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am supposed to accept that in matriarchal societies honoring women manipulating them with flattery how is this any different from patriarchy in which men write mother s day hallmark cards praising woman slaves for their sacrifice and virtue it is true that khasi women do hold the final authority in the clan own all the property are in charge of all the food and can even kidnap males for procreation and the men say they are all cool with it this is indeed reflective of the greater power women have in matriarchal societies relative to men and men s consent to such an arrangement proves the necessity of depriving men of such power but instead of making me feel all empowerfuled and excited for women it just made me ask if only women can run a functional society and men can only run a dysfunctional society then isn t matriarchy just a big apology and cover up for men s inherent inferiority as human beings and who benefits from these awkward arrangements that keep this basic reality of humanity a secret who has the most to gain from silence and complicity in the global testigate scandal men duh matriarchy is for men men are inapable of functioning as equal members of society and as such can only be a drain on women women do not need men in a society of only women even one in which males are periodically pulled from the swamp for reproductive purposes which based on current polulation levels is not even necessary for women to exist the word matriarchy would be redundant because it means a system of society or government ruled by a woman or women and donating sperm is not a sufficient definition of social membership so aside from its inclusion of amazonian women who were more straight up separatist than matriarchal the whole field of matriarchal studies is an excuse to justify men s parasitic existence at women s expense and i m through with it that concludes my book review since i have made use of the word equal it s worth pointing out to anyone who may not previously have considered it that women who want equality between the sexes have been majorly duped into begging for the return of crumbs when males have stolen from females the entire batch of cookies men are not equal to women in value on a biological level and so offering us equality is a concession and a bunk deal loaded with what men must consider in private company to be hilarious and ingenious levels of irony making mothers a no fail recipe august 21 2014 cursethereign 10 comments how did i get here i feel like i ve failed at everything i ve ever tried it s all lead nowhere motherhood has literally been my only option for fulfillment because every other path in life i have set out on has been thwarted by the patriarchy there has been literally no avenue open for me to be as big as i have wanted to be as powerful as i could be as successful as i have dreamt so now i m a fucking mother you all pushed me into this even those i expected more from because of your stated ideology political stance or social position you made me into a god damned mother and yes i am a fucking victim and not ashamed to say so i thought it was my fault but it is not i tried to be more i could maybe have tried harder but was discouraged beyond self motivation how humiliating how depressing how confusing i have no idea how to reconcile the person i envision myself as with the person i am allowed to be i do not identify as the person patriarchy has painted me sculpted me directed me to be and now i m going to have this kid and everyone is going to guilt trip me into being a full time mother with no life no interests no initiative of my own another way life happens to women in the patriarchy i never even knew for sure what my desires were until they became impossible i am still coming out of denial about what motherhood in the patriarchy means for my future still trying to negotiate with the powers that be so that i can still be a human being when i have a child i could have prevented this and yet it was inevitable motherhood itself is not a prison the patriarchy has constructed walls around the mother to imprison her turning the most beautiful creative act into the basis for the ugliest oppression how to psychologically coerce an otherwise capable bright passionate female into motherhood when she speaks interrupt her as frequently as possible ignore her for as long as possible deliver her detailed instructions on how to live if she initiates or originates anything criticize the hell out of it if she leads refuse to follow dismiss and minimize her accomplishments and contributions only approve of her when she is servicing others needs make sure she knows her feelings and perceptions are invalid ridicule her for keeping company with other females when she falls into pieces on the floor as a result of this socialization process get her to believe it is all because she is crazy at fault or just born that way then say to her congratulations what are you having codependency recovery anti patriarchal solidarity august 21 2014 cursethereign 4 comments i have a major objection to women being told that they have codependency issues in recovery groups where no context is given to demystify the true cause of this so called mental illness which is patriarchy pure and simple in fact women are specifically told not to worry about why they are codependent and condescendingly instructed just to focus on the individual task of self transformation why is not a spiritual question say our sponsors sternly and then with a rubbery smile it sounds like you ve been doing that stinkin thinkin again why is of course an important political question but we are told we must keep our groups free of political discussions to prevent controversy which means of course that women must be kept ignorant and quiet about their oppression as a class lest men in the group be offended or hurt or god forbid women actually consider taking power in the public sphere so many women are in such a vulnerable desperate state when they go into 12 step recovery and psychotherapy after decades of suffering in silence from the system of male domination that they often accept this abuse just because they have had it so much worse it makes me sad and angry that people these women come to trust sometimes the very first people they have ever met who are actually willing to listen to them give women only just enough validation that they still continue to hide and protect the man behind the curtain i belong to a codependency group on facebook where one woman expressed that she felt pathetic about being diagnosed as codependent how sad is that we are forced to take on a set of personality characteristics in order to survive in a man s world and then we are shamed for having those traits we are not pathetic we are oppressed if anyone is pathetic it s a group of people who systematically overpower control and enslave another group of people in order to meet their own narcissistic needs greed and selfish desires it is no coincidence that the psychiatric industry would rather have us on anti depressants created by the 300 billion dollar pharmaceutical industry prescribed by male or male trained psychiatrists paid 150 an hour and visited by male police officers salaried 90 000 a year with tasers and guns 400 billion dollar arms industry in our homes when emotion phobic deluded and male identified friends and relatives determine we have a mental health crisis rather than expose to us the shameful system of male domination in its entirety men take the opportunity to re invest in our suffering for a profit we are divided and conquered misinformed and misled for decades and then told that the way out of this mess is for each of us to grab ahold of a flaming ladder of ignorance sold to us at a premium by the same assholes who threw us in the pit to begin with one of the challenges in making it clear that male domination is at the root of codependency is that there are also men in codependency recovery so how could men be the problem the reality that men are also oppressed by this system is mistakenly understood to be proof of the non existence of male domination men are subjected to the structural violence of other men through capitalism they are ordered around by mostly male bosses their time and energy is extracted by a male controlled government or a corporation in exchange for a relatively measly paycheck and the meeting of their basic needs is withheld until they satisfy the techno industrial earth destroying machine s lust for their labor most men are not part of the 1 the ruling class that dominates 99 of the world s wealth or whatever the statistic is but most of the 1 are male and so most men in the world are also subservient to other men capitalism is a pyramid scheme promising males privilege over other males all of whom have privilege over women through patriarchy this is true even though not all men are world rulers or because some women have higher socio economic status than some men or because some women are ceos and some men aren t a system built on domination and subordination would never and could never have been created by females in the first place and every man on earth within this system has power over at least one woman or easily could whereas the reverse is not true men exploit other men as well as women because that s what men do the nuclear family is a creation and microcosm of patriarchal society as a whole everyone in the family has a role within it to enable capitalism thus the family system oppresses and grooms everyone in it females most of all but also male children it doesn t matter whether the wife or the husband makes more money or cheats or whether the wife as well as the husband beats or sexually abuses the children or whether a single mother emotionally incests her only child who happens to be male the system still serves the larger system of male domination because it is a unit of the capitalist system which is the economic structure of patriarchy so that s where male codependents come from male violence in my experience some women want to see the man behind the curtain and some just aren t ready even when they have not been brainwashed specifically by the victim blaming culture of 12 step programs more often than i would like to admit i m still not ready we are so used to blaming ourselves for our own misery because that s what men have intentionally gotten us to do whether through traditional patriarchal religion or the rising popularity of the it s all your fault because negative thinking new age movement patriarchy s way of oppressing women through post it notes that it ingeniously convinces women to affix to their own bathroom mirrors some of us take masochistic pleasure in obsessing over our so called character defects simply because we aren t aware of any other choices if we could just be good enough and could believe in ourselves enough they wouldn t hurt us anymore right and if we could just recover enough from our dysfunctional family issues we would be deserving of the new lives and perfect futures that await us in the beautiful world just outside of the meeting room right this is another part of the victim blaming dynamic of 12 step groups the whole premise is that there was a dysfunctional system that affected us as children or within a marriage and that we now somehow have the option of escaping those dynamics entirely the psychological traits of codependency are cultivated within us because of the trauma bonding that requires us to accept a role in our own subjugation in order to believe we live in a just world this process starts when we are children and are psychologically and materially dependent on our caretakers children have a stronger need to believe their parents are sane than to love themselves even if the adults they live with are abusive and otherwise completely bat shit crazy but even after the dysfunctional family system and its effects on us are externalized recognized and despised for what they are oppression if anyone dares mention the word to us we are still living in a patriarchal society and so behaviors of codependency such as people pleasing approval seeking and self sacrifice are still required of us in order to pay the bills this hurts us whether we are doing it sincerely and eagerly or detached and cynically so much for recovery as a once and for all healing process unfortunately patriarchy is everywhere and we can only gain power in our lives by accepting a more privileged or tolerable position within the system i can be free from my abusive father by marrying a less abusive man who nevertheless dominates our children by pressuring them to be sports heroes and who financially supports patriarchy by following the world cup or i can get a job and work for some guy who profits from the exploitation of mine and others labor or i can start my own business and receive the blood money more directly or i can claim to be the picture of anti patriarchal perfection as a lesbian separatist while collecting disability insurance from a government that works on behalf of multinational corporations to systematically exploit women both in my home country and overseas we must not rest under the illusion that to escape some part of our own oppression is to escape change or resist the system of patriarchy in its entirety not because we are to blame for benefiting from system but because nobody is to blame for their subjugation within it we are all part of the system in some way though not by choice and to convince ourselves otherwise is to tighten the chains binding our lives and those of our sisters in slavery to men codependency can not be fully overcome as long as patriarchy exists because someone in the system will always be forced to value another person s feelings thoughts values goals and priorities above their own in order to survive and let s be clear not just someone but some woman where to go from here attend codependency recovery groups if we can stand to do so and take every opportunity to highlight the bigger picture of male domination woven throughout each of our problems as women start our own groups that explicitly connect codependency with patriarchy and for that matter all psychological diagnoses with the structural forces that cause them write books and articles on the subject become psychotherapists and bring a radical feminist analysis into the office whatever we do let s remember that solidarity with all women requires us to have an analysis of the entire patriarchal system and not just the parts of it that hurt us personally and individually not all women are feminists and many will drag us through the dirt behind the vehicle of their own oppression as we have likely done to other women before we began to awaken if and when we confront other women as we must continue to confront ourselves the language of codependency will do us little good unless we also create opportunities ...
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