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Text of the page (random words):
ight across tear streaked sheets like in the movies far away i m saying act pretend they don t taste like the first sip of water at iftaar icy cool lullaby soothing away every wrongdoing you ve been met with or meted out your ribs exist for a reason and maybe cage is too harsh but your heart wasn t built to dangle off of sleeves we ve never been to space but you say it must feel something like this untouchable static get a grip good god anyway this is about me watching all my friends fall in love and make a happy dangerously adorable fool of themselves ah youth the header is my neighbour s tree at night from when i got to go back home this year and the last image is me at my grandpa s at 7 in the morning home alone on the terrace yours can t curse on paper p s was the mean girls ref too obvious or not at all also wordpress has such great new features was colouring every block in too much though spread the love share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in poem poem tagged feels love love lol mean girls reference did you catch it poem swing april 26 2019 can t curse on paper 2 comments 20th october 2018 int a warmly lit restaurant devoid of patrons except for four kids who ve known each other for 17 years laughter rings out shrill as congratulatory high fives are exchanged over suggestive innuendos at the expense of each other they haven t met in a year but it feels like longer it always feels longer customers trickle in and the failed attempts at muffling hysterical cackling increase in number as everybody is brought up to speed with major minor life events but not entirely no one anecdote sees completion another always rushes along on its coattails and you think about how when you were little you used to talk about being at each other s weddings naming each other s kids and that might actually happen it might maybe you ll have these people till the day you die regardless of however many others you find along the way who might stick around too cheeks hurt from smiling so much _______ int childhood bedroom although your younger siblings have taken over now it feels the same like nothing could ever touch you here and time has never existed no obligations except to maybe sleep in the cool dark or cry until you do which is a strange juxtaposition yeah but so have been your teenage years and it s tangible here in this room you won t be a teen the next time you visit it 25th october 2018 ext the local national park the edge of winter so the 7 am sunlight is extremely forgiving cycling it starts off rocky one of you picks it up quickly one s done this before the other two struggle until one eventually gives up and decides to just walk the rest of the way shoving off the others to go on ahead you do so reluctantly until a group of men pass by eyes lingering for too long and then all of you turn right back just to make sure they don t give her any trouble they don t she s been keeping to the walking trails legs ache and bicycle seats have never been comfortable but it s beautiful and cool and you take pictures enough to jog even the faintest of memories for when you ll need to years down the road older and forgetful _______ 12th december 2018 today s an i m the vilest creature in existence kinda day not a drop of liking myself in sight which is fine i know it ll pass but today s a get home 11 hours later and immediately start crying kinda day an i m the greatest inconvenience in this dimension kinda day got a lump in my throat because i can t find the nail trimmer and i told daada i d trim his nails kinda day simran can t curse on paper spread the love share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in narcissistic neanderthal tagged 2018 friends journal log teen angst testing 1 2 3 december 3 2018 can t curse on paper leave a comment the afternoon sun beats down on the man i can hear yelling from my window pushing his cart which i ve never seen up close except once younger than 9 years old and excited to finally have occasion to do so rushing down stairs i d spent countless evenings imagining to house the vilest of monsters in its hollow banisters whispered into this hollow watched them glow bright and blinding dull their claws and razor teeth on lemon juice secrets sour that reject whatever saccharine relief comes their way some days i d whisper them a story on the way back from school others i d send them messages to deliver to other realms i cannot set foot into yet there was a rumor among the kids that he kept children in the burlap sacks under his cart fed them overripe aubergines and tomatoes until they too turned purple and red for all eternity constantly i tried to poke at the sacks as he weighed out herbs and roots they were empty he smiled toothless told me to run straight back to my mum no detours i told the hollow that i d narrowly escaped capture at the hands of the town orc knew that to be too unkind came back once the guilt got to too much and told them that the orc is friendly and counts out the exact change and that he isn t an orc at all put my ear to the darkness and try to hear if it forgives me it does i tell myself i m not so sure of it anymore on nights i threatened to run away clutching paper souls in my hand i imagine i could melt into this hollow and i d be peaceful i would i could cradle every whisper i ve ever sent into this space hold it close and press warm kisses to its knuckles i have loved for less i love for less still it isn t as fun anymore movies in technicolor and crackling black and white to batter home your beauty i m trying to hear if you ll forgive me you do i tell myself you would if only you d press your ear to the hollow i have so much to tell you spread the love share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in poem poem tagged childhood fantasies love lol poem vegetables i guess yer lad s journaling again kinda sorta maybe and you get to see them a whole 48 hours later november 16 2018 november 16 2018 can t curse on paper 4 comments 14th november 2018 hello friends it has been a minute mostly because my laptop malfunctioned and once i managed to get it up and running again i discovered my preferred medium for recording my priceless musings microsoft word peace be upon her is no longer included in the device and i must buy office 365 technological expenses in my good christian society nah bitxh wordpad it is in the meantime i got done with my first university exams i passed i will not be detailing the experience mostly because it wasn t the best and i don t want to relive it but also because it was so many 3 months ago in fact i had my 2nd year orientation today and i have a migraine fun speaking of migraines i also got my driver s license and discovered driving gives me a headache why do people do it are they aware they re responsible for the lives of multiple complete strangers during it are the aforementioned complete strangers aware they re responsible for my life while they re driving because it s high time you start acting like it buddy i ve always considered road rage extremely silly but it took me being on the road for all of 0 78 seconds before loudly questioning the sanity of every single person on two wheels and also three wheels i m back at my aunt s place i got to go back home for an entire month and a half which was great would 10 10 recommend i touched smelt and thought of zero textbooks and did all of that with zero guilt so that was amazing i m trying to ignore the fact that currently there is no hope for a substantial enough break for me to be able to visit home again in the next year and half but maybe something will work out somewhere somehow positive thoughts one thing that was surprising was the lack of extreme repulsion and melancholy at the sight of this city and the college this time which is a good sign maybe i ll spend this year and a half lol considerably less homesick and less generally unenthusiastic about my immediate future who d have thunk i also got a ukulele it s sea green and i have zero musical knowledge and this is my first instrument although that s not strictly true i used to have a mouth organ when i was very young it was gifted to me by my mother and i played it all the time with great fervor and barely a quarter of the talent until it mysteriously disappeared after several pleas from those in my general vicinity to stop making that noise i think about it a lot i also think about this music box with a mirror and a dancing lady i think i used to own but i m not very certain if one of my friends owned it or if i ve simply convinced myself that i owned it knowing i ve always really wanted that fickle thing memory i ve decided to get my shitake mushrooms together this academic year not just academically but general mental and physical health too a lot of the first year of college blended into each other and i m not going to have this time or be this age forever and i feel like i m not savoring it like i should i feel like i say that every year not to needlessly romanticize every moment but also yes 100 i want to do that i do want to be less stressed and not leave everything up to the last minute because my heart can genuinely not take it i can feel it struggling to propel the sludge during anxiety attacks and i don t want to do that to myself anymore not to put all my mushrooms in one basket but i feel like this is one year where i will have the time to make whatever permanent changes or habits i want to implement i lost a lot of the fledgling poems i d been writing during my absence when the laptop decided to just quit on me out of nowhere rude so this is all i have for now tune in same time 2 3 business months later for the next update i fricking hope the frick not i d like to write more this year too it s part of the permanent changes i want to implement spread the love share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in narcissistic neanderthal tagged 2nd mbbs dear diary journaling scar tissue august 16 2018 can t curse on paper 2 comments we followed the sun rested our blistered soles on the moon and spun around the earth over and over far above clouds we bounced over with lighter hearts by which i mean we fell in love maybe and fell out of it survived it anyway threw up a little from the motion sickness tomorrow will be different drink 8 glasses of water and not miss a single call for prayer shower in the morning walk in the rain have a stranger punch me in the face feel something by which i mean we cannot crawl into each other and shut out the cold thermodynamics you cannot outrun the physics gravity will pull you down or your errant heart will buzz about in ever tightening circles until it self implodes or you will shoot out of orbit and find yourself untethered within static i don t know man i haven t touched a physics text in a year i ve always been better at rhyme over reason although not even that lately we swallowed the sun to maybe soothe our burning lungs fight fire with fire melt away our insides thinking then we could fit better i don t want to end on a bad note so let s hitchhike on shooting stars and press salve onto each other s palms hurtle through the atmosphere and sing the alphabet pretend the heat hasn t left us shrivelled husks who finally fit into each other like puzzle pieces there s a garden here somewhere tell me there s a garden that survived the summer spread the love share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in poem poem tagged healing love moths to flame writing a highlight reel of every thought i ve ever had april 27 2018 may 1 2018 can t curse on paper 4 comments i if i can t lift my feet off the gravel i will dive headfirst into tarred roads chasing every cloud tethered to a puddle what s one cracked skull i have other bones this is not a metaphor ii i am tired of the weight of meaning of this leaping toad is me i am the toad and the moon is every possible thing i have ever loved and the persistent buzz of the fly is the herding call for all of my failures since the moment i slid out of the womb which rumble back from distant foggy pastures into painful high definition dragging me right with them into the pit of endless despair i ii maybe if i talk to myself loud enough i can drown out the high pitched keening from under my bed i v this is not a metaphor i tell myself when i accidentally send the last blob of toothpaste down the drain already ten minutes late v sling chicken bones into the parched night an offering in return for the promise of rain pass it off as successful witchcraft when it rains 4 days in a row nearly 2 months later vi you tell your friends i am still in love with you and i let you because it seems like you need that and it doesn t hurt me a boy trips over air and i tell him i love him unburdened of meaning and then the girl who sits beside me and the ruffled crow overhead as i walk home i don t know much about astrology but maybe pluto s in retrograde or was it uranus either way i fling all my affections onto whatever cosmic rock is willing to take them vi i buried and planted seem like polar opposites even though they re more or less the same thing and i thought i was the first one to ever think of that but i saw a picture yesterday that basically said the same thing only better so are we all ambitious colonizers bumbling their way into exotic lands claiming to discover them before afflicting the natives of debilitating disease vii i it isn t comforting to be reminded that things don t just happen and then dissipate it s all right here in pockets that i ve given up trying to empty sand clings to things and i cannot tell what grains i gathered at 12 and what at 19 i went to the beach and i will have gone to the beach for all eternity i x if i hold my breath for long enough underwater i won t ever have to come up but i can pretend well enough that my lungs crave the touch of air too much for me to stay here forever most days anyway on others i stay away from the water x dear raj i m afraid we must cease our dalliances for i have joined catholic school and am to become a nun khuda hafiz simran xi i used to think i could be a fortune teller tea leaves were the preferred medium i didn t like tea however a dilemma mum got me a set of stories from the stall next to th...
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