Meta tags:
description= A place for everyday creativity + life-documenting. There ll be paper, stripes + plenty of tales. And if you laugh along the way then all the better.;
Headings (most frequently used words):
2019, 2018, of, quiet, january, 12, the, and, to, about, year, two, my, pages, filed, away, saturday, 16, february, tuesday, 29, sunday, 13, friday, october, wednesday, september, subscribe, life, documenting, dispatches, from, land, flu, haunted, urethra, leave, stand, short, story, lust, microwaves, in, bad, portraits, welcome, worth, awkward, photo, fails, 50, shades, nay, chapter, biggest, fears, growing, out, grey, can, have, word, things, people, wished, you, knew, on, day,
Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (387), you (295), and (243), that (148), for (88), your (87), with (73), not (70), this (64), like (64), but (59), have (48), just (48), out (48), was (47), when (47), quiet (46), can (46), about (44), all (43), one (41), from (40), his (39), are (37), may (36), there (35), how (35), day (34), they (34), time (34), share (31), then (30), who (30), where (30), what (29), don (29), while (27), our (27), know (26), #people (26), been (26), make (26), over (25), which (25), because (25), even (24), had (23), any (22), still (22), get (21), more (21), now (20), might (20), something (20), life (20), here (20), into (19), january (19), will (18), them (18), right (18), really (18), february (18), him (17), were (17), being (17), looking (17), julie (16), today (16), first (16), than (16), year (16), grey (16), look (16), yourself (15), think (15), around (15), fear (15), well (14), thing (14), could (14), feel (14), too (14), hair (14), things (13), maybe (13), find (13), down (13), come (13), other (13), take (13), little (13), those (13), comments (12), only (12), someone (12), trying (12), never (12), got (12), work (12), back (12), always (12), some (12), also (12), need (12), bad (12), before (12), talk (11), watching (11), didn (11), going (11), say (11), september (11), october (11), modelling (11), kirk (10), person (10), yet (10), kind (10), off (10), without (10), stop (10), want (10), let (10), would (10), their (10), thought (10), last (10), portraits (10), hands (10), microwave (10), flu (10), symptoms (10), december (10), june (10), july (10), see (9), face (9), hand (9), actually (9), should (9), myself (9), care (9), better (9), two (9), long (9), own (9), away (9), good (9), world (9), end (9), eyes (9), include (9), november (9), march (9), april (9), august (9), older (8), enough (8), self (8), reading (8), love (8), she (8), keep (8), please (8), old (8), why (8), most (8), much (8), body (8), lunch (8), ever (8), hey (8), months (8), these (8), photos (8), photo (8), leave (8), tip (8), home (7), story (7), writing (7), friends (7), child (7), change (7), way (7), many (7), against (7), far (7), moment (7), social (7), dye (7), since (7), week (7), biggest (7), head (7), feeling (7), above (7), kitchen (7), high (7), food (7), facebook (6), 2018 (6), speak (6), else (6), shell (6), word (6), group (6), through (6), side (6), front (6), mouth (6), same (6), asked (6), often (6), managed (6), read (6), left (6), yeah (6), reasons (6), made (6), point (6), conversation (6), rather (6), appear (6), inner (6), check (6), idea (6), least (6), once (6), longer (6), put (6), selfie (6), has (6), doing (6), another (6), new (6), soup (6), bowl (6), house (6), pinterest (5), blogthis (5), email (5), labels (5), posted (5), anything (5), instagram (5), key (5), having (5), complete (5), top (5), manage (5), agent (5), taking (5), mean (5), experience (5), talking (5), part (5), move (5), round (5), every (5), best (5), however (5), types (5), during (5), fact (5), later (5), laugh (5), hard (5), anyone (5), found (5), sometimes (5), nothing (5), netflix (5), doesn (5), call (5), personality (5), small (5), takes (5), help (5), sit (5), quietly (5), likely (5), though (5), mind (5), tea (5), sharing (5), greying (5), wasn (5), media (5), seen (5), mine (5), again (5), women (5), yes (5), documenting (5), accidentally (5), shot (5), did (5), badportraits (5), very (5), mother (5), land (5), morning (5), wouldn (5), haunted (5), effects (5), urethra (5), posts (4), shy (4), louder (4), dare (4), admit (4), turn (4), clearly (4), meeting (4), soon (4), ways (4), shut (4), control (4), situation (4), happens (4), couldn (4), her (4), miss (4), course (4), after (4), second (4), sure (4), next (4), sitting (4), school (4), told (4), especially (4), finally (4), simply (4), ourselves (4), book (4), together (4), outgoing (4), isn (4), missed (4), honestly (4), big (4), job (4), between (4), ones (4), offer (4), few (4), years (4), return (4), open (4), considered (4), bit (4), different (4), real (4), below (4), thinking (4), judging (4), loud (4), wanted (4), under (4), almost (4), done (4), won (4), happy (4), lot (4), growing (4), quite (4), weeks (4), try (4), age (4), month (4), eye (4), shared (4), dyeing (4), definitely (4), looks (4), appearance (4), free (4), place (4), choice (4), does (4), eating (4), james (4), full (4), nice (4), become (4), awkward (4), short (4), fiction (4), cooking (4), felt (4), stand (4), across (4), its (4), height (4), towards (4), water (4), drop (4), although (4), came (4), sandwich (4), legs (4), eat (4), cheese (4), hours (4), dry (4), cystitis (4), bread (4), cough (4), atom (3), introvert (3), softly (3), spoken (3), chat (3), wished (3), said (3), nature (3), plain (3), give (3), stories (3), past (3), gregarious (3), perfectly (3), working (3), hope (3), along (3), heard (3), public (3), speaking (3), natural (3), everything (3), literary (3), bring (3), phone (3), already (3), tiny (3), personalities (3), company (3), times (3), shower (3), outside (3), camera (3), apart (3), seems (3), join (3), knowing (3), knew (3), reason (3), tell (3), less (3), set (3), despite (3), knows (3), quieter (3), offered (3), early (3), explain (3), such (3), chance (3), power (3), led (3), telling (3), concern (3), whether (3), friend (3), used (3), mainly (3), guess (3), probably (3), young (3), realise (3), break (3), ears (3), embarrassment (3), aren (3), either (3), room (3), aware (3), meet (3), worst (3), opportunity (3), modern (3), shades (3), style (3), hello (3), blog (3), experiment (3), thoughts (3), worth (3), welcome (3), grow (3), obvious (3), students (3), seeing (3), whatever (3), sky (3), tips (3), shop (3), hell (3), sounding (3), clothes (3), pose (3), absolutely (3), colour (3), mirror (3), unable (3), sound (3), feels (3), crack (3), start (3), oil (3), decent (3), walking (3), happen (3), crying (3), awful (3), behind (3), hot (3), bedroom (3), yours (3), following (3), 2019 (3), write (3), tale (3), remember (3), meal (3), lust (3), brain (3), lips (3), neck (3), glass (3), counter (3), heat (3), cold (3), stuff (3), romance (3), fridge (3), alive (3), knees (3), list (3), sheets (3), toast (3), wall (3), money (3), poor (3), normal (3), wait (3), loved (3), roll (3), carpet (3), bathroom (3), dispatches (3), subscribe (2), susan (2), cain (2), thanks (2), pausing (2), population (2), annoying (2), points (2), simple (2), access (2), given (2), church (2), able (2), written (2), standing (2), alone (2), nobody (2), sick (2), fine (2), strengths (2), act (2), automatically (2), grab (2), shine (2), groups (2), unruly (2), setting (2), london (2), personally (2), fewer (2), recently (2), mentioned (2), saying (2), needed (2), numbers (2), introverts (2), additional (2), circumstances (2), game (2), particularly (2), maintain (2), friendships (2), personal (2), instead (2), bubbly (2), cut (2), forever (2), hiding (2), fortunately (2), hadn (2), internalised (2), spade (2), weren (2), letting (2), confidence (2), believe (2), notice (2), evidence (2), record (2), duties (2), overlooked (2), teachers (2), particular (2), gone (2), genuinely (2), wanting (2), ability (2), low (2), children (2), proper (2), fit (2), contrast (2), focus (2), using (2), plan (2), others (2), ask (2), getting (2), whole (2), general (2), trust (2), term (2), relationship (2), creativity (2), certainly (2), consider (2), safe (2), recognise (2), obviously (2), publicly (2), generally (2), silently (2), observing (2), picking (2), decide (2), moving (2), live (2), preferably (2), constantly (2), asks (2), worked (2), respond (2), equally (2), happened (2), pointed (2), lack (2), making (2), relaxed (2), society (2), hear (2), win (2), perhaps (2), comes (2), shall (2), exactly (2), somehow (2), expectations (2), contribute (2), goes (2), naturally (2), listening (2), understand (2), deal (2), days (2), encouraged (2), grombre (2), treat (2), hotel (2), forgive (2), post (2), original (2), began (2), case (2), glad (2), experiences (2), further (2), line (2), actual (2), started (2), turning (2), closer (2), buying (2), easiest (2), advice (2), boots (2), supermarket (2), entirely (2), fears (2), process (2), speed (2), nay (2), caring (2), quick (2), wrote (2), gave (2), withjuliekirk (2), amongst (2), neither (2), stage (2), places (2), dress (2), similarly (2), everyone (2), enjoy (2), interest (2), begins (2), shoulders (2), asda (2), warm (2), present (2), must (2), joke (2), worthy (2), teeth (2), makes (2), taken (2), means (2), kinds (2), scared (2), surely (2), mistakes (2), flattering (2), grown (2), selfies (2), humour (2), funny (2), painting (2), question (2), learn (2), outfit (2), instagrammer (2), 2016 (2), 2015 (2), catch (2), lit (2), reached (2), embracing (2), fails (2), followed (2), comment (2), bloody (2), worry (2), 3rd (2), god (2), five (2), play (2), tapping (2), future (2), blank (2), meanwhile (2), fuss (2), stomach (2), pocket (2), project (2), note (2), angles (2), otherwise (2), flushing (2), 4th (2), visit (2), sunday (2), themed (2), odd (2), until (2), vegetable (2), questions (2), microwaved (2), white (2), ding (2), stay (2), touch (2), chest (2), powder (2), moves (2), wide (2), waist (2), reach (2), scented (2), sleep (2), close (2), says (2), beer (2), himself (2), clear (2), sink (2), sparks (2), novels (2), watch (2), hoping (2), vote (2), passed (2), alternative (2), drinking (2), 1991 (2), sofa (2), beneath (2), draw (2), instinctively (2), strides (2), toe (2), laundry (2), stepping (2), lucky (2), pale (2), haven (2), backs (2), drift (2), skin (2), coming (2), wild (2), car (2), thoreau (2), both (2), recap (2), disappointment (2), door (2), walden (2), caught (2), created (2), night (2), including (2), level (2), palm (2), appetite (2), extra (2), slick (2), nutrition (2), cheeky (2), microwaves (2), minor (2), evil (2), sport (2), boys (2), peter (2), kavinsky (2), coughing (2), antibiotics (2), paper (2), reference (2), clean (2), downstairs (2), ridden (2), happening (2), cover (2), plot (2), twist (2), based (2), exchange (2), aching (2), fantasies (2), sudden (2), plum (2), pains (2), superbowl (2), wants (2), sweaty (2), matter (2), burning (2), notes (2), extreme (2), skip (2), quietday, gasbags, understood, nodding, recognition, slugs, snails, evicted, majority, battle, defined, microphone, eulogy, packed, family, members, confessed, delivering, speech, altar, upper, aint, gobby, anxiety, chatting, honesty, peers, workshops, scarier, aspects, berating, defiance, thinks, shouldn, entire, wherein, cohort, whittled, moral, opportunities, raucous, gauge, pipe, somewhat, perversely, flip, reluctance, wider, terror, couple, large, brace, attention, opening, audience, element, novel, attended, four, separate, meetings, example, handle, domineering, headteacher, batting, eyelid, secretary, class, referred, chatterbox, emphasis, rub, struggle, heighten, held, anxieties, true, gabbing, specific, confident, tough, fancy, easier, dive, bed, weekends, absent, mooch, curl, chattery, nattery, hearts, slack, inviting, asking, calling, lying, buy, boost, impact, serve, objective, wrong, applied, role, friendship, vacuum, inside, stuck, practitioner, deliberately, champion, kids, hosting, various, activities, liked, gifted, talented, loudest, candidates, gifts, adult, noisy, underestimated, negotiating, tricky, weekend, voluntarily, information, shocked, calming, influence, track, keeping, voice, member, staff, attempted, lots, implication, works, subject, explores, west, education, employment, systems, basics, discussions, classrooms, offices, lacking, succeed, introversion, shyness, issues, autistic, spectrum, hsp, highly, sensitive, team, awareness, judged, structure, prizes, ours, comfortable, communicate, improve, coax, shown, denying, imagine, jobs, express, follow, obsessed, changing, blunt, confrontational, traits, embarrassing, pointing, weakness, environment, party, nervous, leap, chatty, fill, blanks, plotting, downfall, temporary, accomodation, soundproofed, contributing, adults, accepting, skills, qualities, bless, inappropriately, congratulations, woo, hoo, expect, continue, silence, facetious, workshop, contributions, intentioned, scrutiny, remainder, notion, marked, sealed, tighter, smile, unexpectedly, joins, worse, pricking, serves, increase, discomfort, interaction, impossible, wish, ten, minutes, peace, decided, rarely, western, suggested, backed, conversational, corner, duct, tape, slapped, mouths, yep, ruder, retaliate, gobshite, embellished, rude, natter, seem, deluded, patently, achieve, opposite, gathering, dread, aloud, considering, themselves, uniquely, insightful, baldly, states, secret, news, chattiest, cathies, mentioning, externally, monologues, loudly, cajoling, debating, assessing, harder, decibel, range, hostage, negotiator, hollering, thunderstorm, internally, keenly, failing, insists, shells, critics, expected, harshly, quietness, critic, spending, precisely, pause, amid, incessant, chatter, hushed, tones, comrades, misunderstood, reflecting, called, folks, suit, ideal, remaining, 364, sept, 12th, national, stimulation, tune, switch, wednesday, styling, waste, excuses, showing, begin, drafted, ago, lived, length, unlike, roots, feelings, coloured, adventure, aboard, update, halting, sisyphean, cycle, covering, mistaken, younger, university, supporting, campus, girl, hanging, classes, colleague, trouble, requests, coffee, 40s, ided, wine, wherever, insta, ogling, packs, rotisserie, chicken, eaten, survive, great, responses, section, enjoyed, hearing, tried, stripper, ray, silvering, locks, silver, linings, channelled, stopped, wardrobe, restyle, haircut, impression, hopefully, trick, chopping, account, indeed, mop, trace, marching, mastering, ragged, untidy, muddled, inbetweeny, nor, risk, dishevelled, bugs, clock, interpret, sharp, dig, soft, tells, creates, reinforces, outfits, attempting, vain, openly, confess, makeup, shoes, priority, truth, putting, selves, forwards, several, dozens, girls, frequently, vilified, critical, whose, ends, practicalities, worn, feet, arrested, indecent, exposure, cereal, aisle, convention, physically, huge, construct, proud, judgemental, appearances, percentage, witness, current, amazing, technicolor, dream, cross, noticed, woman, visible, root, regrowth, hmmm, herself, lately, 5ft, 2in, size, psychologically, unwilling, lady, embellish, thin, veneer, youthfulness, genetics, dad, retired, retirement, boast, spent, lifetime, correcting, assumptions, status, wondering, privileged, indulgent, honest, trepidation, gloss, concerns, superficial, systematically, kept, frivolous, childish, serious, associated, traditional, femininity, rom, coms, masculine, pastimes, purely, socially, constructed, persuades, sold, products, promote, exact, tapped, possibly, ageing, grew, 90s, boxy, jackets, immediate, hardest, race, hence, experimenting, gorgeous, inspiration, hashtag, reaching, problems, violins, display, frustrating, becoming, cease, chapter, friday, blogging, imperfect, meme, culture, pity, granted, dude, paint, looker, clutching, clammy, baroque, artist, angle, unless, interesting, chin, tattoo, shots, prove, loves, appears, paparazzi, bay, modest, gesture, hold, timer, distracted, half, vintage, jumper, charity, fashion, oriented, deciding, resting, dear, allowed, possessed, neo, matrix, seriously, additionally, staged, buggered, strictly, 2013, 2014, http, notesonpaper, blogspot, com, html, 2017, psssssst, faces, jeez, holiday, annoyed, innate, skill, glare, carried, penance, diving, poised, struggles, manipulated, fun, advantage, capture, complain, movie, 2nd, cry, country, crisps, library, aged, sly, crafty, drugged, sweets, dead, consciousness, forthright, nun, whenever, midwife, thugs, wire, cars, canvas, easily, adopt, personas, posing, fire, foster, greater, respect, models, bringing, sank, suddenly, keys, channeling, arrived, curfew, claims, police, actor, character, practicing, startled, scooby, doo, cultivate, signature, rembrandt, portrait, edition, guilt, voyeurism, commence, shaming, critique, deprecating, healthy, assessment, each, content, fresh, enema, ego, balance, clockwork, visual, equivalent, detox, dropped, familiar, concept, amwriting, relationships, piece, submit, competition, theme, vaguest, prompts, imagination, effect, view, complicit, illicit, pierce, film, lid, inclined, anyway, anywhere, encouragements, lukewarm, middle, lacklustre, ready, judge, observations, truly, sending, words, thank, goods, jaw, washing, gasp, delight, single, stationary, ridiculously, happily, oiled, walnut, husband, uses, mug, cakes, considers, witchcraft, dessert, cake, dangerously, levels, thursday, 3am, lavender, wheat, bag, cramps, finish, edges, assault, tongue, leans, floor, increasingly, quickening, breaths, dancing, bare, arms, lightly, grasping, empty, bottle, incrementally, increasing, intimacy, snatched, lunchtime, chats, deals, swapped, snacks, finished, apple, carving, marks, inching, edging, nearing, inevitability, doubts, answers, pictures, reveal, colouring, books, kid, picture, magic, wand, graze, pulls, slightly, handful, shirt, assent, static, suspected, eager, tomorrow, mmmuh, murmur, playing, towel, casually, wearing, shoulder, carefully, surface, warning, cool, serving, suggestion, cools, prepares, drinks, focused, cracks, ice, tray, childlike, remind, man, shelf, semi, drive, discussed, voted, election, referendum, carries, democratic, opened, craft, preferring, crisp, flat, refused, fizzy, brought, pop, boy, anachronism, iced, tap, gestures, living, curse, calculated, cautiously, balancing, curls, effortlessly, creased, cushions, tucking, leg, slate, enviably, easy, manner, nape, slid, inhale, quickly, straighten, facing, direction, three, bump, nose, steadying, scent, waiting, daren, actively, bumped, cramped, space, droning, oven, overhead, straight, rolling, marble, nowhere, near, tangible, tracking, preparing, transfixed, smooth, palms, freshly, laundered, lain, sinewy, firm, dark, hairs, emerging, beyond, cuff, browned, hurry, outdoor, pursuits, hiking, cycling, swimming, entails, nodded, ought, habit, park, hour, met, poring, guiding, firmly, holding, page, covers, pressed, starter, unique, twenty, chatted, philosophy, poetry, office, googled, finer, learned, bible, minimalist, garlic, foraging, organic, player, type, hipster, sting, relieved, danger, drawn, sustainable, micro, homes, digital, nomadism, dips, darts, lean, denim, wrapped, consecutive, halt, worktop, third, patio, rinses, dipping, slender, fingers, gliding, ridges, redness, cheeks, mismatched, crockery, invited, ran, lie, turfed, bedside, drawer, favourite, perfume, spritzed, impractical, focusing, pick, matching, underwear, fixate, inconveniently, bracketed, managing, lapsed, concentration, scalding, reasonable, suppose, landlord, glances, gaze, pinned, waltzing, fascinating, genuine, attracted, reply, coy, irritated, appliance, breakfast, nod, toward, counting, seconds, circles, grumbling, anticipation, forcing, overnight, oats, travel, sweet, thrilled, menu, staring, twirling, background, hum, 750, watt, orchestra, ate, chunky, tinned, snob, mostly, defrosting, occasionally, heating, baked, beans, milky, chocolate, pan, choose, creamy, squeezy, sucked, directly, tube, thread, nozzle, delicate, lip, supposedly, camembert, gratified, necessity, budget, articles, linking, income, poverty, terrible, bank, collections, local, twice, remembered, steady, slamming, base, diverts, chunk, potato, perfect, building, block, cube, oddly, olive, green, tinged, pea, slop, swallow, match, blush, judgmental, suspect, spanking, bother, courting, accident, tuesday, illness, dragging, slight, slim, brief, rainbow, sneak, rescue, treated, pretty, thankyouverymuch, chose, marvellously, romantic, obvs, published, miracle, birthday, cures, restorative, recommendations, combination, illnesses, watched, weakened, state, experienced, viewing, acted, dawns, energy, cured, platefull, homemade, mince, dumplings, beautifully, non, toxic, masculinity, alas, frankly, tonic, sleepy, hang, meals, thankfully, waterworks, fully, exorcised, light
Text of the page (random words):
e growing conversation between women experimenting with what grey means and looks like to them check out the grombre hashtag on instagram for all kinds of gorgeous greying inspiration so yes looking older is absolutely a concern of mine going grey is possibly the most ageing change in my appearance since my front teeth grew back in when i was 7 or that time in the 90s when i thought boxy jackets were a worthy style choice 13 weeks without dyeing however as i ve mentioned looking old is not the biggest fear i have not the most immediate not the one that makes looking in the mirror the hardest because first place in that race is taken by fear no 2 fear no 2 the biggest fear the fear of looking like i don t care i dare you to admit it that there s been a time when you noticed a woman with visible root regrowth of any colour not just grey and you thought to yourself hmmm has she seen herself in the mirror lately i ve thought it i m not proud of it but i have thought that kind of thing in the past i honestly try to not be judgemental about appearances at all any more but because i ve thought it i know that when a percentage of those most likely women who ll witness to my current amazing technicolor dream hair it will absolutely cross their mind that i m letting myself go that i must not care what i look like when i do oh how i really do again as with the fear of looking older the fear of sounding vain about your appearance is similarly not something we re encouraged to openly confess i know that hair makeup clothes and shoes are not everyone s priority but to a lot of us how we physically present ourselves to the world is equally a huge part of how we construct who we are for ourselves and if there wasn t some truth to the idea that many of us enjoy putting our best selves forwards then we d all only ever take just one quick selfie rather than pausing to pose for several many dozens and yet once again women young women and girls in particular are frequently vilified for caring too much about their appearance but for some it s a critical part of who we are i know there are those whose only interest in clothes begins and ends with the practicalities to fit with social convention to keep warm to keep from being arrested for indecent exposure in the cereal aisle of asda that s not me my personal style is my creativity worn on my shoulders on my feet in my ears my look is how i tell you who i am who i want to be and not just you it tells me the same things about me it creates and reinforces the person i am who i ve always been since i started picking out my outfits and attempting to dress myself at 18 months old so the idea that someone might clock my grey grow out and interpret it as evidence that i no longer care about my appearance that s aw hell that s a sharp dig in all of my soft places and i know that for however long my hair s in this untidy muddled inbetweeny neither one thing nor the other stage the risk of looking a little dishevelled will be the thing that bugs me far more than the idea of looking older older is not something i can help but looking put together like i care is something i should have control over and control could look like marching into a shop and buying a dye and mastering this unruly and ragged head of mine and yet that s not the experiment is it the experiment is seeing what this mop looks like once there s no longer a trace of dye amongst it and all my control right now is channelled into not dyeing it and fortunately while looking like i ve stopped caring is indeed my biggest fear i think maybe there s something a few things even that i can do about it a quick wardrobe restyle a haircut something anything to give the impression that i still care will hopefully do the trick if you ve seen my instagram account withjuliekirk at any point in the few months since i wrote this you ll know i definitely gave the hair chopping thing a go so there s that ray of hope and while i m growing out these silvering locks i ll take all the silver linings i can get do join in the conversation when i shared my first 50 shades of nay post all about how i tried a hair dye stripper to speed up the greying process which you can find here there were some great responses in the comments section and on my other social media too and i really enjoyed hearing your stories and thoughts on the greying process so please don t stop there are you happy to share any of your own greying fears is your biggest fear the fear of looking older or looking like you don t care or something else entirely or maybe you ve got tips on how to survive the months years it takes to finally grow it all out any advice on how to talk yourself out of ogling the packs of dye in boots like how you eye up the rotisserie chicken when you go to the supermarket before you ve eaten lunch whatever you ve got to share and wherever s easiest for you to share here insta facebook sky writing i m all ears let s keep the grey chat going julie posted by julie kirk at 14 28 2 comments labels grey hair 50 shades growing out grey hair dye going grey hair styling over 40 style grombre email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday 12 september 2018 can i have a quiet word 7 things quiet people wished you knew on quiet day hey there can i have a word today sept 12th is national quiet day a day during which we re encouraged to take a break from the over stimulation of modern life to tune out turn down and switch off and if this is about having one day a year where you can focus on listening reflecting and just being rather than speaking then hey i m all for it but what about those of us who are quiet for the remaining 364 days of the year i ve been considered and called shy and quiet all my life and along the way i ve come to understand that many louder more gregarious folks either simply don t know how to deal with us or else they d rather we change everything about our nature to suit some bubbly outgoing ideal how do i know this because they re not shy in telling us precisely that and so i m taking today s pause amid the incessant chatter as an opportunity to speak in hushed tones naturally about some of the ways in which my comrades in quiet and i are often misunderstood see how many you recognise 7 things quiet people wished you knew on quiet day 1 we re not spending all of our quiet time silently judging you i mean yeah sometimes we are obviously and never more so when you publicly point out how quiet we are see no 2 below but most of our time whether we re sitting quietly during a group conversation a meeting or at a party we re generally not silently observing you and picking apart everything you say do or are i have a friend who used to say quiet people made her nervous mainly because she didn t know what we were thinking so i guess it s not much of a leap for chatty types to fill in the blanks and decide that we re probably observing them judging them quietly plotting their downfall yet in my experience quietness more often goes hand in hand with a loud inner critic we re keenly aware that while we re perfectly happy being quiet we re somehow failing to meet the expectations of a society that insists we need to contribute join in come out of our shells make conversation our inner critics know we re expected to be able to do this thing they call small talk the worst kind of talk and a lot of talk is bad and trust me if there s anyone in that room we re judging harshly it s most likely to be ourselves so while we re quiet externally internally our inner monologues are loudly cajoling debating and assessing whether we should be trying harder at the decibel range of a hostage negotiator hollering to be heard over a thunderstorm 2 mentioning how quiet we are won t make us any louder in fact it will likely achieve the opposite it s the moment in a social gathering that quiet people dread when someone either just thinking aloud or perhaps considering themselves to be uniquely insightful comes right out and baldly states aren t you quiet if you ve done this shall i let you in on a secret it s not exactly news to us that we re not the chattiest of cathies in the room we know this and now congratulations you ve worked it out too woo hoo now what how do expect us to respond if we say a plain no we ll seem deluded because patently we are quiet if we say an embellished no such as no actually i m not all that quiet really you should hear me natter when i m with someone i actually like we ll appear rude ruder still to retaliate with and aren t you a complete gobshite but equally if we admit a plain yep but then continue on in our silence we ll appear facetious the last time this happened to me was in a tea break at a workshop where someone pointed out my lack of contributions so far and wanted to know if i was ok as well intentioned as it was it made me feel under scrutiny and for the remainder of the day the notion that i was now marked out as quiet sealed my mouth shut tighter than an introvert s smile when someone unexpectedly joins them for lunch we really can t win when you point this out about us we re backed into a conversational corner with duct tape slapped over our mouths worse still this often happens in company where there are other people s ears pricking up watching how we respond which only serves to increase our discomfort and embarrassment making relaxed natural interaction almost impossible 3 quiet people don t live in a shell that you d like us to come out of i wish i had ten minutes peace for every time someone decided i needed to come out of my shell rarely if ever in our western society do we hear it suggested of loud gregarious people that oh bless them they just need to realise how inappropriately loud they are being and go back into their shell preferably a soundproofed one this is especially hard when we re children being constantly told that we re not contributing enough particularly in school and as young adults where we re trying to find a way to be in a world that constantly asks us to go against our nature rather than consider accepting us as we are for the skills and qualities we can quietly offer at 42 i know that this quiet person s body and mind is who i am where i live it s not temporary shell like accomodation i m not moving out of it any time soon and yet imagine this i ve still managed to get through life maintain a long term relationship get jobs make friends express myself and follow my creativity who d have thought certainly not the teachers who were obsessed with me changing if your concern for us is real then you can help by not being so blunt and confrontational about our natural personality traits stop embarrassing us in front of others stop pointing out what you consider to be our weakness and if you really do care about what we have to say then offer us a safe environment in which we can do that in general though you re going to have to trust us that we re not hiding from you we ve shown you who we are many times but you keep denying it telling us we just need to be a little bit different stop trying to change us improve us coax us out there is no shell we re just quiet slugs plain and simple not snails who you d like to see evicted 4 we ve been led to believe we re less than quiet people are often made to feel that they re just not getting this whole life thing right early on in my first proper job a member of staff attempted to explain why she didn t think i d fit in in with their school as they had lots of big personalities there the implication being that in contrast my personality was small yeah in quiet the power of introverts in a world that can t stop talking one of the key works on this subject susan cain explores how the west s education and employment systems are set up in such a way that louder more outgoing people are offered the chance to shine even from the basics like a focus on group discussions in classrooms or using open plan offices while quieter people are overlooked or considered lacking in what it takes to succeed we may already have our own reasons for being quieter than others be that introversion shyness confidence issues being on the autistic spectrum being a hsp highly sensitive person and so on but team those with an awareness that we re also being judged and found wanting by a structure that prizes outgoing personalities over ours and ask yourself how likely is it that we ll feel comfortable enough to communicate more for the record me and my not big personality for stuck at that job where i managed to not only find some but to to then work to my strengths as a quiet practitioner in between other duties i deliberately set out to champion overlooked kids hosting various groups and activities for those who liked to read for the shy quiet ones for the gifted talented by the time i left teachers were talking about my ability to sit quietly and talk with the children my ability to keep a child on track while keeping my voice low my calming influence and so on despite not being the loudest candidates us quiet types do have gifts to offer who knows maybe sometimes it takes a quiet adult to help a quiet child and even a noisy child and nothing about that is small 5 we love it when we find friends who get us without wanting to change us just as we re underestimated in the world of work negotiating friendships when you re on the quieter side can be tricky too a few years back now a group of my friends had been away for a weekend and this particular time for some reason or other i hadn t gone with them on their return they voluntarily offered up the information that they d missed me and i was shocked genuinely because who could miss little old me me and my small personality me inside my shell me who is less than me a vacuum where a personality should be what even was there to miss clearly i d internalised all the things i d heard about quiet people and applied them to my role in this friendship fortunately for me my friends hadn t internalised anything and knowing that they call a spade a spade i knew they weren t lying had no reason to and were simply letting me know i d been missed and let me tell you you can t buy that kind of confidence boost us quiet types can honestly come to believe that we have little impact on the world and feel no one would notice if we just didn t turn up one day but let me and the friends who missed me serve as objective evidence that we re wrong 6 we may not always talk but we don t want you to stop calling even when we re confident that our friends actually do like having us around it can still be tough for a quiet person particularly an introvert like me to maintain friendships sometimes we simply don t fancy meeting up it s nothing personal we might like the time to ourselves instead we might not be up for company during our time off we might find it easier to just dive into a book or netflix or bed my friends now know that when i do go away f...
|
