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andable question here s the thing one of my partners once told me that sex feels better when she lets herself make noise i m not sure that this is exactly how it works for me although letting myself breathe really deeply and freely does help but i do find that i have an easier time being open to enjoying the proceedings letting my body relax into the experience if i m not preoccupied with staying quiet you have to feel safe to access pleasure not safe like nothing bad has ever happened or is ever going to happen but safe like i can let my guard down enough to be playful and honest and don t have to manage my affect the whole time safe like we re not going to be interrupted i m not going to have to shift my focus abruptly and sharply away from this connection safe like i m not going to be punished for this later it s hard to notice that something feels good when your attention is focussed on listening for signs that your kids are still awake or that one of your metamours might be within earshot whether one of your partners coming home earlier than expected or whether the bed is creaking in tell tale ways i can absolutely make the case that it s much easier to have the kind of pleasurable sex you want when you can say out loud with your voice what it is that you like and want even cosmopolitan magazine knows about that i could probably pull on the threads of shame and secrecy and fear and hiding to make some kind of statement about why of course sex feels better when you can let yourself make noise because feeling free and safe to do so means you re not trying to hide what you re up to given that my polycule will in a few months include four people who are co habitating i suspect that there s going to be some conversations in our collective future about how to handle living with other people s sex sounds going forward in the mean time i m going to keep doing my vocal yoga stuff and make a point of singing sarah mclachlan songs out loud when i m at home wish me luck in continuing to unclog my throat and with getting more comfortable being noisy and feeling good during sex notice pleasure a heated mattress pad in a chilly bedroom her head resting in my lap while i play with her hair how it feels when she worships my feet daydreaming about her while i use my vibrator the enveloping warmth of a radiator heated apartment chocolate ice cream with flakes of finishing salt on top feeling the sun s warmth on my face and hands during the winterlude thaw slow kisses sugar scrub the smell of cinnamon holding her hand the way our feet brush each other when we sit next to each other on the couch tags all about me body policing notice pleasure sex positivity comment scheduling burnout and open leather relationships some preliminary thoughts filed under d s kink polyamoury thinky leave a comment february 11 2026 okay so as you know bob i m a d type with multiple s types the erstwhile head of the house of goat a name which was technically a joke until people started getting us goat themed art and sending us snail mail with house of goat as the address at which point it definitely stuck hypothetically i m living the dream over here although my dance card which has more than two spaces is sliiiiiiiiiiiiightly smaller than really allows for three keeping all my loved ones at least reasonably happy now that they all live in town and two share a house with me while also making sure i get enough me time and tbh recovery time because introvert is gonna introvert not to burn the heck out remains a bit of a learning curve which i sort of want to talk about today i know the idea of an all powerful domme with a stable full of dedicated and surprisingly chill about one way sharing submissives is a common fantasy i m dating myself here probably but the marketplace series is pretty heavily predicated on the idea that a lot of people get turned on by the thought of being part of or running a group of s types who manage the household and sexual and who knows what else needs of the d type in question nobody s going to be surprised that the reality doesn t look like that but the fantasy still exists so where am i going with this thing one is that falling in forever love in power exchange ways or even totally vanilla ways very easily can get you into trouble that you don t want to get out of but that you also have to figure out how to manage thing two is the question of okay so if it works going one direction does it work in the other can you be an s type with multiple bosses so thing one what i said about wanting to be a good domme and a good partner to all my partners while also making sure that i don t burn myself out that is a whole thing a while back i talked about getting myself a therapist and one of the things that s come up since i started seeing her is burnout so don t be me if one or more of your main squeezes are about to become a lot more available someone s moving in someone s moving to town someone s about to start running their own business out of the polycule s communal basement heck someone s going through a breakup with a significant significant other build in your you time now even extroverts need time with just themselves and if you are me if you find yourself six months into the life you ve been dreaming of sobbing in the bathroom because you don t have any time to yourself anymore ugh be prepared to renegotiate set plans as the option to do so becomes available or even if they don t so that you can actually be present with your partners and run your people the way they want you to and the way you want you to because you re getting enough time and space to yourself to rest and recharge as for thing two i mean the short answer is yes actually you know that thing in polyamoury where i m experiencing jealousy usually translates more accurately as i m experiencing relationship insecurities it applies to kink stuff too big surprise over the years my various girls have had other d types in their lives mostly those relationships have been short term or with comets so not short term but still pretty time bound moment to moment but one of them was significant enough and local enough to warrant a couple of conversations about where the lines of my jurisdiction actually were useful i may write more about that at a later date but none of that means that part of me isn t totally dreading the possibility that one of them is going to come home one day and say so you know how person and i have been seeing each other for a while well we ve started talking about a 24 7 power exchange i have some biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig insecurities about this stuff most of those insecurities live in the realm of i know i m fucking this up and or have dropped the ball repeatedly and i don t know how to fix it what if i just get replaced and those are kind of my anxieties to manage like i m definitely on team ask your partners for what you need including reassurances and suggestions even if i have a hard time doing so get the support that you need and talk about how to make sure everyone s relationship needs are being met and me being insecure about getting outranked by a new person doesn t actually mean my people can t seek those new people out look a long loooooooooooooooong time ago when i was with my very first s type someone from out of town kept telling my person that basically if ms syren isn t going to put a ring around your neck i will i m experienced and i know how to run you i didn t want to pre emptively collar my girl just because some other shark was circling so to speak i wanted to make sure i knew roughly what i was getting us into and that it was what i wanted and that s what i did but having that external pressure was really uncomfortable i can spend ages teasing apart which bits of that whole mess were on me were on the s type in question and were on the part of the out of town third party but the short version is that as a direct result of that whole thing i m a little gun shy around this stuff and have a tonne of stories squirreling around in my head about the possibility that potentially new d types in the polycule won t play by polyamoury rules and keep their in dynamic requirements and protocols to what doesn t particularly effect their s type s other relationships this despite the fact that various other d types in my personal people s lives have actually been really proactive and kind about checking in with me to see what s in bounds to a degree that went beyond what i really thought was necessary once it was happening it s totally possible to serve two masters or whatever variation on the theme of being more than one person s concurrent s type that you prefer to use you just have to know what you want and what you can actually be available for build in your you time now same as any other dance card worth of open relationships anyway as one of my partners says this has been thinking on the outside with your extrovert introvert ttfn ms syren tags d s kink open relationships polyam polyamoury relationships thinky comment u is for understanding filed under poly polyamoury thinky 2 comments october 25 2025 strictly speaking this doesn t totally fit with my notice pleasure project but i m going with it anyway in mid september so a while ago i got myself hooked up with a low cost therapy program where i can see a therapist in training think practicum every two weeks at a rate i can actually afford the goal with this is to help me get more comfortable navigating conflict with my loved ones and to develop more skills around self advocacy but i think it will probably also help me get out of the overthinking frozen oh no what if headspace i often land in around sex stuff too where do i start with this one okay you know emily nagoski s book come as you are the part where she talks about the horrible rat discotheque that played iggy pop really loudly and had random flashing lights and zero predictability how the rats in that high stress situation responded to every new stimulus even the ones they would normally be super into with augh what the fuck is this but the rats who were in the incredibly comfortable and comforting situation responded to every new stimulus including the one they normally wouldn t like at all with curiosity and interest like ooo what s this that s me i m the rat in the experiment not literally but you know know what i mean we re all the rat in the experiment when we re freaked out overwhelmed and stressed we respond to things as though they re threats or problems even when they aren t i spent two weeks recently working a lot of overtime at my new job when my partners would do things like offer me lunch or ask how i m doing or otherwise try to take care of their stressed out partner i had to actively stop myself from snapping at them because i was responding to their care as though it was one more bloody thing demanding my attention when i didn t have attention to spare i was responding to their care as a threat so if i react to conflict arguments heated discussions disagreements where nobody gives ground in my relationships by experiencing a lot of stress it s going to be harder to even get through the argument because my nervous system is telling me that my people are threats to me whereas how you get through an argument is my being curious and open hearted with each other and not reacting to the people you care about and who care about you as though you can t trust them i think the term that applies here is conflict intimacy like how do you have a fight or a fight with people so that you trust each other more so that you can disagree argue and continue feeling comfortable and close with each other now my therapist is not a very experienced therapist i knew that going in so i m looking at this as something more like i get someone to talk to like just i spent all morning crying on the bus because the world is so full of suffering and cruelty levels of someone to talk to and i get a personal growth accountability buddy if i can put it that way hopefully i ll also learn some stuff about myself and about how to navigate the situations i want to get better at navigating right now just to pull this back to u is for understanding i m trying to get a better understanding of a why i get so emotionally messed up during an argument even when it s not an argument i m personally part of and b what i can do physically somatic stuff to help myself stay present and stay feeling safe let s say even if i don t feel comfortable when i m having conflict with a partner or with my mom or what have you my notice pleasure practice is just a thing where i take a second to pay attention to what feels good for and in my body i m wondering if when i m having an argument or when i m in a situation where i m otherwise feeling really defensive i can incorporate some of that kind of noticing into picking up on safety like my robe is really soft or the floor is not literally crumbling right now it s holding me up just fine just making a point of letting my body pick up on the fact that even though i feel like i m possibly going to die there isn t actually sabre toothed tiger involved in this or that situation of conflict i figure it s worth a shot we ll see if it helps notice pleasure the fuzz of her hair the way she and she and she all fit into the circle of my arms in different ways the relief of lying down supported by a good mattress the heat from the heated mattress pad seeping into my aching hips foot rubs the loosening in my body that happens when i get to laugh freely with my girls cuddles and hugs soft warm blankets hot soup warming up my insides kisses the mix of hot sun and cool breeze on my face and hands cool but not cold evening air on a patio sipping a not that heavy cocktail that tastes like a mocha milkshake sourdough fresh out of the oven slathered in butter the smell of camphor the way our bodies fit together when we curl up to sleep tags all about me long term relationships notice pleasure relationships therapy comment three girls in collar reflections on dominance filed under all about me d s poly polyamoury thinky 1 comment october 10 2025 i ve been a mommy for many years now my anniversary with my babygirl was actually just a couple of days ago seven years together on october 8 and i ve been marmalady for nearly a decade and a half but it was only about two years ago that i landed myself a self identified service dog it s been really neat seeing how these different dynamics play out how we do what we do or try to figure out what what we do even is as each relationship has grown and changed over time i keep thinking of raven kaldera in i think dear raven and joshua but i could be wrong talking about how styles of dominance exist on a spectrum that could be described as having rockstar at one end and parent at the other in the sense that some d types love having people for that and being able to let their s types do what they do best 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