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rma was overjoyed when i told her of my plans and my new affliction she went so far as to make me a tailored white linen suit and gave me one of my uncle s large cigars to complete the ensemble my parents weren t thrilled my mother blamed my father since his extended family was street rat crazy from drinking homemade hooch and she was certain i inherited this malady from him she seemed to have forgotten that her two brothers had turned me into a habitual liar and teller of tall tales there were some whispered discussions about doctors and bad family genetics but i paid no attention to that adult chatter after a few months i discovered earnest hemingway i never became mark twain except in my daydreams or nightmares but i did learn to appreciate good writing and stories share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window 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roots he named the ranch the flying menorah a tribute to his mother s enduring spirit his mother s cousin in new york a man of ambition and impeccable taste owned a fine restaurant in manhatten he made an agreement with hymie to provide kosher meat for his clientele that desired it hymie not one for shouldering piety found himself adrift in the ways of raising kosher cattle he took his best shot his only shot he instructed his hands to don traditional yarmulkes and grow their beards long as if the mere outward appearance would somehow sanctify the herd on fridays just before the onset of the sabbath he would wheel a wagon through the pastures a local rabbi perched in the back chanting blessings over the cattle and the land itself hymie in his complacency assumed some transformative power in these rituals however the rabbi was paid twenty five dollars for his solemnity and kept his thoughts on the insufficiency of such blessings close to his vest a buck is a buck it was then that hymie seeking to nurture and grow his herd purchased a massive hereford bull from a neighboring ranch the rancher who sold the bull warned hymie that the bovine suffered from a restless spirit and could not be contained by mere wire fences the bull s wildness seemed almost elemental he broke through barbed wire as if it didn t exist suggesting desperation and freedom to roam hymie named the bovine little moses as december descended into winter a blue texas norther swept across the prarie enveloping it in a foot of snow it was two days before hymie s ranch hands could reach the cattle and when they finally did they found the herd had vanished into the vastness leaving only a gaping break in the fence little moses with his insatiable desire to roam had led the others away into the boundless prairie worry filled the air as the cowboys scoured the land for trails only to lose their way in the rugged hills frantic hymie called upon the local sheriff jd ramses to put out an alert for the missing cattle a flyer caricaturing a group of smiling cows decorated every telephone pole and storefront in town the sheriff alerted law enforcement in the surrounding counties the poster added a comic touch in desperate times reports trickled in from west texas of a large number of cattle seen crossing route 66 a week ago hymie and his men doggedly pursued the herd picking up cow tracks outside of lubbock thirty nine days had passed and the exhausted cowboys were ready to return home on the fortieth day they stumbled upon their herd resting against the edge of palo duro canyon all seemed accounted for save for their leader little moses as twilight descended one of the men caught sight of a ghost emerging from the canyon a snow white bull trembling stumbling yet proud little moses had returned his dark coat transformed into a glaring white his eyes a startling blue that shifted like lightning in a storm the bull had witnessed a biblical apparition possibly a burning tumbleweed or a flame engulfed mesquite tree the beast settled near the campfire surrounded by his loyal herd which gathered to pay homage as if sensing the moment s gravity hymie offered him bread and a few sips of kosher wine as a final kindness little moses then lay down next to the campfire accepting the warmth and the final moment he drew his last breath exhaling a vapor cloud that floated upward into the chilled night the sky boomed with thunder a sudden crack of lightning that could have startled any common cattle yet no one moved instead they stood rapt in attention staring upward as a celestial sound of trumpets pierced the night from somewhere above two heavenly holstein angel cows graced with beautiful white wings descended each adorned with a golden trumpet in their right hoove the angelic cows flanked little moses and in a transcendent moment the trio ascended into the heavens a journey not just for the bull but for every living soul that had wandered alongside him the cowboys were left gobsmacked the group of men in stunned silence sat by the campfire finding solace in their whiskey rolled cigarettes and hardtack dialogue sputtered and finally ended no one could explain the miraculous ascending of little moses hymie being the most religious of the bunch said if god takes us sinful cowboys to heaven why not a cow as dawn painted the sky anew the cowboys awoke to find a snow white bull calf standing proud among the cows fiery blue eyes that sparked with the promise of a bovineious legacy this new leader born from the mystique of the canyon would guide the way back to the flying menorah a symbol of continuity in a world that had brushed against the divine share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading armageddon is upon us the last days of texas featured phil strawn 14 comments i am not a snow person nor an ice one cold weather is fine for a while but then i want to be bathed in the warmth of the sun brian wilson but then in texas the sun s warmth means cooking alive in 100 plus degree heat so living in texas is for tough folks alas the winter snow and ice armageddon is about to return in two days the last one was in 2021 and crippled the state for a week momo and i stopped by our heb for a few items this afternoon and that was a mistake the place was like a zombie apocalypse folks fighting and snarling over the last loaf of bread fists flying in the aisles over hamburger helper and riots at the frozen pizza case it was all entertaining watching my fellow texans act like well crazed texans we don t do well when bad winter weather is approaching and even worse once it arrives my truck has all wheel drive so i m good with the snow but not the ice storms then we stay in and watch 1883 or 1923 again momo is already fretting about missing church on sunday because of the storm i told her that god will understand after all he s the one who created this lousy weather and is sending it our way i stocked up on extra bird seed and peanuts for the crows blue jays and now the pesky squirrel has returned and found the relocated bird feeders so it s back to war with the little nut breath the racoons possum and skunk are still visiting nightly enjoying their cafeteria of dog food and sliced apples my backyard is the equivalent of luby s for critters now a coyote has been coming around but i have roadrunners on the property so we ll see how that plays out i ll post some pictures of the end of texas as we know it if and when it happens if we survive share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured ask a texan minneapolis ain t lake wobegon featured phil strawn 9 comments sometimes questionable and often brilliant advice for folks that want to be a texan but can t afford to get here the texan this texan received a dispatch from a mr hardy wood guthrie of okemah oklahoma written on the back of a walmart sales receipt it seems his wife little white dove is dead set on going to minneapolis to join in all the fun the protestors are having mr guthrie mr texan please excuse my bad manners for writing on a walmart receipt just so you know my wife bought all that useless stuff except for the chili pork rinds which are my favorite snack and of course the carton of marlborough s and the natural light beer little white dove my cherokee indian wife has lost her arrows she s watching the news and seeing all these protesters up in minneapolis playing in the snow throwing snowballs and making snow angels with the help of those nice ice boys now they ve taken over target stores and are getting all that free stuff plus 200 a day for protesting she s real fond of that pioneer woman stuff and is hoping to get a new set of cookware and a bathrobe for free i told her it s about to get really serious because the army boys are coming to town but she got really smartie pants with me and said i ll do what i want to this land is your land this land is my land she said not to worry she has a friend named alice and she has a restaurant where she can get anything she wants over in edina where all the rich folks live she is a big fan of that schmuck garrison keillor mister handsy man that lives over in lake wobegon and is going to look him up and have a lutefisk sandwich with him she thinks it s all a big party sort of like woodstock on ice and won t listen to me i m so frazzled i m thinking about writing a protest song about all this mess got any advice for me little white dove the texan well mr guthrie sounds like little white dove needs a visit from the medicine man i have a little experience with protest and such as i went to the university of texas in austin with all those hippie folks and most of them are still there riding around on their handicap scooters and smacking visitors with their walking canes back then they weren t collecting a paycheck for protesting rioting and burning things up they got hopped up on those funny cigarettes and just did it for the fun of it not trying to name drop here but i also spent some time with old bob dylan and his squeeze joan b i think bob is a poet and didn t know it and you can tell little white dove to be careful because after all the times they are a changing i m sending her a nice bouquet of big sunflowers to stick in the barrels of those army boys guns a garrison keillor vhs tape of prairie home companion and you a box of cherry bombs to relieve your anxiety i ll be watching the news to see how she does share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading wills journey featured phil strawn 15 comments my grandfather john henry strawn was a dichos a storyteller a bearer of folklore and a master weaver of tales who could grip the heart of any listener by the time i came to appreciate his art he had become an old man his form hunched and weary from years of living yet his spirit gave his narratives power i would sit cross legged on the floor close beside his rocking chair absorbed in the stories that spilled from his lips losing myself in the world he painted with words ever so often he would pause lift his fiddle from its case next to the rocker and play a few licks to accentuate his tales folks like him didn t bother to write they told their stories around a campfire or in front of a fireplace on a cold winter day those were the days i cherished most when he told me this story he was in his last days suffering from cancer caused by getting gassed in world war 1 he passed away a month or so later but he did manage to leave me with some of the best parts of his life to write about a small group of cowhands is sitting on the porch of a bunkhouse on a night without a breeze the coal oil lamp was placed out in the front dirt yard of the shack to draw the bugs away the ranch they worked was west of mineral wells texas way out yonder in the low mountains of the palo pinto rough country the white haired visitor sitting to rufus left had been quiet throughout del s story staring at his boots and showing no emotion so rufus trying to be hospitable asked him if he had something to say the way he wore his hat all cockeyed and sweat stained was sad he was in dirty clothes worn out boots and no woman miserable del had just finished his story abo...
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