Meta tags:
Headings (most frequently used words):
2008, 2009, sunday, thursday, my, saturday, january, august, on, the, monday, friday, wednesday, blog, is, fertility, now, 28, april, 25, march, september, july, bfn, update, iui, not, insanity, 21, 17, 12, december, october, 23, june, about, me, new, in, it, beta, to, an, back, long, of, stupid, adoption, stuff, later, may, 22, february, 11, tuesday, november, 13, 31, 30, 29, 16, 27, followers, archive, moving, there, town, sorry, tomorrow, forgot, actually, give, one, year, blogiversary, living, open, life, train, mixed, feelings, canceled, story, short, officially, pregnant, official, but, sure, days, until, went, ok, timing, finally, right, injecting, yourself, too, hard, latest, sadness, whole, lot, cycle, talk, going, hsg, today, plan, first, re, appointment, clinic, seminar, gymboree, ll, let, you, little, 14, dpo, pink, favorite, color, steps, forward, and, backward, maybe, meet, rye, technical, orientation, last, night, topics, llamas, massage, fairyland, boss, crazy, cracking, up, for, handmade, fun, updates, time, no,
Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (380), and (206), that (191), was (149), but (115), this (111), for (109), just (103), have (97), with (86), not (85), about (79), all (75), she (60), you (58), really (53), time (53), her (52), one (51), had (51), know (47), when (46), there (46), don (44), comments (42), posted (42), get (42), been (41), what (40), can (40), out (39), any (39), our (39), because (38), then (38), will (37), are (37), some (36), now (36), more (36), think (34), going (33), got (33), would (33), iui (33), were (31), from (31), like (30), #little (30), they (30), also (29), work (27), see (26), right (25), back (25), much (25), even (24), very (23), other (23), next (22), adoption (22), month (21), well (21), cycle (21), too (21), didn (21), make (20), take (20), since (20), could (20), way (20), went (20), 2008 (19), how (19), thought (19), days (19), doctor (19), maybe (19), him (19), new (19), few (18), here (18), need (18), last (18), started (18), day (18), want (17), into (17), again (17), test (17), has (17), which (17), over (17), pregnant (17), clomid (16), two (16), said (16), still (16), feeling (16), great (16), until (16), ago (16), their (16), good (16), feel (16), home (15), least (15), before (15), who (15), long (15), only (15), another (15), them (15), getting (15), blog (14), something (14), than (14), taking (14), done (14), start (14), husband (14), bit (14), plus (14), appointment (14), try (14), week (14), 2009 (14), sure (13), having (13), myself (13), did (13), actually (13), after (13), months (13), fertility (13), today (13), came (13), while (13), your (13), clinic (13), say (12), lot (12), tell (12), nothing (12), first (12), tests (12), away (12), decided (12), past (12), off (12), pretty (11), same (11), wasn (11), trying (11), beta (11), place (11), boss (11), yesterday (11), open (11), morning (11), saturday (11), made (10), most (10), mail (10), family (10), post (10), people (10), never (10), looked (10), haven (10), whole (10), looking (10), able (10), doesn (10), everything (10), come (10), yet (10), told (10), room (10), his (10), later (10), year (9), friend (9), friends (9), update (9), fun (9), called (9), part (9), keep (9), let (9), left (9), coworker (9), telling (9), tomorrow (9), negative (9), took (9), mom (9), hours (9), life (9), give (9), thing (8), cat (8), maraya (8), won (8), without (8), those (8), supposed (8), knew (8), mentioned (8), point (8), both (8), however (8), buy (8), show (8), bought (8), enough (8), around (8), stuff (8), many (8), crazy (8), being (8), every (8), where (8), why (8), hoping (8), down (8), chance (8), hope (8), call (8), ttc (8), hard (7), page (7), progesterone (7), taken (7), anyway (7), bfn (7), finally (7), excited (7), love (7), talk (7), sort (7), weeks (7), santa (7), barbara (7), weekend (7), talking (7), each (7), llamas (7), sunday (7), anything (7), ever (7), comment (7), baby (7), guess (7), gone (7), thursday (7), seemed (7), already (7), night (7), rye (7), dollar (7), course (7), exam (7), office (7), meds (7), august (6), january (6), may (6), interested (6), check (6), thanks (6), sorry (6), things (6), visit (6), low (6), believe (6), end (6), heart (6), totally (6), wait (6), blood (6), along (6), cure (6), drove (6), fantastic (6), look (6), others (6), late (6), hold (6), trip (6), almost (6), years (6), put (6), orientation (6), thinking (6), wednesday (6), support (6), felt (6), friday (6), set (6), thoughts (6), case (6), remember (6), march (5), april (5), july (5), blogging (5), though (5), send (5), different (5), round (5), happens (5), ovulation (5), response (5), help (5), possible (5), reading (5), ivf (5), process (5), conversations (5), etc (5), child (5), quite (5), fish (5), 100 (5), favorite (5), full (5), once (5), real (5), asked (5), hotel (5), happy (5), wanted (5), cousin (5), sex (5), fact (5), better (5), news (5), except (5), dad (5), definitely (5), important (5), seem (5), 000 (5), mind (5), find (5), faith (5), agency (5), doing (5), minty (5), completely (5), hopefully (5), own (5), quick (5), money (5), afford (5), reason (5), stupid (5), head (5), tree (5), heard (5), soon (5), monday (5), thank (5), journey (5), june (4), september (4), october (4), posts (4), old (4), writing (4), add (4), com (4), honestly (4), cats (4), ovulating (4), wouldn (4), bloodwork (4), normal (4), should (4), pills (4), usually (4), medicines (4), infertility (4), insurance (4), fairly (4), success (4), option (4), expensive (4), ready (4), luckily (4), lives (4), throw (4), festival (4), shows (4), stop (4), tickets (4), decision (4), kind (4), hate (4), rate (4), nice (4), mendocino (4), llama (4), else (4), making (4), according (4), babies (4), times (4), due (4), wow (4), isn (4), happen (4), especially (4), use (4), cbefm (4), yay (4), mean (4), story (4), normally (4), adopt (4), gets (4), address (4), amount (4), comes (4), everyone (4), best (4), unless (4), saw (4), couple (4), questions (4), earlier (4), note (4), kitten (4), lots (4), mailed (4), foster (4), crying (4), alone (4), board (4), steps (4), yeah (4), far (4), towards (4), forward (4), enjoy (4), schedule (4), parents (4), couldn (4), exactly (4), line (4), assuming (4), basket (4), insanity (4), might (4), breast (4), ultrasound (4), small (4), half (4), timing (4), wish (4), 00pm (4), injectable (4), plan (4), positive (4), saying (4), naturally (4), big (4), appointments (4), follistim (4), trigger (4), holding (4), perfect (4), verdict (4), december (3), goes (3), card (3), break (3), http (3), hear (3), must (3), wonderful (3), bay (3), rest (3), ovulated (3), result (3), pre (3), higher (3), 3rd (3), bad (3), tonight (3), issues (3), longer (3), options (3), scary (3), makes (3), details (3), planning (3), matter (3), band (3), san (3), jose (3), download (3), ourselves (3), order (3), daughter (3), middle (3), name (3), liked (3), quickly (3), stayed (3), deal (3), daily (3), guy (3), handmade (3), nor (3), cal (3), weird (3), turned (3), mistakes (3), eyes (3), tried (3), nope (3), obsessed (3), quizzed (3), leave (3), early (3), pregnancy (3), three (3), woman (3), threw (3), blogger (3), busy (3), lately (3), allowed (3), care (3), children (3), information (3), photo (3), local (3), peak (3), house (3), spent (3), girls (3), girl (3), through (3), waiting (3), clothes (3), unfortunately (3), forget (3), info (3), organization (3), reasons (3), seen (3), professional (3), parent (3), religious (3), wrong (3), read (3), business (3), route (3), sat (3), wondering (3), turn (3), coordinator (3), worry (3), hour (3), letting (3), nurse (3), tech (3), general (3), siamese (3), kept (3), expanding (3), kaiser (3), pharmacy (3), happened (3), idea (3), referral (3), entry (3), anymore (3), using (3), price (3), symptoms (3), possibility (3), hopes (3), testing (3), easier (3), nightlite (3), minutes (3), store (3), evap (3), hpt (3), seminar (3), ultrasounds (3), iuis (3), luck (3), lost (3), talked (3), hsg (3), dread (3), sheet (3), fund (3), worked (3), row (3), possibly (3), experience (3), short (3), venice (3), croatia (3), latest (3), write (3), eventually (3), hand (3), cancer (3), ovulate (3), knowing (3), tad (3), results (3), ovidrel (3), train (3), keeping (3), follicle (3), follicles (3), canceled (3), skip (3), christian (3), treatment (3), silent (3), complete (2), profile (2), november (2), february (2), older (2), title (2), readers (2), labor (2), technical (2), beloved (2), updated (2), catster (2), amazingly (2), sent (2), mine (2), created (2), memorial (2), members (2), blogspot (2), pet (2), loved (2), personality (2), tear (2), area (2), company (2), game (2), prescribed (2), drug (2), side (2), looks (2), exact (2), front (2), 2nd (2), levels (2), consider (2), thyroid (2), pcos (2), usual (2), finish (2), panicked (2), expense (2), research (2), considering (2), warms (2), lead (2), needed (2), finding (2), wants (2), step (2), besides (2), although (2), swimming (2), sees (2), spot (2), tour (2), concert (2), meantime (2), school (2), reference (2), typical (2), funny (2), answer (2), mainly (2), living (2), oakland (2), including (2), match (2), across (2), street (2), slight (2), intimate (2), toward (2), animals (2), sheep (2), goats (2), items (2), directory (2), filled (2), comical (2), asks (2), doctors (2), yes (2), strangers (2), nephew (2), tears (2), sense (2), directly (2), brought (2), worker (2), stores (2), conversation (2), emotion (2), computer (2), space (2), putting (2), corner (2), picture (2), sooo (2), reservations (2), fairyland (2), used (2), massage (2), instead (2), domestic (2), stress (2), anyone (2), fees (2), homestudy (2), fee (2), range (2), advertising (2), lower (2), 500 (2), costs (2), birthmom (2), appear (2), potential (2), services (2), based (2), agencies (2), heavy (2), mixed (2), bring (2), mention (2), written (2), main (2), search (2), gives (2), website (2), probably (2), briefly (2), introduced (2), words (2), moved (2), miles (2), carpool (2), eye (2), contact (2), member (2), vet (2), proud (2), cute (2), available (2), yep (2), bringing (2), immediately (2), emotional (2), forgot (2), passed (2), number (2), energy (2), meet (2), found (2), etsy (2), confused (2), gave (2), exciting (2), problem (2), specialist (2), ahead (2), continue (2), path (2), pink (2), maui (2), evening (2), nest (2), town (2), consistent (2), united (2), travel (2), sadness (2), disappointment (2), between (2), expected (2), watch (2), checked (2), hmm (2), such (2), deep (2), searches (2), seriously (2), target (2), door (2), showed (2), god (2), closed (2), convinced (2), stopped (2), gymboree (2), hit (2), figure (2), chances (2), attempt (2), photos (2), lovely (2), large (2), animated (2), initial (2), always (2), qualify (2), prime (2), super (2), procedure (2), hesitation (2), boring (2), 20pm (2), norwegian (2), claremont (2), dinner (2), sad (2), understand (2), treatments (2), injectables (2), sometime (2), scheduled (2), cost (2), run (2), meant (2), 300 (2), given (2), 200 (2), medicine (2), successful (2), pull (2), close (2), happening (2), tube (2), fight (2), lady (2), blow (2), human (2), uncomfortable (2), barely (2), sucks (2), vacation (2), body (2), aunt (2), conception (2), conceiving (2), born (2), relationship (2), difficult (2), message (2), dealing (2), world (2), terrible (2), guatemala (2), adoptive (2), pick (2), donation (2), please (2), stephanie (2), person (2), hcg (2), fear (2), absolutely (2), christmas (2), expectations (2), working (2), glass (2), means (2), multiples (2), easy (2), less (2), dropped (2), specimen (2), lab (2), position (2), aquarium (2), man (2), updating (2), basically (2), officially (2), article (2), feelings (2), conflicted (2), program (2), church (2), shout (2), closest (2), embrace (2), live (2), grow (2), stay (2), lie (2), road (2), view, archive, followers, subscribe, atom, original, active, janessa, rough, top, difficulties, devastating, goodbye, sweet, specializes, monograms, invitations, special, print, vets, donna, overwhelm, tuning, swishdesigns, html, truly, stronger, vibrance, forgotten, lasting, impression, replaced, peace, www, 303314, trick, level, supplements, tricky, guessing, loss, strongly, medicated, measure, below, confession, medications, herbs, acupuncturist, smoothie, metformin, diabetics, helps, patients, prenatal, vitamins, depressed, inaction, promise, seeing, gyn, reached, appealing, candidate, hefty, worth, benefit, opinions, viable, prohibitive, gathered, second, concept, jump, revisits, wedding, vendors, booked, advance, educate, studies, profiles, definite, loving, timeline, updates, mourning, freaking, future, managed, worried, ocean, dead, snapped, eating, bright, played, rewind, stopping, abbreviated, rescheduled, album, added, renewed, obsessing, singer, high, quotes, oddly, bigger, fan, fans, meeting, music, answering, question, reveals, listened, radio, stolen, hazard, bootlegs, rarieties, heaven, beach, included, ala, carte, breakfast, gas, reduction, upgrade, setting, bowl, wandered, enjoyed, getaway, latter, property, offers, treks, indulging, secret, obsession, barn, marathon, session, highlight, nestie, amazing, track, etsty, sites, oddities, worse, fixable, toes, laugh, hormones, rolled, crushed, overworked, bosses, informed, becoming, thinks, quit, become, handle, litter, dear, lord, discuss, internets, does, affecting, ill, moment, candor, arms, switch, discussed, laughing, ask, calculations, expecting, law, registered, comparing, notes, int, meanly, strange, ohhh, kayyy, dusty, surprised, missing, laughed, dirty, desk, newsmagazine, recently, bare, belly, picked, exclaimed, obscene, magazine, trash, boy, wonder, cracking, sign, anniversary, barnyard, kindly, funky, cabin, water, tower, section, education, divorce, activities, mission, brings, books, categorized, 2ww, denial, expect, drugs, catch, changed, experiencing, appreciate, flew, los, angeles, treated, thai, sketchy, realized, washing, trek, weather, air, quality, fires, hang, goat, corral, unflattering, lodging, topics, share, experiences, feels, glad, explaining, analytical, scattered, link, moderated, remove, publish, ton, ones, outreach, fixed, placement, finalization, counseling, expenses, legal, warm, directors, social, workers, themselves, interests, supportive, terminate, coercion, guilt, digging, neither, handed, religion, intimidated, feared, birthparents, similar, beliefs, ethnicity, fit, unique, glaringly, majority, blogs, factor, somethings, larger, service, jewish, serves, facets, community, single, attend, connection, horseshoe, shaped, conference, table, brief, rambled, nervous, shy, listening, speak, silently, skipped, introduction, waved, direction, introducing, arrived, rush, traffic, lane, edit, meaning, posting, lame, labels, pics, teasers, gallery, adjusting, whining, whimps, distress, mothering, calm, gentle, playful, sacramento, met, sweetest, lightest, limp, gazes, petco, displayed, site, absolute, cutest, snatched, convince, agree, whim, pleading, manipulation, apologized, profusely, resistance, remaining, chairs, dining, delivered, drive, excessive, wanting, mix, likable, dominant, traits, vocal, friendly, independent, boisterous, plays, fetch, trait, pets, zip, code, 120, agreed, dumbest, petfinder, craziness, ruling, household, maximum, apartment, subdued, surprising, bundle, companionship, mints, laden, discussions, voiced, listing, zazzle, cafe, press, featuring, nesties, norcaletsy, transfer, walmart, cover, pharmacist, yelled, mgs, discretion, lesser, takes, mental, preparation, financial, prep, pace, pursue, giving, needs, refer, advice, recommended, failure, frame, slow, interest, saved, savings, staying, capacity, backward, vey, sunburned, white, stripes, bod, sunburn, paradise, signature, challenge, include, siggy, magic, charting, waking, bother, tropical, bding, ick, term, spell, ata, rebook, twice, doubt, covered, scenario, became, either, fly, reflect, tinge, rueful, passes, focus, lucky, color, wishing, charted, stashed, somewhere, develops, luteal, phase, lasted, clues, argh, glimmer, dpo, surprise, gal, none, showing, committing, resignation, odd, anxious, nail, biting, figures, tested, lights, groggy, clock, decide, dig, throwing, force, keeps, buried, waste, lines, neurosis, lemon, truffle, chocolate, figured, inclinations, ugh, clinics, pack, lump, nonetheless, mailing, opinion, floating, follow, regarding, apart, plastic, casing, examine, closer, vague, checkout, saving, embarrassment, giant, ghetto, lunatic, stops, mall, present, secretly, grandma, gift, stupidly, tumbling, messed, infertile, halloween, styles, rarely, affected, pumpkin, cardigan, shirt, hat, edge, ended, trans, vaginal, sperm, fallopian, tubes, sorts, mortifying, anonymous, group, taste, egg, answered, gotten, rave, reviews, form, boards, rates, reasonable, basic, 560, consultation, coupon, seminars, guarantees, statement, rather, raising, statistically, risky, slamming, candidates, phone, freakily, procreation, plans, dark, logistics, overwhelming, common, occurrence, darn, 7am, 30am, 45am, dolled, tourism, event, cruise, phew, hobnobbing, consulate, directions, flustered, receptionist, relaxed, chatted, proactive, history, move, pleased, admitted, encouraged, exercise, incorporate, lifestyle, counted, cysts, ovaries, choice, jargon, explain, primer, lingo, sounds, doubles, digest, oops, shocked, correct, includes, medication, sorted, earmarked, roth, ira, retirement, siphoned, attempts, breaking, pressure, poor, numbers, resulted, bawling, zero, adopted, ways, blockage, cramping, operating, wrapped, waist, touching, prodding, poking, illegal, damn, driving, sheesh, starbucks, save, ticket, brain, painful, amounts, fine, complicated, delays, knows, certainly, heck, depends, flo, afternoon, starts, injections, class, insulin, subcutaneous, fluids, dismiss, instruction, teacher, summer, hasn, lunch, confiding, mood, strikes, review, luggage, dubrovnik, shopping, underwear, socks, stories, reserving, judgment, communication, emailed, prescription, contacted, california, baseline, sonogram, airport, window, obstacles, fed, upsetting, tough, terribly, flying, cheerful, pissed, helpless, bemoan, scheme, complain, clear, tragedies, date, finalized, murdered, invasion, robbery, column, titled, chip, breaks, josi, tragedy, blue, elephant, nasty, strain, survivor, shouldn, remission, granted, spare, against, charged, credit, susan, komen, charity, tax, deductible, laura, ends, highs, unmedicated, cheaply, require, fancy, alarm, bells, remains, provera, period, studied, projected, entire, thus, reducing, likelihood, subject, rumors, bust, betray, merciful, bummed, returned, aside, miscommunication, fresh, cystic, fibrosis, demonstration, administered, prometrium, suppositories, depending, dramatic, unlike, weekly, block, discreet, works, tuesday, nervousness, needle, hovering, tummy, stepped, designated, injector, ultra, sound, thereabouts, injecting, yourself, complained, consideration, huh, dragging, eve, watching, free, bed, concoction, hell, bil, calling, midnight, holiday, spending, probe, raised, eyebrows, offhandedly, double, spectacular, aiming, risk, odds, greater, cried, bucked, shot, rented, nearby, comfortable, collection, mudlslide, tgif, tmi, queasy, peasy, washed, appreciated, reviewed, semen, analysis, motility, extra, push, weren, cervix, cervical, mucus, carried, ifs, obsess, saturdays, uphill, battle, impulses, under, control, insemination, painless, forums, surreal, conceived, burning, hole, bathroom, cabinet, restrain, system, stocked, gallon, smaller, enjoying, float, mystery, hands, disappeared, thorough, algae, eater, tank, casualties, scene, jaws, tunnel, popping, egads, google, invariably, directed, inanity, yahoo, answers, entertained, gem, snort, stumbled, nuetered, during, poas, draw, embarrassing, public, prepping, hopeless, official, upset, progress, soo, dose, shorter, responded, four, five, yikes, stimulation, med, estradiol, transvaginal, devastated, straight, coincidence, cnn, octuplets, quote, lambasting, patient, spoke, overstimmed, abstain, condoms, disneyland, relieved, beginning, international, birth, country, americans, signs, shared, heritage, fingers, crossed, extremely, unlikely, handling, disqualify, requirement, identify, cultural, background, muslim, letter, minister, pastor, requred, starting, units, cartridge, follstim, selling, black, market, calls, cheap, champagne, giggling, donating, weekends, sibling, confided, struggles, role, holder, abut, hidden, seems, tight, ball, impress, hide, list, valid, chicken, shit, learned, succeeds, imagine, behalf, retiring, grandchild, non, invasive, asking, hurtful, dads, daughters, aspect, announced, proposal, self, nearest, balcony, composed, himself, wives, tougher, painted, lies, suspicions, refuse, satisfaction, married, obviously, missed, believable, excuses, ish, admit, failed, challenging, vulnerability, growth, strong, decisions, shadow, judged, motions, rooting, blogiversary, 150, stimulated, hello, octomom, huge, disappointed, standards, goal, fretting, gathering, formal, ten, satisfy, wrote, forum, bfp, assume, burden, shoulders, stressful, excruciatingly, remembered, sometimes, someone, bawled, broke, cry, defeated, privacy, otherwise, successfuliui, fill, avoid, cashiers, easter, cashier, smile, pains, following, chronicle
Text of the page (random words):
inic is just too stressful for me right now so there you have it i ll update if i get a bfp but for now let s just assume it s bfn posted by m at 8 35 pm 2 comments sunday march 22 2009 i forgot to actually give an update last month i started on day 2 at 150 iu a day and i totally over stimulated hello octomom 2 that iui was canceled which was a huge blow since i was out about 2 100 never even got a chance to try my doctor decided to start me on 100 iu of follistim on day 5 of my cycle this time this worked out fairly well since i had less appointments and each appointment means another lie to my work i didn t grow too many follicles in fact i have just one but it s a big one my doctor seemed disappointed even though by her professional standards one is the goal on wednesday we were told to go ahead and give me the trigger and on friday i had my iui so once again i m in the 2 week wait i m not even fretting about this one if it doesn t work that s just the way it is i m already working on my adoption profile just gathering photos thinking of what to say nothing formal posted by m at 7 01 pm 3 comments saturday march 21 2009 one year blogiversary just a quick shout out to me that by some weird chance i looked at my first blog post it was exactly one year ago today funny i ve made forward motions but still am in the same place a big thank you to all that read my blog and continue to give me support it really makes the journey just a little bit easier knowing there are people rooting for me thank you posted by m at 4 10 pm 4 comments living an open life two weekends ago i had a chance to have a pretty good conversation with one of my closest friends who also happens to be my cousin she s the closest thing i ll ever have to a sibling anyway she s been one of the only people in real life who i ve confided any of my struggles with ttc she can be sort of difficult to talk with if you re just looking for some one to be nice to you because she doesn t see her role in life to be a hand holder she will say exactly what she s thinking no matter what so we were talking abut what i ve been up to and how i ve kept everything completely hidden from my friends my family and my work she seems to think that if i m open with those around me i won t be such a tight ball of stress i think what it comes down to is who am i trying to impress what do i have to hide why can t i be open about who i am what i m going through so right now i m going to go down one by one and list my reasons for being silent and see if any of them are really valid or just me being a chicken shit 1 mom i have never been open about her with anything i learned a long time ago that if you let her in she will attempt to take over and usually succeeds i can imagine her trying to talk to my re on my behalf or something she doesn t even know we want children yet i think she s holding back on retiring until she has a grandchild she s been pretty non invasive in this part of my life so far honestly so maybe i could let her in i just don t want her asking me about it all the time every once in a while i think about telling her but then i just think about something hurtful that she could possibly say and i hold back verdict open up 2 dad ew dads don t need to know about their daughters sex life case closed my dad i have a great relationship but i just think this is one aspect he wouldn t want to know about i dread even telling him i m pg when i am because he ll then know i ve been having sex ha guess if i get pg with this iui i could tell him i didn t have sex i remember when we announced our proposal my dad looked absolutely panicked like he was going looking to throw him self off the nearest balcony he eventually composed himself i remember he also told me that one of my cousin s wives mentioned she was having t ttc he seemed really confused about why she was telling him this verdict stay silent 3 work this one is a bit tougher because i ve already painted myself in a corner already with all my lies as i mentioned in this blog post my boss has had her suspicions about me for a long time i refuse to give her the satisfaction of being right however i ve been married for almost 4 years i obviously love children i ve missed days of work or come in hours late with barely believable excuses i think they re on to me however from now on i won t be taking any more days off due to fertility treatment since this is the last one for a long time so i really don t see the point in saying anything verdict stay silent 4 friends well i ve been open ish with two of my friends and that s gone well maybe i ll be a bit more open with others my only hesitation is i don t what people feeling sorry for me i also don t want to admit i ve failed as a woman because that s what it feel like to me verdict open up so i guess what it comes down to is challenging the vulnerability i feel when i open up about anything because i really do think it might be holding my emotional growth back i need to be strong embrace my decisions and not live in the shadow of my fear of feeling judged basically i need to grow up posted by m at 3 50 pm 2 comments monday march 9 2009 back on the iui train just a quick note to say that i m back on the iui train this month the re is waiting until cycle day 5 today for me to start my follistim and then i ll be starting at 100 units a day next appointment is on thursday and then i ll have a better idea of how long this cycle will be wish me luck also a quick shout out to my friend k who gave me her left over cartridge of follstim instead of selling it on the black market or as she calls it donating it back to her clinic thanks for the cheap glass of champagne and also for telling my husband that if treatment is a good thing but not as good as sex at least that s what we thought you said that had us giggling all the way home posted by m at 9 45 pm 3 comments wednesday february 11 2009 mixed feelings yesterday i was all set to skip my next cycle and give myself a two month break from any more treatments i was happy with that decision relieved then today about 5 minutes ago i decided i would go forward with an iui this month hmm i don t really understand any of my feelings i m always feeling so conflicted about everything for the past week and a half i was beginning to feel a pull to look into international adoption this has never been a path i thought i d be interested in but then my husband s birth country started making it a bit easier for americans to adopt from there and i started getting signs all over the place that maybe it was something to consider i got really excited thinking of bringing a child into our lives that shared my husband s heritage and fingers crossed our nephew s extremely cute looks which is something that would be fairly unlikely with domestic adoption before i called the agency handling the program i looked at their website i could tell right away that there was something that would disqualify us the requirement that adoptive parents be christian i identify christian as my cultural background but i don t go to church and i don t have faith so i don t think i qualify i called the agency anyway and the case worker was like oh no you just have to say you re christian they just don t want the babies brought up as muslim um ok later i got more information on the program and a letter from my church minister pastor would be requred so i just dropped the whole idea but it was fun thinking about it so now i m back to thinking about iuis all that other stuff we ll see where my mind is tomorrow posted by m at 9 59 pm 3 comments wednesday january 28 2009 iui canceled i m so devastated i can t even think straight i honestly did not know how many follicles i had until my re called me however by coincidence i was reading an article on cnn about the octuplets that were just born right in the middle of the article was a quote from my doctor she was lambasting any doctor that allowed a patient to go that route i knew at that point my iui was going to be canceled i spoke with my doctor finally she told me my s 17 17 17 17 16 14 14 14 14 yeah i overstimmed i m not sure what route we re taking next but as of now we have to abstain or use condoms until after i ovulate i can t even try to get pg naturally this cycle i m hoping hoping hoping there s a way i can get to disneyland before my next cycle i really need that place right now posted by m at 6 51 pm 4 comments long story short ok i was writing a big entry about my progress this cycle but it was soo boring so long story short new cycle started higher dose of medicine for shorter amount of time i ve responded well maybe too well have four large follicles maybe five yikes multiples is a possibility ok with me to a point taking ovidrel ovulation stimulation med tonight will have iui on friday unless my estradiol levels are really off not sure what happens then will find out soon the end oh and 4 transvaginal ultrasounds in a row is sooo not fun posted by m at 11 51 am no comments saturday january 17 2009 now officially not pregnant i had a call from the doctor a few minutes ago it s officially a bfn i m too upset to write any more thank you for keeping me in your thoughts posted by m at 11 16 am 9 comments not official but i m sure it s bfn i ve poas many times this week including this morning i know it s a bfn i know i went in about an hour ago to have the blood draw for my beta started crying it s so embarrassing for me that i can t hold it in when i m in public i do so well most of the time anyway i guess they ll call me in a few hours but even the lab lady seemed to be prepping me for a negative result i m feeling so hopeless right now posted by m at 10 21 am no comments monday january 12 2009 5 days until beta ok i have 5 pg tests burning a hole in my bathroom cabinet tomorrow i ll be 10 days past iui i think i m going to test tomorrow i just can t restrain myself as usual i won t tell my dh unless and even if it s i don t think i ll believe it until i see it 5 days in a row plus with great beta results but according to my dr testing at this point wouldn t show the hcg still in my system from the trigger anyway i ve been trying to keep myself so busy this past week i stocked my 40 gallon aquarium actually it s s a little smaller but i can t remember if it s 36 or 38 so i just round up to 40 with some lovely fish and have been enjoying watch them float around everyone s getting along great which warms my heart unfortunately i do have a bit of a mystery on my hands one of my fish just disappeared this happened before i bought the new fish it s gone and i have done a thorough search i don t know what happened but i have a small algae eater in the tank i think he took care of things for me how did he know that my least favorite part of having an aquarium is dealing with the casualties good fish i just hope there isn t a scene like the one in jaws 3 you know in the tunnel with the man popping up egads also i keep doing google searches on symptoms expectations etc and invariably i get directed to the inanity of yahoo answers today i entertained myself with this gem it s totally made up all this guy s questions are like this but it still made me snort when i stumbled on it when a man gets pregnant can he get another woman pregnant or is he basically nuetered during this time so i won t be updating probably until saturday when i get the beta done but please keep me in your thoughts posted by m at 9 19 pm 4 comments sunday january 4 2009 iui went a ok just a quick update with just enough tmi to make you queasy i had my iui on saturday it was easy peasy we stayed the night at a hotel right next to the clinic and that worked out really well plus the rate was only 60 00 maybe a little less we dropped dh s specimen off at the lab and then we came back to the hotel for another 2 hours when i came back i had to pick up the washed and ready to go specimen and hold it until my doctor came in to the exam room it was in a test tube then the doctor the nurse and a new doctor came into the room i appreciated that the new doctor didn t get up all in my business she stayed towards my head my doctor reviewed my dh s semen analysis and said it actually wasn t perfect i think the motility rate is a little low but most everything else looked great and she thought because of this that having the iui would gives us an extra push that we weren t getting naturally my cervix was in a great position and my cervical mucus was prime so other than just having that one follicle i think i m in a great position for success that one follicle is keeping my hopes low which is important because i do not want to get carried away with the what ifs two weeks is a long time to obsess about all of this and i ve already bought 5 pregnancy tests in case i can t wait until two saturdays from now so i have an uphill battle with myself to keep my impulses under control the insemination was painless in fact i felt nothing at all as i ve mentioned in other forums it was sort of a surreal experience having three people in the room with me while my baby may be getting conceived not one of them was my husband or even a guy so that s the story for now i really hope i have some good news to tell you in two weeks posted by m at 9 30 pm 3 comments thursday january 1 2009 is the timing finally right wow i complained so much about nothing working out the way i wanted i didn t even take in to consideration that maybe things happen for a reason i know deep huh sorry i m sort of dragging from my exciting new years eve of watching our new to us and free tv in bed with a small glass of tgif s mudlslide concoction and wondering why the hell our bil was calling us after midnight oh yeah to wish us a happy new year in any case i wanted to make sure to get some of the stuff that s been happening written down before i totally forget on saturday the iui is scheduled finally amazingly enough the timing is about as perfect as can be almost all of my appointments for this cycle have taken place on a weekend day or on a holiday there s nothing like spending christmas morning with an ultrasound tech and her probe which means i haven t raised any eyebrows at work my last appointment was yesterday and i just offhandedly mentioned to my boss that i d be in a tad late no questions asked at all plus my husband doesn t need to take any time off from work double yay at my appointment yesterday i was told that i had just one good follicle i was so sad to hear this because i really thought i d have at least two plus the one i have isn t all that spectacular dr h told me that one is all they are really supposed to be aiming for because of the risk of multiples but the odds are greater when there are more than one so i took this as bad news and cried on my way into work eventually i bucked up and right now am feeling excited in about 4 hours i ll take my trigger shot of ovidrel and then saturday morning we...
|
