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Text of the page (random words):
gh her imagination as she replied that would be lovely darling she called everyone darling in truth but he was not to know that and so felt flattered by this obvious sign of interest let us move on with languid haste towards the chariots of yore he said quoting a line from the poem he had been slaving over the previous evening her mind filled with expensive cars and drawing room trinkets hardly noticed he was talking nonsense and gave him one of her deeper smiles which looked straight past his soul and towards his bank account curiously after both had exhausted all attempts to impress the other somewhere before the dessert course arrived they discovered a mutual love of dogs and potted plants successful marriages as ignatius might have said are often based on a lesser hue share this share on x opens in new window x share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in character creative writing fiction humour peter wells tagged character fiction life peter wells relationships uncharacterised 8 comments loved and not loved posted on may 20 2025 by peter wells aka countingducks in these last days and hours before my final breath may i gordon richard carlson lay my guilt and thoughts before you as a matter of conscience if not regret so that i might meet my maker free of worldly deceit if nothing else i was and largely remained a man of detail head of the office of statistical analysis in the county where i live my wife also worked because i was by her own admission incapable of sustaining a household of any standing by myself she was punctilious in all matters of social standing and appearance insuring maintenance of the marital home in everything but intimacy no carpet was uncleaned or dish unwashed no book undusted though not read and everything maintained to standards of unfeeling excellence i always thought does that sound too bitter or too harsh to me she was correct in everything which did not involve mess or unleashed joy and i lived by those dictates while quietly shrinking inside myself unaware of my own circumstance till events conspired to provide me with an alternative as the demands on my department grew staffed only by me i was offered an assistant who would help me with my work clarice brown ordinary to the casual glance that was her view was beautiful to my shy and awkward gaze she grew to love me as i did her being together gave purpose to our days our feelings grew silently over time as duties conspired to entwine our lives and then our hearts she was a younger person than me by eighteen years and the product of a strict and controlling family still living with her mother and father and i was a man just past his fortieth birthday sited somewhere beyond hope but gentle i like to think and caring of the unregarded in a way which gradually gained her attention and then her love we formed a conspiracy of private and diffident urgencies unnoticed by the world one friday and recklessly i pinned her up against the filing cabinet and told her i loved her she knew all about the barren pieties which were my home but faced with this commitment and sincerity i felt her pious resolve melt and then we kissed we kissed more each day two souls who found purpose in each other s lives our hearts bonded in secret desperation until over the coming months as intimacies grew beyond anything i had previously known we became lovers in every physical sense i loved her then and now we discovered what life and urgency might bring to those who think that ordinary is not a world they seek finally i decided regardless of the cost that i would leave my wife and marry her and walk the path of knowledge without guilt i bought a ring premature i recognise to pledge my love and prepared to place my life in her palm and tell my wife that all we had was gone but clarice did not come to work that day or any day again an accident had robbed me of her life and longed for destiny by some bewildering chance our love and intimacy had grown without it being public knowledge so when i was told that clarice brown had been involved in an accident and killed i merely nodded and said how sad because privacy of emotion is the last sanctuary of the disenfranchised i attended her funeral together with my wife and passed on our commiserations to her family giving my own feelings the weight they deserved which is no weight at all now thirty six years later i slide away from life breathless and without strength my wife punctilious to the last and ignorant of my feelings visits me in hospital every day noting the cost of my daily treatment we have and had no pets because pets can make a mess and no children because that requires intimacy unsettling at best but we have a house paid for now and paintings of value i believe which she will possess when i am gone but if there is a hope in life s eternities clarice will greet me at the gates kiss me with that warmth she always did and walk with me across infinity if there is hope share this share on x opens in new window x share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in character creative writing fiction peter wells relationships romance tagged character fiction peter wells relationships 3 comments she was my home posted on april 29 2025 by peter wells aka countingducks away from the world of career strategy while working in a care home i found the doorway to a place of gentle resignation and understanding i am drawn to explore and the lady i met there made that voyage kindly possible she was eighty seven years old trapped in an old people s home living without destination unvisited by relatives immobile and past the age of where others aspire to know her her father was killed in the second world war with others serving on a submarine her mother as was the custom at that time hardly remarked on his passing her solace being the church and memories parked within her private thoughts she did not engage in emotional conversations but lived inside herself leaving her only daughter to scrounge around her home for food and emotional reassurance now that daughter elderly in her turn had no one to talk to of those alienating experiences until i searching for purpose volunteered at the care home where she now lived i asked her if she was married and she replied i tried to be but none of the men i grew to love would have me they ll understand their loss in time i said and for some mysterious reason a tear started its journey down her cheeks dabbed away in silent dignity it appeared in times gone by she had loved a man a lot like you but because he seemed impractical she felt she could not risk a life by his side after a childhood lived at the mercy of her mother s grief she said of him he understood life like no one else i ve ever met but he had no regard for his own circumstances i don t know what happened to him sometimes people adrift in life happen upon each other and regardless of age recognise they are both voyaging without compass but on the same vessel that is what happened with us in my presence she grew lighter and with her i found a companionship i thought impossible the only lesson i ve learnt in life she said is not to give advice mine is not to heed any advice i m given i said which made her smile we took to holding hands and sometimes hugging and a sense of coming home was apparent to both of us you will never know who you might meet but occasionally you cross paths with someone who understands you like no one ever has i think we gave each other that gift we were never intimate but we became connected in a way valued in eternity now she has moved beyond mortal measurement brought to peace by advancing years but the memory of her will always live within my soul only too well i understand the phrase alone in a crowd but she offered me a sense of connection and for that i will always treasure the lady who brought me to a sense of home share this share on x opens in new window x share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in ageing character courting creative writing fiction old age romance tagged character life love peter wells relationships writing 5 comments the cost of our choices posted on january 13 2025 by peter wells aka countingducks you lived creatively letting art define your life fearless in your every day walking the path i should have walked if i had courage in my veins but i was a percentage man careful always not to fail i talked of art but lived by common sense and progressed cautiously toward an unmarked death at first you welcomed me and drowned me with your kisses opening yourself to me in pagan celebration sure that i like you was of the chosen few who recognised the secret of life will only be discovered creatively how we loved to swap observations and nestle with each other by the fire and talk of love i touched your skin and felt each brush of it to be a prayer your lips for that short time were mine to kiss and face to hold wonder was our chemistry and gold the colour which framed our life for we had found eternity i lost my nerve at last and talked of safe professions a refuge from the fear that those who live to dream will pay a cost until one day that love i drank of so freely from your eyes shrank to a trickle of regret you painted like a girl possessed while i trained for my bar exams and we drifted on complicitly avoiding the unspoken truth that you were fearless and i was not an agent came to see your work sent there by a man of note and the rest we know is history you have created these forty years and i have not but i read of you in magazines and sometimes when silence fills my life i take the portrait you made of me a young man with a dream to chase staring out courageously for that was how you saw me then life becomes your memories and in that place i love you still i never speak your name out loud and make no reference to your work but in that garden where we sat innocent of encroaching truth i sit as so i often did and feel your hand move through my hair share this share on x opens in new window x share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in character creative fiction creative writing fiction peter wells tagged character fiction life values 10 comments notes from the wilderness posted on september 18 2023 by peter wells aka countingducks i have been loved but not totally married but not happily qualified for professions i barely understood but in other ways i ve drunk at life like a madman walking the streets connecting with strangers openly and reacting to the music of the time often filled with a joy in the moment which can be difficult to comprehend given my circumstances i struggle by every measurable standard but somehow being part of this world elevates me daily what did you do in your life some man asked and i replied i enjoyed the view but without any sense of strategy hitchhiking across europe aged eighteen sleeping under hedges and living on carrots and milk playing chess with some oddly competitive man in a cafe on the croatian coast and later walking into the sea to wash my clothes launderettes being beyond my budget were the memories i treasured i ve always been among the dispossessed oddly distracted from the day s urgencies by passing events isn t life wonderful especially when we wander in a landscape untarnished by man and admire those species which dwell in it somehow in this drifting chaos i connected with another being over a number of years whose steady kindness understanding and beauty centred me like nothing has before caroline a fellow volunteer at the shop where i worked became close to me over shifts and months until on the morning of the day she left she said even though we d never spent time alone if i wasn t married i would love you till i died and i d replied it would be returned it was all i had to offer and the truth when she touched my arm i melted into her soul but of course she left me forever after that shift because she was a civilised lady and life with chaos in an unironed shirt had never been her dream whatever the different circumstances we connected in that profound way outsiders can sometimes do but life is not always about understanding the truth is her empowered albeit unimaginative husband a thoroughly decent man offered her security in a way i never could i might be her dream but i was never a reality we never kissed because some boundaries cannot be crossed but she was as near eden as i will ever reach she left my side but she will always be my home share this share on x opens in new window x share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading posted in creative writing fiction peter wells relationships romance tagged creative writing fiction peter wells romance 15 comments silence was her enemy posted on september 4 2023 by peter wells aka countingducks solitude was her enemy filled with fear of consequence however much she teased at life shredding the dreams of fragile men fatigue would come and take her to the empty void wherein she had lived as a child without love and free of toys you can laugh at life it seems and those dull folk who turn it s wheels but some hours after dusk when partied out and lying alone you may feel the advancing years seeping through your tired dreams she had found no answer on her voyage as many people fail to do but somehow on her anxious walk she introduced herself to me and sitting under some ancient oak with nothing to see apart from life for reasons she did not disclose she threaded her arm through mine and said i could love you if you choose i am as lost as man can be i can not say it otherwise but in her gaze so drenched with doubt i somehow rediscovered hope finding a purpose in my life that she discover tranquillity share this share on x 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