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nd usually involve women or children as victims 58 common individual factors for abusers include low self esteem poor impulse control external locus of control drug use alcohol abuse and negative affectivity 59 there are also external factors such as stress poverty and loss which contribute to likelihood of abuse 60 codependent edit codependency initially focused on a codependent partner enabling substance abuse but it has become more broadly defined to describe a dysfunctional relationship with one or both partners having extreme dependence on or preoccupation with the relationship for example a narcissist and a sycophant with abandonment issues may create codependency as the narcissist values the flattery from the sycophant and the sycophant values the narcissist s approval 61 there are some who even refer to codependency as an addiction to the relationship 62 the focus of codependents tends to be on the emotional state behavioral choices thoughts and beliefs of another person 63 often those who are codependent neglect themselves in favor of taking care of others and have difficulty fully developing an identity of their own 64 narcissistic edit narcissists focus on themselves and often distance themselves from intimate relationships the focus of narcissistic interpersonal relationships is to promote one s self concept 65 generally narcissists show less empathy in relationships and view love pragmatically or as a game involving others emotions 66 65 narcissists are usually part of the personality disorder narcissistic personality disorder npd in relationships they tend to affect the other person as they attempt to use them to enhance their self esteem 67 specific types of npd make a person incapable of having an interpersonal relationship due to their being cunning envious and contemptuous 67 importance edit human beings are innately social and are shaped by their experiences with others there are multiple perspectives to understand this inherent motivation to interact with others need to belong edit according to maslow s hierarchy of needs humans need to feel love sexual nonsexual and acceptance from social groups family peer groups in fact the need to belong is so innately ingrained that it may be strong enough to overcome physiological and safety needs such as children s attachment to abusive parents or staying in abusive romantic relationships such examples illustrate the extent to which the psychobiological drive to belong is entrenched social exchange edit another way to appreciate the importance of relationships is in terms of a reward framework this perspective suggests that individuals engage in relations that are rewarding in both tangible and intangible ways the concept fits into a larger theory of social exchange this theory is based on the idea that relationships develop as a result of cost benefit analysis individuals seek out rewards in interactions with others and are willing to pay a cost for said rewards in the best case scenario rewards will exceed costs producing a net gain this can lead to shopping around or constantly comparing alternatives to maximize the benefits or rewards while minimizing costs relational self edit relationships are also important for their ability to help individuals develop a sense of self the relational self is the part of an individual s self concept that consists of the feelings and beliefs that one has regarding oneself that develops based on interactions with others 68 in other words one s emotions and behaviors are shaped by prior relationships relational self theory posits that prior and existing relationships influence one s emotions and behaviors in interactions with new individuals particularly those individuals that remind them of others in their life studies have shown that exposure to someone who resembles a significant other activates specific self beliefs changing how one thinks about oneself in the moment more so than exposure to someone who does not resemble one s significant other 69 power and dominance edit power is the ability to influence the behavior of other people 70 when two parties have or assert unequal levels of power one is termed dominant and the other submissive expressions of dominance can communicate an intention to assert or maintain dominance in a relationship being submissive can be beneficial because it saves time limits emotional stress and may avoid hostile actions such as withholding of resources cessation of cooperation termination of the relationship maintaining a grudge or even physical violence submission occurs in different degrees for example some employees may follow orders without question whereas others might express disagreement but concede when pressed 71 groups of people can form a dominance hierarchy 72 for example a hierarchical organization uses a command hierarchy for top down management this can reduce time wasted in conflict over unimportant decisions prevents inconsistent decisions from harming the operations of the organization maintain alignment of a large population of workers with the goals of the owners which the workers might not personally share and if promotion is based on merit help ensure that the people with the best expertise make important decisions this contrasts with group decision making and systems which encourage decision making and self organization by front line employees who in some cases may have better information about customer needs or how to work efficiently dominance is only one aspect of organizational structure a power structure describes power and dominance relationships in a larger society for example a feudal society under a monarchy exhibits a strong dominance hierarchy in both economics and physical power whereas dominance relationships in a society with democracy and capitalism are more complicated in business relationships dominance is often associated with economic power for example a business may adopt a submissive attitude to customer preferences stocking what customers want to buy and complaints the customer is always right in order to earn more money a firm with monopoly power may be less responsive to customer complaints because it can afford to adopt a dominant position in a business partnership a silent partner is one who adopts a submissive position in all aspects but retains financial ownership and a share of the profits 73 two parties can be dominant in different areas for example in a friendship or romantic relationship one person may have strong opinions about where to eat dinner whereas the other has strong opinions about how to decorate a shared space it could be beneficial for the party with weak preferences to be submissive in that area because it will not make them unhappy and avoids conflict with the party that would be unhappy the breadwinner model is associated with gender role assignments where the male in a heterosexual marriage would be dominant as they are responsible for economic provision 74 relationship quality edit this section is an excerpt from relationship quality edit relationship quality refers to the perceived quality of a close relationship i e romantic relationship friendship or family relationship quality sometimes used interchangeably with relationship satisfaction relationship flourishing or relationship happiness in the context of close interpersonal relationships is generally defined as a reflection of a couple s overall feelings towards their relationship 75 more simply it is the extent to which members in a relationship romantic or otherwise view their relationship as positive or negative 76 77 the determinant of relationship quality is often a variety of self reported evaluations of traits that make up relationship quality for instance feelings of closeness may be measured via questions that ask an individual to rate the extent to which they identify with statements i e i feel close to my partner i am comfortable sharing personal thoughts and feelings with my partner etc these questions are typically asked on a likert scale and the average of those scores represents an individual s feelings of closeness toward their partner some scales are considered unidimensional and attempt to directly measure the construct of relationship quality other scales considered multidimensional repeat this process for other hypothesized components e g closeness and satisfaction before aggregating dimensions into a representative relationship quality score historically relationship quality has been the most commonly studied in the context of intimate romantic relationships 78 more recently the study of relationship quality has extended to include other types of close relationships see friendships family sibling parent there is not always agreement among scholars about what domains should be included in the measurement of relationship quality even within the different types of close relationships 79 80 81 despite this relationship quality and its predictors have been of popular interest to relationship scholars due to the range of psychological and relational outcomes that high quality relationships have been positively linked and associated with 82 relationship satisfaction edit further information relationship quality social exchange theory and rusbult s investment model show that relationship satisfaction is based on three factors rewards costs and comparison levels miller 2012 83 rewards refer to any aspects of the partner or relationship that are positive conversely costs are the negative or unpleasant aspects of the partner or their relationship the comparison level includes what each partner expects of the relationship the comparison level is influenced by past relationships and general relationship expectations they are taught by family and friends individuals in long distance relationships ldrs rated their relationships as more satisfying than individuals in proximal relationship prs 84 85 alternatively holt and stone 1988 found that long distance couples who were able to meet with their partner at least once a month had similar satisfaction levels to unmarried couples who cohabitated 86 also the relationship satisfaction was lower for members of ldrs who saw their partner less frequently than once a month ldr couples reported the same level of relationship satisfaction as couples in prs despite only seeing each other on average once every 23 days 87 social exchange theory and the am investment model both theorize that relationships that are high in cost would be less satisfying than relationships that are low in cost ldrs have a higher level of costs than prs therefore one would assume that ldrs are less satisfying than prs individuals in ldrs are more satisfied with their relationships compared to individuals in prs 85 this can be explained by unique aspects of the ldrs how the individuals use relationship maintenance behaviors and the attachment styles of the individuals in the relationships therefore the costs and benefits of the relationship are subjective to the individual and people in ldrs tend to report lower costs and higher rewards in their relationship compared to prs 85 theories and empirical research edit confucianism edit confucianism is a study and theory of relationships especially within hierarchies 88 social harmony the central goal of confucianism results in part from every individual knowing their place in the social order and playing their part well particular duties arise from each person s particular situation in relation to others the individual stands simultaneously in several different relationships with different people as a junior in relation to parents and elders and as a senior in relation to younger siblings students and others juniors are considered in confucianism to owe their seniors reverence and seniors have duties of benevolence and concern toward juniors a focus on mutuality is prevalent in east asian cultures to this day minding relationships edit the mindfulness theory of relationships shows how closeness in relationships may be enhanced minding is the reciprocal knowing process involving the nonstop interrelated thoughts feelings and behaviors of persons in a relationship 89 five components of minding include 90 knowing and being known seeking to understand the partner making relationship enhancing attributions for behaviors giving the benefit of the doubt accepting and respecting empathy and social skills maintaining reciprocity active participation in relationship enhancement continuity in minding persisting in mindfulness in popular culture edit popular perceptions edit popular perceptions of intimate relationships are strongly influenced by movies and television common messages are that love is predestined love at first sight is possible and that love with the right person always succeeds those who consume the most romance related media tend to believe in predestined romance and that those who are destined to be together implicitly understand each other these beliefs however can lead to less communication and problem solving as well as giving up on relationships more easily when conflict is encountered 91 social media edit social media has changed the face of interpersonal relationships romantic interpersonal relationships are no less impacted for example in the united states facebook has become an integral part of the dating process for emerging adults 92 social media can have both positive and negative impacts on romantic relationships for example supportive social networks have been linked to more stable relationships 93 however social media usage can also facilitate conflict jealousy and passive aggressive behaviors such as spying on a partner 94 aside from direct effects on the development maintenance and perception of romantic relationships excessive social network usage is linked to jealousy and dissatisfaction in relationships 95 another common behavior in online communities including dating is lurking lurking means watching communities without posting or replying some say it means never posting while others say even small posts count neelen fetter 2010 golder donath 2004 lurking is often seen negatively tied to freeloading preece nonnecke andrews 2004 but others see it as valid participation lurking depends on personal goals personality and group dynamics for example introverts tend to lurk more and people with higher tech confidence participate more ross et al 2009 sun rau ma 2014 studies show up to 90 of users may lurk at some point muller 2012 lurking can help gather info or support without interacting but it can make a community seem less active lurking can make online relationships feel one sided because it reduces interaction when someone just watches without joining in it can create distance and make it harder to build trust this can slow down the growth of a real connection understanding lurking can help encourage more participation yeow johnson faraj 2006 96 a growing segment of ...
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