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omplex how is it that all struggling looks the same in the end one time his mother quoted some movie his mother was getting old and dying and was extremely worried about him because she knew he had struggled to find a person to love if you don t find time to love the world will pass by and then it will be gone loving another person is the only way to make your life be as full as it possible can be did he believe this one time at the park he saw a figure in the distance the leaves were all on the ground and the person was off in the distance barely noticeable through the decay of foliage but he saw it the image mysterious and permanent was that of a woman in a red coat he hesitated but tried to follow her he jumped up the steps increasing his pace more and more he walked around the bend in her direction and she was gone he was stunned but damn if he didn t know why what feelings was he right on the edge of discovering in his dream he does not have coffee but alcohol he is at a liquor store he is addicted to gin but is staring at bottles hundreds of murky bottles of wine he looks down the aisle and wonders to himself in silence if he should try the wine his mother was an alcoholic his coworkers were alcoholics the voice of god was alcoholic there was enough significant light in the store for it to feel dark and lonely had there been others there browsing just a single person perhaps things would have gone differently the rows of bottles transformed into rows of books he had stopped reading months ago after he discovered an answer to literature it was a full stop answer it was a liberation but it required an erasure he was required to abandon the name of the book and the words that were in it so why was he back in the stacks of this place this place that looked so foreign to him this place that had absolutely no reason to be here he followed his way up and down each row columns and bays on both sides of him keeping him silent again there wasn t anyone around to interact with his dreams were usually filled with the people he needed in the city that he could not achieve in finding but now there was nothing emptiness the lack of balance was psychotic then he heard a voice telling him to leave that he had made the correct decision after all he was on his way to the auditorium no sign of the red girl in the park no magical discoveries but it was the same time of year as the first and last sighting he could hear his mother s last breaths shallow and heavy in cycle urging him on he knew he would find something there amidst the applause he knew that it was only in continuing forward that he would find what he was seeking out a remembrance but then he stopped the answer of from the book appeared to him at last instead of serifs stems instead of sentences waves in the leaves so many people had read those words so many people had walked through those leaves each a path each without meaning and yet full of meaning the larger ideas he looked up there was no light bulb leave a comment escapes posted in uncategorized on november 29 2010 by greg bem 1 in a room i found an escape there were three exits one was inaccessible one was where i came from the other two went down and up down and up i looked to the left where the answer was up i looked to the right where the answer was down but with down you must go in a pressed door and then the experience of the doorway the psychology of comfort i looked to the right you must brace yourself to escape you must use your energy and lift your body up you must climb steady now 2 in a room i find an escape there is a sink i can use to wash all the fluids from my body imagine me covered in blood imagine me stained with semen imagine the tobacco juice on my fingers the snot in my nose the dirt on my cheeks and hands from scuffling around outside there is the instance of time spent away and now i am surrounded by water clean evaporative liquid to purge myself from that which i know near me is right here the faucet is shaped like an open mouth the handles are the arms extending the energy is waiting to be harnessed everything that is gross on and in me is fighting for freedom 3 in a room i found an escape i stared at the empty baskets wanting to jump in but knew the escape was not for me behind me is what you cannot see and only i can see it is what i imagine and through its relevance i relate it to you these clothes do not move themselves people would shout and i would believe them i would believe in those walking past the front of the room and staring through its clean glass windows and not remarking but certainly noticing that at least one person s possessions were all dyed red from what the mysterious substance would definitely keep itself shrouded in viscosity i knew i needed to use this transport before it was taken from me 4 in a room outside i found an escape we all knew this character as a figure from our youths verse was something related to childhood to learning new information it was a way to process language the sign represented everything we left behind and he kept it propped up like a milestone like a marker or like a monster it was disgusting and seeing it as we returned to the city was like seeing a ghoul or zombie lurching in the corner lurching in the shadow very underused and very appreciated it hideous and we could take pictures of it laughing it off as farce or even tragedy 5 in a room i find an escape it is not my escape but it definitely belongs to someone else or it can belong to someone else sexual pleasure was always on the forefront of our communal psyche and we drifted along as if the force was aquatic i stare at the devices and am not shocked i have not been shocked at how people leave this world even temporarily for a very long time i have not been shocked at many things for a very long time but these things exist and they must be acknowledged we must penetrate ideas to understand the source of their prolonging 6 in a room i find an escape i am walking through an antique bunker or station or waypoint and i find the escape tucked into the shadow like a lost newspaper front page carried by wind and breeze and automobile exhaust the booths were shoved into the corner like they never belonged there to begin with the light is on and it soaks into the otherwise secret cavities of space that i never believed in separating yourself in these highly prized places of cramped positions the user would escape to become the exploited the exhibitionist what communication can you find there that you cannot find elsewhere i look at the closed booth to the right and get a feeling of nervousness i imagine that it once held or could be holding a skeletal figure making its last clutching movement an image for eternity leave a comment the trap of the monster posted in uncategorized on november 27 2010 by greg bem as monster things get in the way it has always been a trifling matter i was turned into a squirrel when i was the human age of fifteen the woman who did it wore large jewelry pieces that could be described as hanging she had skin with waves the texture entranced me and i never got over it i am constantly on the lookout my attention span is shot i look for the woman who gave birth to the curse this conjuration of permanence this new vision of transportation transmutation morphology gone in every direction i had to get used to the hair first it was so distracting my eyes felt like they were constantly bulging ready to burst until i realized that i had to squint that my eyesight was most important that the fleeting objects in my spectrum of sight were most importantly out to get me it is a life of fear that i live as monster as hideous and unidentifiable pest i will steal your food and you will regret that i was given this shape but i can t talk to you i can t tell you about need i can t tell you that i have to take these things away that they are impossible to find in a month in two months when i stay in tree more often than not i know about migration i learned it all in school but these legs as stretched out and nimble as they may be do not replace the degradation of my dexterity i get tired i grow weak and i must always reserve that excess energy that reserved amount because i am the monster and i am constantly being thwarted one day i will find the woman and i will insist that she change me back but before that i will beg her to give me the reason for this early incarnation because that is how these things go that is how monsters are made without rhyme without reason simply for another force s own musings leave a comment mementos sans asbestos posted in uncategorized on november 14 2010 by greg bem this entry is closed this piece will be published in certain circuits in the spring leave a comment park escape posted in uncategorized on november 6 2010 by greg bem when we woke up when we stepped outside when it was a good idea when we wanted the park when we went to the park when we slowed things down when we sped up our step when we looked behind when the sun was it when we noticed craft when we noticed form when the structures stood when our steps grew steady when we noticed it soon when it was too soon when we kept on walking when the park continued when things got quiet when the silence roared when it was maybe summer when seasons started stopping when lately was rarity when we were proud when we knew ourselves awake when alertness was important when wood grafted metal when wood splintered more wood when bolts were found beneath benches when we hid on the benches when we spotted them coming when we felt the wood when our palms were sore when we knew to hide when we kept hiding out when time was drawing on when we should have returned home when it was a good idea when the leaves were all that mattered when the benches finally happened when we slowed conflict down when we stepped outside when we hushed outside when we hid on benches 1 comment the fourth mirror posted in uncategorized on october 31 2010 by greg bem i told you i didn t want to break it didn t want to knock over the mirror didn t want to see the mirror turn to glass and now reflection means multiplication and no duplicity isn t so precious and now s been becoming splice from there and then more in becoming and it wasn t concerned with that destruction before the mirror was knocked down to the floor spirited into this post state state of energy and the state of forgotten to take care of it status of the mirror mirror being something delicate not so much hard not so much what we saw in it but about it the change crooked and the time is late it s getting darker each and every day and i still haven t cleaned it up for you and your hands are quick and nimbly the bones work and work magic and this cleansing procedure is is more than a moment more than a fixed state series of glass series of the mirror this is what you wanted or wasn t what you had in mind the mind of the mirror it s a living thing too there s no proof against it find it s soul work your fingers along smooth slabs of it it was thick and that s all you were concerned about it easy to see and easier to see that what i did mistook a thing so dense for something so easily destroyed the mirror of the memory mirror of moment shock through the symptom that it could be pushed down could be understood in its undoing your face now in glass perfect asymmetry but you re looking and i m finding shreds of the surface in my fingers energies and grooves spaces i ve had to think about along for some time and what is moment in the absence of the mirror who is leave a comment flight spirit posted in uncategorized on october 26 2010 by greg bem all crowned we lapped beneath a giant density each bleeding blossom a giant s eye oculists creators being woken by trembles of machines vibrations of saw blades leaving no one to remain seated to obtain rituals these are the dances what s dreaded crumbling remarks made as if to sense kept us senseless the quills got their feathers from the plucked beasts and names were given forgive it was the whisper another hushed command and it was early afternoon i paused to make purchase it being the right move when all movements shake and couldn t could no longer could not be shook no more a carver s bag unleavened shadowed and glaring bearing teeth gnarled wood as the mark large humans in cocoa d leather their smells draining a space and it was all harsh in reality wasn t what was once wanted i looked back keep looking at the tracks made alive on grounds filled with dead cedar scents fresh like lights ripping parts the vision scant and wavering two biggest hands moving forth a sheet a rub up and down and a place for a perched candle yet no wax no room for it no technology pronounced alive the saws long unhooked long energy drained to history every thing stare every person every brick carried wet lunging not so calm as this not here now the paddling up the stream toward righting the drinking fissures and the ceremony lasting uptight and a breath of wind there beneath earth a channel leave a comment the yellow brick posted in uncategorized on october 20 2010 by greg bem i here s the type of dialogue i try to think up when i m outside sitting around and waiting for the birds to come on back no matter who they are do not let them in do not let them in one dollar for bottle of milk and one dollar for glass cleaner it don t matter what they be or what they keep out out pennies for pins nickels nails dimes for doorstoppers kept telling myself this kept speaking do not stop one dollar for lubricant one dollar for lozenges packet did not stop listen to the wise listened to arc overhead five for five deal bargain nothing worth remembering plain exhaust planes moving across the boundaries it took me ten dollars to buy that meal and i won t go back keep distracted keep sexy do not let them in fifteen for the roll it cost me thirty when i was up and up phone dial lock seal shut kept them out keep them out out of change meaning zero calls and zero speeches notepad i m not letting them in now never wanted to since it started fifty was all she left me before i could count much higher close of lid close of business sun sets head low bricks yellowed the change is causing the light to bounce off that old material they say when it gets this way a black bird comes to hang out white gets it company nothing s getting in this home ii private conversation after my knees weaken and are lifted you just don t seem to get it to get it to get it to get it sports car speeds down in red and blue and there is fire some things vex remaining strangers until last breaths spend do you remember mamma s face the way she did yours a train s clunk is the realized crux of dead brown industry i think it was harder to think about it after the fact yes those lines were you they were caused by you about you a spider s web that she never took away ages with more grey and you could easily get...
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