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Text of the page (random words):
space a need rather than a routine or imaginative activity they had spent the previous evening creating giant lanterns that represented rockets he remembered that before the process of creation began they each told themselves that they wanted to make something and make it beautiful but make it different there had recently been a shuttle or two sent into space via rocket technology and so all the young people who were preparing the party and the space had decided that they wanted to recognize their specific point in time in history by making an homage or at least reflection of the larger events going on around them they chose to make rockets they wanted to make a statement on appearance wanted to actively pursue a fun interesting neat alternative to the cold metal of the rockets they saw on the screens on the televisions dominating their idea of what a rocket could be one little girl said to the group and she must have been not much older than eight years old that rockets were ugly she wanted these rockets to be pretty and after hearing this that s exactly what they chose to agree with believe in they proceeded to make the rockets and it took about three hours with all those hands working steadily what does this remind me of he thought as he looked at the rockets dangling from the ceiling on the boulevard one evening when he was very young his mother made him pay attention to the lights that were wrapped up in the trees it was like the trees were wearing clothing donning bright beautiful garments for the entire world to see he was so young but his mind registered that the trees were certainly being beautiful for themselves and not for anyone else the trees had to deal with being in one place at all times so they might as well make the best of it it was a cold season and so the lack of leaves made the trees look like skeletons are the trees dead he asked his mother no dear they are far from dead she said and smiled but never took a picture of the trees it was up to his memory to keep the record of this influential day when he was a young teenager he grew a love for exploration he always read books about young kids his age traveling to magical places and fighting magical beasts or meeting marvelous people despite the variety of the people that lived near him with him around him he never really considered any of them as special as the characters in the books he read he dreamed of a drive to the woods where he was let loose and where he could make amazing discoveries like all of his heroes but that trip that day never came and he knew this got desperate and started making the most out of where he was in the city he learned that mechanics of the windows the fire escapes the feeling of crude metal on his feet he knew the rooftops and the fire exits he knew the backdoors and the secret passageways he forgot the meaning of bad smells and inevitably he found himself in lima cave a small courtyard in between three apartment complexes it was there he learned that other people like him needed havens and safe zones to keep their secret imaginations from spinning out of control i haven t been traveling enough the man thought to himself it had been work for the past four weeks he had been thinking a lot about his childhood he had been watching documentary after documentary on new york and america and corporate uprising he knew little of the language but pressed on curious flying after his addiction like it was all there was left to keep him from losing his mind in the daily struggle he found a chair on a rooftop that he never knew existed only three blocks away from his small apartment it was dark when he got there and when he fell asleep he had no dreams and when he awoke he saw before him an ocean overfilled and yet empty and yet there was a single symbol waiting like a predator or a survivor his job consisted of repair and maintenance it was an outfit contracted to local theatre companies to provide very basic mediocre but at the least artistic assistance for some of the most sacred in the city after he was done his shift and had put his tools away he always stared at the mannequins like they were fallen angels or undead beasts waiting for the chance to strike him he spent many minutes each night before returning home looking at the poses imagining real people and imagining the differences between the models and the living beings are we so different from these single posed objects are we so different from that which we create in our image when he got home he would often be thirsty as he usually walked and it was a long walk usually an hour long or two depending on how much he tried to make sense of he lived with no one he always filled his glass to the top he drank tap water because he found the taste dreamy and metallic and artificial and filled with purpose his father had taught him to always recycle and reuse he never threw away anything unless the remains would bring him harm and so his glasses had never been purchased as glasses but as jars filled with jams jellies preserves or pickled vegetables he enjoyed staring at these artifacts which appeared to him as such because they looked crystalline when filled with such a simple endless supply of that clear liquid the light was usually natural at least in the summer when he had gotten in the habit of going to sleep with the sunset and waking up with dawn everything felt like a ritual to him though he didn t know the word ritual very well and he wouldn t be able to tell you what he meant by it if you asked him things must be very basic if you are always struggling he heard the commentator on the television things must be very basic if you are always struggling he took his binoculars a device he bought at a thrift store for two dollars many years ago when he was a child when he was exploring and he brought them to the window after lifting the binoculars to his face he stared out and the corner store was there as always when he was a child he imagined binoculars having magical powers to see magical things some television programs had given him the idea but what he had in his hands now only offered him the chance to see things up close and this was fine enough he enjoyed watching the street from his apartment he was only on the fourth floor so it was not very difficult he had a good impression of what was going on he never made a choice to live with anyone else and so he found his outward look a great way at being welcomed in by the world he liked to stare at the milk sign which hadn t changed in many years he remembered when they painted it on he remembered trying to keep track of the amount of milk purchases every evening but he noticed no real change the commentator continued if things are so complex how is it that all struggling looks the same in the end one time his mother quoted some movie his mother was getting old and dying and was extremely worried about him because she knew he had struggled to find a person to love if you don t find time to love the world will pass by and then it will be gone loving another person is the only way to make your life be as full as it possible can be did he believe this one time at the park he saw a figure in the distance the leaves were all on the ground and the person was off in the distance barely noticeable through the decay of foliage but he saw it the image mysterious and permanent was that of a woman in a red coat he hesitated but tried to follow her he jumped up the steps increasing his pace more and more he walked around the bend in her direction and she was gone he was stunned but damn if he didn t know why what feelings was he right on the edge of discovering in his dream he does not have coffee but alcohol he is at a liquor store he is addicted to gin but is staring at bottles hundreds of murky bottles of wine he looks down the aisle and wonders to himself in silence if he should try the wine his mother was an alcoholic his coworkers were alcoholics the voice of god was alcoholic there was enough significant light in the store for it to feel dark and lonely had there been others there browsing just a single person perhaps things would have gone differently the rows of bottles transformed into rows of books he had stopped reading months ago after he discovered an answer to literature it was a full stop answer it was a liberation but it required an erasure he was required to abandon the name of the book and the words that were in it so why was he back in the stacks of this place this place that looked so foreign to him this place that had absolutely no reason to be here he followed his way up and down each row columns and bays on both sides of him keeping him silent again there wasn t anyone around to interact with his dreams were usually filled with the people he needed in the city that he could not achieve in finding but now there was nothing emptiness the lack of balance was psychotic then he heard a voice telling him to leave that he had made the correct decision after all he was on his way to the auditorium no sign of the red girl in the park no magical discoveries but it was the same time of year as the first and last sighting he could hear his mother s last breaths shallow and heavy in cycle urging him on he knew he would find something there amidst the applause he knew that it was only in continuing forward that he would find what he was seeking out a remembrance but then he stopped the answer of from the book appeared to him at last instead of serifs stems instead of sentences waves in the leaves so many people had read those words so many people had walked through those leaves each a path each without meaning and yet full of meaning the larger ideas he looked up there was no light bulb leave a comment escapes posted in uncategorized on november 29 2010 by greg bem 1 in a room i found an escape there were three exits one was inaccessible one was where i came from the other two went down and up down and up i looked to the left where the answer was up i looked to the right where the answer was down but with down you must go in a pressed door and then the experience of the doorway the psychology of comfort i looked to the right you must brace yourself to escape you must use your energy and lift your body up you must climb steady now 2 in a room i find an escape there is a sink i can use to wash all the fluids from my body imagine me covered in blood imagine me stained with semen imagine the tobacco juice on my fingers the snot in my nose the dirt on my cheeks and hands from scuffling around outside there is the instance of time spent away and now i am surrounded by water clean evaporative liquid to purge myself from that which i know near me is right here the faucet is shaped like an open mouth the handles are the arms extending the energy is waiting to be harnessed everything that is gross on and in me is fighting for freedom 3 in a room i found an escape i stared at the empty baskets wanting to jump in but knew the escape was not for me behind me is what you cannot see and only i can see it is what i imagine and through its relevance i relate it to you these clothes do not move themselves people would shout and i would believe them i would believe in those walking past the front of the room and staring through its clean glass windows and not remarking but certainly noticing that at least one person s possessions were all dyed red from what the mysterious substance would definitely keep itself shrouded in viscosity i knew i needed to use this transport before it was taken from me 4 in a room outside i found an escape we all knew this character as a figure from our youths verse was something related to childhood to learning new information it was a way to process language the sign represented everything we left behind and he kept it propped up like a milestone like a marker or like a monster it was disgusting and seeing it as we returned to the city was like seeing a ghoul or zombie lurching in the corner lurching in the shadow very underused and very appreciated it hideous and we could take pictures of it laughing it off as farce or even tragedy 5 in a room i find an escape it is not my escape but it definitely belongs to someone else or it can belong to someone else sexual pleasure was always on the forefront of our communal psyche and we drifted along as if the force was aquatic i stare at the devices and am not shocked i have not been shocked at how people leave this world even temporarily for a very long time i have not been shocked at many things for a very long time but these things exist and they must be acknowledged we must penetrate ideas to understand the source of their prolonging 6 in a room i find an escape i am walking through an antique bunker or station or waypoint and i find the escape tucked into the shadow like a lost newspaper front page carried by wind and breeze and automobile exhaust the booths were shoved into the corner like they never belonged there to begin with the light is on and it soaks into the otherwise secret cavities of space that i never believed in separating yourself in these highly prized places of cramped positions the user would escape to become the exploited the exhibitionist what communication can you find there that you cannot find elsewhere i look at the closed booth to the right and get a feeling of nervousness i imagine that it once held or could be holding a skeletal figure making its last clutching movement an image for eternity leave a comment the trap of the monster posted in uncategorized on november 27 2010 by greg bem as monster things get in the way it has always been a trifling matter i was turned into a squirrel when i was the human age of fifteen the woman who did it wore large jewelry pieces that could be described as hanging she had skin with waves the texture entranced me and i never got over it i am constantly on the lookout my attention span is shot i look for the woman who gave birth to the curse this conjuration of permanence this new vision of transportation transmutation morphology gone in every direction i had to get used to the hair first it was so distracting my eyes felt like they were constantly bulging ready to burst until i realized that i had to squint that my eyesight was most important that the fleeting objects in my spectrum of sight were most importantly out to get me it is a life of fear that i live as monster as hideous and unidentifiable pest i will steal your food and you will regret that i was given this shape but i can t talk to you i can t tell you about need i can t tell you that i have to take these things away that they are impossible to find in a month in two months when i stay in tree more often than not i know about migration i learned it all in school but these legs as stretched out and nimble as they may be do not replace the degradation of my dexterity i get tired i grow weak and i must always reserve that excess energy that re...
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