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1 one thing that helps is to remember that feedback like truth is not absolute feedback is an opinion grounded in observations and experiences which allows us to know what impression we make on others the information is revealing and potentially uncomfortable which is why all of us would rather offer feedback to those who welcome it sandberg 2013 p 83 truth is better served by using simple language sandberg 2013 p 79 when communicating hard truths less is often more sandberg 2013 p 80 restating the other person s point before responding to it sandberg 2013 p 80 relecting someone s viewpoint clarifies the disagreement and becomes a starting point for resolution we all want to be heard and when we focus on showing others that we are listening we actually become better listeners sandberg 2013 p 81 people rarely seek enough input sandberg 2013 p 81 sandberg tells the story of her first week working for robert rubin secretary of the treasury she was invited to a meeting about restructuring the irs being new and not knowing much about the subject she did not take a seat at the conference room table toward the end of the meeting secretary rubin suddenly turned and asked sheryl what do you think i was stunned silent my mouth opened but nothing came out when he saw how shocked i was secretary rubin explained why he had put me on the spot because you re new and not fully up to speed on how we do things i thought you might see something we were missing rubin sent a powerful message about the value of soliciting ideas from every corner sandberg 2013 p 82 whenever someone new joins my team i try to emphasize that they should ask questions and offer suggestions precisely because they are new their fresh perspective may help us see things that we ve been overlooking the traditional practice of judging employees by face time rather than results unfortunately persists because of this many employees focus on hours clocked in the office rather than on achieving their goals as effectively as possible sandberg 2013 p 130 quoting general colin powell i am paying them for the quality of their work not for the hours they work sandberg 2013 p 131 instead of perfection we should aim for sustainable and fulfilling sandberg 2013 pp 138 139 on feminism a feminist is someone who believes in social political and economic equality of the sexes sandberg 2013 p 158 that s how i ve always defined it too and that s pretty close to the dictionary definition hard to see how any rational person could not be a feminist the last word we should expect professional behavior and even kindness from everyone sandberg 2013 p 165 at march 22 2024 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels leadership lean in management thursday march 14 2024 overcoming our bossypants bias this is the fifth post in a series of posts inspired by reading sheryl sandberg s book lean in women work and the will to lead we ve previously looked at some of sandberg s evidence that women are underrepresented in positions of power and leadership how lack of confidence contributes to the issue how decisions about having children play a role in the problem if you ve read the posts in this series you may be thinking sandberg is blaming the victim indeed some critics make that claim but i don t think a sincere reading of the book leads to that conclusion the problem goes deeper it s cultural when a male leader is assertive decisive and direct people may see him as strong leader when a female exhibits these same qualities people think she s bossy in lean in sandberg quotes deborha gruenfeld a professor of leadership and organizational behavior at stanford as saying our entrenched cultural ideas associate men with leadership qualities and women with nurturing qualities and put women in a double bind we believe not only that women are nurturing but that they should be nurturing above all else when a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost it creates a negative impression and makes us uncomfortable sandberg 2013 p 43 echoes of this are present throughout our culture i found it in maria konnikova s book the biggest bluff how i learned to pay attention master myself and win in which konnikova documents dedicating a year to learning the popular poker game of texas hold em and competes in the world series of poker her coach is advising her to play more aggressively she s struggles with this advice saying it comes to me then the thing that s been nagging at me and i don t at all like the realization a lot of my failure to up the aggression factor is due to my social conditioning over the years i ve learned that it doesn t pay to be aggressive while female it s unattractive to those in power namely men but also some of those women who have managed to make it to the top and now don t want to jeopardize their position konnikova 2020 p 101 more succinctly success and likeability are negatively correlated for women sandberg 2013 p 153 we need to overcome this cultural resistance and celebrate good leadership qualities regardless of whether they come from men women or non binary individuals good leaders should be recognized as good leaders regardless of biological sex or gender if women in leadership roles were common this bias against female leaders may fade as sandberg says real change will come when powerful women are less of an exception sandberg 2013 p 50 recognizing that we may have implicit biases against female leadership and talking about how to overcome it may help improve things the simple act of talking openly about behavioral patterns makes the subconscious conscious sandberg 2013 p 148 one story sandberg recounts further underpins the cultural bias jocelyn goldfein one of the engineering directors at facebook held a meeting with our female engineers where she encouraged them to share the progress they had made on the products they were building silence no one wanted to toot her own horn who would want to speak up when self promoting women are disliked sandberg 2013 p 44 in general i think most self promoters are disliked regardless of gender but consider the situation an engineering director encouraging female engineers to share the progress on the products they were building speaking up in this context hardly seems like self promotion but i m a male and the fact that i see it this way may be more evidence of the problem what follows regarding this situation is interesting jocelyn switched her approach instead of asking the women to talk about themselves she asked them to tell one another s stories the exercise became communal which put everyone at ease sandberg 2013 p 44 as an engineering leader i am interested in this communal approach because as sandberg tells us and my own experience has shown well functioning groups are stronger than individuals sandberg 2013 p 48 reading lean in gives one the sense that a vicious cycle is at work cultural biases against strong females and a desire to be liked dampen women s desire to speak up and may prevent them from seeking leadership positions the resulting lack of representative female leadership perpetuates the cultural bias that leadership roles aren t for women and reinforces the stereotype that women should be nice and nurturing rather than strong and assertive the cultural pressure to be nurturing may reinforce women s thinking about childrearing causing them to leave the workforce and too often to leave before leaving again reducing the number of women in the workforce and in positions of leadership in the book sandberg speaks about mentorship as a possible means of improving things here again the vicious cycle is reinforced because there are more men in positions of leadership and fewer women in the workforce male leaders typically choose to mentor junior men in their organizations simply because there are more of them mentorship and sponsorship are crucial for career progression both men and women with sponsors are more likely to ask for stretch assignments and pay raises than their peers of the same gender without sponsors sandberg 2013 p 66 if there were more women in leadership positions more junior women in organizations may find good mentors in the first post in this series i quoted sandberg quoting kunal modi recall that modi said for the sake of american corporate performance and shareholder returns men must play an active role in ensuring that the most talented young workers often women are being encouraged to advocate for their career advancement sandberg 2013 pp 165 166 men of all ages must commit to changing the leadership ratios they can start by actively seeking out qualified female candidates to hire and promote and if qualified candidates cannot be found then we need to invest in more recruiting mentoring and sponsoring so women can get the necessary experience sandber 2013 p 166 on the above point of being unable to find qualified candidates and the call to invest more in recruiting mentoring and sponsoring female candidates i d be curious to hear from the economists is this an effective use of a company s resources does it make more financial sense to just hire from the available supply of talent i believe there s value in a diverse team but how is that effectively measured how much additional time and effort should a profit driven company spend recruiting what is the return on that investment there are anecdotes online and references to studies showing that women led companies outperform male led companies novotney 2023 if we re unable to spend extra effort to recruit qualified females it s a no brainer that we should encourage our best contributors to advocate for themselves to strive for more responsibility to speak up and to lean in being a manager and a mentor aren t the same thing encourage members of your team to find mentors help them find one if they want and be a mentor to someone outside your team or organization as modi said our motivations don t need to be altruistic because more female leadership doesn t just lead to fairer treatment for all women sandberg tells us that research already suggests that companies with more women in leadership roles have better work life policies smaller gender gaps in executive compensation and more women in midlevel management sandberg 2013 p 171 more female leadership will lead to fairer treatment for all women sandberg 2013 p 171 i hope that one day female leadership is so common we don t really notice it anymore as sandberg says in the future there will be no female leaders there will just be leaders sandberg 2013 p 172 if you re a man in a traditional i e heteronormative relationship you can help in simple ways when asked at a conference what men could do to help advance women s leadership harvard business school professor rosabeth moss kanter answered the laundry sandberg 2013 p 110 i ve been talking to my wife about lean in and many of the topics discussed in this series of posts we were talking about doing chores around the house the other day and she was telling me about some videos she d seen online of women talking about their husbands doing things around the house like vacuuming cleaning bathrooms etc and telling their wives that they were trying to help out these women were glad for the efforts but annoyed at the reasoning don t do things around your own home to help out do them because you re an adult living in the environment and the tasks need doing when you say you re doing it to help out you re implying that it s not actually your responsibility lean in has more to say on these topics than i ve covered in this series of posts writing these posts has helped me think more deeply about these issues if you ve read or skimmed these posts i hope they have given you something to think about in that vein this time i m going to leave you with aretha franklin s think next post i m going to share some of the insights from lean in that i thought were interesting or thought provoking and not necessarily relevant to the central theme of the book but things that gave me a new perspective helped me clarify my thinking challenged me in some way or that i identified with at march 14 2024 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels leadership lean in management older posts home subscribe to posts atom grand canyon rim to rim new gear and best intentions i pulled my late 1980s backpack out of storage my first thought was that it was heavier than i remembered just over seven pounds empty ba meterpreter s migrate detection and investigation with memtriage and memdumppe if you re fortunate enough to be running a modern endpoint detection and response edr product or even endpoint protection epp you m grand canyon rim to rim 1 of n i hadn t intended to drive for 16 hours it s around midnight and my friend and i are about two hours away from bright angel lodge a paperclip maximizers 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