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awkwardness continues to tell me i m amazing she said i m going to keep telling you because as humans we don t say it enough and it s true my memory not a direct quote lol go tell people they are awesome tell people how they impact your life and then surround yourself with people who will tell you the same and push you to be even more awesome than you already are posted in life 2 replies quarantine posted on october 29 2021 by jenn reply two years it s been almost two years since i sat down and wrote maybe it s on purpose the forgotten year or two but i find myself being drawn back and missing the dreaded quarantine period let s rewind to set the stage 2020 began with so much hope and joy in our lives new baby new job kids doing well in school and loving ninja and then the world stopped we refer to it as friday the 13th because friday march 13th was the last day of school it was the day the world shut down for us it was 10 days before my return from maternity leave and just days after i had finished redesigning my office into a space that was workable for work and a homework zone for the kids and project zone it s like i knew our lives were about to change working from home and with the chaos of children is nothing new to me what was new was teaching them and zach how to work at home and making the spaces each of us needed to succeed and in reality that was probably harder on them than it was on me i felt so blessed that as i was transitioning back to work instead of finding a place for morgan to be or someone to take care of her we were all picking up the slack and raising her together for the next three and a half months we were all home all the time i micro blogged these days through instagram everyday we tried to do something just a little special we watching very little tv but made great memories and now i find myself missing it i miss the quiet of the highway i miss the quality time i miss playing games multiple times a week i miss zach being home all the time i miss not having to rush anywhere i miss people being okay connecting via zoom or facetime i don t know that i like people anymore i don t know that i want to hangout with others maybe i m just out of practice i look forward to seeing people i want to plan things but when i find myself leaving i find myself in a funny little spot 2020 was not bad for me it had a lot of opportunities like zach s vacation or the quarantine or covid but it wasn t in fact it might be my most favorite year how do i transition back to the real world my kids crave all the things they missed they want to go to school they want to be at ninja they want to throw parties and do all the things i want to be at home with my kids with my husband living the quarantine life posted in life leave a reply the scariest day posted on december 28 2019 by jenn 1 the doctor found the heart on the ultrasound it didn t move over the last nine months we d listened and watched that heart beat often to see it frozen in time was devastating how did we make it this far for all to be lost zach and i never said we are going to have this many children but after lynzie was born we were content with our family then got a surprise and were elated when we lost that baby and almost me we felt like we were missing someone so we began a journey of having another baby this pregnancy was pretty easy i felt great and i didn t feel like i looked that pregnant the whole time probably due to how much extra weight i had on me to begin with but we won t dwell on that i only gained 17 pounds the whole pregnancy which puts me now on the same weight loss plan as when i got pregnant in the third trimester things started happening i still felt great but they were things that made me more high risk that i was just because of my age i got gestational diabetes i d done that before so it was really no big deal for me but it caused me to see a high risk practice for the rest of my pregnancy and document my sugars and send them in weekly because of gd by doc wanted to induce at 39 weeks i got high blood pressure this was something that is still a debate on if it was caused by the pregnancy or if it was pre existing it landed we in the er one day because my doctor made us go for monitoring in the end the determined it was pre existing and we took a more relaxed approach to my care for the remaining weeks this made the doc want to induce at 38 weeks baby girl decided to be head down and then two weeks before delivery she flipped herself to be breach again then within the week turned herself around again to face down of course a breach baby complicates delivery and my doctor is not a doctor that will deliver a breach baby so when we came in for the induction we were instructed to have them double check that she was still head down and if not we were prepped with possible outcomes several times baby s movements would really slow down and i had to be monitored to ensure she was okay once in the middle of the night at the er in the end i think it was due to low blood sugar and a super chill baby because she was fine every time at 38 weeks we were scheduled to go to the hospital at 9pm they would start me on a drug to soften my cervix and in the morning they would start pitocin to really get the contractions going we did this with lynzie and and she came by 12 30 in the afternoon with the absolute perfect experience i had visualized this happening again for most of the pregnancy my baby would be born on december 4th we got everyone in the car to deposit at their various locations rogue to grandma and grandpa s diego to the boarding place the kids to a family friend as we made this trip i was super uncomfortable something in the way the baby was sitting was just not right when we arrived at the hospital they got me all hooked up and i told them that we needed an ultrasound to ensure baby was still head down they questioned me a bit but i explained she d been flipping back and forth for weeks and although she was head down five days ago the doc wanted to confirm it before we moved forward it took about an hour before they rolled in with the ultrasound and she was spine down her head was on my left under the placenta and her but was on the right the nurse said she was going to check with the on call doctor and determine what the plan was thankfully she somehow got a hold of my doctor who put the induction on hold until 7am when they would check the baby again and try an inversion but they also scheduled me for a c section at noon all wires were pulled and i was left alone for the night to do yoga and walk and try to get the baby to flip herself again at 7 the doctor came in when one of her practice mates they had the ultrasound machine and checked on baby again sure enough she d moved but not in the direction we wanted she was now full breach head in my ribs feet down the doctor explained that they would try to turn her they would give me a drug that would help relax my uterus and they would take their hands and physically pull push her into the right position they assessed where the baby was and what they thought the best route was pushing her counterclockwise away from the placenta my doc assured me we would know in 5 10 minutes if it was going to work out or if we d have to go through the the c section at noon both the other kids came vaginally so the idea of a c section really stressed me out but i as i told my nurse i didn t have a birth plan because setting expectations only leads to disappointment in labor and delivery my only expectation is to walk away with a baby who is alive i know that sounds rather harsh but after the miscarriage and all the challenges i ve seen and heard of others experiencing i just wanted a baby in my arms screaming the drug started working and my doc dug her fingers into my belly right around liver level and pulled the baby s head downward and she moved the doctor was able to get her to my pelvis bone and then she got a little stuck the other doctor was on the other side of me and had a better position to pull the baby towards her so she took over and success one step closer to not having a c section now baby just needed to stay down during labor and we d be fine and then they brought the ultrasound over again to verify she was okay they saw her head down but as i looked over to the screen i saw a perfect heart with no movement and then a slow flutter and then nothing what happened next was super fast i remember bits and pieces and i m sure it s not all in order my doc wanted oxygen for me then she wanted us in the or to deliver this baby nicu was called some code was called my bed was pushed out of the room by the two doctors and across the hall to the or zach was left behind my friend had texted me a prayer early in the morning as i sat in the hallway waiting for the doctors to get their sterile gear on i went over the words and prayed everything would be okay seconds later as we crossed the threshold to the or my mind was stuck on the fact that my baby was gone and her name would always be hollow in our home they asked me if i could quickly get on to the or table since i hadn t had any meds it was very easy for me to get up on all fours and crawl across there were so many people in the or everyone talking to me doing something to me it was hard to keep up with it all i watched the anesthesiologist draw up the meds to completely put me under if my baby came into the world this way she would not be greeted by either of her parents only a bunch of strangers my doctor had assured me as we moved to the or that this still might end in a vaginal birth they would monitor the baby and if she came back we wouldn t need to do the c section thankfully in the or they found her heartbeat again it was low but strong and slowly came back up to where it was originally in the high 150 range after 10 minutes or so it was determined that we weren t going through with a c section at this time but would rather be going back to our room to begin the induction just about 12 hours late before i was moved back to my room it was decided to get my epidural going so that if we needed to go back to the or i wouldn t need to be put under i agreed with that because i didn t want my baby joining the world without parents but i really wanted zach i asked for him over and over and some one said let s make you presentable i remember thinking it was the most ridiculous thing my husband can see me however you have me laid out its the rest of everyone that i need to be presentable for lol by the time we got back to my room the kids had arrived they hung out with their grandma in the cafeteria for a bit while i was checked 2 cm dilated and it was decided to skip the softening step and move straight to pitocin i believe this was around 10am but i m not 100 sure the day was pretty boring like really boring the kids went to lunch we play a moving game of uno flip everyone had to gather around my bed and move sides based on how i was forced to face but really nothing happened all day around 1 30pm my water was broken in an attempt to get her head down and engaged i cannot explain the amount of water that came out of me and i could feel every little move the baby made trying to get into position as more water would come out i m pretty sure it was at least a gallon over the course of the afternoon and evening the kids went to ninja in the evening and we discussed a new plan for them remember in my head i was having this baby in the middle of the day the kids wanted to be around for her birth although not in the room so they said but we had a place for them to stay overnight now that it was looking like baby was going to come in the night or the next morning we needed someone to be at the hospital to be with the kids but our options were limited my close friend was in the visiting with us while we were trying to puzzle this out and had said she would come back at 1am to 6am if we needed her so we asked zach s brother if he could take the now to 1am shift he said that was fine but he was going to need to uber obviously these two were willing to assist us but if another option was available it might be better my best friend had said she was going to stop by around 8 9pm she s a night owl and always has been and can function on very little to no sleep better than anyone i know it was around 7pm so zach called her and explained the situation next i knew she was coming for the night the others were let off the hook and zach was getting dinner and coffee too we made up the couch for the kids and moved it to an area of the room so it wasn t in the way if things went down we asked the kids if they were asleep if they wanted to stay in the room or be woken up and taken out of the room they said they wanted to stay sleeping so we explained vaguely that some scary things might be happening when they woke up and to just turn away and know it was going to be okay we talked to susie about her options she had the same as the kids you can leave if it s too much turn away or if you are really feeling up to it you can pick up a camera and take a few photos i mean she is my photographer lol we started a movie we tried to sleep the kids eventually went to sleep susie and zach traded places back and forth one with the kids on the couch the other in the reclining chair zach tried to get sleep susie made lesson plans if she was in it for the long haul she d have to call a sub for the next day watched the monitor and took in the birth experience i got very little sleep turned out the baby wasn t dealing well she wasn t moving much and her heart rate would drop with each contractions so the nurse moved me about every 15 minutes put me on oxygen took me off at one point i mentioned the baby might not be moving since i hadn t eaten in 24 hours and my blood sugar was probably low they checked my sugars and i was at 69 which is just low enough to do something about it so they switched my hydrating iv to include sugar and it helped baby out for a bit they also let me have as many popsicles as i wanted it was so nice to have something besides ice i honestly wasn t hungry and had no interest in food but i was thirsty and could have taken a nice glass of apple juice so the diversion of the popsicle was a good one throughout the labor they didn t check me often so i never really knew how much progress we were making mostly this was because we had broken my water and i was strep b positive around 2am i was 5 cm baby was still trying to move into the full head down position she was still stuck around my hip bone and her crown was not down but felt more like her forehead at 3 30am i told them things had changed and i wanted them to check me again also my epidural wasn t working and i was in a ton of pain back pain and lower abdominal like period pains at this point i was 8cm finally some progress i was also cussing and not overly happy about anything that was going on finally my n...
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