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turally the world must stop because my baby smiled prepare yourselves posted by stephanie at 9 52 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday september 7 2012 high fashion today i decided that tomorrow tomorrow i will be a woman as opposed to merely a gestation vehicle for my future offspring that apparently mostly looks like she didn t have time to wash her hair tomorrow i will wear clothes that fit i will do something with my clean hair other than a ponytail i will put on make up i may even wear shoes that are not tennis shoes or flip flops maybe let s not get too carried away the motivation for all this surely to be exhausting prep work is that jack and i are going to a wedding sorta i could probably go to this wedding in one of the summer muu muu s that have been my warm weather dressy staple this year but i guess the real motivation is that i am so so so so tired of wearing tank tops and scrubs i want to burn all my sensible cotton bikini underwear i look in the mirror and want to cut off my ponytail but i won t because every pregnancy book says no matter what do not cut your hair when pregnant you will regret it so i won t but for one day i would like to feel like myself again like maybe jack is staring at my ass for reasons other than wondering how much of my baby weight is living there one day to this end i went shopping for a sexy maternity dress not possible you say you might be correct and i may be completely inappropriate for buying a jersey dress that shows every curve including the monster one that is my belly i should probably have gone with the more practical dress pants and nursing top that i tried on that i could wear to church all fall until i can fit back in my own clothes that would have been way more useful that a clingy dress that i am unlikely to wear more than twice so naturally i bought the clingy dress feeling pleased with myself i walked around target collecting a few other things then reality returned as i sneezed without crossing my legs peed myself a little bit and remembered i needed pantyliners posted by stephanie at 6 50 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday august 12 2012 holding a place two years ago i was making frantic phone calls between fenton and bay city trying to locate lost earrings i was attempting last minute toe nail painting while half naked in a church basement i was sweating through lola s hot august wedding in a floor length bridesmaid dress drinking mimosas on the bus with my busia and pretending to polka at her reception followed by more wedding wine and cake and hoopla and then followed by the best decision ever going out to the bar running into jack and forever changing the course of my life two years my life seems marked by that night life before jack and now life with jack two years later and jack is still the best thing in my life i love to look back at this blog and see the things that i wrote the morning after the wedding the night after we met for drinks at the local dive bar the perfect day where i already knew that i loved him it is sweet to sit here and remember all those things and then look at us today happy and peaceful sharing a home and a life engaged and looking forward to the birth of our child this fall it is even more amazing to look further back in my blogging and remember all of the angst and the errors and the drama and to be so thankful for it because it all was an imperfect journey that brought me to this moment jack is literally the best man that i know he is real and honest and totally comfortable with who he is he is so clever and funny and always the first person i want to share all my stories with he understands me and makes me feel like everything i say is equally important unless the tigers are on of course no one is perfect but despite this flaw i just feel so incredibly blessed that god put both of us on this path that at first seemed so awful only for us to meet up down that path years later both better wiser people and be able to understand each other and create this new life that is unique to us i found this poem a few months ago that makes me think of us and of this kind of crazy journey that brought us here i feel like this is the best thing we do for each other every day actively working on making a place in the world for each other at the end of every day no matter what insanity i run into i get to come home and hold jack and he gets to come home to me lucky us holding a place i will hold a space for you in which to be my gift to you a place in the world beside me i will honor that space and protect it and if you hold a place for me i will accept and value it we two can do one another a great service here on earth while we are alive we can give one another shelter we cannot change the wind or the rain or devastation of storms we cannot make what will happen not happen but we can provide a feeling of safety in each other s arms tian dayton posted by stephanie at 10 15 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday july 4 2012 no pain no gain i was recently discussing the idea of pregnancy and exercise with a man of my acquaintance to protect this man from certain death at the hands of all women who have been pregnant are pregnant or wish to be pregnant in the future i will leave him nameless even alias less i have not exercised a great deal since finding out i was pregnant i did exercise somewhat haphazardly before finding out i was pregnant back when my boobs still outdid my belly i didn t stop working out simply because i found out i was pregnant i stopped working out because my belly started growing and i discovered that there are ligaments that run from the bottom of my ribs to a region around the inside of my pelvis if you are visualizing this correctly then you will see that as my belly grows these ligaments are either growing too or they are stretching either way they hurt they ache when i sit still or when i move slowly and they yank on my nether regions every time i make an abrupt motion or move too quickly to either side it is like some freak torture machine of nature that is built in to ensure i am always moving very carefully so that my baby doesn t get twisted up i am hopeful that it will go away or at least lessen once my body realizes this belly is here to stay but i am not getting my hopes up anyway in discussing this with the male of my acquaintance i was explaining that his suggestion of my using my elliptical machine was not valid because of this pulling his response no pain no gain and he said it with a straight face after i harnessed my homicidal instinct and resisted going for his throat armed only with half bitten nails and blood lust i thought about what a huge disconnect this issue is for males and females no matter what a man just cannot fully comprehend how this feels so naturally i have devised an experiment so that this male and any others that believe i should just tough it out and start sweating on the elliptical will need to do before they are allowed to say anything about pregnancy and exercising again first he will need to assemble the following items a cantaloupe duct tape and two large rubber bands duct tape that cantaloupe to his lower belly attach one end of each rubberband to the left and right side of the cantaloupe and then stretch them down and loop them around all the man parts feel the tug when you move good now hop on up there on the elliptical machine my friend and start exercising whimpering begging my forgiveness what can t do it it hurts sorry buddy no pain no gain posted by stephanie at 7 26 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday june 20 2012 the bathroom for all readers that do not do well with discussions on bodily functions or all readers that are my mother and think that i should not discuss peeing in a public forum look away pregnancy is a beautiful magical and sometimes disturbing thing at least for me i do not know if i feel this way because i had to very quickly process this pregnancy due to larry s stealth ninja moves or if i would feel this way regardless having wanted to be a mom forever i have had many thoughts of how this would be and had many conversations of how other women s pregnancies have gone and here is the thing no one told me and i never thought about pregnant women at least this one spend a significant amount of time and attention in the bathroom thinking about being pregnant i never thought about the setting being in the bathroom i thought about nurseries and cute preggo dresses with big bellies and even living on the couch like a cranky beached whale that last one did come true by the way but no one prepared me for the amount of brain power i would spend thinking about the bathroom or about the quickest way to get to the bathroom or the plotting of a schedule and a route to the nearest bathroom during any outing but rising above all of this are the two biggest bathroom issues that no one ever discussed with me that i am now sharing as a public service announcement also because lola told me it was very funny when i was lamenting to her about it lament number one the unproductive pee i don t mind so much that i have to pee fifty times a day i have even gotten used to rolling out of bed still mostly asleep to pee and then sleepwalking back to bed every night but for the love of all that is holy if i am going to go to all that effort there should be a satisfying end result a good solid bladder emptying pee not so i cannot count the number of times i have felt an urgent need to pee only to speedwalk to the nearest bathroom to trickle and then on the walk back out still felt like i needed to pee in my brain i see a devilish picture of my baby strategically poking into my bladder and laughing as i swear at the toilet after such an event this is why i will torment him with green beans and educational tv lament number two hemorrhoids ok not actual hemorrhoids at least not yet just the fear of them this i blame on baby books being a self proclaimed geek and book worm you must know that i have read at least three and maybe seven books on pregnancy by now and i have left all of this research with two fears tearing understandable and hemorrhoids every book warns of these evil things that every one sorta knows about but doesn t really until a prego book spells it out i am going to get what where and these same helpful books caution against pushing too hard while in the bathroom or it seems that they will spontaneous pop out these little evil spots of pain so now every single time i am in the bathroom i am weighing the strength of my bowels what is the perfect balance of pressure that gets everything out that is supposed to be but saves me from the horrors of hemorrhoids if i lean over to one side and then the other will everything just slide out without effort should i just stop eating solid foods and make all my meals into blender meals to avoid this all these thoughts have crossed my mind in the last month hemorrhoids no way i am going to will it not to happen i may even include it in nightly prayer dear god thank you for all my blessings please watch out for my family and please do not let me develop disgusting painful itchy bumps on my ass thank you and you re welcome posted by stephanie at 2 54 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday june 14 2012 story of larry this woman is pregnant jack and i are super excited super happy and super surprised why first because i am pregnant at all second because by the time we found out i was pregnant and went for our first ultrasound i was 15 weeks along already yup totally skipped knowing my entire first trimester i still maintain this is not my fault larry is super stealthy and i knew i was pregnant in february knew it was totally convinced my period was late i was nauseaus in the morning i was exhausted for about three weeks i was totally convinced i was pregnant i told lola who is a medical professional by the way i told jack who humored me by patting my belly and calling it larry i took a dozen pregnancy tests all negative and i had three weekends where i had ultrasounds nothing then i got a mini period lola gave me new birth control and i felt fine so life continued on with lola and jack thinking i was being unnecessarily dramatic one month later no period i call lola panicked only for her to tell me to quit imagining things that this new pill could do that stop worrying so i stopped worrying until i started peeing constantly several times in the middle of the night on a whim when i was walking through the bathroom aisles at meijer i grabbed a test went home and took it and you know how that turned out we still didn t connect the dots with february until we went in for that ultrasound expecting to see a peanut and instead larry was waving hi to us with all ten fingers finding a fully formed baby in my belly one saturday afternoon totally the most shocking thing that has ever happened to me so now we are at eighteen weeks my brain is still having a difficult time wrapping around the idea that a month ago i was in chicago shopping for sexy clothes and today i don t fit into a single thing that i owned previously except for my scrubs and pajama pants life is suddenly very different i would sleep and eat cheese pizza 24 7 if possible ok maybe that pizza part isn t totally different i hate pre natal vitamins and was strangely excited to go in the shower one day and find my belly button off center i am totally convinced that jack is the best thing to happen to me and there is no one i would rather have by my side during this whole experience he is always concerned about how i feel rarely makes fun of me for not moving off the couch and even got dressed one night to go out to get eggs to make me pepperoni bites this is a grand new adventure that i hope i am awake enough to enjoy and as always i will over share all of it with you posted by stephanie at 6 07 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday december 9 2011 huh six year old boy so now i am big and i can use the computer and dad can type this abc thing into the computer and i can play this game and it has all kinds of words and you have to spell them and add letters to make words and there is this dog and at this point i am surprised but proud that he is interested in learning games my heavy reading influence must really be paying off if boy wants to do spelling games more than motorbike racing i am really making a difference really instilling a love of reading and then if you miss a letter the dog starts bleeding and there is blood everywhere and the he dies it is so cool or maybe not published with blogger droid v1 7 4 posted by stephanie at 1 40 pm no comments email this blog...
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