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description= Humor, mutts, menoapuse & merlot..bloggie style;
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Text of the page (random words):
et themselves the quizzical look that spread across her face as i proceeded with my quasi espanol repertoire may have been a hefty contributor to her new found demeanor as it was later explained to me by a bilingual passenger that i was telling her to stow her belly under the seat and the aircraft is safe with her bambino in the overhead compartment it wasn t my fault i lacked proficiency in that language i was 19 and a half and had four years of an accredited language to my credentials german it was very difficult trying to utilize my german speaking talent on a plane full of puerto rican s flying into miami however i did happen across a situation where my bravarian skills came in handy there was an unattended child on the aircraft flying from the islands to new york and he only spoke german the head flight attendant asked if any crew member was fluent in the little liebchen s language so naturally i jumped at the chance to show off the a i received from my high school german teacher freuline heidleberg i gave her that title based on all her anecdotal stories about the local hofrbrauhaus she encountered while traveling abroad not to mention her breath wreaked of brew ha ha during class time the deutschland child was all of eight years of age and traveling alone to meet his parents at his destination the senior stew mentioned to me that he seemed distressed while seated in his first class seat awaiting take off as i sat next to him i started the conversation with my learned textbook from grade 10 auf deutsch i began with what i could recall from lesson one hello my name is ludwiga what is your name and have you seen my black dog forgetting that ludwiga was the german name assigned to me throughout the entire four years of high school every other female student received cute frilly names like anja brigitte or gretchen i hated that ludwiga name and freuline heidleberg knew it i stuffed numerous requisitions for a name change in freuline heidleberg s suggestion box but my requests were continually denied she didn t like me much it might have had to do with the time i interrupted one of her european beer adventure stories with a giant belch i shortened the name ludwiga and scrolled lulu in black felt pen onto my name tag taped to my table top situated in the front row facing heidleberg s desk i think i won this one as the following class day ms brew ha ha herself gleefully slipped me a note with a newly assigned name brunhilde it was later i learned that brunhilde in german meant ready for battle it was then decided i would notoriously autographed all my homework with my new moniker xoxo hildy after ten minutes of trying to correct the german child seated in 2a that my name was not ludwiga i managed to get a handle on his agitated state from what i could manage to decipher in my broken translation the boy was looking for a lost man i inquired about this lost man the german child proceeded to rattle off descriptions faster than the speed of this plane i filtered out the tough jargon that flew past me due to the the one day i decide to skip freuline heidlberg s class that covered the gigantic terms and stayed focused on the familiar basics that was covered in lesson two the words i gathered out of this eight year old bravarian s dialect were man hat airplane lost seat flew and captain these were the words i elected to translate after we took off i still did not fully comprehend what this little german strudel was trying to convey to me the child was frantic and was trying to pull up his seat cushion and arm rests and pull on his tray table as he spewed words from the third reich he kept shouting the word captain over and over i told him i would find the captain and to remain seated with his seat belt fastened all in broken german after the plane leveled i tapped the secret crew knock on the cockpit door i entered a bit frazzled and told the captain about the german boy in seat 2a who described a lost man in a uniform that is a captain and how it could be serious as this could be a relative of the child s who missed the flight that we may have to turn the plane around as this child is presumed an unattended flyer the captain question my language ability with the boy and did i get the story right i reassured him i had and touted my four years of accomplished skills and getting an a the flight captain and first officer looked at me then at each other as if they were deciding to flip a coin to see who would leave their seat which encompassed a freshly brewed cup of hot coffee the first officer lost the toss we walked out to our unattended munchkin sitting calmly in his seat playing with two action figures on his tray table i spoke to the german lad and mentioned i have the first officer and we need to know how serious this lost man situation is because the captain will have to turn the plane around and that is very costly the german urchin looked up from the two toys clenched in his fists shaped like the hindenburg and announced proudly in his native tongue that he found the lost man the first officer looked at me as i turned as green as the little army action figure that he was waving in front of my face a captain america action figure wearing a hat that flew out of his makeshift hand airplane and fell into the crevice only to get lost into the seat cushions of row 2a b i m sure this went down well in the captain s log they say being up in the skies constantly can have an effect on your oxygen levels might cause a slight impairment resulting in some conversations getting lost in translation might make one think that after taking some high school language classes they are adept in handling peace talks within the united nations might make one think twice before volunteering their hyperbolic language skills so freely might want to cap that talent might want to keep their mouth shut and just serve coffee spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 4 11 am filed under airplanes captain comedy flight attendants flightattendants humor mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puerto rico satire comedy family teens children tagged action figures airlines captain america freuline heidlberg freuline heidleberg german heidleberg oxygen 4 comments july 2 2013 a bunch of blog wash laundry is a lonely world in my house it sits and compiles like a garbage dump site the only thing missing from this mountainous scene are the seagulls hovering about looking for a morsel that would explain the missing socks no one wants to acknowledge the hamper overflowing like a volcano looming over the bay of naples no one wants to flock to the whirlpool that awaits its daily meal of detergent and fabric softener except me oh my family members know how to run the washer and dryer and they know how to find the necessary materials to help the machines do their dooty they just turn a blind eye to the domestic scene the collegiate sector of this household have been away and forced to launder their garments they know they know how it all works they know how to do laundry when their hands are tide d to them this agonizing chore is nothing to cheer about they would sooner i wisk this tedious deed out of their idle summer break hands and move the sun earth for the cause but there would be nothing to gain with that method my kids need a fresh start and bounce back from this snuggle y era of mom will finish the xtra load if you catch my dreft ok let me clean up this abrasive jargon and scour the real reason i m venting through a clogged filter how can people living in your house not see the assortment of attire strewn about their rooms as if it s been washed ashore by a designer tsunami how i own machinery that talks to you my general electric s are equipped with bells and whistles that continually chime until someone gets off their keister to turn the dryer off it is an intermittent beep that starts out long and loud then silences itself for a few nano seconds only to take a breather to start up again with a two minute warning that the load is now finished come get me out i am thinking of contacting the heads of general electric and share my ingenious idea of my version of a talking washer and dryer a new twist on smart appliances it would be programmed for different members of my household who happen to be lurking in the hallways with headsets on listening to their electronic du jour i would ask that ge make it a wireless unit that is capable of breaking into their leisurely head banging music kind of like an airline captain who interrupts your inflight movie to describe the colorado mountains you know that inopportune time when the twist comes into the flick or that long awaited punch line the deus ex machina or machine a there you are engulfed at the end of the departed when matt damon gets shot and groceries drop to the ground while the camera pans to a bootie covered foot and your eyes are glued to the screen and just as you are about to see the culprit the captain breaks in with his weather update that s what i want my ge laundry machines to do i want the washer and dryer to penetrate my sons ipod in the middle of his hit itune with sporadic statements reminding him to take the wet load out of the washer and put it in the dryer it would be my voice invading his wireless hood good afternoon son hope you are enjoying your day we have reached an altitude of five feet of laundry blocking the entrance to your room and it looks like there could be a delay in obtaining clean clothing for that special date tonight so sit back relax and enjoy your smelly clothes and if my son ignores the command he will be met with periodic follow ups of reminders every two minutes the washer will start out speaking in ultra soft tones maybe add a personal touch and call him by name then if he is still oblivious to a directive the dryer will then kick in with harsher attributes dryer son i don t think you want to ignore the washer remember what happened last time you forgot about your ipod in your jeans pocket and left the wet laundry in there for two days to ferment oohhh your mama was mad this will become cyclic and programmed into all his electronics there will be no escaping the demands to get the laundry completed in a timely manner i will instruct general electric and whirlpool to use my voice as the prompt in fact i have decided to install wireless mother voice commands throughout the house they will be implanted throughout i will have the alerts activate upon entrance they will be individually formatted for each member of the household who have been pooh poohing the matriarch of this family 1 kindly remove your muddy soccer cleats at the door 2 your wallet and keys are on the counter where you leave them every night 3 no i did not take your lip gloss it is buried under your make up pile spilling onto your dresser 4 could one of you please take the dog out for a walk i would program that one into the couch facing the tv 5 if you are standing and staring into an open refrigerator with one arm hanging on the door looking for something to eat that isn t there close the damn door yes i think this could work i think i will work on general electric to do this for me then i will approach apple next to send numerous texts of motherly instructions that get overlooked what you don t think they will take me siri ously spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 12 10 am filed under comedy dogs humor menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine sarcasm airline satire comedy family teens children teens tagged apple bay of naples bells and whistles bounce dreft dryer era fabric softener garbage dump general electri how to do laundry missing socks siri snuggle waher whirlpool 10 comments may 15 2013 i m at a payphone trying to blog home the day the earth stood still was two weeks ago when my son s smart phone decided on it s own to dummy down and quit i learned this had happened through his sister who stumbled upon his facebook message to a friend commenting that his phone died i am grateful that my sons lines of communication are open to his thousands of facebook friends and refuses to add his mother as a bosom buddy he does not want me to be privy to his status while away at college he thinks his mother will spend her days stalking or creeping as they say on his infamous site where the full monty of freshman life is displayed and revered like i have time for that ok i sneak a peak every so often when facebook isn t looking i have eyes in the back of my facebook it s amazing how this generation xyz seem to run amok when an electronic is on the fritz it s as if one of their brain waves collide with an hd air wave and severed the wireless connection that adheres the smart phone to their palm resulting in their opposable texting thumbs to short circuit ive seen those thumbs work that virtual keyboard like greased lightening while sucking down kentucky fried wings those thumbs slip slidin on the screen not missing a beat of lol or ttyl or pos p arent o ver s houlder my son programmed his smartie phone messages to modulate the night watchman in a navy ship yard it sounds off with two bells every time a text is received in the olden days of sailing watches were timed by a thirty minute hour glass and bells would be struck every time the glass was turned my son watches the glass of his phone every second all day and all night no matter which way its facing i hear his phone clanging in a bell pattern of pairs morning watch ding ding forenoon watch ding ding ding afternoon watch ding ding ding ding night watch ding ding ding ding ding wee hours while family members sleep watch ding damnity ding i lie and wonder for whom the bells toll every second as my sons phone shouts out a new message received what news is so urgent to be shared every minute of the day and night amongst his mates and now here he sits with his dead phone and i wonder what could possibly be going on in his head now that his entire fleet of friends are unable to reach him and text their one syllable messages i have witnessed he and his crew hanging out and barely speaking in full sentences to each other i have watched as this collegiate armada sit around in silence dancing their opposable thumbs across their phones as a multitude of ships bells chimed in unison sounding alarms signaling functional and ceremonial uses of considerable significance as to whether one of them scored a date for the night i think about when i was his age and the re...
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