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to brag about copyright 2013 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 39 comments from uncategorized finding my voice april 3 2013 today i d like to share a guest post written by joan one of the strongest women i ve had the pleasure of knowing i hope you enjoy her post and can identify with what she s overcome the past few years after she suddenly became single following a more than 40 year marriage quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here simply solo spotlight finding my voice i remember maybe vaguely faintly having a voice at one time in my life it may have been when i was born and learned to cry which is one s first means of vocal communication somewhere along life s path i lost my voice i allowed it to be taken from me and i freely gave it up without realizing or thinking about it i m not sure exactly where and when that happened but if i trace it back i am sure it was in my early formative years isn t that the acceptable answer blame things on others and early childhood experiences in other words our parents siblings society and upbringing joan says her experience has been like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon photo courtesy of greg foster well my friends let me tell you i found and reclaimed my voice yes after being separated for more than 60 years i found it and treasure it more because something so precious that was lost for so long is now back with its rightful owner me trust me when i say if any attempt is ever made to remove or wrestle it from me there will be so much wrath leveled upon the offender they will never regroup my promise to myself as my own best friend and to my voice is i will never let life circumstances or anyone rob me of my voice again i now have a voice to say what i want need and expect additionally life experiences have given me the abilities to think independently stand on my own two feet and clearly articulate my wants needs desires and dreams after all is said and done i am sure the events of the past two and a half years played a major part in finding and reclaiming my voice curious minds may want to know what happened during this time well you don t need to read the enquirer as you won t find it there also you don t need to listen to gossip as we all know how gossip chains work how much credibility do they have less than none in my book which i could put in analytic terms such as r value confidence interval etc but i won t bore you with those gossip chains thrive on drama which is always more intriguing than just the plain jane facts ma am what are the plain jane facts ma am bottom line up front bluf as we like to call it is that after 43 5 years of marriage 48 49 of relationship surviving the trials and tribulations of military life in support of iso my soldier husband s military career raising a tight knit loving family and the two most absolutely marvelous children a mother could ever wish for let alone have losing our first grandson under devastating circumstances arrival of precious grandchildren medical issues ranging from the routine and minor to the not so minor such as a mini stroke suffered by my loving husband and finally setting a target date to step into retirement i found myself no longer the cherished and loved wife and person i d always believed i was yes it rocked my world and a lot of others that are near and dear to me however life goes on we put one foot in front of the other endure the mourning process for the loss of the old life and everything we built together the plans hopes and dreams of retirement and begin a new chapter in life on a fresh page creating new memories while cherishing fond memories of days gone by i learned a lot through life experiences and the breakup of a long term relationship with the only man i ever truly loved other than my father what happened who knows do you see my shoulder shrug and eye roll here to begin my journey transitioning from what i thought for the most part was a happy marriage i had to determine what was in my hands and sphere of influence to control knowing that i cannot make someone love me how do i accept the rejection as i saw it then and step out on my own please keep in mind my comment on as i saw it then because it is not how i see it now two and a half years later much wiser and stronger i was brought up that in sickness and in health for richer or poorer for better or worse is how life and marriage is divorce was a big red letter word and instant ostracization black balling from the entire community and world the big scarlet letter d was stamped on a woman s forehead for the entire world to see luckily for me that is no longer the case and divorce is more the rule than how i was raised believing that you make the best of everything in other words if life isn t to your liking well then live in a self created dream world is that what i did again who knows i just know that a lifetime of love happiness relationships hopes and dreams were destroyed and thrown away like trash in a matter of seconds with no recognizable forewarning talk about sudden death whew well getting back to the original topic of my voice again i am not sure of the exact time or circumstances under which i discovered it missing and reclaimed it but i know it was somewhere in the last two years where was my voice all those years it must have been hiding somewhere within my mind body soul or maybe someone had it in safe keeping for me when i eventually realized that i lost it needed it and now was equipped to use it maybe it was my sister my mom my dad or some other loved one who departed this life however it returned i thank my lucky stars the planets constellations and any other entity ies that played a hand in its return you know maybe it was aunt jo who i loved dearly and always looked out for me too as a child i remember wishing with all my heart that i could go live with her i rest assured in the belief that we will all be reunited just as i was with my voice having my voice back allows me to stand on my own two feet and in my newfound clear voice state what i want to be treated with respect honesty and dignity in all actions and communications to be loved and respected for who i am not who someone thinks i should be expect to have my voice heard what i say listened to and respected even if you disagree to afford the same courtesy and respect to those whose voice i hear need to ensure my wants and expectations are met be my own best friend i also found my voice can quite clearly articulate that if one cannot interact with me respectfully honestly and cherish our friendship they are not worthy of my friendship or time i hear my voice as it tells those who don t treat me kindly in a loving manner to move on out of my life yes because it is it is my life is divorce and the choices people make good or bad i ll leave that to the sociologists and behavioral scientists to debate in the meantime i can say unequivocally that it was the right path for me as i emerge a new person free to experience life make my own choices take care of myself and not worry about taking care of picking up after cooking for doing laundry for anyone but me yes it is a little bit selfish but is that bad ask the professionals that one too i m too busy enjoying life and looking forward to my next adventure to worry about it some will say that is really being hedonistic but again i punt that to the pros and everyone else to worry about see you all on the happy side oh dear what did i hear someone say something about hogwash and sour grapes whoa rest assured the hogs are either out of my life or well on their way don t waste your time or money as i don t need anything to wash them with as for sour grapes heck i turned them into a mighty fine beverage of choice a long time ago that i now share with special people in my life those who truly love me like me for who i am and respect my voice as well as the person i ve become life is good and getting better for my voice and me just like the finest wine copyright 2013 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 28 comments from uncategorized breaking up after living together february 14 2013 tags advice break up breakup dating finding love life living together loss love marriage men people relationship relationships self help simply solo spotlight single women happy thursday okay okay today also happens to be valentine s day people put so much pressure on this day whether they are single or coupled if you have someone do something nice for them if you are not dating anyone do something nice for yourself shouldn t we be doing this anyway every day but please don t get all wrapped up in the hype or let it get you down it s just another thursday and remember from last year s valentine s day post today doesn t have to be about a romantic partner today we have a guest post from relationship expert dr michelle callahan who will share tips for dealing with a break up when the stakes are high when you live together quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here how to decide who stays and who goes after a break up february can be hard on folks coupled and uncoupled alike the couples have to deal with the pressure and expense that cupid inevitably brings and the uncoupled often feel they are actually celebrating singles awareness day what about those in between love and loathing though it s hard enough going from fairy tale to it s complicated or it s over without being circumstantially forced to live together too according to a survey of 1 000 renters issued by rent com 38 of renters have ended a personal relationship with someone while still living together and 62 of those stayed for a month or much longer up to a year other findings from the survey the majority of renters 56 said that actually moving all of their stuff was the hardest to deal with in terms of the logistics more than any other reason offered 33 of renters said they stayed because they couldn t find another apartment they could afford 32 of renters said that if they were to move in with someone again they would save more money in case it didn t work out more than any other precaution dr michelle callahan relationship expert has created tips for the recently singled to decide how to split the goods so they can split for good who lived there first probably the easiest way to determine who should get the space is to decide based on who lived there first the person whose name is on the lease usually gets first priority if the person whose name is on the lease decides to give the space to their partner that person should be sure to get the lease transferred to their name so they have a legal right to live there who can afford to move a recent study conducted by rent com found that 33 percent of renters said they continued to live with their former partner after a break up because they couldn t find an apartment they could afford after sharing rent and household expenses it becomes a challenge for people to save enough money to find an apartment they can afford on their own in addition to moving expenses and a new security deposit who needs the space if one person works from home or cares for children or pets living in the home that person likely has a greater need to maintain consistency and remain at that location if the apartment is particularly close to one person s job that s another benefit that might tip the scales in their direction who loves the space the most sometimes one person has grown very personally attached to the space they may have invested a lot of time in decorating or selecting that apartment and as a result they feel more attached to the space who wants to separate sooner than later the breakup may be more painful for one partner than the other in that case the person who finds it hardest to share the physical space with their ex may be more likely to voluntarily leave the apartment in the interest of their own well being below is an infographic with some more details on breaking up while you live together have you ever lived with someone after you broke it off why did you keep living with him her copyright 2013 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 6 comments from uncategorized i have a new girl my personal wakeup call february 8 2013 happy february i know i know you don t hear from me much these days i m so sorry about that i miss you guys but i ve just been too busy with work to keep up with simply solo please know that things are going great and i m super happy anyway when i can i like to share guest posts that i think you ll enjoy to that end today s post is written by cassie callahan a freelance writer who is passionate about the topics of dating and relationships and writes for the ex recovery system quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here i have a new girl my personal wakeup call i never considered love and relationship as priorities in fact i prided myself in not being one of those girls you know the ones who are so romantically involved with their boyfriends it s almost like they have tunnel vision then they cry and are miserable when it s over and of course i m there to support them coz that s what friends do and though i won t say it out loud i m thinking about time you got rid of that jerk i was the girl with this invisible force field around her but love finds a way and when it hits it hits hard at least it hit me hard it started out perfectly as it should he was perfect as he should be now the honeymoon period usually lasts for six months ours lasted about a month and a half he started to distance himself but i thought that was normal i let him be but i wanted to be assured that he was still there i would call him i would text him and i couldn t help but think that i was starting to act like a clingy girlfriend there s something about him that i don t like i think he s going to hurt you that was the opinion of one of my closest friends let s call her sandy she said she didn t like my boyfriend because she could sense that he was not right for me it s amazing how your friends can see things that you can t but that s what friends do and that s what i did when it came to their relationships and like a good friend i listened to her but i didn t believe her i should have known better eight months of heartache of wondering if he s going to ...
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