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forest to when the americans came in i ll tell you why i was weak but i left the camp with one of the boys and found a dead horse in the town where normal germans lived we decided to cook the head for ourselves i remember this and the horse very clearly but then i don t remember all of it maybe it was a delirious nightmare off to the side my aunt babe had been listening she signaled and shook her head no hallucination she said looking at irving there s no way you would have had the strength to go into town and get a horse and cook it but i do remember waking up and discovering that the ss were working for the americans comments 4 only the first four hurt part iv august 20 2010 filed under uncategorized stefanella 6 28 pm tags auschwitz beating death genocide gusen ii holocaust jews mauthausen nazis prisoners torture work camps this is the fourth part in a series documenting my uncle irving s account of his personal and family history during and after the holocaust previous entries include only the first four hurt only the first four hurt part ii and only the first four hurt part iii slf my uncle irving has a habit when he tells a story he sometimes breaks into a wide grin and a slight chuckle his narration continues but within seconds his face goes distorted his voice cracks and he breaks down into sobs while delivering some sordid twist to the tale he is telling at this point the narration stops and he hangs his head shoulders heaving with sobs this is a habit i witnessed numerous times while documenting his story slf after mauthausen i was taken to another camp gusen ii this was a real work camp a camp where people were sent to different kinds of factories and were given jobs it was very serious first they took me to i have no idea what the factory was but it was underground and there were real big pieces of wood trees that we had to move from one place to another they brought them in with trucks and we had to move them one time a big piece of lumber fell off the truck and i got hit by it i think in the head and fell over after that they decided i was too weak to do that work anymore so they took me to a place where we had to fill up small wagons the size of cars with broken stones the wagons sat on train tracks somebody would push the cars away and when they brought back the empties we d fill them again what they did with it i have no idea between all these things something happened every day people got killed people got close to the fence and were shot or electrocuted people committed suicide by throwing themselves onto the electric fence something indeed happened every day at the gusen camps gusen i ii and iii three of 49 mauthausen austria sub camps came to be recognized as particularly tortuous compared to gusen one historian commented the other camps were paradise scores of children in gusen were euthanized by lethal injection to the heart and the elderly and ill were put to painful slow death by being forced underneath pummeling freezing cold shower water in freezing cold temperatures the main focus of gusen labor centered around mining stone quarries the inmates nickname for gusen ii the hell of hells i remember it was very snowy and cold that was winter we would stand out there for hours in our pajamas and wait for them to count us and people got beaten up for all kinds of reasons i had no friends no people i talked with or anything like that it didn t work that way we were all trapped in our own private worlds everybody was out to save his own life and to survive there are a lot of things i didn t tell you because i wanted to block them out there are so many stories that i could tell you in guzen ii they had a latrine for the whole camp for everyone it was a long toilet where you sit on a wooden plank that has holes you sit there to do what you need to do it was walking distance from the barracks a 5 10 minute walk one night in middle of night i didn t know it but they knew it i guess i was sort of sleep walking i went to make pee pee and i couldn t make it so i must have made in my pants the next day they called me the kapo to the schreiber s office at the end of the barracks i didn t understand the language but they had decided i would get 24 lashes with a stick i asked for what what did i do it was because i made in my pants in the middle of the night and i didn t even know i had done it in case you ever have to get 24 lashes with a stick my uncle looked me straight in the eye and then grinned and chuckled it was his habit only the first four hurt after that you feel nothing i fainted his head bowed and shoulders heaving with sobs he paused for a few minutes his sobs audible he wiped at streaming tears with a table napkin a few minutes later he resumed you lie naked and they hit you on your toochas they don t hurry they take their time and you faint and you can t sit down for a week so many things happen in the camp that you black out certain things i remember but i ve blacked out a lot of things i remember standing in line and every third or fourth person is getting shot and i happen to not be the third or fourth person i remember that people who couldn t work or who got too weak were put into a room at the end of the barracks it was a long barracks the room was closed and it was for people who couldn t work or stand up anymore once a day they came with a wagon pushed by two people and they carried the people away to the crematorium while they were still alive everybody knew that if you were put into this room that s the end one day i got an infection i don t remember exactly when this was and it was on my inner ankle and it was very bad it was getting worse and worse it wasn t painful but there was no way to treat it so you just ignored it every time they talked or decided what to do with me i had no way of knowing what was going on because i didn t know the language but they decided i couldn t work anymore with my foot the way it was and they put me into that room it was a closed room with a wooden slide that went directly down to the wagon that takes you away i don t know if they wanted to scare me or send me to the crematorium but i was there for half a day at the time you don t even care that s what they re doing so you do what you have to do after half a day they took me out of there to a place where you get bandaged a long time later after i got home i thought to myself i was so close so many times why was it that so many times i got out at the last minute i can t remember everything comments 5 the globo life august 15 2010 filed under arts children contemporary culture culture economy education entertainment fashion food friends holidays humor international appeal israel life moms relationships travel true to life typically israel u s stefanella 4 38 pm tags b botox country music facebook friends israel line dancing recession san francisco tel aviv toby keith trailerhood travel years ago while sitting in a san francisco cafe i moaned to an israeli friend i like being here but i miss israel and when i m in israel the things that drive me crazy there make me want to come back to the states i ve moved around so many times i feel like it s time to make a decision about where to settle down but i just don t know where that should be my friend bless her zen filled heart replied calmly why why not be a global citizen that s the way i feel i m comfortable wherever i go of course there are places i prefer to be but i ve learned to relax enjoy and take the best of what each place has to offer wherever i am i didn t get it my then mindset dictated a must decide attitude backed by conviction that loyalty to one place only indicated good sense die hard locale fidelity was my internal dictator but this summer the meaning of her advice clicked and as the surreal nature of realizations go it hit me head on right in the middle of a two step move to toby keith s trailerhood as i line danced with total strangers in a small cincinnati working class neighborhood bar i spend summers in cincinnati with my 8 year old so that he can get to know his aunts uncles cousins and grandparents go to an english speaking summer camp and gain exposure to the multi cultural experience of israel versus the u s for me it s a break from the intensity of mid east living and work and it s also an opportunity to spend quality time with family and loved ones thanks to facebook i started reconnecting with old cincinnati friends each year adding a dimension of fun and depth to our stays over steamy cups of coffee and at dinners parties meetings restaurant openings salsa on the square movie nights and art exhibits or during hours spent poolside on shopping excursions and meeting new people via my old friends i discovered i have arrived i am globalized because as i broke into a slight sweat alongside our a 60 year old line dance instructor patty all decked out in her denim miniskirt and matching vest that i was reminded of tel aviv saturday morning folk dance sessions along the med pulsate to different strains but the patty s rex s letta s and jimmy s of western hills are alive and well inside the bodies of the itziks chanas loolees and shai s of israel as one friend shared the story of her beloved husband succumbing to cancer another talked about botox treatments others spoke of job and financial woes methods for cutting costs in a flagging economy choosing an education plan for a 1st grader and facing the challenges of elder parent care i realized i was physically in cincinnati but i had lived all of these talks in tel aviv and paris london thailand and singapore vive la difference i didn t have to choose anymore i was having a damned good time with my global family and friends and rather than seeing the differences that separate us all i was noticing the similarities forging our paths so to my collaborating partners in crime dear family global friends colleagues and an extra special someone held close to my heart thank you for conspiring with me to make life richer fuller more meaningful and funner wherever i go see you next year comments 2 only the first four hurt part iii august 8 2010 filed under death dogs extremism holocaust political religious history torture violence war stefanella 9 08 pm tags auschwitz austria crematorium death genocide holocaust hungary jews kapo killing mauthausen nazis torture wwii a week after we got there they started transporting people out of the ghetto they picked a certain number of families each time to transport to auschwitz we didn t know where we were going at the time we just knew we were going to a labor camp only the first four hurt part ii the following is part iii in an ongoing series documenting my uncle irving s account of his personal and family history during and after the holocaust prior entries include only the first four hurt and only the first four hurt part ii slf we were among the first transports about a hundred of us were forced into a train car with two sliding doors space was so tight we could only stand and there was no toilet for us the germans put a bucket in the train to be used by everyone so if you had to go it was in front of everyone in this bucket we traveled like that for two or three days i m not really sure how long it was april so it wasn t really hot but on a sunny day on the train it could be we passed through towns where we d stop to wait for other trains to pass i remember people watching us town people and everybody on the train was screaming for water we were so thirsty there was no food or water we got to the final destination which was auschwitz but at the time i didn t know what it was or where i was germans were there with whips and dogs and they were yelling and screaming for us to rush rush rush to get off the train and go stand in line i was with my two youngest brothers and my mother and father there were only three of us kids at home at the time my four older siblings had moved to budapest to stay with family and get an education i remember my father was holding my youngest brother deszo s hand and my mother was holding my other brother gyorge s arm he was about three or four years old when the germans formed lines they separated me from them now i know it s because i looked older my relatives in budapest were rich and they owned clothing stores and they had sent us clothing to hide the anti jewish laws were affecting all hungarian jews even in budapest so they sent men s suits to our house for us to hide in case their stores were taken away from them at 15 i had dressed in a man s suit before leaving home never in my life had i ever worn a suit like that because i was dressed in that suit i looked older and i was sent to the line for people going to the work camp my family was separated into the other line and sent to the crematorium but at the time i didn t know where my family was going they took us into auschwitz into a camp where we got undressed and went to take a shower we had to undress completely and get our heads shaved and then we were issued our pajamas they were like striped overalls the kapos in the camp weren t german only polish and i didn t speak anything other than hungarian so i asked them when i would see my parents and they pointed to the sky we were so scared at the time that i don t remember understanding what that meant i couldn t think about it i was scared and shaking it all happened very fast on the first day i was taken to a barracks and there were hundreds of people inside but there were no children around and if there were they were kept alive for medical experiments they didn t leave any kids alive that they didn t want to use for something each barrack had a schreiber and a kapo a schreiber literal translation from german scribe slf keeps records and the kapo carries out nazi orders these people weren t jewish they were polish or from some other country the nazis took over usually they were criminals who had been given authority some of them were homosexual and although i didn t know it at the time a few kids were spared for each barracks for the kapo and schreiber to irving trailed off at this point and looked down at his hands resting folded on the dining room table he resumed a moment later when we got out of the wagons at the barracks and were being rounded up with whips and dogs and they yelled run and go here or there 99 of the kids were gone teenagers like me were beyond kid status i remember the first night we fell asleep on bunk style slots that ran three to four levels high we were so tired from standing on the train for days that as soon as we got our clothes and went in we went to sleep the next day they gave each of us a container to be filled with soup once a day i didn t want to look at the soup let alone eat it it wasn t soup it was grass mixed with water i refused to eat mine that day and some of the people who had already been there for a bit were more than happy to take it from me they said by tom...
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