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elves am i transmitting what i have or is what i m giving tainted by ego fear and in the end not really helping to make a true difference in the world i m as guilty as anyone who believes in being of service of misguided motivations trying to help when it really hinders progress or something similar and those mistakes are alright because i ve learned well by good intentions followed by less than good actions or vice versa that is probably why is it so important to be connected to higher power at every possible moment i may have mentioned on this blog before how it seems much easier to turn my will life over to hp in my living room than when i m out in the world interacting with other people i forget to ask for hp s words thoughts guidance in every single moment but i believe i m not the only one loving myself means believing in myself and the gifts hp has given me loving myself means no matter what taking the time to eat well get enough rest relaxation it means time for reverence stillness and having fun it means ignoring negativity from others making friends with my inner critic loving my partner has several elements too my beloved is so sweet so loving so supportive and she is deeply committed to me as i am her so this season it is important to keep her our relationship high on my list of priorities this means attention gratefulness patience lastly this season i wish to love what is meaning being in acceptance of everything even things that at first don t make sense or that i don t even like it means being willing to see the lesson believe in the journey have the willingness to connect to the greater mysteries of not so great events i think it s going to be a great summer i wish each of you the same f posted by fqm at 5 13 pm no comments labels inspiration life love spirit wednesday june 18 2008 quote du jour invest yourself in everything you do there s fun in being serious wynton marsalis posted by fqm at 11 51 am no comments labels quotes monday june 16 2008 long time no post for those who live in areas where you haven t have your lgbtq2s pride celebrations i want to wish you a happy p r i d e portland s was good as far as i could tell this year i skipped the normal large gathering at the waterfront focused on time with close queer friends it was a good emotional and busy weekend and my sweetie i got to do all the activities we wanted i m glad it s over though think next year i wish to go out of town or something i m just losing my taste for queer only type things in fact i seem to be losing my taste for specific group issues communities events funny since my blog is titled in such a way for a while i ve been interested in a more global focus to my activism not always centering of just americans of color or queers or women but really finding a way to creatively do works for those in places where they may not have a voice regardless of their backgrounds or identifications after the last few weeks i ve had with a death a son who needs help a complete breakdown in positive communication with a group i was volunteering for i just feel the time is ripe to refocus on what is really important to my work re energize my body mind soul my sobriety sponsor walked me through the hardest days of the last few weeks and has suggested something radical she told me to have fun fun i nearly forgot how to do that for a while but i do agree with her that a break from service and a focus on my own joy will be what i need to go on to the next journey so i get to be a little selfish do what is needed to remember the core of my life work this weekend i went with my beloved to the avalon played video games until my fingers were sore it was great we watched movies at home in in the theater btw the new m night shyamalan movie is not very good and went dancing on saturday night it was just what i needed to start a summer of r r also i began doing the artists way program starting with the morning pages holy crap is it amazing how much i look forward each day to 3 pages of non stop writing it s really a meditation than just some creativity exercises i m excited to go deeper into the weekly exercises anyway my rob brezney horoscope for the week really set the tone for where i need to be not only right now but always i m looking forward to a soulful summer peace you really have no right to tear yourself down badmouthing yourself is a first degree sin and so is being mean to yourself or depriving yourself of the care you need to thrive this is always true of course but in the coming week it s more crucial than ever that you refrain from even the subtlest forms of self abuse to be anything less than an imaginative lover and nurturer toward yourself could upset the cosmic equilibrium so profoundly that everyone else would suffer too therefore you owe it to the rest of us to shower yourself with blessings update i darn near forgot about a moment i wanted to share saturday night after going to a pride party downtown my sweet i went to holocene to check out their dj s the music sounded fun but we were tuckered out wanted to relax without necessarily going home yet we landed up the block at rimsky s and ordered tea while listening to the beatles as we chatted quietly in a corner the song blackbird came on it s a song i like but have only heard a few times as the song played we happened to be discussing my own personal re emerging re energizing my ears heard the following words sung blackbird singing in the dead of night take these broken wings and learn to fly all your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise tears came to my eyes as my partner looked into me holding my heart with such an expression of understanding and love in that moment i felt broken whole sadness and hope i knew from that moment that many beautiful moments are ahead for me us deep inside my body was a feeling of absolute acceptance for the past present and future the song was indeed the clear signal that this little bird is ready to fly peace posted by fqm at 3 21 pm no comments labels inspiration links love videos tuesday june 10 2008 an important link http www gratefulness org peace y all f posted by fqm at 2 52 pm no comments labels links sunday june 08 2008 stressed out i really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out when you re face to face with your adversity i really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out were gonna make this thing work out eventually tribe called quest good gawd i m feeling utterly overwhelmed i mean so overloaded that i m just trying to make it hour to hour today i want to go on vacation skip this whole next week want to sit on a warm beach with my sweetie not have to worry about shit about making anyone happy or follow through with plans just read in the sunlight nap in the shade but that s not an option that s okay i guess i know this is all in part of my own making the event next weekend will be a blast but folks let me tell ya event planning is pretty fucking hard and for those of us planning it it s been a week from hell in our personal lives for various reasons so we are carrying on despite even little things going wrong like the office fax going kaput don t get me wrong i m grateful too for the lessons the ability to try to even attempt to coordinate a lgbt pride block party but never again will i do this from here on out i only work on what has deep meaning for me i mean parties are fun don t get me wrong but i would like to do a little more to actually improve the lives of marginalized peoples and this has been the most important lesson i could learn right now what my destiny truly is what i really want to do with my life so this week i ask for your prayers qwoc readers i can t do this alone my grief over my friends death combined with concern for his son my uncle with cancer my cousin who leaves for iraq soon is enough to make things hard so the addition of finishing up an event of this scale just puts me this close to the edge of wanting to run away not drink or use or anything just run run far and that is in the end not a good option for me now or in the future right now i m trying to remember to keep things in perspective breathe and i thank each of you in advance for your loving thoughts f posted by fqm at 2 01 pm 3 comments labels life tuesday june 03 2008 portland black pride is coming i m still very much grieving praying working to help the young man i mentioned in my last post i m sending the son a care package this friday with things a 19 year old male might need like socks toothpaste anyway after 3 days of crying it s time to think of good things too and portland black pride is good as the coordinator for the block party i can say a lot of fun will be had if y all want to volunteer or learn more about portland black pride come to our pre event happy hour at crush 1400 se morrison the same place the block part will be the fun starts at 5 30pm this thursday june 5th peace f posted by fqm at 1 59 pm 1 comment labels community sunday june 01 2008 the difference between sadness and tragedy the difference between sadness tragedy is the way in which someone dies and how those circumstances effect others i know this because someone in my life was murdered he was killed for no reason by people who have not been caught he left behind a 19 year old son who is now an orphan three young men on bicycles one with a gun shot my friend fatally wounding him on july 31st 2007 i found about this yesterday and am feeling so many emotions that it s how to even name the feelings my friend had been much more than a friend he was a father figure and the only man in my young life who ever loved me protected me it was not my father but melvin even when i saw him in detroit a few years ago he was protecting me the only man who ever protected my life future he had had a stroke a couple years ago had trouble recovering but finally got better when my mom who was sweethearts with him when i was a very young girl and then 25 years later for a time hadn t heard from him in a few months she got worried was afraid he had a permanently debilitating stroke and couldn t contact us so finally she sent a certified letter that needed to be signed upon receipt when she finally got a response back it was from melvin s son explaining what had happened to his father and him the son is without a phone without lights or heat the home he lives in is paid for but there are property taxes and utilities that this 19 year old doesn t know how to deal with on his own yes the son was spoiled by his dad yes it was a disservice but melvin was trying to do his best and make up for other mistakes in his life now his son at this very moment has no mother no father no tv no lights no family nearby no phone no help and it appears no one investigating his father s murder i m not sure what else to say this type of death feels so different than any other all death is hard but to have a loved one killed it s shocking beyond understanding right now and his son needs help needs someone to help him help himself since july 31st melvin s son has needed help it s high time he gets some posted by fqm at 7 46 pm 3 comments labels sadness tuesday may 27 2008 racist feminists bizarre fruit if you ever needed proof that feminists can indeed be racist let me provide said proof via racialicious what tami said were details on a recent article by nina burleigh on the huffington post in the huffington piece burleigh posits that mr obama is not a feminist until he addresses the oj simpson trial or the misogyny that exists in some rap i love how tami responded will hillary clinton be taking a stand against susan smith the white woman who murdered her children a year after the simpson goldman murders and blamed their disappearance on a mysterious black man should she be expected to the idea is ludicrous and so is any notion that black people always need to answer for the behavior of people who share their skin color i don t need barack obama to be the second coming of andrea dworkin or a black panther as a black person and a woman i need to know that as president he will move this country closer to equality for all people that means helping to close the wage gap between women and men and white women and women of color it means ensuring committed gay couples have the same rights as committed heterosexual ones it means ensuring that kids in poor inner city and rural areas are guaranteed a good education just like rich kids in the suburbs i m not arrogant enough to think that i am the only person on earth to face inequality and i am not entitled enough to think that a president s work need be all about me i wish some of my fellow american citizens felt the same way almost worse than ms burleigh s racist assertion s about what mr obama should address as feminist issues was the writers blatant low regard for black men she has has not encountered the black guys came to school with picks in their huge afros and joints in their pockets and we danced with them to bootsy s rubber band in parentless pot scented subsidized living rooms we never imagined that in our lifetime we would someday be competing for the spoils of dying empire america umm you re surprised you would be competing because they re black therefore not able to compete i have no idea what happened to any of those young black men did they get lucky draw the affirmative action straw and get into private colleges and law school get promoted up the eeoc ranks of a multi national or are they delivering mail pounding nails in jail ghaaah treacle on racialicious made a great comment obama is not campaigning to be the president of black people in the united states and you know hilary is not campaigning to be president of white women or all women for that matter dear gawd can this election be over soon so on to better things last night i tasted a very strange fruit indeed and i m not talking about my girlfriend called a miracle fruit this little fruit provides one of the strangest culinary experiences a person could have the fruit is about the size and shape of a very large fleshy seed is red in color you bite into it let it s juices coat your tongue for at least 10 seconds but i think 30 seconds is best as you chew this fruit it s flavor begins to change suddenly a burst of absolute sweet fills the mouth next is the real fun take something sour like a lime or lemon and put it in your mouth everything sour tastes sweet it s amazing and what s great is there is no fructose in this fruit so it s perfect for diabetics or anyone needing to avoid sugar apparently there s a restaurant in japan that serves desserts without sugar has patrons eat the fruits before consuming said desserts cool huh you can get these fruits at http miraclefruitman com peace f posted by fqm at 12 41 pm no comments labels food links politics older posts home subscribe to posts atom home about huh comment policy cost of the war in iraq cost of the war in iraq javasc...
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