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akes a particular user or groups of users popular on the network you can see the full whitepaper here copyright 2012 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 16 comments from uncategorized how to deal when you cancel your wedding october 3 2012 tags advice break up breakup date dating finding love life loss love marriage men people relationship relationships self help simply solo spotlight single wedding women i m excited about this week s simply solo spotlight considering this topic is for obvious reasons close to my heart after reading and commenting on today s post please visit stacy austin s blog stacy laughs and follow her on twitter at stacylaughs quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here how to deal when you cancel your wedding once upon a time i had the perfect boyfriend we lived in the perfect condo and we were planning the perfect wedding together except it was only perfect on the outside for a long time i knew our relationship had problems that couldn t be fixed and we shouldn t get married but i labeled those feelings as cold feet and pushed them aside it was hard to imagine living any other life other than the one we built together in my scenario we grew up in the same hometown and went to the same university together so we had grown up together and our entire lives were intertwined then came a night when i couldn t sleep it was a month before our wedding and i knew that going through with it would ultimately be a mistake it took all the strength in me to start that conversation with my fiancé fortunately he understood and he agreed we both felt like getting married wasn t the right decision unfortunately he did not want to cancel the wedding he fought me tooth and nail he was embarrassed what will other people think he asked me he was scared about our future do you still want to be with me what are we going to do about the mortgage the questions were endless and overwhelming for the first time in a long time the future was unknown i cried a lot i felt terrible about the situation and the worst thing is that it was my fault i felt like the stress and anxiety were real entities that were physically crushing my chest through the process afterwards and to this day i had feelings that i was an evil person who was hurting everyone by not going through with a wedding that i felt in my heart was wrong it could easily replace one of the higher circles of hell in dante s inferno while catherine has done an excellent job of providing guidelines of what to do after a canceled wedding i thought i would provide a special spin for those souls out their in their own special hell of being the one who caused the breakup take charge of the situation yes immediately start canceling that wedding you will need to multi task as your significant other is probably reeling from the news if you ask them for help definitely follow up on their completed tasks since i felt i was forcing the news on him i did the brunt of the work no time to fight about petty things just get things done when unmarried couples break up there are little laws to protect them and their belongings try to be as amicable as possible think about what is important to you in the split grieve and heal after the dust has settled you are going to feel really really sad yes being broken up with is extremely painful and it s not a contest but being the first one to say out loud this relationship isn t working opens up a whole new world of heartache and guilt that nothing seems to cure you will miss him and your old life most of all you will miss the person you used to be you might look at old photos of you in your old life and be unsure what to do with those feelings i recommend seeking counseling and building a good network of friends and family to reach out to you will have a lot of conflicting feelings and may want to go back but like my mom constantly reminded me you can never go back to exactly how things were she s right you ll never be able to go back to how things were and you two will never be the same people again also it didn t feel right to you for a reason are you prepared to try to make it work with all the new baggage you ve created be prepared for the anger even the best ex is going to be angry with you after you break up with them his anger i could handle because i vaguely understood it sure i was confused because why would he want to be with me if he agreed that it also didn t feel right regardless being broken up with sucks so yes i understand he was angry with me his anger included serving me with legal papers to remove my ownership of his items and immediately removing all traces of my existence in our condo and it was painful when he asked me to move out from the home we built together but he was more financially secure to handle the expenses so i did as i was asked with little resistance know who else is going to be angry your ex s family going to my ex s parents house to tell them the news was the most difficult drive of my life we both sat parked in the car in the driveway for what felt like hours i remember my heart beating so hard as if it were going to burst from my chest while my fiancé kept asking me not to do this to him to us i felt like my world was in slow motion as i opened the car door and walked to the front door his parents perpetually have the television on and i remember the wedding episode of the office playing as i tried to have the difficult conversation with them his dad shook his head while his mom had a mean rebuttal for every reason i gave for canceling the wedding i feel like we re rushing into this i said rushing really you ve only been dating for six years she spat at me i felt like i deserved it again i felt like it was my fault i started this whole thing i took my licks and i got out of that house i knew i would never have to see them again know who else is going to be angry your ex s friends as a reminder my ex and i grew up together we grew up with our circle of friends from the playground to the work force since it was assumed and later known that canceling the wedding was my doing i lost some friends it hurt a lot i noticed i wasn t being invited to annual events and one by one i saw i was being unfriended on social media websites my immediate reaction was to fly into a rage and ask why then i realized that if they weren t going to be there for me in my greatest time of need they weren t good people and not worth my time or deserving of the label as my friend know who else is going to be angry you you are going to be so angry with yourself you will think you made the wrong decision you will worry that you will never find anyone again or that your life is ruined it s easier said than done but nip those negative feelings in the bud life is too short to be angry or unhappy take care of yourself after a long term relationship you will need time to find and take care of this new person you ve become move on when you are ready to date again you are going to have all sorts of new baggage and trust issues but dating is so exciting be excited about every new moment and sensation i am confident that if i could live through this experience and become a stronger happier person that anyone can good luck you can do it copyright 2012 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 12 comments from uncategorized one hospital september 27 2012 tags baby family hospital life loss love me mother my life relationship relationships self help stroke wednesday august 8 my sister natasha had her baby suddenly the very same sister who brought me to my first party and taught me to sing crazy loud in the car was a mother the other day my father and i watched her load little zachary into the car seat in amazement even after almost two months it s still a little weird to see her as a mom we looked at each other and agreed she is doing such a great job we re so proud of her my father was in the military so we traveled a lot growing up this made it hard to stay close with our extended family we had aunts uncles and cousins but they were often more on the periphery of our family generally living several states at times even countries away of our extended family we had the closest relationships with my uncle michael and my aunt and uncle from my stepdad s side but we had a strong core family consisting of my two sisters and me my mom and my stepdad and my dad and my stepmom it never really bothered me that we weren t a close large family i didn t bemoan the fact that we didn t have big family reunions and while many of my friends had a half dozen cousins living nearby i never wished i had the same that just wasn t us as i spent the day in the hospital waiting room watching an inordinate amount of cast off olympics i e the boring olympic events they stick in the middle of the day when no one is watching i realized that i want things to be different i want to be close with my nephews i want to be the cool aunt they can call if they get drunk at a party and need a ride home i want to give my nephews regular high fives i want to give them advice on how to buy a new car and how to treat a woman i want my nephews to hug me warmly when they see me i want my future children to be close with their cousins i never knew i wanted all these things but suddenly i do i want to build a big extended family there s so much you can learn in one hospital my first picture with zachary the next day still trying to figure out how to hold him without my arm falling asleep wouldn t life be better if everything had such clear instructions here s a duck outfit i bought him photo courtesy of baby bella photography this side is even cuter photo courtesy of baby bella photography see i m acting like an aunt already sharing a unecessary number of pictures of my nephew from different angles photo courtesy of baby bella photography okay i ll stop for now photo courtesy of baby bella photography thursday august 23 i found myself in the same hospital only this time there was no joy to the occasion there was no inquiring about dilation levels or when the doctor would administer the epidural there was no waiting for 17 hours literally to see the baby there was fear and wondering what we would do without him we had that panicky feeling inside of us that feeling that makes you tell yourself repeatedly that everything is going to be ok but you don t really know why it s going to be ok but you feel like it must be because you simply can t handle it if it s not it being not ok simply isn t an option i got the call at work they were taking him to the hospital he wasn t feeling right and he fell asleep when he went to the doctor s office but i shouldn t worry and they d call me when they had more information i continued to work i emailed i finished projects my company had hired an ice cream truck to visit the building and we all got free ice cream while i ate an ice cream cone with these little colored sprinkles i talked with coworkers about my house search we discussed which neighborhood i may live in i keep checking my phone slightly concerned but not really scared everything was ok it always has been while i tried to eat the ice cream quickly before it melted all over my hands my stepfather was having a stroke jesus in the beginning we didn t know it was a stroke we just knew something was wrong the fear in my mother s voice on the next phone call snapped me to attention i sent an email to my teams and packed up to go to the hospital then i found out they were planning to move him to another hospital one with a neurology unit minutes later we found out they were transporting him to the hospital via helicopter i headed straight to the hospital and by straight i mean i accidentally got off on the wrong exit onto a 2 75 toll road so i had to pay the toll turn around and get back on the road going the opposite direction then pay the toll again i also had the same lady both times i drove through the toll who said that s a pretty expensive mistake yes that s what i need right now ms toll booth collector thanks for that when i finally made it to the hospital i heard this noise overhead police officers began to close off the road next to the hospital stopping all cars from passing it was a helicopter i knew immediately it was him i pulled into the closest parking lot searching frantically for a parking space this woman stopped ahead of me blocking my way from parking i held the horn down startling her get the hell out of the way that s my dad i yelled out of my window in hindsight i should have expected her to be just as rude to me as i was to her but instead she immediately pulled over and let me through maybe she could tell that i meant business i knew it was him and for some reason i felt compelled to take a picture i parked and watched as the helicopter landed either this was him and i was a concerned family member or this was a stranger and i was a crazy lady i texted my mom and found she was still driving to the hospital they began to pull a hospital gurney from the back of the helicopter from the feet up my stepfather emerged i walked jogged alongside the doctors as they took him into the hospital for a man who had just suffered a brain injury he sure was talkative he told the doctors how he had just been here a few weeks earlier when his grandson was born one hospital then we waited the doctor came in and told me all sorts of things that i wasn t ready to hear and by wasn t ready to hear i mean literally wasn t ready i should have had a notebook or a recorder or something because she spoke to me about his condition for three minutes straight then asked me if i had any questions and i didn t even know what to say of course the moment she walked away i had about 15 different questions to ask but she was already gone my mother finally arrived and i relayed the information the best i could he had a bleed in his brain they were doing a ct scan to see how bad it was he needed to be monitored while they worked to get the bleeding to stop his blood pressure was excessively high and they had to get it down immediately he may get worse before he gets better because the brain swells when it s been injured and on a young person there isn t much room for the brain to swell which means we could expect slow movements numbness difficultly speaking etc but we won t know the extent of it or how permanent the damage would be until they could complete the ct scan and give the swelling time to come down here s why i could never be a doctor i repeated all that information the doctor told me to my mother and as i watched her face fall and tears well up in her eyes i wished i hadn t said a single word if the doctor s bedside manner was somewhat bad well mine wa...
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