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Text of the page (random words):
of these things as a result trust is not just broken it s obliterated let s say you found out your partner was a whole different person with a whole different life and you never knew let s say your partner admitted the problem wants help is desperate lost scared broken rock bottom tired of lying to everyone and themselves too makes every effort to get help to make a change to open up to you you have lost everything everything but there is still love there is a child and there is a real commitment to change but he will always be an addict the problem will never ever ever go away simply managed the damage already caused is so extreme it seems insurmountable would you try then would you stay and what if the reason for the addiction was so heinous so unimaginable a childhood beyond belief abuse abandonment lack of love instability a lifetime of hurt you feel sorry for that person you feel sorry for the innocent child they were but you feel scared for the person they have become would you try then would you stay i know this isn t an eloquently put post it s difficult to write it like this without full disclosure trying to skirt around issues false or not maybe one day when i am stronger i can speak about this openly in the meantime please what do you think you would do sabine xxx posted by sabine at 12 39 6 comments wednesday 2 november 2011 what is your bottom line random post but wondering what is your bottom line in terms of ending a marriage i know not a nice thing to think about but i always used to think i would know mine no areas of grey and now i m at a crossroads i e under what circumstances would you definitely leave your husband without a second thought if he was abusive mentally physically or sexually if he was dishonest big lies not small ones if he cheated on you if he had an addiction which was out of control if he was a thief if he was a criminal what if there was a good reason for his behaviour past trauma mental illness abuse etc what if you thought he could change and he wants to change what if you still love each other what if you have children together disclaimer i m not saying any or all of these have happened to us but i was just wondering what makes a marriage end what is your bottom line sabine p s how sad that just 10 months after having a baby together this is the type of post i would be writing never in a million years did i see this coming really posted by sabine at 23 39 7 comments tuesday 1 november 2011 biting thanks for the words of support on my last post we are trying to work things out and getting some outside help too but it s not good at the moment an understatement perhaps last week i really thought it was over and i was going to become a single parent this week i m hoping we can work it out but really my feelings change from hour to hour from day to day exhausting on another note i just came from a good friend s house she and another friend have 2 year olds both of whom are a bit wild lately and i know another friend won t take her child there to play anymore the one bit c very hard on the hand its bruised and indented but no blood drawn and the other pulled her hair poor c who is the happiest smiliest baby cried most of the time we were there and poor thing didn t know what hit her so i was wondering what would you do in that situation how would you react and just in case for the future if your child was the one doing the bullying what would you do in this situation i swiftly removed c and comforted her but those kids move fast i wasn t far from her and i still couldn t stop it and i held onto her after that and didn t stay long and the respective parents the one put the child in time out and then made him apologise to c which he did with a self satisfied smile and the other said something like we don t pull hair and left it at that very interested to hear your opinions on this one hope you are all well sabine xx posted by sabine at 16 23 3 comments monday 24 october 2011 it all falls apart well i never thought i would be the one to write a post like this unfortunately this isn t the i can t be bothered to update my blog anymore post this isn t the i ve lost interest in blogging because i m just too busy too tired too happy how i wish it was no this is the my marriage is falling apart and i m struggling to keep my head above water post i never thought it would happen to me but it did the level of betrayal deceit anguish and mourning are all too much to bear i m not sure why i m writing about it here this isn t new baby stress this is a fucking catastrophe an earthquake a damn end of the world now it s out there i wish that helped p s my baby is beautiful gorgeous healthy and for that i thank g d she makes my life worth living every single day posted by sabine at 13 58 6 comments thursday 21 july 2011 perspective wow thank you for the comments on my last post it really helped me to gain some perspective mash your comment was so well written and just made so much sense and also made me feel incredibly sad that i m actually not there to support her i tell her all the time i m here for her etc i just hope she knows that obviously i know it s related to her being devastated and in mourning and i also know it seemed out of character etc perhaps i need to put my own feelings aside for now and just give her support where she needs it i m the type of person that finds it hard to ignore my own hurt feelings so this will be a new one for me i guess the reason is that she still sends me photos of my niece all the time and expects me to respond with lovely comments and asks for pics of c so i was taken aback with the responses i promise it s not just that i sent photos willy nilly now i feel like i don t want to put c or my feelings in the firing line when i m also sure she doesn t intend to be mean but i don t want her to suddenly wonder why i m not sending pics when she asks either i just don t like the anxious feeling of waiting for a mean response etc those 2 examples are not the only ones unfortunately tough one secondly thanks for the tips on sleeping will try them out oh how depressing when you lie awake when your baby is sleeping c has started to practice shouting and has really found her voice she has this high pitched shriek it is hilarious and she has a huge grin when she does it i m sure the neighbours think something dodgy is going on around here oh and it s supposed to be summer round here but it s been raining every single day and grey skies know you would love it marcia but i have no idea what to do with poor c stuck indoors or in shopping malls all day hope you all have a lovely day sabine posted by sabine at 08 44 2 comments tuesday 19 july 2011 insomnia family and feeling sensitive very random title i know my brain is mush so despite c sleeping beautifully through the night mostly i find myself unable to fall asleep it s crazy i m so exhausted i ve tried counting sheep counting backwards from 100 breathing herbal sleeping pills pilates what gives any great suggestions for me i do have a lot on my mind but nothing pressing and no specific reason for not being able to sleep and if she wakes up for the dummy i can t get back to sleep again it s almost like i am anticipating her waking up again and i just can t doze off i am so grateful to say c is doing so well with solids and is doing great in general i am so in love with her she rolls all over the place scoots on her tummy to get what she wants and sits beautifully we are still waiting for some teeth as i think she s teething chewing on everything and seems to have itchy gums i can t believe my baby is already 6 and half months old my husband s sister and her husband and daughter came to visit us from nairobi kenya this was the first time meeting our niece a who is 2 she loved her cousin and kept wanting to check up on her after she went to bed i was amazed at the difference a short year and half can make how she communicated etc how amazing what a wonderful little girl i can t wait for c to talk to me to tell me what she wants etc incredible we also went off to germany to visit with the in laws c was great on the plane again and does really well with travelling thank goodness we had an absolute blast and she enjoyed being spoilt by her grandparents and they had a great time with her too my other sister in law in sa lost her mother to a brain clot very suddenly about a month ago it came as a big shock to us all and i think she has really been struggling her daughter lost her granny at 6 months old devastating now she was ok with me at first maybe a little more subdued than usual we usually communicate a lot via b lackberry m essenger send pics etc and i consider us close however in the last week she has begun making a few nasty comments about c which i just don t know what to do about i understand she is in mourning etc and i m willing to be patient with her but attacking my child i just can t believe i feel so so upset and of course i ve said nothing and don t plan to but how can i let go of this i need some honest opinions am i being over sensitive here i will attach the pics she responded to example 1 i sent a pic of c her hair has grown dramatically over the past month and is really long and curly on top i sent just my usual update pic i made no mention of hair myself to prompt any reactions i actually sent it to show her first time sitting in a highchair at a restaurant her response to the photo her hair is hysterical she looks like a crazy artist i brushed it off but then i became a bit paranoid about her hair maybe it looks bad etc not a nice feeling example 2 i take c swimming once a week which she loves i sent a pic of her in her swimming costume which is really frilly her response she looks like a lampshade she put a heart after as if that makes it a nicer thing to say i am so hurt i would never say anything like that to her about her daughter my niece and it strikes me as very odd that she would all of a sudden what would you do in my situation say nothing confront it i obviously understand she is in a bad place right now so i m trying to keep it in perspective still i think it s a low blow to aim all this shit at my baby opinions appreciated hope you are all well i am trying to keep up to date with everyone s blogs although i admit i have been absolutely shocking at commenting etc i will try to do better lots of love sabine posted by sabine at 13 47 5 comments thursday 16 june 2011 becoming a mother has made me the strongest person on one hand and the biggest wuss on the other for example i can do anything with just one hand well most things anyway i can do at least 3 things at once i can function on no sleep kind of but i can t watch adverts without crying especially ones about children it doesn t matter if they re happy or sad i can no longer watch documentaries about unusual people as all i can think of is that s somebody s baby and i can t bear the pain i fall to pieces when my baby has a fever post immunisation boo hoo i cry from just having too much love for her i m not proud to admit i usually kill spiders they terrify me but now i just can t again that s somebody s baby there is no point to this post just i guess what a rollercoaster ride this all is i have never been more exhausted more exhilarated more stressed more in love just too many emotions this parenting thing is so hard and i can see as time goes on it just gets harder i m so scared and so excited sometimes i think what have i got myself in for and then in the same second i can t wait to do it all again sabine posted by sabine at 11 14 2 comments thursday 2 june 2011 in a couple of days c will be 5 months old which means 2 things 1 time is clearly moving at hyperspeed 2 i have been a very crap blogger shame on me so if anyone is still reading and i don t blame you if you ve given up on me though i ll be very sad our trip home was exhausting but lovely the flight etc c handled brilliantly both there and back she slept the whole way except for a bottle on the way up and down so many clearly relieved passengers commented on how good she is my g d she even smiled at this reeeeaaally creepy dude with big false white teeth and greasy long hair who looked like he hadn t had a shower in two weeks hilarious but not she absolutely adored her cousin and they talked squealed and all the rest the moment they laid eyes on each other and it was amazing how everyone loved and fussed over her those who live close to your family never take this for granted no matter how annoying your family can be that unconditional love is irreplaceable when we left it was heartbreaking for me to take her from everyone we also had our second first mothers day this year you read that right they re on different days in england and south africa so we got to celebrate twice this year and in honour of kate and will s royal wedding my husband left about 10 days before we did as he needed to get back to work and i ll tell you never again firstly i have newfound respect for single mothers how how how on earth do you do it nevermind the 11 hour flight home alone with her secondly c is completely attached to her dad and i won t separate them again if i can help it she didn t do her usual talking etc the whole time he was gone heartbreaking when we got back and she saw him she made noises i d never heard her make before and this was her face since we got back we started weaning and so far she s had homemade apple pear sweet potato butternut carrots avo and baby rice of course her favourite is pear she can t get it in her mouth fast enough and doesn t waste a drop her worst is sweet potato i tried to trick her by adding pear to it she was like who are you kidding mom and clamped her mouth shut she also had some allergy tests done and was found to have a cow s milk protein allergy so she s on new formula 30 for a 400g tin which thank g d the nhs pays for so i guess that s one measly advantage of living in england she started to roll over front to back and vice versa and can sit for a bit unaided her full head of dark hair she was born with has all but fallen out leaving her blonde and her hair on top is very very long in fact she has a couple of dreads at the back of her head i cut one out and then another few grew in it s place so i m leaving well alone she loves her dummy and her thumb and has a taglet doodoo blankie that she sleeps with every night she amazes me every day i love how she wraps her little arms around me and how she smiles and coos when i go get her from her cot i love how she loves the bath and splashes and kicks like a wild thing in fact i ve started taking her to swimming lessons which she absolutely adores she is the smallest in the class my hubby and i finally gave it a go sorry tmi and i was most relieved to find out it still works seriously though i was really stressing about it i didn t have any pain and he said it feels the same as before maybe he s lying but i ...
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