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Text of the page (random words):
braska called victoria over one intense and also gutted month in 2021 i used this strange stay to return first in my mind next on my studio s walls and then in this and other writing and media to other generative homes and roads the liminal and powerful sites that can invoke transformation i never supposed that these imaginative visits or my embodied one in nebraska were a healing or even escape from covid even as the virus set me into flight illness anxiety isolation and then late in my stay at art farm queer feminist community and media praxis learning from disability justice a lifetime in aids activism and my own enduring of long covid helped me shy from particular words or their projects healing escape i stayed with the is a living and reckoning with a making art in a place and time 4 pages from the zine those opening words and many more about my time at art farm and how we decided to shoot a feature film on a janky vhs camcorder and lively iphone now live in a beautiful and zany zine designed by my collaborators b and z written by me you can order a beautiful all color version of the zine by messaging one of us or you can enjoy a flipbook here b s amazing original very dyke camp movie corn killz is here z s will come and then we will certainly do more framegrab from b s film while i was at art farm i wrote a lot about my queer feminist media praxis while alone in my studio these were ideas borne from decades of collaboration and then collaboration became fleshy and lived and this still continues as the project can t seem to end the doing of it is harder than the writing about it but also more exciting and gratifying uncertain and magic although i don t believe in that or god as i testify in the work it has been gratifying as we continue to work together to see how the tenets of my qfmp are put into play as this loose but surprisingly generative connection fades solidifies generates and wobbles i wrote these words at art farm i am pleased to see them resonate in the work i share here and that which will certainly still come my queerness is a process and related methods to think and act past intertwined binaries it is an amplification or extension of my feminism a technology it helps disrupt and refashion the world and how we live in it learning from and with others i strive to make a world structured by other systems my feminist queer methods are grounded in process and based in collaboration power sharing being situated in a place and a community naming our shared and responsive ethics being aware of power in all circumstances celebrating and learning from difference seeking safety or harm reduction making use of hierarchies as needed flattening expertise as needed affording dignity agency and creativity to all self reflexivity and transparency posted by mp me filed in 2024 blog redo chronic illness covid disability justice feminist long covid media publishing pandemic technlogies praxis queer cinema tags bea hurd gothic horror industrial corn z behl leave a comment holding patterns distributing archival activation in la ny september 26 2025 in 2024 2025 i completed and then enjoyed a grassroots diy release of a feature experimental video please hold the video premiered at the parkside lounge a critical location in its mise en scene and nyc queer nightlife more generally more pix here at a raucous and yet focused night of memory witness and community around the documentary s core commitments aids the lower east side and nyc streets queer life and love technologies of memory it went on to show online and in person to the communities from whence it hailed at the wexner center for the arts where it was edited inside of academic conferences and classrooms for queer and experimental media lovers invested in the past and present of aids and the forms that might hold some of this many participants gave me something in return writing testimony audio recordings questions thereby distributing voice and responsibility amongst the audience to be embedded as context for the documentary s online home at the wexner s picture lock festival 2024 importantly its busy and deeply engaged life included film festivals of no variety it wasn t and isn t film festival fare instead it sits on a website available for free replete with its own ever growing history of use many others thoughts about watching it and my suggestions for ways for audiences to help distribute watch or engage within their own communities even a community of one after much soul searching and community conversation about what film festivals are today what they have been and could be questions quite live in this diverse community i committed to experimenting with different routes to distribution like many others who make activist media my impact campaign would be unlike those invented as required prose for grant applications and funders rather without funding or festivals charting my course i would seek connections to those impacted by hiv aids and those committed to experimental radical forms people with whom i m already immersed in community conversation and care what if i blew the documentary out into the very communities that are and have already been invested in its themes and practices and in which it invests the teachers students archivists librarians activists artists and nonprofits that have put much of what they have into improving the daily lives of people impacted by hiv aids and remembering others who did so before us what if i took up the responsibility of the hard work of distribution sharing and listening given my qualifications as one already within known worlds that is settings in which i am already a stakeholder in which i have a share an interest what if we had words and their linked practices for the production of meaning and feeling by way of encounters with technologies and media and each other words for the work of distribution that didn t come from or for capital of course many of the great traditions of activist media from vertov s agit train to the third cinema to early feminist film have known that radical distribution is at the core of work bent on communal transformation and many film festivals have radical roots grown from such traditions so the question seems less about what film festivals can and can t do and what else is possible outside their gates if a film falls outside a festival will anybody see it many of these questions had come to me by way of the amazing mimesis documentary festival where the documentary and i had enjoyed a presence in 2024 and in my hometown on their invitation albeit by showing my video as an installation holding patterns holding patterns v 1 mimesis documentary festival 2024 building from this invitation and materializing a community based distribution practice made in collaboration with invested others the installation is now further developed from october december 2025 it will be s imultaneously living in and supported by two of the very queer archives libraries one archives at usc and the pat parker vito russo library at the center that hold their own gifts research and memories of queers affected by hiv aids and related health troubles envisioning this organizing it supporting its materialization as a place to go research remember and hold has demanded distribution efforts by workers often volunteers who are well outside of film scenes while deeply inside of others queer non profits schools bars neighborhoods because the video is now also an installation this labor is less about distribution than emplacement or perhaps co emergence my materials sit alongside holdings that were already there my materials and the research and commitments that fueled them help identify other archival subjects and patterns of holding that always need our attention and care my memory practices align with those of others like curators and programmers alexis johnson and quetzal arevalo at one archives and library steering committee members mev luna and liza minno at the pat parker vito russo library at the center in ny and its archivist lou mccarthy quetzal alexis and alex at one archives staff room with donuts provided by q holding patterns takes an artwork that held jim and juanita in the linear and two dimensional form of a documentary and disperses these people and their conversations with me about aids and related concerns as material into a room where others join us it renders research as embodied and material and communal immersing a visitor into a space of study that holds vhs and digital video web links paper and fabric it asks visitors to consider the specific and interlocking patterns of the many media we use to hold onto people and their memories actions and desires in so doing more people can help carry their weight and beauty for which i am responsible also available for focused study are my 2024 zoom conversations with four contemporary aids workers jih fei cheng marty fink pato hebert ted kerr their wisdom creates other frameworks to hold and honor my ghosts and those who are beloved to others just so i n la holding patterns also invites people i met through their archival holdings mina kay meyer yolanda retter who i already knew and kenneth wiederhold who has hold in his name into the room i came to know them during one focused a little feverish and especially desirous day of research in september 2025 at the one archives hello welcome back at the archives where some of their things were already held we reintroduce these los angeles queers delightful powerful regular humans who organized partied got married had sex fought for queer and health care rights died of various illnesses and so much more to their local community inviting more deserved connection and care our engagement with some of their things demonstrates how research and sharing can lead to a kind of distribution that is saturated with the depth of a life lived and connections made indeed just last month at the beginning of my one heady research day i ran into these intrepid archivists working on their own project saying hi lynn ballen and i quickly realized we had met in the 1990s via yolanda retter that s how i knew she would be holding pattern s third los angeles subject there were many many to choose from each deserving of a vitrine and attendant attention barbara jo gehrke lynn ballen and luka fisher researching for a doc on the lesbian tide speaking of attention and care a teaching and learning guide will also be available at the two sites and online written and produced by graduate students chloe buergenthal and shwe ye shoon myat while further activating the installation space through suggested research practices creative embodied intellectual emotional their work is an example of the cross generational dialogue that is another heart of this and many activist projects production and distribution see above handshakes across time and inside spaces of community archival engagements a kind of distribution as labor and love through donation research and reanimation can be opportunities for patterning queer community across time and beyond death aligning political and cultural connections from the past and into rooms where people who are alive meet margaret rhee and eric rhein meet at the parkside premiere connecting through art by his lost love thus as part of my experiments in place based distribution in la holding patterns invites visitors to share material traces of grief through an exercise organized by the what would an hiv do collective we will also have two workshops about political grief the first in person at one archives the second online in november more forthcoming in ny the installation centers community made donations that hold memories of grief in light of aids precious objects that will be left for other s attention by visitors to the show when distribution is placed based activation artists can ask for more than viewing and attendees can do more that watch creating impact outside of capital as a giving showing telling and holding posted by mp me filed in 2024 blog redo camcorder feminist digital space media archive please hold praxis queer cinema tags archives film one archives pat parker vito russo library queer writing leave a comment my is a process and ness is one of its technologies march 11 2025 please enjoy this sanitized version of my yet to be published manifesto now purged of discouraged words under trump plus a few more these words are disappearing in the new trump administration the new york times march 11 2025 my is a process and related methods 1 there are many some personal others specific my is not about anything as much as it is about everything because is my set of approaches to the world and its ideas and my is a set of orientations and related ideas and actions practices focused upon changing or celebrating material and ideological conditions my is not about and or or my is not about class the the environment the internet film video politics my family my friends my jewish non zionism my community or myself my is a set of methods to engage ethically and collectively in thinking teaching collaborating and making art and ideas about the issues and material conditions that concern me and others including all those listed above my is good work it is an ethical way to live learning from and with others i strive to change a world structured by arbitrary stupid binaries that are also hierarchies that apportion rights power access and ways of living unjustly male white rich poor north south nature culture road home abled sick well theory practice form content home work jewish my is because stupid binaries are mutually inflecting and dense my is a process and related methods to think and act past intertwined binaries it is an amplification or extension of my a technology it helps disrupt and refashion the world and how we live in it learning from and with others i strive to make a world structured by other my methods are grounded in process and based in collaboration power sharing being situated in a place and a community naming our shared and responsive ethics being aware of power in all circumstances celebrating and learning from seeking safety or harm reduction making use of hierarchies as needed flattening expertise as needed affording dignity agency and creativity to all self reflexivity and transparency 2 coda this brief and quick and easy to do exercise reveals as much as it obscures importantly many attributes i cherish dignity agency creativity community safety stay present the processes i use teaching art collaboration power sharing situated self reflexivity and transparency are strong as steel righteous traditions of thought still intact ethics harm reduction stupid binaries as importantly words that one would imagine to be utterly verboden non zionist class are currently left alive this must be because the censor is looking in the wrong directions or lets his stupidity or lack of information moving ...
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