enough to really accumulate the understanding that bad things often have a way of resolving or that you know at least your feelings do last week while teaching my college course on human development i asked my 60 students for a raise of their hands of who doesn t feel safe in this world to my absolute astonishment almost every hand went up i guess in my own naïveté i expected a few hands to go up but not every hand i asked what they do to feel safe the young women who make up the majority of my two classes opened up their purses to show me their pepper spray their key chains with alarms and how they hold a key between their fore and middle fingers whenever they are walking in case someone tries to attack them so they can poke them in the eye this is not the world i grew into adulthood in i felt free to go anywhere do anything take risks leave home joyously and use this stage of life to enjoy freedom mostly from parents and other authority figures that s what adolescence is all about in our world independence is a scary word the safety of home and i mean absolute emotional and physical safety for these kids means home i asked my students if this lack of feeling safe contributes to the decisions they make about their life and they universally said it absolutely does i had noticed over the last few years how most of my students are extremely connected to their homes and families in a way i had never see in over 30 years of college teaching i see students going home most weekends and choosing to stay very close to home as graduation plans are being made this is all to say that your kids are living in a world in which fear and anxiety live with them every day i literally cried on my way home after teaching feeling so sad that these kids and from what i am reading most kids are living this life of fear and anxiety have you ever been in the midst of a really stressful situation that you know has no easy solution and you call your best friend mother father husband wife knowing that just hearing their voice will make you feel better turns out that in fact a calming voice actually effects your body s hormonal stress responses in a positive way in a recent study of teens scientists wanted to see which form of communication with moms sorry dads you were left out of this study would help their teen feel better after having exposed teens to a stressful situation each teen was exposed to a different form of communication support from their moms interaction in person interaction over the phone interaction over the computer texts or no interaction at all girls who experienced in person or over the phone communication in other words an actual human voice showed a marked reduction in stress hormones those whose moms e mailed or sent texts showed stress hormone levels that were just as high as if the teens had had no interaction at all why does this matter because there is no substitution for human interaction texting and e mailing are good for sharing information but when it comes to really impacting someone s life you actually have to say something often times parents will tell me that most of their communication is coming in the form of texting to their kids even when they are in the same house fearful of simple conversations turning into arguments parents are resorting to r u ok sent as a text unfortunately we live in a world now where scary things happen on a daily basis it s always a good thing to acknowledge with your kids these events believe me they already know about them they may be thinking but not talking about them you might say oh that shooting at michigan state was so terrible or that shooting of college students in idaho so terrifying how are you feeling about them so when you sense that your teen is feeling there is just no substitute for parent intuition is stressed by situations real or imagined and expectations both socially and academically you can safely assume your teen will need to hear your voice they don t need you to solve their problems they just need you to know that they have them if they seem a little sad lost and anxious rather than asking what s wrong maybe just a hug and a you seem a little overwhelmed anxious sad just want to say i love you that calm and loving voice can go a long way to make them feel just a little better the science says so posted by joani joanigeltman com at 7 54 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to twitter share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to posts atom a survival guide to parenting teens my new book is here a survival guide to parenting teens talking to your kids about sexting drinking drugs and other things that freak 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