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e 90s the two quotes of sy rogers that chambers cites are out of life s great buffet i didn t choose to be gay i didn t leave homosexuality because it was bad i left homosexuality because i found something better sy rogers found christ he had felt that he had failed as a man and he could start life again as a woman as a boy he wanted to be in a relationship with a man and he thought the only way he could be with a man is if he was a woman and he had been sexually abused today sy rogers is a confident man married to a woman with a daughter in her 20s he has a feminine voice from the hormones he had taken for many years and he puts it in terms of if i come from germany i would have a german accent he accepts his voice is different because of where he comes from in life therapy like me chambers puts an emphasis on everyone getting therapy if something nasty happened to you in childhood such as physical or sexual abuse many homosexual people find that space opens up for opposite sex attraction when they get therapy for surviving abuse or having had a bizarre child parent relationship one of my friends a very effeminate highly intelligent professional man spoke about how he had come to terms at the age of 21 that he would always be single because he is putting jesus first in his life and not his gayness i know he was having therapy for his relationship with his overbearing mother two years later he was married to a woman the aim of therapy is not to turn straight or bi the aim of therapy is to deal with the trauma and to move on without the pain dragging us back in life if people change orientation brilliant but that is not the aim of therapy chambers talks about journalling being an important part of his therapy and his walk with christ writing down whatever comes up in the mind relating to the pain to the struggle of leaving same sex relationships or sex behind the self medicating and learning to live without it and the excitement it brings writing down the thoughts about changing how one orientates one s life many different types of people go through this fast food junkies who turn to healthy living materialistic people who go minimalist critical people who stop criticising others everyone has something that they want or need to change within themselves not just lgbt christians the fakery chambers talks about the men who say they are ex gay or they are living in accordance with the scriptures and their wife who are then in the media for coming out as gay living again with their boyfriend he says that honesty and moving forward are crucial for living free later in the book a well known christian name mike goeke talks about being a same sex attracted man married to a woman being a christian and cheating on his wife with a man and the process they and other couples in their situation have gone through to get their marriage and faith back on track to be honest i skim read this chapter because it has never been my experience that i cheated on my husband and never will be i also was annoyed from reading the chapter on lesbians i am not the typical gay woman i am more wired up sexually with women and more emotionally with men as most bisexual women are but with me i am much more to that extreme than most gay women to be honest i didn t like the chapter on leaving lesbianism by yvette schneider it set off all of my hatred of women to be honest however if i am ever to be considered to be a grown up i have to accept that other gay women tend to be very differently put together than me emotional dependency is huge among gay women most same sex attraction between two women is not love at all but a neediness that comes from being emotionally abandoned as a child sexually abused as a child or otherwise mistreated yvette s chapter talks about this and how a gay woman can become suicidal if the woman she is obsessing over retreats from her in any way i know from reading other stories and listening to other women that emotional dependency is incredibly difficult to break but it absolutely stunts gay women emotionally intellectually spiritually and more it is an addiction and one of the most difficult to break if a dependent gay woman is told no by a woman eg like when i say no to women the dependent gay woman hits the roof comes out with all sorts of insults an absolute tirade of abuse even one 52 morbidly obese woman throwing herself on the floor kicking and screaming like a 2 year old because i said no the behaviours of emotionally dependent gay women are freakish to see and morally sickening they do behave like children because emotionally mentally they have never developed beyond the childhood stage they are mentally and emotionally the abandoned child the abused child the child in need of love they absolutely kick off when they don t get the woman they want and then they go on the hunt almost straight away for another woman until they find a woman who will give them what they want what do gay women want from women they want to be looked after they are still emotionally mentally a child when it comes to relationships so they want a woman a stand in for their mother usually to look after them they want to be loved like their mother never loved them they want to be made to feel safe because their mother never made them feel safe they want a woman to pay a lot of attention to them because their mother neglected them there are other gay women who again due to abuse neglect and more have grown up independent but they also want to look after someone to these women looking after someone is love these women have the other type of emotional dependency when the two types come together they suck the life out of each other and often mesh mentally and emotionally instead of being two individuals in a relationship and so trying to unpick a relationship like that takes a lot of time and effort and often a complete break away from each other my problem with yvette s chapter is she doesn t deal with the type of gay woman i am sexually driven because i cannot despite all my efforts of trying get on with women emotionally to me most women are boring unintelligent a waste of my time i ve tried to be friends with women i ve tried to hang out at social events with women i simply do not like the experience i have very little in common with most women different hobbies and interests and i don t do feelings i do facts gossip is huge among women two women meet for coffee in a coffee shop and 99 these women are ripping another woman to shreds behind her back i am disgusted by this behaviour and the endemic bullying in the workplace that is almost entirely committed by women i am disgusted women also get annoyed and offended easily because i don t give them the emotional support that they think they deserve from me the very first time they meet me at a social event and they get pissy and spread rumours about me i know i am not perfect but seriously hanging out with men is so easy and doesn t drain me at all men want to talk about anything that makes them laugh and think and laugh they don t want anything from me except a couple of jokes and an interesting fact about prince albert i hang out with men i m done with trying to be friends with women i certainly do not want to be in a relationship with a woman there are several women most of whom are gay in my workplace who are amazing workers and they have skills i do not so i ask their advice and i hold them in high regard however this is in work not in a social context i would never want to spend any time outside of work with most men or women i work with due to a difference of hobbies and interests and that s fine but i can admire the skills some women in my workplace have and ask their advice and help another thing i do not like about yvette s chapter is her anti women anti scripture take on what a woman and womanhood should be although she then contradicts herself by quoting proverbs 31 which is king solomon s ideal woman the ideal woman according to the wisest king who ever lived is she works hard to provide for her family she is highly respected by everyone in the town she makes sound business decisions she wears amazing clothes yet is respected for the person she is not what she looks like yvette on the other hand thinks that all christian women should grow their hair long wear make up wear dresses and skirts and become a stepford wife but she contradicts herself by quoting proverbs 31 yvette thinks all gay women are like she is whereas alan chambers thinks he is an individual and while there are patterns among gay men and gay women that we all have unique stories and we are not all the same in our personal histories in how we are wired up and how we move forward however since most gay women have a serious issue with emotional dependency and emotional dependency absolutely ruins gay women s lives i am glad that a gay woman who has such an insight into emotional dependency as yvette has written a chapter on the serious matter towards the end of the book chambers talks about the pressure that the modern world puts on lgbt people to say we are lgbt and that non christian lgbt people often feel betrayed when a friend becomes a christian and decides to change how they live their life all in all i find alan chambers book to be positive upbeat hopeful and full of scripture the quotes of scripture on most pages of chambers chapters are one thing that really stood out to me since i want all of my life to be based on scripture one issue i take with chambers and many christians who are same sex attracted is they talk about struggling that they struggle that being gay is a struggle while it is true that being lgbt is a struggle despite all the equality laws we are people who have very high levels of mental illness physical illness drug and alcohol addiction and other related problems this is because we are people with high levels of having survived serious child abuse so while i accept struggle to be a word to say we re not ok and need health professionals therapy rehab and more i do not for myself accept the word struggle to mean my sexual orientation i m gay i m bisexual just like i have dark hair i have curly hair for me my orientation is not a big deal i spoke to my husband about this yesterday that my gayness has enhanced our marriage not threatened it in any way my husband and i got to know each other through the gym and boxing class i know not every woman who boxes is gay but most of us are and we have similar outlooks hobbies and interests my husband has said many times that he is glad that he is with a woman who doesn t scream at him for looking at other women his first wife who died after a long illness was quite insecure about other women and would shout at my her our husband if he looked at another woman with me that doesn t happen because i saw her first as i often say no i am not promoting lust cheating adultery threesomes or anything nasty like that i simply acknowledge my biology i think it is healthier for a couple to agree that other people are good looking rather than try to bury the feelings and cause a problem emotionally or with trust i know other couples have been fine with both saying he s good looking or she s hot and some couples are not ok with this because they see it as encouraging lust everyone is different every married couple is different what works for me and mine might not work for you and yours i m wired up in the same way my husband is when it comes to women we don t look twice we don t invite anyone back to ours we simply acknowledge that we both find a certain woman in the street attractive and we move on with our conversation we don t give it another moment s thought we forget about it straight away it works for us we also don t go out with the intention of looking at hot women our approach might not work for you and that is for you and your spouse to figure out when i was younger yes wanting to have sex with any consenting female of my age group was a serious issue for me i have high levels of testosterone so my life from the age of 6 28 was raging hormones absolute raging i prayed about it i prayed that god would help my sex drive to calm down and he did for me having a high sex drive drove me to prayer it could have driven me to sex addiction but it drove me to prayer i made that choice at a young age i went to an amazing christian union at university and i am so thankful for the guys i was friends with there some of whom have now accepted same sex relationships as being ok with god but back then those guys were all in the same boat as me testosterone raging hot women all around us and our sex drives drove us to prayer we were all honest about it and we had a healthy way of talking about it without being graphic and unhelpful to each other later i went to a great organisation for lgbt christians who follow the bible s teachings and a couple of the guys were former sex addicts as the gay scene for men promotes i no longer think that that organisation is fit for purpose since it opened its doors to accommodate people attracted to children including people who had done jail time for offending against children and many women were clearly there trying to find a girlfriend including married women for several years that organisation was amazing it had collected a lot of data on lgbt issues of all kinds and it was run by sound lgbt and heterosexual christians who lived for jesus things changed and i was one of the last of the bible living honest people to leave i hung on for a while when i should have left i was quite upset by the damage that i saw liars lots of lying women using the organisation as a hunting ground for girlfriends and others with malevolent intent were doing that was slowly destroying the organisation i had once loved and thought of as home one of the mansions we used to go to for our weekends away where we would get more bible teaching worship jesus and hang out with our friends is the inspiration for the mansion base in my latest trilogy like my leading character tesla i loved the mansion and the staff came to accept me as i am along with several others i would play in the laundry chute which is the inspiration for two scenes in the trilogy crawling through the steel rectangular laundry chute all through the interior of the walls of the listed building falling down the chute to be spat out in the corridor close to the kitchen a load of 30 year olds doing this is a pretty amazing way to pass an hour as i have said alan chambers book leaving homosexuality is a positive and upbeat book it does not give easy quick fix answers and it is not about no longer being lgbt it is about being presented with choices as lgbt people we are told we are born lgbt we are not all the data shows we are lgbt due to childhood trauma or trauma later in life such as domestic violence or rape as lgbt we are told we have to live a certain way think certain things dress in certain cloth...
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