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se the richest person in the world will be a mathematician and not bill gates or warren buffet however if you look beyond it you ll get my point which is you will end up to be a better person than population on average if you constantly challenge yourself in thinking and doing something out of the box what better way indeed to do yourself a favor in fact i believe that at least in indonesia this laziness to think is the demon that keeps a lot of potentially great minds on a leash most of the people are very easy to surrender to difficult circumstances sometimes without even a second of brainstorming or pondering the alternatives i don t know about you but i m saddened by this not because i m better than them but because i believe that we could do a lot more if we re willing to think please be noticed that i refer to thinking as a deliberate activity that can be trained not just your usual unconscious daily process a good authority on this would be edward de bono renowned for his lateral thinking just how exactly i m going to achieve such lofty goal i could almost hear some of you skeptically ask that question simple i am going to propose we do it by giving back to society in unusual methods in the process i hope that we re going to engage in a lot of out of the box thinking and thus grow to be better persons nothing easy but start small and before long together we can move mountains for those of you in indonesia who shares the same opinion and would like to help the unfortunate part of society you are very much welcome to join our humble group here looking forward to see you september 20 2008 on legacy what are you passing on posted by anthusiast under musings personal family 8 comments writer s update first of all i m terribly sorry for my long absence from blogging as you can see my last post was written shortly after my son was diagnosed with autism and real life s frantic business had sort of taken over ever since i won t bore you with my trials and tribulations so without further ado here s my newest post when i first heard that i have hiv my mind inevitably explored the questions of death and dying oh i had my time of grief and anger believe me but after a month or so i just decided to move on after all i am still alive which means there s nothing to cry about just yet as months go by i got increasingly fascinated by the idea of legacy i just keep on pondering about what values am i passing on to my closest ones what sparked my brain into this issue is the unlikeliest source of all a noir bloody comic book sin city to be precise sin city is a black and white comic book telling a story of a fictional city in west america complete with its hero and villains a brainchild of frank miller i enjoyed reading this masterpiece which was adapted into a movie by the same title at 2005 by none other than quentin tarantino it was when i was reading this comic series that my eyes got stuck into an eulogy written by miller for jack kirby a juggernaut and virtuoso in comic book industry and miller s personal mentor who passed away in 1994 one sentence just refused to leave my mind until this day i have a little bit of warning to st peter watch out jack is coming heaven is gonna be a lot more exciting i might have paraphrased a bit here now i feel that while i refuse to entertain the idea that i will leave this earth soon i still think that i need to leave some important legacy for my family what are the things that should be passed on i doubt that they are money cash riches or other tangible inheritances instead i believe positive values are what should be imprinted deep enough to inspire our next generation and no don t think that i m being grandiose here everybody has their own next generation so to speak for me it s going to be my children all that said i want to be remembered as a man who lived life to the fullest i want my children to remember me as someone who got beaten but did not give up i want them to learn perseverance i want my life to inspire them in such a way that they will take that one more step when the road get foggiest i want them to have a profound faith that someone up there is taking a good care of them oh before any of you will protest i know that i m not a best person to illustrate this concept of tenacity don t get me wrong i want to leave a legacy of perseverance not because i m the best person in the world who embodies this idea but rather because i want to continue to strive to persevere on life s troubles in the process i hope that i ll do enough to illustrate my point that when you refuse to give in the light in the end of the tunnel is indeed reachable i am reluctant to talk about my personal troubles but i m going to close the post by a couple of news from my life which i hope will stress my point on august 2008 i needed to find a new roof for my family because the old place s rent ran out i had no money and resources whatsoever to do that but when i threw away my pride and asked a long lost friend for a help the help did come on september 2008 we still have some excess obligations from the move and my wife received an extra blessing which happened to be precisely in the amount we need down to the last penny i am very aware that to prepare for my family s future i have to start my own business soon no matter how small nothing definite yet but at the time when i wrote this another long lost friend suddenly popped out of the blue and asked to meet me to discuss the idea of starting our own business those examples may spell divine providence at the first glance but one thing i learnt is divine providence will come for those who persevere as they say god will help those who help themselves so remember this indigo imogen and illarion don t you ever ever give up in everything not once not always life is only as bleak as you permit it to be heaven never is the sun will continually shine in its perpetual warmth you all just move on it is in dawn where night is the darkest what my reader will you pass on this post is dedicated to feliciano rahardjo a dear friend with a big heart you know who you are pal july 13 2008 apologia a father s letter to a son posted by anthusiast under personal family 22 comments dear indigo it s lousy isn t it this thing we call life somebody once said life s a bitch because if it s a slut then it would be easy i laughed at that time but now i am finding it hard to understand what s so funny about it it all began when earlier this year i your father was positively confirmed beyond doubt that i have hiv courtesy of some bad choices that i made in the past my body had finally succumbed to the harsh realities you know what s hard about it son it s not the fact that i am suffering or even dying for that matter no it s because i may not be there on your graduation day it s because i may not sit there on the couch waiting for you to introduce me to your first girlfriend and it s because i may not stand beside your mother posing for some family picture carrying your first born child on my hand at that time i thought i passed it i mistakenly believed that my grief is over safely sealed so i can get on with life and prepare to what i can do to make our family s circumstances better before my time comes and boy was i wrong for one day before my birthday at the 11th of july you were confirmed to have autism why so in the name of the god that i worship why you how many more blows have i to take and why should my family bear the legacy of my sins as i write this son my eyes are filled with tears your condition hit me much harder than my disease come to think about it i just can t comprehend the hard realities you ll have to face the confusion you ll have to bear and the wounds that will inevitably come your way i can go on and on about this yet i know that i have to worry hurry and get to my point for i really do not know when will you read this will i still be around then i simply can not predict what happens here s my message your father was a scoundrel my life was a blatant embodiment of the word joyride marked by short thrilling bursts of brilliance but followed by sharp and sickening downward turns hence the consequences that i have to bear afterwards i want you to understand son that i m sorry it happened that way i apologize that i m not the man i can potentially be i beg your forgiveness that i do not have even half of the life that i previously planned for you and the family but am i implying that not for one moment you should live recklessly like that not at all because by now you should have some idea that i am not your unusual next door dad on the contrary i want you to live life to the fullest and inhale its exhilarating draughts the only difference i want you to strive for is victory in the end i want you to overcome the world and whatever life has in store for you oh you may need to bear your battle scars but they will be like some shining badges of courage that are there for you to be proud of it s sickening how grief can break you that s why i want to close this short letter in a positive tone don t be afraid my dear indigo i do not have any plan to leave this world soon i know that i have no idea when will i depart to answer his call but to combine bon jovi and the psalms until i m 6 feet under i m gonna live while i m alive for this is the day that the lord hath made i will rejoice and be glad in it and when finally i m not beside you at whatever point in your life just take a look around and find me in every bright rays of sunlight every unusual forms of cloud every extraordinarily shiny flowers and every summer rain if you look hard enough perhaps i ll even be there in some lousy notes of debbie gibson s songs your mom hates her by the way whatever it is rest assured that i will not abandon you alive or not i ll slay whatever dragons come your way come what may on january 2008 the writer was confirmed to have hiv his son to whom this post is addressed and dedicated is declared to have autism 7 months afterwards june 26 2008 plurk musings of fibonacci social portrayal and deconstructionism posted by anthusiast under miscellaneous musings 2 comments being a writer who spends a lot of his time in front of the computer i make a heavy use of internet for research purpose lately with the genesis of so called web 2 0 i enthusiastically made a plunge into it with networking as a goal in mind one of the newest social network that i joined is plurk this post is not meant to explain what plurk is but rather to elaborate my personal experience in using it and yes my strange incoherent ramblings about it assuming that you as the readers are already familiar with plurk and its concept let me first state that so far i ve been involved in a love hate relationship with it what started out as an ordinary but excellent way to network with people suddenly soured when some buddies made jokes about hiv oh i know that some of them didn t actually meant it because they didn t made jokes directly about hiv itself but rather what the acronym stands for still for me it showed a lack of respect to other people who may have it this is described best by the following arguments of one of the people when i stated my objection note i paraphrased and names are omitted me please respect other people by making a joke of the hiv acronym you are making light of other people s trouble how would you feel if somebody said a joke about what c i n a stands for x cina if i m a javanese should i be offended if somebody said a javanese jokes will i be that retarded sheesh at this point i was really angry but that s all in the past all i said was that no mr x you don t have to be offended but i ll be damned if that means that i can tell javanese jokes as much as i like you may not be angry but i have to think about million other javanese others who may well have finer feelings than you do but i digress it s just an illustration of how plurk made me feel good potential but also comes with considerable shortcomings in the same package i blame it on their karma system while understandably it s an excellent way to induce traffic to their site at some points it may excite some otherwise idle users to gain karma by making meaningless and disturbing plurks the way is now paved following are what i muse about plurk fibonacci numerical sequence never fails to fascinate and frustrate me at the same time fascinating in its beauty but frustrating in its complexity this is also exactly the way plurk makes me feel now it s pretty in the sense of quality contents scattered here and there the neat way of timeline presentation and also the greater intimacy you get in the conversational thread rather than just replying in the generic timeline a la twitter it s also frustrating because all that appealing benefits are sometimes so rare and clouded by the junks in fact from time to time i do feel that searching for good plurks is akin to looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack that being said i think plurk is an excellent portrayal of our society condition when i protested about some aforementioned offensive plurks i couldn t help but think maybe this is just the way our society is maybe just maybe our world read country has indeed grown so selfish and shameless to gain self indulgence read karma at the expense of other people s feelings and if it indeed is a good place where i can stare at the most graphic and descriptive however brutal picture of our culture then i have a really excellent tool for research but the ultimate reason why i still love plurk until now is that for me plurk is a honest and actual manifestation of deconstructionism you see as i man i am not perfect and never will be plurk forces me to consider some issues and values i would not even think to challenge otherwise for instance this question popped out in my mind does it really matter what other people think about your condition does it really matter if for them it s nothing serious and i have to say that in answering them indeed i am pushed to think hard and grope deep inside myself in the end similar to the greatest appeal of deconstructionism as a school of thought plurk holds a potential of making a person a better man so there you go rather incoherent isn t it i told you but i really am till struggling to understand this weird animal all i can say is if you roll fibonacci social portrayal and deconstructionism into one you ll surely end up with a creature that is as mr joe satriani likes to put it strange beautiful i don t know about you but i surely am enjoying myself watching and playing with it june 9 2008 euro 2008 prediction france v posted by anthusiast under 1 leave a comment euro 2008 prediction france v romania this post was mainly made because one of my online friend snydez challenged me to publish my precictions for euro 2008 matches ok fair enough i call your challenge buddy without further ado this is my prediction for france v rom...
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