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Text of the page (random words):
have you written anything i ve heard of this is like asking a plumber if he s worked on any toilets you ve pooped in odds are unless you re quite a well known author like john grisham or the kardashians you ve haven t written something they ve heard of plus how the hell are you supposed to know what they have and haven t heard of just say yes walk away and delete their contact from your phone 2 are you writing anything at the moment at the moment we re talking to you so no but we plan on drinking copiously then going home to continue writing so that we may one day answer yes to the above question 3 are they going to make a movie from your book again this presumes you re published have a film deal in place and all the freaky things that can happen in the go gurt machine of hollywood work out so that tom cruise is one day being interviewed about what it feels like to interpret your character so unless this is currently the case you ll have to explain that you have about as much influence as to whether or not a movie gets made from your book as an accountant has of rigging the powerball for you once again the safe bet is to answer maybe then follow guidelines from answer 2 4 are any characters based on people from your life odds are yes and if not fully lifted from your life then certain traits are for sure but you re not about to tell them that the main character s impotency stems from the confessions of your cousin paul or that the anxious bed ridden alcoholic thrice divorced mess is based on your aunt lorraine so answer maybe then ask if you can record everything they re saying for possible future use in one of your books 5 how much money did you get for your book you d be surprised that yes people do actually ask this question they re the same people who when meeting a friend s baby for the first time jokingly ask the husband are you sure it s yours simply ask for their social security number and to see their most recent bank statements then laugh and say it s just for research and if they re stupid enough to give it to you steal all their money and give it to the human fund 6 where do you get your ideas from since most writers get their ideas from the exact same place that netherworld known as i have no idea and beats the hell out of me just respond with from the internet and repeat the answer to 2 7 can i give you an idea for your next book first off nobody asked you do we walk into your job at the mortuary and ask if we can touch up deceased uncle walter for some reason people think you re constantly scouring the earth looking for ideas for your next book waiting for a stranger to politely offer to lend you the story of the time they burnt their tongue eating a slice of pizza because it would be the perfect motivation for your villain s murderous rampage in the third act 8 will you read my manuscript and critique it sure and let me guess this request comes from your aunt s friend s son who s been a corporate lawyer for the last five years but is tired of the grind and feels he wants to be creative never seen that before besides we d like nothing better than to curl up on our couch with a 500 page monstrosity written by a complete stranger which will take 8 10 hours to read then sit down with a red pen and give you an edit letter than maxwell perkins would have been proud of do you realize how long it takes to read a book and that writers get paid based on their output and producticity ask this lawyer friend for 10 hours of free legal advice in exchange and see if he jumps at the office 9 have you read those twilight or harry potter books because we all know those people who ve never heard of a single book until the movie comes out tell them that you only read old papyrus scrolls that the novel died in 84 bce and anyone who participates in witchcraft or vampiredom should be burned at the stake and fwiw you re team jacob posted by jason pinter at 3 09 pm 2 comments thursday december 06 2012 things i m not thankful for things i m not thankful for a popular holiday tradition is listing all the things you re thankful for a less popular holiday tradition is listing all the things you re not thankful for so here is my list of things i could most certainly and would prefer to do without people who endorse you on linkedin assistants who were born in the 1990 s people who tweet good morning to nobody in particular people who wear soul patches people who take half an hour to make their coffee at the fixins bar bartenders who act like they have something better to do than take your drink order nickelback the black eyed peas people who like either nickelback or the black eyed peas boy bands people who love boy bands people who use umbrellas that could fit the entire population of guam underneath people in the office who have loud personal conversations guys who are dickheads girls who date guys who are dickheads then complain about how all guys are dickheads awful soulless childrens movies that cost 200 million to make and seem like they were brainstormed by accountants stuffed in an airless laboratory people who complain about traditional publishing people who self publish their novellas of cat erotica then list their occupation as author people who write blog posts giving relationship advice to celebrities people who ask celebrities for an rt because it s their birthday people who request your friendship on facebook then immediately post a link to their website blog cat erotica on your wall people who post pictures of their nail polish on instagram people who post pictures of their cats on instagram sorry i think cats are weird people who post pictures of their feet at the beach on instagram instagram people who sigh and say oh you know when you ask how they re doing people who still don t know the difference between their and they re people who say e readers are ruining books people who say print is dead people who use foursquare to check into starbucks people who defend chris brown chris brown people who watch anything charlie sheen does charlie sheen donald trump donald trump s hair people who still refer to bloggers as living in their parents basements people whose twitter profiles refer to them as a child wrangler people who refer to themselves as a social media guru anyone who unironically calls themselves any kind of guru unless their name is guru what are you not thankful for posted by jason pinter at 2 48 pm 1 comments wednesday november 14 2012 why publishers hate authors a response to an article that doesn t deserve a response so what does it take to bring this blog out of mothballs for the first time in almost two full years this article by nationally acclaimed thought leader on the subject of the future of book publishing michael levin one of the most thoughtless troll posts in this history of blogging why do publishers hate authors which i link to while holding my nose and apologizing to my family aside from the irony of a thought leader amassing a whopping 150 twitter followers or having a clearly self written wikipedia page this huffington post piece is one of those delightful posts in which no real thought is used no examples are cited because the entire post is designed to get people riled up consider me duped without using any sort of critical thinking i also chose to publish this response here rather than huffpo where i m a regular contributor because i didn t want this to be one of those flip sides of the same coin deals especially since levin did not present one side of a coin but rather a piece of ground up mulch he s presenting to you as currency so let s go point by point through mr levin s opus authors are admittedly a strange lot there s something antisocial about retreating from life for months or years at a time to perform the solitary act of writing a book what does this have to do with publishers hating authors nothing why is it included no idea and you know what some authors like to write books some enjoy the writing process you don t want to write don t write you don t want to exist in solitary while writing go write at a starbucks nowhere in the non existent writer contract does it say you have to retreat to a cabin in the woods and cut off all signs of life in order to pen your manuscript truth is the vast majority of writes have day jobs many have families and they don t shirk their responsibilities writing is a privilege on top of that authors are flaky they promise to deliver a manuscript in april and it doesn t come in until october or the following april or the april after that this leaves publishers with several options all of them bad revise publishing schedules at the last minute demand that authors turn in projects on time regardless of quality cancel books altogether or sue the authors as penguin has begun to do for undelivered or poor quality work so we re now three paragraphs in and it seems like the only one who hates authors is michael levin yes writing is a creative endeavor and creative endeavors are generally at odds with typical 9 to 5 work days and no publisher wants to be put in a position where an author doesn t deliver on time leaving them without both the manuscript they wanted note wanted to publish or out possibly thousands of dollars in advance payments publishing an author is inherently a risk taking venture because you aren t always sure if the author will deliver or if the book in question will make money generally you don t spend thousands of dollars in a risky venture with a class of people you hate authors are also prickly about their work there are few jobs on the planet in which people are utterly free to ignore the guidance or even mandates from their bosses yet book authors are notoriously dismissive of their editors advice when i was writing novels for simon schuster back in the late 1980s my editor bob asahina used to tell me you re the only writer who ever lets me do my job will you stop hating on authors already first off no author is utterly free to ignore guidance from their editor nearly every publishing contract has a clause to this effect the publisher shall inform the author in writing whether the work is acceptable within sixty 60 days of receipt of the complete work if the publisher in its sole editorial judgment concludes that the work delivered is unacceptable but could be revised to the publisherâ s satisfaction in a timely fashion the publisher and the author shall agree on an appropriate period of time for the revision process and the publisher will provide written editorial comments to the author with respect to the revisions required should the publisher find that the revised work is still unacceptable for any reason the publisher may reject the work by written notice to the author the only authors who can ignore this kind of advice are the ones whose sales and or influence at the house are at a level where they can get this type of clause stricken from their contract and those types of deals are reserved for the mega bestsellers who possess a rarified clout otherwise ignore guidance at your peril but here s the thing if an editor asks for changes and an author refuses them and gives a rational reason why they should be ignored the editor will far more often than not concede the point to the author it is the author s book after all as literary agent jonny geller so succintly put it on twitter a good editorial note should intimate a change not prescribe it the three r s of the publishing industry the strategy for survival quickly became reduce royalties and returns returns are books that come back unsold from bookstores printing fewer copies typically ensures fewer returns reducing advances and royalties money publishers pay writers was the other main cost that publishers sought to slash when exactly were royalty rates reduced far as i can remember standard royalty rates have been 10 on first 5 000 hardcovers sold 12 5 on next 5 000 hardcovers sold 15 thereafter 7 5 on trade paperbacks 8 for first 150 000 mass market paperbacks 10 for every mass market paperback thereafter in fact ebook royalty rates and audio as well have gone nowhere but up the last few years you could argue they re still not as high as they should be but that s not quite the same as reduced have advances declined in some cases yes in others no it s done on a case by case basis like you know any other industry more and more publishers moved to a minimal or even zero advance business model what publishers did this can you name any reputable publishers that moved to a zero advance business model vanguard press launched by publishing veteran roger cooper was founded on a zero advance higher royalty model but it did not move to one certainly some independent presses offers lower advances than say a random penguin house but it s not like indie presses were offering seven figure sums then suddenly said here s five hundred bucks take it or leave it and by the way we also hate you zero advance combined with zero marketing to produce that s right zero sales and then who caught the blame for the book s failure not the publisher the author i m assuming levin doesn t mean literally zero sales but the rest of his piece is no non sensical he just might first off there are tons of books that receive large advances and don t sell similarly there are many books that receive modest advances then sell like bronzer to the kardashians and if a book doesn t sell at all and that s an epidemic at that house the publisher loses money they then often have to reduce staff and in the case of vanguard go out of business but what was levin saying oh right the publisher always blames the author go on today any time an agent or acquisitions editor considers a manuscript or book proposal from an author the first place they go is bookscan to get sales figures these numbers used to be proprietary to the house that had published the book now they re out in the open for all to see and if an author s sales numbers are poor no one thinks to blame the house for failing to market the book the author s career is essentially over one and done next contestant please bookscan was never proprietary you nimrod trust me i know this firsthand sales figures yes bookscan no anyone can purchase bookscan access and the press has access to it at any time book reporters use bookscan figures all the time splitting hairs maybe but since levin makes no effort to delinieate or make any sort of thoughtful analysis shocking i know it s worth pointing out oh and career over anyone with google or who pays attention to publishing knows dozens of cases where authors had meager sales then wrote such a wonderful book that another publisher said damn the sales figures this writer is worth publishing and we ll do right what the other publisher did wrong i ve acquired probably a dozen books from writers whose sales tracks weren t ideal some worked some didn t but we felt it was worth taking a chance is it tough to come back if a b...
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