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hter not come home when she did my stomach hurt i felt like throwing up and i had heartburn but greater than all the physical discomfort was the crushing disappointment in myself yet despite the utter disgust with myself there was a little part of my brain that was thinking i can t wait until i get home from work tomorrow so i can eat the rest of it what the hell is wrong with you the voice in my head spit out seriously you ate so well all day and then completely blew it with half a cake you ve wasted your life being fat your whole life being fat has held you back from so many things an extraordinary number of things you won t date you won t buy cute clothes you won t let anyone take a full length picture of you you don t want to put on a bathing suit when you go to the beach you won t do anything that ll draw attention to you and what do you do about it nothing you do nothing every morning i awake with a clean slate thinking today i will control myself i ll make good decisions about food all day and every night i go to bed a big fat failure although i ll start the day with a healthy mindset a scrambled egg with mushrooms and spinach for breakfast some blueberries for a snack a kale salad with rotisserie chicken walnuts feta apples and balsamic vinaigrette i ll end the day with 14 cookies 4 slices of pizza cheese and crackers a bag of hershey s kisses half a bag of chips and 2 stale donuts then i go to bed feeling sick sick to my stomach sick of my bingeing behavior sick of being fat sick of failing i get to a point where i try in earnest to get it together to make healthy choices to drop excess pounds and it works for a while maybe a day or two maybe a week or two or even a month or two and then i revert to old habits in the snap of a finger one doughnut cookie muffin pastry just one flips a switch in my brain that starts a frenzy that ends all my hard work i m certain i d be bulimic if didn t so completely detest vomiting i know as people read this i ll have well meaning and probably some self serving folks tell me about the program plan exercise diet food magical miracle whatever that changed their lives i believe that __insert name of magical diet miracle__ worked for them and i m truly happy for their success i feel like pretty much any program can work for a person if they have the right mindset and i believe that s the key having the right mindset i m quite certain my mind is broken because how else do you explain how an otherwise intelligent person with a fair amount of common sense could spend forty years struggling with her weight how it s not that i don t know what to do eat less move more it s not rocket science yet here i am after literally 40 years of hating the way i look still fat and now it s not just that i m fat or rather obese i love that word as much as i love the words applicable moist panties and when people who don t know what literally means use the word literally but thanks to the magic of menopause my health is being affected by my weight as well i ve always had excellent cholesterol and low blood pressure but now those numbers are starting to creep up and although i ve been overweight i could climb stairs walk for miles do whatever but now i pull have to pull myself up a flight of stairs by the handrail and when i get to the top i look like fred sanford grabbing my chest and announcing it s the big one my joints are so painful i can t make it from the parking lot to my office without limping i take tylenol like tic tacs to deal with the pain i have no cartilage behind my knee caps so it sounds like corn flakes being crushed under a rolling pin when i bend my knees as the bones rub against each other the number one way i could combat this never ending pain lose weight simple i vacillate between two mindsets love yourself as you are give yourself a break stop stressing about food or the way you look and what the hell is wrong with you show some damn control if you don t like the way you look it s real simple change i ve lost and gained the same 10 pounds a good 300 times in my life i m embarrassed to admit all the things i ve tried and failed but i know i can t be alone and there are others out that who can relate to the never ending struggle i ve tried sound and sensible programs like weight watchers walking step aerobics omada i ve tried more alternative solutions like hypnosis healthy wage and sensa and i ve tried the positively absurd like drinking lemon juice cayenne pepper and maple syrup for every meal because kelly kapoor did that on the office or this gem from the devil wears prada i m on this new diet well i don t eat anything and when i feel like i m about to faint i eat a cube of cheese i have literally and i actually mean literally tried those and i ve tried everything in between richard simmons deal a meal tae bo prescription medication that curbed my appetite but made me feel like i was having a heart attack keto otc meds bee pollen thrive cabbage soup slimfast weight loss doctor healthy wage biggest loser contests at work atkins vegan stationary bike low fat swimming fiber pills jenny craig my fitness pal freedom formula bikram yoga overeaters anonymous zumba women s workout world to name a few and here i still am letting my weight hold me back from living yet not altering my habits to affect change posted by dawn at 11 05 am 12 comments share this post sunday october 29 2023 the taming of the frizz i have thick coarse hair i always have when i was a kid my mom kept my hair short i looked like a boy a boy in cute little smocked top dresses maybe she really wanted a boy i don t know my mom would also have the hairdresser thin my hair by using thinning shears the only thing that really accomplished was making my hair look even frizzier with all those shorter strands sticking out after amassing a portfolio of cringe worthy pictures from youth i decided to keep my girls hair very long when they were little i loved braiding it and trying out complicated updos on them with age read copious amounts of gray hair and decades of coloring my hair has gotten even more unruly of course living in florida where on any given day the temperature is roughly the same as the surface of the sun with 100 humidity doesn t help i ve pretty much given up on styling my hair i don t have the time patience or the arm strength to blow it out i occasionally rarely straighten it with a flat iron it ll look cute until i walk outside at which point i look like monica in barbados by the time i make my way through the parking lot from my car to my office my hair has grown to hagrid proportions by lunch i m roseanne roseannadanna and when i leave for the day i look like diana ross circa 1975 i have to drive home with my head hanging out the window because my car isn t big enough to contain my mane it s a struggle most days i just embrace the frizz i mean if you can t beat em join em right i put some sort of anti frizz goop in my hair and throw it up in a clip i could probably open a store called frizzy hair solutions with all the defrizzing smoothing curl enhancing products i own i don t know that it would actually provide solutions per say but it would give customers plenty of products that promise to tame frizz i ve tried expensive salon products and i ve tried suave products and everything in between i can say with confidence that it doesn t matter how much it costs all products work the same or don t work the same in my experience no product completely tames the frizz although i am partial to suave s anti frizz smoothing serum as it works pretty well and doesn t cost a ridiculous amount of money so recently i went and got my hair all chopped off i tend todo these spur of the moment things and then i cry and ask myself why i m such an idiot after a couple years of growing it out i chop it off again it s a never ending cycle of stupidity before after it took a while but i ve gotten used to the new do and i ve gotta say i really like it short it only takes me a couple minutes to flat iron it and that suave anti frizz stuff really does work now that i ve gotten rid of all the dry damaged ends suave didn t pay me to write this i think when i did do some writing for suave years ago i came to love their products and more importantly the price of their products so i still use them posted by dawn at 3 06 pm 5 comments share this post tuesday may 16 2023 language lessons otherwise entitled what on earth are these teens saying i ve worked in a middle school since 2011 and these kids have taught me as much as i ve taught them over the years they ve taught me that when you have new shoes you have to walk like a crippled penguin so the shoes don t get creases they ve shown me that flipping a water bottle trying to get it land upright is a legitimate pastime and every year they teach me so many new words i like to try them out with students to see how many eye rolls i can get for example last week a couple kids were complaining about the cafeteria food are you kidding you ve got it good you know what cafeteria was like when i went to school there was no kitchen in the school they didn t make food there it was shipped in we got a plastic wrapped plastic container with some sort of cold food in it and we got a foil covered foil pack with some mystery hot food in it it was about as good as you would think a mass produced school lunch that was sitting there for an unspecified amount of time would be you guys are lucky these days school lunches be bussin the kids cracked up i m not sure if it was because i told them an old timey story about the good ole days or if i used bussin incorrectly or if bussin is so last week and no one says that anymore or if most likely it s because i m a giant dork i ll share my knowledge of teen slang here so you can try out these expressions yourself and gather some of your own eye rolls you re welcome bussin really good this is especially used when describing food but not cafeteria food spill the tea what s the gossip last year i had a student who walked in my class and asked do you want to know the tea ms damalas i think i responded with something like yeah i like tea i prefer coffee but i drink tea sometimes that got me an eye roll and an explanation and a daily tea update of all the girl drama on campus bet okay brooklyn do you want to go to the store with me after school bet huh bet so do you want to go slay okay see bet real i agree these 7th graders are insane this year real user error your fault or that sucks i forgot to bring my umbrella to work and i got drenched walking out to the parking lot sounds like user error mom the drip a cool outfit i overheard this from one student to another watch the drip bruh i looked up to see if there was anything dripping down our school is centered around an open courtyard and every time it rains daily because it s florida there is plenty of dripping from the eves brooklyn had to explain this one to me drip is clothes especially a cool outfit respect the drip bruh ice jewelry there are a few kids at my school who would rival mr t with their ice rizz charisma i was flipping through some old pictures recently and i pulled out one and told brooklyn i remember this jackson was invited to this birthday party when he was in elementary school and he was the only boy invited among all these girls i showed brooklyn the photo jax had all the rizz rizz charisma duh okay then cap fake i m really going to miss school over the summer i said as sarcastically as possible cap no cap for real are you serious when they announced who next year s drum majors would be and she heard her name brooklyn responded incredulously no cap off da perc crazy insane bizarre there are a couple weeks left in the school year so these middle schoolers are off da perk bruh touch grass reality check when one of the most annoying kids in school asks me ms damalas i m your favorite student aren t i i have to respond with lol you need to go outside and touch grass child it s giving like our upstairs neighbors are so loud it s giving clog dancing water buffalo era phase brooklyn s going through her chocolate era she feels the need to run to walgreens for chocolate on a nightly basis i m going through my frizz head era sus suspicious when a kid who has bad grades says something like i have all as i have to respond with that s sus accompanied with a raised eyebrow stan crazy fan my students think i m such an awesome instructor they stan me simp someone who does too much for someone they like why would you choose to hang with your girlfriend instead of us you re such a simp posted by dawn at 8 22 pm 1 comments share this post wednesday may 3 2023 middle schoolers are just like toddlers we had school wide testing yesterday in my district as a test administrator it s my job to ensure test security while administering the assessment and to babysit a bunch of 7th graders when they finish testing until the end of the testing block which was after 2 00 yesterday the first part is a breeze follow the directions read the instructions verbatim constantly monitor the class the second part oy vey i don t know why i m suddenly typing in yiddish the students melted my brain yesterday after testing was completed all materials collected and everything was over and done with we still had 2 hours left in the testing block because other classes may have still been testing it was important to keep my students quiet during this block this is how that task went other classes may still be testing so you need to be quiet you can go on your laptops and do missing work but you may not get out of your seats or talk i know it s boring i get it it s boring for me too but until this testing block is over we have to be considerate of others and maintain a quiet environment but these guys are like toddlers who are incapable of being quiet for more than 5 minutes because these tweens are constantly bombarded by stimulation via phones and social media they are incapable of just sitting still and being bored for any length of time a couple boys sitting on opposite sides of the classroom started shadow boxing because this is what middle schoolers do it entails one student making weird boxing karate kung fu type moves while the other student ducks and bobs avoiding the punches the kid is throwing from across the room a minute later a couple other students start playing chopsticks across the room if my kids hadn t played this when they were younger i probably would ve thought the students were flashing gang symbols another student starts ripping a gum wrapper into a million shreds and yet another kid takes the little jibbetz shoe charms off his crocs and starts spinning them around like tops on the surface of his desk when he got bored with that he started playing with the charms like they were dolls another student drew all over his hands and arms practicing the fine art of tattoo design a couple kids again sitting on opposite ...
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