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description= Reflections on books and art;
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s continuity he gets other guys to write the dialogue he has 30 credits to his name but the point is that nobody cares he belongs to a bygone generation and the movies have evolved fast he worked for ten years in silent movies and hasn t adjusted too well to talkies which rely much more on dialogue which is kind of ironic considering that over half the work in a pat hobby story is done through dialogue pat still has passes for the major studio lots knows lots of the execs by name used to drink and party with them back in the day he was on 2 500 a week but he should have saved it because now he can t even scrape a few weeks work at 250 working or not pat liked to pass his days in or near a studio he had reached a dolorous and precarious forty nine with nothing else to do pat hobby does his bit a lot of his earnings have gone on betting on the horse races at the santa anita racetrack which is why the studio bookie louie griebel is a recurring character along with a senior producer and pat s reluctant boss jack berners pat thinks being a hollywood writer is a dog s life but it s really only him his cynicism is bottomless and fitzgerald captures often very amusingly she was a cute little blonde to pat s liverish eye cute little blondes seemed as much alike as a string of paper dolls of course they had different names pat hobby s preview i admired pat s way of gutting a book he never reads books good lord no he gives any book he s told to summarise to a few friends gets them to read it and then tell him the most memorable dramatic bits they re the bits he ll use maybe i should do that 1 pat hobby s christmas wish january 1940 it s christmas and hack hollywood writer pat hobby is assigned a new secretary miss helen kagle she s barely in his office before she bursts into tears eighteen long years working for executive harry gooddorf and all he gives her is a lousy 10 xmas bonus but she s going to get her own back she has a letter from harry to another exec will bronson reading we killed taylor we should have cracked down on him sooner so why not shut up and pat knows the taylor in question william desmond taylor the director was murdered back in february 1921 pat gets all excited at the prospect of blackmailing gooddorf and getting piles of money a big house swimming pools girls girls unfortunately when he and helen take harry to a restaurant and confront him it turns out the note meant he and will were part of a gang of pals with taylor who were into gambling big time they knew sooner or later someone would get in trouble and tried to dial things down but taylor refused and some unknown crim killed him the note simply indicated he felt guilty about it thoroughly humiliated pat is only too relieved when harry says he won t tell anyone about this little blackmail attempt 2 a man in the way february 1940 pat strolls past the offices in the writers building of a studio looking for a friendly face and comes across a young woman pricilla smith he can t believe she s a writer so to prove it she describes an idea she s working on about art works being packed away for safety because the war has started an old man is nearby and volunteers to help but is turned down what nobody knows is the old man is the painter pat tries to hit on the girl but she firmly turns him down later he more or less forces his way into the office of producer jack berners who s in conference with bill costello and a mr bach his idea a man who meets a girl in an office and he thinks she s a stenographer but she turns out to be a writer he engages her as a stenographer though and they start for the south seas is such a stinker they barely have to dismiss it so then in desperation he repeats the girl s idea about the painter seeing his art packed away the producers like it and berners says he ll take pat on for two weeks at 250 later at the end of the day pat gets the number of pricilla s office calls her and asks her out she makes it clear that s a non starter when she puts the phone down we discover jack berners is in the room when he asks who it was she says oh she doesn t know some old guy but she told him her idea about an old painter watching his paintings being packed up oops presumably berners will sack pat and credit pricilla the man in the way of the title refers to the old painter pricilla invented but also quite clearly to pat himself 3 boil some water lots of it march 1940 a polish job is repairing a sequence of script which doesn t work max leam gave him the job three weeks at 350 so far all he s managed is this phrase boil some water lots of it spoken by the doctor but he s unsure what should happen next leam advises him to go see the actual studio doctor he s away but a new nurse has started seeing an opening pat takes her to lunch determined to prove how in he is with all the top producers there s a thing called the top table where all the grand an hour executives sit suddenly an extra dressed like a big cossack arrives at the big table and insists on sitting in the one vacant seat despite the protestations of the big shots pat observes all this that some of the big shots have called for personnel and that the head of security his elbowing his way towards them and when the cossack starts bad mouthing the movie saying it s a stinking mess and threatening to use his sword on anyone who contradicts him pat decides to act to show the big shots and the young nurse that he s a hero so he grabs a tray and wallops the cossack over the head who falls to the floor with cuts starting to bleed at which the nurse he s with runs to the casualty s aid disastrously other voices pipe up that it was a prank the cossack was none other than walter herrick the well respected writer and he wrote the film he was badmouthing it was a prank and he was about to reveal himself disaster for pat from somewhere a doctor appears and utters the immortal words boil some water lots of it so now pat will find out what happens next 4 teamed with genius april 1940 jack berners teams pat with some limey genius author named rené wilcox when pat finds him in a writer s office he turns out to be a willowy pooh poohing 25 year old snob who quietly sneaks out while pat is delivering his old man lecture over a week goes by when pat barely sees the man and has to knuckle down fuelling himself on coffee and benzedrine and plaguing his poor secretary katherine hodge he is shocked when after a week wilcox turns up with the complete script not a preliminary treatment a finished script and departs for his office so 1 pat sends katherine to steal the script from his office and 2 writes a fake letter from the british consulate claiming that both wilcox s brothers have been killed in the war and gets katherine to get a messenger boy to deliver it pat is horrified that wilcox s script is actually very proficient he retitles it as a collaboration and changes half a dozen english phrases to american sends it to secretaries to get mimeographed copied and sent to berners going to claim it as his work but when pat goes to see berners the latter says the secretary and wilcox played a prank on him what katherine brought pat was a script they had a year ago and had scrapped he can t even steal properly pat goes out shamefully but then berners phones the president s office they both love wilcox s script but wilcox asks them to give him hobby as a collaborator he wants to study him and write a play about him so pat s about to be rehired thought not for his talents the reverse 5 pat hobby and orson welles may 1940 everywhere he goes pat hears about this mr bigshot orson welles his arrival at the studio coincides with a new security crackdown some civilian fell in the wind machine and got killed since when everyone has to have an up to date pass pat doesn t because he s not currently working on a movie project he tries to bluff his way past the new security but is turned back then along comes the luxury car of mr marcus a very big hollywood producer pat used to be his press officer many years ago and so pat cadges a lift on the strength of the old days schmoozes him and persuades him to write him a security pass en route pat warns him that this new orson welles fellow is a menace before he s finished he wouldn t be surprised if he was so radical that you had to have all new equipment and start all over again like you did with sound in 1928 at which mr marcus groans aloud in horror the comparison with orson welles seems strained someone says pat looks like welles and a makeup artist friend jeff boldini persuades him to try a beard which makes him look identical for a joke he persuades pat to drive with him over to a set where they need bearded men as extras but sticks a cardboard sign with orson welles written on it onto the car without pat noticing as the car trundles along the lots main s street a group of old guys point towards it then one of their number seems to collapse it s mr marcus he saw the car with orson welles written on it and this triggered a panic attack and a heart attack worse is to come because one of the group runs over to the car and asks mr welles i e pat whether they can use his car to transport mr marcus to the infirmary in a second pat is out of the car and running he runs to the entrance to the studio bursts past the guard and runs into the nearest bar where there are a few other guys with beards and so he fits right in and loudly declares he ll buy a drink for every bearded guy in the bar this is the first hobby story which is not only not funny it barely makes sense you can hear the stretching to try and concoct a plot 6 pat hobby s secret june 1940 pat is in the office of the studio bookie louie griebel while a producer mr banizon complains that the well known playwright r parke woll has written most of a really good script but has refused to finish it unless he s given eight weeks at three grand a week the worst is that woll told him the ending but he was on two different phone calls at the time and forgot it the issue is deliberately ludicrous everyone needs to know who put the artillery shell into claudette colbert s trunk pat promises to go schmooze this woll and get the ending out of him now woll is on an old fashioned bender drinking his way round los angeles pat catches up with him in conks bar after falling in with the drunk playwright and the coterie of weasels who are sponging off him pat bides his time drinks with them and eventually goes to the loo with woll here pat adroitly gets woll to tell him how the shell got into claudette colbert s trunk but then he realises pat is a spy and goes to blat him pat turns to run but bangs straight into conks bar s giant bouncer an embittered former wrestler who holds him back woll comes running up and aims a haymaker at pat who ducks and he hits smith square in the mouth enraged smith picks woll up and throws him to the floor in a classic wrestling move trouble is within a few minutes woll is dead along with several others pat is arrested and held overnight in the cells but released the next day he s called to the trial of smith for murder and just before he takes the stand smith s huge intimidating wife leans over his chair and tells him if he speaks against her husband she s twist his tongue out of his head thus intimidated pat takes the stand and when the prosecutor asks him to describe what happened pat says he remembers going into the bar and drinking but then it all goes white white yes white the courtroom titters a bit but pat is allowed to step down all night long a mountainous amazon threatening to tear his tongue out haunts his dreams next morning he goes to see banizon accompanied by one of the few agents who ll still touch him and helps him screw a bigger fee out of the producer for revealing the secret of how the shell got into claudette colbert s trunk but when the big moment comes pat reveals that everything s gone white he also has forgotten the plot twist in the middle of the story fitzgerald contrasts the roaring twenties with the fearful forties 7 pat hobby putative father july 1940 pat is wasting another morning in the writers building staring out the window and not getting a thing done when a messenger from jack berners says he s been ordered to show two guests round the studio they are beautifully dressed indians the older one named sir singrim dak raj the younger one john hobby indore the latter explains with wild implausibility that he is pat s putative son what he means is that for a spell back in 1926 pat was married to one delia brown she divorced him in 1927 when the boy was a few months old and went to india here she married a very rich rajah so young john was brought up like a prince the old guy sir singrim dak raj is his uncle and they re on a tour of the states pat accepts this news very casually the indians want to see the star bonita granville so pat takes them round various lots and sets much to the disillusion of sir singrim dak raj who believed all film sets are perfect replicas of the real world rather than shoddy facades and smuggles them onto a lot but typically they get caught sneaking across the set just as the lights go on and the director calls action cut to them spending some time in the studio s guard room before they re finally released and pat shamefacedly shakes hands as they leave the studio in the evening of the same day he goes to see the pair at their swanky hotel and is surprised to learn that they consider he did his best for them and so have deigned to offer him a permanent stipend of 250 a month but on one condition on condition there is no war at which point all revenues of their state will revert to the british empire for once pat thinks he s had a lucky break till he wakes up next morning opens the papers and reads that war has broken out between britain and germany 8 the homes of the stars august 1940 pat s car breaks down near the stall of a tour of the homes of the stars guide s shabby little stand little more than an umbrella and his loud clothes when he fails to interest pat in a tour the tired old guide gus venske goes for lunch pat is taking refuge from the california sun under the guide s umbrella when a limousine pulls up and a classy man and woman ask if he can give them a tour taking advantage of the misunderstanding pat says yes and climbs in with the chauffeur they are mr and mrs deering r robinson of robdeer food products kansas it s easy enough for pat to lie about being the writer behind several recent hit movies but obviously as soon as they arrive at an actual star s house things get more dicey he actually knows ronald colman and as the limo draws up outside colman s house and pat starts to go up the drive colman himself exits his house throws a casual hi pat to pat jumps into his car and drives away the house is locked up but that hi pat does the trick for his rich clients the robinsons think they re on the inside track now but their demands are pre...
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