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Text of the page (random words):
s some feminists inadvertently reinforce the idea that certain bodies are easier to love and conveniently many of them already fit into what the mainstream designates as worthy of acceptance and love those with complicated bodies ill bodies disabled bodies and the attendant complex relationships with their own bodies are often not so lucky tagged archive body positivity chronic pain disability essays love your body apr 23 2019 ableism cartoons disability feminism fibro nervous systems chapter 3 fibromyalgia and afterword previously chapter 1 chapter 2 image descriptions can be found under the read more tag continue reading tagged cartoons chronic pain fibromyalgia nervous systems personal mar 22 2019 cartoons feminism nervous systems chapter 2 allergies and anaphylaxis part 1 can be viewed here image descriptions can be found under the read more tag continue reading tagged allergy attacks comics disability nervous systems mar 04 2019 cartoons disability nervous systems chapter 1 cerebral palsy because disability intersections is no more i will be posting my archived work from that site here image descriptions can be found under the read more tag continue reading tagged autobiography cerebral palsy comics graphic work nervous systems nov 20 2018 uncategorized things that suck about having chronic pain or yet another ill advised essay that is too complicated for me to get published someplace else this cartoon i drew in 2009 sums it up most of the time i am very much for disability pride but the fact that i have moderate to severe chronic pain from fibromyalgia complicates what should be a ride or die sort of feeling if my personal disability pride is a string of rainbow holiday lights my pain and fatigue is the thing that knots those lights into a ball of awfulness untangling the lights takes for goddamned ever some of the lights are probably burnt out from years of use in short if i could get a new string of lights i would but for the purposes of this metaphor i have an imperfect string of lights that is always knotted in impossible configurations and thrown in a box at the back of the garage i must pause and give a shout out to leah lakshmi piepzna samarasinha as her most recent book care work dreaming disability justice provides a ton of food for thought on this very topic there are times that my day or week gets ruined by pain and fatigue and i can t do much other than wait for my body to feel better often this will happen when i am on a deadline or have to do something when it happens i ll wake up in bed in the morning and feel like i am in more pain than usual sometimes i will lie in bed and stare at the ceiling like a dingus for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half because the pain is so bad that it has either a sucked up all of my motivation to do anything about it ie taking medication or b reduced me to lying in bed and staring at the ceiling because doing anything about it would be useless continue reading jul 18 2018 2 comments disability etc wat bad sleep part 1 yes i am using images of my cute dog for this post instead of images of myself look at that bare belly just look at it i have a lifetime of questionable sleep habits these started in childhood when in the third grade i found myself unable to sleep without leaving my bedroom tv on before you leap in with you had a tv in your bedroom wtf let me assure you that it was only able to play vhs cassettes and not actual network tv my solution to insomnia at that point was simple i d pop in the disney movie cool runnings turn the volume down extremely low until i could just barely hear it and watch it until i went to sleep the weird part was that it worked for a couple of years once it stopped working when i was in the fifth grade i would regularly read until i fell asleep until my dad caught me one evening my face down in a book drool dripping onto the open pages with the light still on after that i had to figure out ways to calm myself down if i couldn t sleep and the most reliable one was what i called burrito ing where i would spread my blanket on the floor or bed lie down at one end and then roll myself into a human burrito i would roll myself in as tightly as possible which gave me an unfortunate resemblance to a butterfly pupa after this i would hop up and wiggle back into bed and usually be asleep within fifteen minutes from then on the occasional insomnia that i had was dealt with by staying in bed looking at the ceiling i stopped doing the burrito blanket roll trick when i realized that it was making me sweat buckets while i was asleep resulting in a very uncomfortable feeling when i woke up i may have also fallen out of bed a couple of times as a direct consequence of burrito rolling the pattern s of my insomnia changed when i started experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia at 19 and was diagnosed at 20 one of the main hallmarks of fibromyalgia is that it can impact your sleep that s the polite way of saying that it will totally impact your sleep depending on its severity which can vary from patient to patient drunkenly destroy your sleep patterns with a wrecking ball then unzip its pants and energetically fuck that wreckage while we re not gonna take it by twisted sister plays way too loudly on a nearby portable stereo so my once or twice a year bouts of insomnia turned into oh once every couple of months or so when i will just be awake for no reason at all right now i have at least one bout of insomnia per month where i just cannot get to sleep often regardless of my usual level of tiredness which is very high when i thought a couple of years ago that working from home would be great for me and my bad sleep habits because one can work in one s pajamas and no outsiders would be the wiser i certainly did not mean can also emerge confused from a nausea induced nap at 1 pm on a weekday in the same crunchy sweaty pajamas that i have been wearing for the past two days because i have been in too much pain to shower working from home i honestly fetishize perfect sleep to the point that it concerns me a little once in a great while i will have a couple of hours of sleep that feels like i am floating on a fucking lavender scented cloud while lying on a cruelty free feather mattress often i will wake up and go well that was awesome but i m still tired as hell so it s time to sleep in some more it s inevitable that i will wake up from this enthusiastic nap number two disoriented and confused with my neck or shoulder bent at an unnatural angle by the time my brain in that situation goes need medication now i ve forgotten about my earlier sleep triumph and have settled back in to my normal disheveled state sometimes when i have insomnia my anxiety brain will tarzan swing in on a fucking vine no less and start yelling at me for ridiculous shit picture nick nolte doing this as my anxiety brain and screaming everything below directly into my ear and you will begin to get an idea of why i find my anxiety brain so reprehensible hey are you worrying a bunch about something that you have no control over like if editors will email you back about those pitches that you were so excited about did you check twitter today because i have news for you a bunch of people died there you can worry about that instead of your stupid problems is this being a writer thing going to work out for you seriously think about it is it i heard a noise someone s trying to break into the house spoiler alert no one is trying to break into the house who wants to read your stupid essays about whatever the fuck name one person did you know that you re a failure because you are well that was annoying in light of all of this i have decided to try to change my sleep habits for the better using one of those annoying tip lists from the internet the results of my experiment s are as follows tip worry about things before bed not after you get into it easy for you to fucking say internet article tip go to bed at the same time every night i usually go to bed around 10 pm since it takes me approximately the running time of a pretentious art movie to actually get to sleep so i already have this one covered tip wake up at the same time every day i already do this except for when i have insomnia which i suspect compounds the problem our dog noodle will piss all over the wood floors of our apartment if i don t take her out at the exact same time to pee every morning this is as good a motivator as any to get me up at the same time every morning the time that my body seems to want to get up on weekdays is 9 30 am weekends are a sleep free for all unless i have plans tip stop drinking caffeine i love tea too much to actually cut out all of the caffeine that i drink so this is not going to work for me as it s written out i drink 2 cups of tea per day at most it s not always with caffeine and i don t know why i am wasting all of this energy justifying the low amount of caffeine that i consume i am also not a big soda drinker and dislike coffee so there are two things that i can t really cut out unless i want to pat myself on the back already for doing fuck all which i totally do over the past few weeks i have had one or two cups caffeinated tea before noon i have not noticed any differences in my sleep patterns not having caffeine after noon is making me feel less weirdly jittery i guess tip don t do anything in your bedroom other than sleep and other bedroom activities do not read or look at your phone in bed the stumbling block for me with this one is that i love reading in bed it is one of my top ten or fifteen things that i like to do the combination of getting to lie down comfortably and read is just the best so i know that right from the outset that this is going to be a tough one i ve been following the don t look at screens for at least an hour before bed tip for a few months and it seems like it s helping things along i have not been able to stop reading in bed i am a voracious reader and a terrible sleeper i guess tip don t take naps okay here is the thing about this tip for people who have chronic fatigue from an illness not just oh i get tired sometimes too abled folks naps are a necessary evil this little goblin can sleep anywhere there are days when i want to do nothing but take naps this would concern me but daytime tiredness is a thing when you have fibromyalgia or its benadryl doused cousin cfs me an illness that i am very glad to not have because dealing with chronic pain is enough i usually give in to failure so quickly that any normal person would look at my sleep schedule and be like um you should go see a doctor for that hypersomnia dude and i m like no this is just part of having a chronic illness that fucks your entire body up buddy i want to be in that dead sleep space constantly there are nights when i m awake and after a certain point get extremely excited about being able to sleep in the next day which i m guessing exacerbates the whole insomnia thing i have tried to avoid napping during the day for a few months with my successfulness ranging from middling success to no success at all in the interim my snoring got worse so i had to go get a sleep study done which is why i ve divided this piece up into multiple parts tagged dogs medical personal sleep jan 11 2018 2 comments disability etc uncategorized my gallbladder removal adventure i took this picture shortly after my surgery which explains the scowl i had my gallbladder removed last january here is a humorous essay about that experience there are a ton of racialized disparities in pain management which i do not cover in this essay it started with a salad my mom and i met for lunch on a friday at a pizza place that i had never been to but had chosen because i was ravenously hungry i ordered a greek salad it was not very good but since i was hungry i ate it anyway i couldn t eat the next day save for a scone and some water it was the salad i thought i ordered a salad from a pizza joint of course it s making me sick at some point i started throwing up and couldn t stop the vomit looked like sand when i had nothing left in my stomach clear bile came out of my mouth and streamed into the toilet bowl making me look like world s worst fountain imagine the famous belgian mannaken pis statue except it was my unlucky self bent over the toilet bowl with a stream of yellow bile instead of water coming from my mouth continue reading tagged essay medical surgery may 11 2017 leave a comment ableism disability etc uncategorized what s up with the internet s fascination with disabled animals if there s one thing that internet denizens can agree on it s that animals especially domestic pets are great there s even a wikipedia article on the internet s love of cats and why not pets are so cute from the now inactive cute overload blog to the aww subreddit cute animals have been in high demand online for a while but there s a not so adorable side to the internet s thirst for cute the fetishization of animals particularly pets with disabilities the breathless coverage of apparently inspirational animals with disabilities is everywhere a pig named chris p bacon ha ha because we usually eat pigs right had a wheelchair made for his back legs this duck has a new lease on life thanks to a prosthetic foot wow a goldfish with a wheelchair don t discount the thousands of results that a simple google image search for disabled animals brings up either there are a lot of photos stories and memes about them as with a lot of internet trends this fetishization is widespread but difficult to trace to a single source there are buzzfeed articles photo sets with varying degrees of context about the photo subjects disabilities television specials and of course lots and lots of inspirational coverage of humans who have saved animals with various disabilities but who saved who so why is the internet obsessed with disabled animals my take is that the various inspiring stories about disabled animals provide a way for nondisabled people to talk about and engage with disability in a facile way if one is constantly gawking and aww ing over pictures and stories about animals with disabilities then they don t have to spend time thinking about actual disabled people or the ableism against disabled humans that still exists much of the positive coverage of disabled animals takes a cue from inspiration porn a term that was coined by disabled comedian and activist stella young disability activist and writer rachel cohen rottenberg sums up inspiration porn as consist ing of the objectification of disabled bodies for the purpose of inspiring able bodied people to among other things stop whining get a better attitude and use their willpower to overcome various obstacles the main message of a great many inspiration porn images stories and memes is generally this person with a disability overcame adversity got in shape stopped whining and embraced happiness so why can t you abled ...
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