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ks in october dallas has the state fair of texas and fort worth has the fat stock show in february i didn t attend the state fair until i was ten years old and even then it was in disguise after dark to the fair and back home hoping no one in our neighborhood noticed we had crossed enemy lines unfortunately i let my secret visit slip around my buddies and they banned me from playing cowboys and indians for a week even us kids were tough on each other three things got us kids excited christmastime in downtown fort worth toyland at leonard brothers department store and the fat stock show but unfortunately for us the rest of the year was uneventful and boring summer was pickup baseball games old cartoons on television and blowing up the neighborhood with cherry bombs our pyrotechnics of choice 60 years ago the winters in texas were colder and more miserable february was the month we froze our little gimlet butts off and of course that is the stock show month wrapped up in our roy rogers flannel pajamas under our jeans boots and cowboy hats we kids made the best of it as we visited the midway the cattle barns and animal competitions the rodeo was for the real cowboys and it was too expensive the free ticket from our grade school only went so far we were kids and had not a penny to our name it wasn t the flashy affair that dallas put on but it was ours and we loved it i still have a round metal pin i got at the stock show a lovely picture of aunt jemimah promoting her flour something that would get me canceled or worse in today s clown world i ve often thought of wearing it to my local h e b grocery store to see the reaction maybe not for those of us who were born and grew up there fort worth texas is where the west begins and dallas is where the east peters out nothing has changed share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured ask a texan the craze for dubai chocolates is taking over the country featured phil strawn 21 comments the texan this texan received a letter from a mr atticus finch from greenbow alabama seems his wife maudie has discovered dubai chocolates and has gone off the deep end mr finch mr texan i saw your article in the back pages of flower of the month magazine at the hardware store that miss mayella runs my wife of forty years maudie went to the walmart bought some of these new dubai chocolates fell in love with them and now that s all she eats she s bought about fifty boxes of them and won t eat anything that calpurnia our cook made so she quit now i m down to eating supper from chicken express not only is she gaining a bunch of weight but the doctor also said she now has type 3 diabetes a fatty liver and a big brain worm but that s not the worst of it since these candies come from dubai one of them arab countries she now thinks she s a muslim she loves her walmart so she buys a pioneer woman bathrobe dyes it black then some martha stewart scarves wraps them around her head pokes holes in them for eyes and goes around town dressed like a muslim woman we were driving to church down maycomb blvd the other day which is the busiest street in town and she jumped out of the truck at the stoplight threw her new pioneer woman bath mat onto the street knelt down and started chanting all this gibberish while eating a box of those dubai candies i m afraid she might do something rash and become a terrorist woman our two grown children jean louise and jem won t bring the grandkids over anymore and our two neighbors dill and boo won t come out of their house because they re scared of her needing some help here in alabama the texan well mr finch you re in a dill pickle of a mess there in maycomb i ve heard those chocolates are causing some scary behavior among folks i called a psychoanalyst friend of mine dr harper gump and she says that these new candies contain a concentration of a special nut oil that s engineered to make folks want to be muslims i think it might be a plot by al qaeda to take over the country one candy loving woman at a time my late father s late late uncle orem back in the prohibition days drank a whole case of moonshine and it affected him so bad that it turned him into a baptist so i guess sustenance and libations can affect folks adversely turning them into something else i would find a priest to perform an exorcism and get that pesky brain worm demon out of her and get rid of those candies buy her some of those lady godiva chocolates i m sending ya ll a cd of my favorite movie to kill a mockingbird and a box of cherry bombs so you can blow those dubai candies up keep in touch share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured one day after the parade of slovenly zombies and the flannel pj people featured phil strawn 12 comments the hype season is upon us thanksgiving is in the rear view mirror and everything is christmas and it started in october walmart skipped thanksgiving and halloween and went from summer to christmas which is fine by me i only visit that store when forced and i was forced against my will a few days before thanksgiving to accompany my wife for prescriptions and a few last minute grocery items for the turkey dinner with the family on tuesday instead of thursday which we spent eating lunch with her brother who is living in a rehab center in dallas every person in granbury seemed to be there thinking they were saving money which is the big trick that the waltons pull on the public they mark some things way way bottom down low and then raise the price on others tricking the poor shopper into believing they are getting a great deal and saving their hard earned money or ebt money which is really mine and your taxes financing all those overflowing baskets of junk food hair extensions and fancy dragon lady fingernails i did notice more young women in full bedtime attire this year jammy bottoms and tops along with fuzzy house slippers some of them should have at least combed their hair and brushed their teeth one girl had a long string of toilet paper dragging behind her pjs what is wrong with women these days they think it s fashionable to come to a public place in their sleepwear they look like morons one older lady was wearing a pioneer woman house robe a shower cap and hospital socks the kind with the little rubber bottoms so you don t slip and fall she was pushing a basket full of pork rinds and dr pepper which here in rural texas are considered one of the survival food groups along with coldbeer and baloney thinking back decades ago in the mid 1950s i would accompany my mother to the grocery store piggly wiggly which was her favorite haunt i would see women with their hair in rollers peddle pushers keds and nice blouses there was always a cigarette hanging out of their mouth which made them look a bit sleazy but back then everyone smoked and used hair rollers my mother loved to smoke she was a world champion and would have a burning one in her mouth and one in each hand ready to replace the other she had a lot of big hair so there would be at least two dozen rollers of all sizes shaping her follicles into a work of art it seemed that these women all knew each other they would stop and say look at yeeew how s your mama and them did you get a new dress or is that hair color just darlin makes you look ten years younger and as cute as a christmas puppy this went on for hours as the ice cream melted and the meat grew dangerous e coli bacteria and i lost a large part of my childhood that could never be reclaimed at least they didn t wear pajamas share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured a performance to remember cookie becomes a beatnik featured phil strawn 11 comments in the fall of 1958 the first beatnik style coffee house opened its doors in fort worth texas calling itself the cellar fort worth did not welcome its presence or the inhabitants it attracted conservative city fathers asked where did these people come from have they always been here it was a cowtown of shit kicking cowboys cadillac driving oil men and country club debutants wearing justin boots my cousin carmalita who preferred the name cookie was a perfect fit for the coffee house and secured a job as a waitress at the new establishment being seven years younger than cookie the other cousins and i had limited interaction during her teenage years still i know from the family stories and the almost out of earshot whispers that she was a real hellion of a girl her mother a rosary clutching catholic believed her daughter to be mentally disturbed and demon possessed she was neither just a rebellious girl born twenty years too early who refused to fit into the conservative society of the 1950s immersing herself in books by kerouac and ginsberg that glorified the new lifestyle of the beat generation cookie began dressing in the style of the beats she envisioned herself traveling west with dean moriarty and sal paradise as they motored their way to new mexico in search of god and the meaning of life fueled by marijuana sticks and two dollar a bottle liquor jack kerouac was her hero waist length black hair and a resemblance to a young ava gardner didn t endear her to the sandra dee loving girls club at school she was labeled an outcast she dropped out of paschal high school at sixteen to live in sin with her next to worthless greaser hoodlum boyfriend a motorcycle riding teenage hubcap stealing thief from the north side of town this decision resulted in her instant banishment from the family polled by a phone in family vote she was christened the little trollop her name was not to be spoken at gatherings and her mother requested all photographs containing images of cookie be returned to her for proper disposal by fire in the backyard bbq pit her father was brokenhearted by her rejection unable to watch her sweet sixteen birthday present a ford fairlane convertible sit abandoned in his driveway he sold it the rebellious type was not tolerated well in the 1950s especially in texas and our extended family the cellar grew in popularity and crowds of unwashed self appointed poets and deep thinkers found their way to the dark smokey den cookie grew tired of the bland poetry readings from ancient books and tried her hand at writing her heart was full of self induced resentment and it didn t take long for her to dish on everyone and everything she felt had done her wrong her parents were number one on her list she asked the club owner to let her perform a personal poem about her life and he agreed saturday evening is reserved for the serious night dwelling hip beats they convene and hold literary court to anyone who will listen mixed groups gather around small tables arguing about poetry politics religion and the meaning of life old crow adds the extra kick to the strong coffee an occasional strange cigarette might be passed around sensing the time is right cookie takes the stage cradling a cardboard box under her left arm and a large pair of sewing shears in her right hand she sets the box on the floor next to a tall stool tears stream from her eyes forming dark streams of watery mascara onto her peach pale cheeks a thin tinsel string of snot drips from her left nostril resting on her upper lip and glitters in the spotlight bathing her face in an ethereal glow she sniffs and gags a few times composes herself and begins her poem she retrieves her favorite childhood doll baby from the box and lays it on the stool top she grabs a large meat cleaver from the box and beheads the poor toy a gasp erupts from the crowd earlier for maximum effect she filled the doll s plastic head with heinz ketchup and potted ham to simulate blood and brains the ketchup splattered patrons recoil in horror when the doll s head is guillotined and bounces onto their table by the stage next she pulls a beautiful 8 10 glossy photo of her parents from the box and cuts it to shreds with the sewing shears she pulls a girl scout uniform from the box and rips it to pieces throwing the all american remnants of the uniform into the audience cookie leans into the microphone takes a long drag from a pall mall and in a low growl says i never liked dolls or toys but you made me treat the little fakes like real people i fed them imaginary food bathed them in imaginary water changed their tiny poopless diapers and dressed them in stupid clothes and for that i hate you and cut my hair with that statement she grabs a chunk of her beautiful lady godiva s length hair and removes a six inch portion with the sewing shears she continues i didn t want to be a bluebird but no i had to be like the other girls on our street you know i don t like the color blue and for that i hate you and i cut my hair then whack another large section falls to the stage you hate my boyfriend because he is a bad boy and he is all that but i love him and want to spend my life on the back of his ratty ass motorcycle holding a nursing baby in each arm as we travel west to find the meaning of life she then whacks the left side of her hair to within inches of her scalp the audience is on the verge of bolting for the door fearing her next move may sever an artery and expire in fr...
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