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and my anger and the last of my mango and sat down next to boy how about a walk should we have mama and boy time just you and me suddenly the darkness vanished from his face yes it was drizzling a little as we stepped outside but boy didn t want his rubber boots and raincoat so i skipped mine too we bought a bottle of green tea from a vending machine to share and hiked the nature trail next to our house as the rain soaked us for the second time that day we stomped in a lot of puddles we listened to water trickling through leaves beneath a canopy of bamboo we collected stones and pieces of rotting wood we got crazy muddy i don t know if this was the best way to stop the storm honestly i think it s dumb luck because it won t be the right answer the next time around it s never that simple but i do know boy had a good day in the end and so did i share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in uncategorized jun 25 being superman being jor el posted by koun 3 as a kid i never really got into comic books we just didn t have them around but now as an adult i have an unabashed enthusiasm for superheroes and superhero movies as silly and over the top as they can be they speak to me on a deep aspirational level i feel as inspired at the thought of those stories as i do by the stories themselves they re like my emotional kryptonite i am moved by the tough selfless against all odds determination of batman and touched by the youthful courage of spiderman but i have a special weakness for superman i always have it s not about all the things he can do it s how perfectly he embodies his function i know that some people didn t like 2006 s superman returns but there is a moment there that defines the character in a way nothing else can superman flies up into the atmosphere and stops at that line between blue sky and dark space and closes his eyes and he just listens in that moment he is avalokiteshvara the embodiment of compassion whose name in japanese kannon or 観音 literally means witnessing sound avalokiteshvara hears all the cries of the world and responds with 1000 outstretched skillful hands superman makes this choice to find this vantage point hovering between the world he protects and the perfect unrestrained freedom of space and he listens and then in a flash he turns and speeds toward the earth toward one of the millions of cries he just heard to respond we cheer for him and we know as we watch that this is not his first time to come to this place or to listen in this way this is what he does it s all he does the beauty of superhero stories for me is that they invite us to identify with the superhero to imagine ourselves with those burdens but also with those capabilities when i watch superman i allow myself to be superman when i watch batman i let myself become him when the stories take us to their inevitable and unchanging conclusion that with great power comes great responsibility i hear that as a message to myself as a reminder even a scolding we underestimate what we can do we make excuses i do i know i do but for two hours in a theater i know how it feels not to i try on the weight of that responsibility i sense that awesome power so naturally i ve been excited about the upcoming superman movie man of steel and frustrated too it won t come out in japan until after we ve left here by which time it will probably have left theaters everywhere else i watch new trailers online when they appear and in some ways i get that same feeling i ve gotten my whole life that same resonance but this time there s something new in the mix something almost unbearably powerful and sad most of the trailers for man of steel strongly emphasize the relationship between superman and his fathers jor el on krypton and jonathan kent on earth in a few cases the ads are even set to the fathers voices what i find and what today seeing the trailer below left me a little shaken is that as i watch i am also identifying for the first time with the fathers for 60 seconds i am watching superman as my own son i am sending him into that fight into that danger hoping he is ready wanting to say or do exactly what he needs to offer the words that spur him to embrace who he most needs to be who the world needs him to be instead of flying into the fight myself i m watching my son as he disappears into battle it s wrenching it can t help of course that boy has taken to dressing as superman he has a superman t shirt and superman underpants the combination is full superman when he wears them he feels a little stronger a little more grown up i love this and i take every opportunity to remind him that superman s job is not fighting bad guys it s protecting everyone else protect is a word we use a lot here he likes to protect his little sister he likes to protect his friends being superman he gets to play that it s his job and then if he s tired of it he can take it all off and just be a crazy boy girl doesn t want to be a superhero but she is at a magical age she is starting to gain autonomy in the world she can do new things every day all by herself she makes mistakes and she gets frustrated but more often than not she completely overestimates herself she thinks she can do anything it looks as if she s testing limits but really she s bumping into them until she does she has no idea that they re there i want these things for them and when they re older and their temperaments no longer tend toward play acting i want for them to find somehow how not to let go of this how to keep this sense not only of responsibility and purpose but of the power to make it all real whether they ever frame it in buddhist language or not i don t care if they feel it deeply enough perhaps all that talk will just be extra but it s my language and so i think in those terms i think in phrases like all beings so i want them to feel that call that pull to offer themselves to all beings everywhere at the end of the trailer below jor el says to his son you can save them you can save all of them and he means it and his son knows in that moment that it s true this is what i most want to tell my kids this is what i want to tell everyone it s what i want them to believe share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in uncategorized jun 13 eat pee sleep posted by tracy franz 7 it s saturday morning breakfast boy announces that he wants water not milk with his natto and eggs scramble a minute ago before papa had poured the milk into one of boy s beloved train themed cups he made the exact opposite request it s the fifth water milk reversal in succession and frankly it s starting to grate that s bananas sighs papa and he tells boy to drink what s in front of him a slow steady high pitched whine ensues getting louder by the second meanwhile girl just heard her favorite food mentioned by name and she wants some right now she bounces on her bottom in the highchair the thump thump thump punctuating each angry syllable na na na na na na an all purpose parental no delivered textbook calmly but firmly to both boy and girl results in an apocalyptic explosion that can surely be heard throughout our normally serene neighborhood which is mostly populated by elderly japanese i imagine a collective setting down of rice bowls and tea cups heads swiveling toward the verbal violence emanating from our thin walled house eyebrows raise ever so slightly as cell phones are fished out of purses and jinbei pockets just in case i know what the neighbors are thinking what is wrong with those crazy americans they must be thinking this after all no other children in the whole wide world behave as ours do we are the worst parents ever wait did i mention that we ve all been up since 5 something a m because both boy and girl spontaneously awoke at the first light of dawn and refused to fall back into blissful slumber did i really forget to mention that consider this fact mentioned and while we re talking sleep i should also say that very little of this was had for any of us last night why because boy s pillow was too hot yes that s right i guess that s a thing now with the 4 and under set hot pillows somebody really should do something about that one more thing our 2 year old girl managed to urinate her full body weight while she was sleeping her diaper was somehow dry but the futon will never be the same it s a wonder that she doesn t look like a little shriveled up pink balloon forget eat pray love i want eat pee sleep not for us because i m tired of judgy parenting guides do this it works really if it doesn t try harder because you are clearly doing something wrong screw that i want something for my kids to download matrix style into their sweet little brains they will step away from the training do a cool move with their chopsticks and proclaim now i can eat without getting sticky rice in my hair or i will not turn around to ask you a question while i m peeing or gosh i could really go for a nap that s available right surely there s an app for that share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in uncategorized jun 10 whole body posted by koun 8 we re driving home from an onsen a benefit of living in a land filled with natural hot springs boy and girl are in the back seat hey papa it s boy and all conversations start with hey and given that only two people on earth speak english to him there s a disturbing chance that unknown to me my conversations also start with hey i m also to blame it would seem for awesome yeah it s raining hard outside it s the season so we half shout a lot when we drive when you make a bath you have to check if the water is too hot or too cold mmm i guess that s right boy always thinks the water is too hot he thinks everything is too hot i spend half of every meal time blowing his food to room temperature i ask so how do you check the water do you check with your hand or with your foot papa yeah you have to do it with your whole body at this my ears perk up this sounds like something i might say it also sounds a little crazy your whole body do you just jump in yep you just jump in and papa mm hmm when you run you have to run with your whole body too i m smiling i like this i get this i ve given talks about this about the physicality of zen practice about never holding back about committing completely to each action he keeps going when you do yoga you have to do it with your whole body when you fight you have to fight with your whole body when you play you have to play with your whole body this is dead on but i m starting to wonder where he ll take it after all these are already whole body activities then he makes the turn when you hold hands you have to hold hands with your whole body and when you say thank you you have to say it with your whole body there it is my 4 year old son has just come close in his little way to summing up my total understanding of spiritual practice and why should i be surprised if i imagine myself trying to lift a car off of a baby i know i still wouldn t use as much of myself as he does just when he cries everything he does is total even sleep for him is an unrestrained act of plunging into something it s a complete investment of himself he will lose this understanding he s losing it moment by moment it s not something he s arrived at or something he can see from the outside it s just that right now at a moment in his life when his body does not yet feel in any way separate from his own sense of self he cannot imagine it any other way he ll lose that sense of singularity and along the way he ll discover the dangerous idea of conserving energy he ll come to appreciate efficiency he ll see his body as a tool something to use or not at his discretion and then if he s lucky he ll cross over he ll find on one hand that his body isn t really his and on the other that it is inseparable from who he is and he ll realize probably the hard way that negotiating with himself about what to give and what to keep is what makes him tired in the first place that a total commitment to this action and this life is what makes that commitment possible giving feeds giving saying thank you with the whole body is exactly what you ve been saving up for boy s been quiet for a while and i ve been lost in my own musings about this unformed wisdom of his hypnotized by the windshield wipers he pipes up again but papa yeah when you look at a picture you don t look with your whole body what why not how do you look at a picture he sighs another mannerism that comes from me with your eyes if you use your whole body that would be weird and we re home share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in uncategorized jun 05 blue ink ice posted by tracy franz 12 as a teenager in alaska i wrote out my misery on winter ice with a teacher s blue overhead pen come spring the words melted and fed birch moss new ferns raspberry brambles in other seasons i relied on pen and paper to exorcise my demons burying those telling scraps in earth or garbage or flame i needed the ritual it purified me in my early 20s i was accepted to an mfa creative writing program and discovered the concept of audience this was heady stuff but still at that time and for many years after i honored the instinct to write mostly because it was the solitude at the center of storm and though i eventually overcame the trauma of child becoming adult i have never ceased to find profound pleasure in the hard work of putting down words when i was 34 i was offered my first book deal this from what i came to know in my mfa program was arriving with published book in hand my degree would be legitimized i imagined myself embracing the writing 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