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e for simply solo aditi however the other night i was reading some blog emails when i came across a guest post submitted by aditi lalbahadur i loved the post so much that it forced me to make some time for the blog i promise i m doing my best to get back in the swing of things soon aditi is an indian born south african researcher who is trying to save the world one research report at a time she loves chocolate pinotage chatting with friends and dreams of being a writer when she grows up i hope you enjoy her post today and show her some love in the comments quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here the sweetest revenge sunday 9 a m marked the exact one year anniversary of my discovering that my ex was a lying cheating bastard i found an email on his laptop while searching for humane ways to kill a mouse a mouse had taken refuge in the house and had been outsmarting our traps for weeks it turned out that while i was in scotland that year completing an ma my then fiancé of two years we lived together for seven decided to shack up with his colleague in our house i have yet to figure out if she had anything to do with the mouse she d moved out just in time for me to move back in but they managed to keep their affair a secret for another two months while i was home the ensuing events were all very dramatic let s just say that it put my newly acquired ma in peace and conflict studies to the test eventually though i moved out and the next day she moved in pleased as punch no doubt with herself that she won since then i have gone through the soul crushing simply exhausting journey of picking up the pieces of pretty much everything first it was myself physically from off my best friend s kitchen floor eventually she hauled me up then my hopes my dreams my heart through the disbelief the grief and anger all i have wanted for him was sweet sweet revenge i used to day dream all the time that he would come back to me shriveled and soaking wet because he would be caught in a freak thunderstorm obviously cold shivering and miserable on a bitterly cold winter s day it would crush his heart when i opened the door to my apartment looking gorgeous and slim and barely dressed because it would be warm in my apartment with a hunka hunka sweet and topless man doing something very manly in the background and then at some unknown point with me barely even noticing the revenge dreams stopped i started to realise that my pain and grief were my own and that actually while i was grieving for my lost life i was also grieving for my lost self the person i d thought i always wanted to be the person i could have been i began to realise that i had a lot of my own stuff that i needed to deal with how did i make such a bad judgment call with him who was i without him what do i work towards now what did i want for my career did i want a career what was the meaning of life wading through that stuff has been exhausting it still reduces me to a helpless freak ball of tears without fail once a month you will find me lying naked in my bed with crazy hair howling like an orphaned child because seriously discovering the purpose of life is hard and while i haven t figured it out just yet i have made awesome discoveries about me the habits i don t like the aspects i want to keep and the person i want to become i ve learnt that i m ok to be alone as long as i m happy i ve realised that i want to live a full life to be the best person that i can be to travel the world to enjoy exciting new experiences to meet incredible people to cherish every moment and learn what i can from these i want a lot of things for myself and i m finally discovering how to get them all on my own i m starting to see my power my strength my courage my perfect imperfection i can see that the one thing i have absolute control over is me i see that i will be happy because it s my choice i am not a victim to life i am responsible for it and i am responsible for me it s starting to give me great pride to think that i have faced my worst fear and to realise that i came out of it just fine it s not peaches and roses but i ve come a very long way from off that cold cement floor nine months ago from all this i have grown i have changed i have become a wiser smarter stronger more caring and compassionate i have stronger bonds with the people in my life and suddenly the world is a space of infinite possibilities and then last night it hit me the sweetest revenge would be for my ex to never face a life changing experience the sweetest revenge would be for him to never be forced to look at himself to confront his demons and have the opportunity to overcome them the sweetest of sweet revenge would be for him to stay just the same copyright 2012 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 37 comments from uncategorized how to bag the perfect guy for you october 10 2012 tags advice age date dating finding love life love marriage men people relationship relationships self help simply solo spotlight single women today s simply solo spotlight is by twoo com a social discovery platform that puts people in touch fast according to comscore data the site has more than 8 8 million monthly unique visitors while being only just over one year old twoo is available online on mobile and tablet devices and as a location based android or iphone application quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here how to bag the perfect guy for you meeting a new man be it online or in real life can be a bit like being given a lovely gift wrapped present at first you re not sure what this unfamiliar though excitingly shaped new item is your mind whizzes with possibilities as you remove layer after layer of shiny paper from the package steady on ladies you get all excited about the glorious future that s about to unfold with this thrilling new something in your life and then oh it s a two year subscription to industrial engineering weekly magazine the point is that meeting someone new is a lucky dip and you can never be sure what you re going to get or can you while we can t claim that clairvoyance falls under the otherwise fulsome list of our skills at twoo com and therefore we can t guarantee that the man you re chatting with is mr marriage and babies we do have access to information about what guys are looking for and what kind of characteristics in a woman attract what kind of guy we ve been doing some research quite a lot really so much so we ve written an entire whitepaper about our findings in this post we are looking specifically at what the data around age showed us which bracket to go for to bag the man of your dreams we looked at data asking guys to list their perfect partner s best body part and guys you did pretty well smile and eyes were top trumps for all age groups which suggests that those guys who appear to be talking to your chest might actually be shy as opposed to pervy but from here on out things vary quite wildly if you re looking for a man who will love you for your fierce intelligence rather than your booty then you should look to the upper end of the age bracket 14 of men aged 20 24 listed ass as their perfect partner s best body part and 8 said brains compared with guys from the 50 59 age bracket 1 of whom wanted you for your behind and 15 for your brains interestingly chest scored quite low consistently apart from the 40 44 year old age bracket where it shot up to 10 which perhaps can be identified as prime mid life crisis territory one thing you ladies might want to consider is that guys couldn t give a monkey s butt about your hair this characteristic never struggled above 2 in any age group so put down that curling iron and do something useful if your focus is marriage then you should be looking for a man around about the age of 30 37 of 20 24 year olds said they were too young to think about it but they change their tune when they hit the 30 34 age bracket with 43 of them saying it s an important commitment if you re dating an older guy then you may find that that ship has sailed 36 of men aged 50 59 don t think marriage is relevant for them any longer you may have thought that younger guys would be less interested in marriage than their more traditional elder counterparts but the opposite is true so you might want to pick a younger model if you re after more than just a quick roll in the hay well girls one thing s good to know at least we can all stop worrying about our hair huh i don t think so perhaps the most important stat was that on marriage if you want him to put a ring on it you better get in there before he hits 50 the good news is that gives you plenty of time what do you think on the findings do you agree does it resemble your own online dating experiences let us know in the comments below and don t forget to share with others twoo has 8 8 million monthly active users that are based all over the world the site is live in over 200 countries and is available in over 35 languages the areas of study for these findings united kingdom france united states belgium australia and germany among twoo s busiest countries twoo s data is based both on profile information and behaviour profile information is filled in by the user when they join the website to give other users a clear idea of their personality and lifestyle our behavioural data is focused around what makes a particular user or groups of users popular on the network you can see the full whitepaper here copyright 2012 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 16 comments from uncategorized how to deal when you cancel your wedding october 3 2012 tags advice break up breakup date dating finding love life loss love marriage men people relationship relationships self help simply solo spotlight single wedding women i m excited about this week s simply solo spotlight considering this topic is for obvious reasons close to my heart after reading and commenting on today s post please visit stacy austin s blog stacy laughs and follow her on twitter at stacylaughs quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here how to deal when you cancel your wedding once upon a time i had the perfect boyfriend we lived in the perfect condo and we were planning the perfect wedding together except it was only perfect on the outside for a long time i knew our relationship had problems that couldn t be fixed and we shouldn t get married but i labeled those feelings as cold feet and pushed them aside it was hard to imagine living any other life other than the one we built together in my scenario we grew up in the same hometown and went to the same university together so we had grown up together and our entire lives were intertwined then came a night when i couldn t sleep it was a month before our wedding and i knew that going through with it would ultimately be a mistake it took all the strength in me to start that conversation with my fiancé fortunately he understood and he agreed we both felt like getting married wasn t the right decision unfortunately he did not want to cancel the wedding he fought me tooth and nail he was embarrassed what will other people think he asked me he was scared about our future do you still want to be with me what are we going to do about the mortgage the questions were endless and overwhelming for the first time in a long time the future was unknown i cried a lot i felt terrible about the situation and the worst thing is that it was my fault i felt like the stress and anxiety were real entities that were physically crushing my chest through the process afterwards and to this day i had feelings that i was an evil person who was hurting everyone by not going through with a wedding that i felt in my heart was wrong it could easily replace one of the higher circles of hell in dante s inferno while catherine has done an excellent job of providing guidelines of what to do after a canceled wedding i thought i would provide a special spin for those souls out their in their own special hell of being the one who caused the breakup take charge of the situation yes immediately start canceling that wedding you will need to multi task as your significant other is probably reeling from the news if you ask them for help definitely follow up on their completed tasks since i felt i was forcing the news on him i did the brunt of the work no time to fight about petty things just get things done when unmarried couples break up there are little laws to protect them and their belongings try to be as amicable as possible think about what is important to you in the split grieve and heal after the dust has settled you are going to feel really really sad yes being broken up with is extremely painful and it s not a contest but being the first one to say out loud this relationship isn t working opens up a whole new world of heartache and guilt that nothing seems to cure you will miss him and your old life most of all you will miss the person you used to be you might look at old photos of you in your old life and be unsure what to do with those feelings i recommend seeking counseling and building a good network of friends and family to reach out to you will have a lot of conflicting feelings and may want to go back but like my mom constantly reminded me you can never go back to exactly how things were she s right you ll never be able to go back to how things were and you two will never be the same people again also it didn t feel right to you for a reason are you prepared to try to make it work with all the new baggage you ve created be prepared for the anger even the best ex is going to be angry with you after you break up with them his anger i could handle because i vaguely understood it sure i was confused because why would he want to be with me if he agreed that it also didn t feel right regardless being broken up with sucks so yes i understand he was angry with me his anger included serving me with legal papers to remove my ownership of his items and immediately removing all traces of my existence in our condo and it was painful when he asked me to move out from the home we built together but he was more financially secure to handle the expenses so i did as i was asked with little resistance know who else is going to be angry your ex s family going to my ex s parents house to tell them the n...
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