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Text of the page (random words):
sional model which if you ve been a profession model that s probably setting off alarm bells right there so many of my own figure modeling clients would introduce themselves and first thing they d be up front about what they paid they were all highly invested in keeping things professional even the ones who ran into me in night clubs i was barely old enough for would ask me to go to their latest vernisage or sit in on a class so that i d know what i was getting into it doesn t mean i never ran into a slimeball with bad boundaries but that happened all of twice in a busy ten year period so i think it s relevant to mention especially when constrasted to potential clients on model mayhem who were forever looking for 18 25 no experience necessary and offering to pay in photos the story told in the memoir is one that asks how much agency did i have and how much of what happened is my fault the story is a familiar one it s still a familiar one fifty years later a much older man engages a naive sheltered entirely reasonable young woman in the same or an adjacent field in friendly conversation he says i d love to paint you they have lunch they talk about stuff they re both interested in she thinks an interesting adult yes she s legally been an adult for five years in this particular story but the dude is her dad s age is taking her seriously listening to what she has to say and the whole time he s making shit up about what kind of relationship they have while relying on plausible deniability his own reputation society in general s eagerness to blame women for our own oppresion and both her relative unknownness and un knowing ness to cover for what quickly becomes some really inappropriate behaviour i read this woman s memoir this woman who kept thinking she had to talk to this loser with a mix of bafflement and understanding i get why she felt like she had to keep talking to him i get how we re all conditioned to check and double check every micro expression for some kind of evidence that we might have led him on but watching her blame herself for the breakdown of this dude s marriage for example just had me going honey what on earth a guy who having interacted with her at all for a grand total of three months tracked her down when she moved overseas and re inserted himself into her life after she returned got married had a kid trying to become a family friend a guy who painted her remembered face onto the nude bodies of other presumably also remembered but maybe featured in other paintings women and threatened to show them around the small city and insular arts community they shared because she d left town without giving him a forwarding address and thus abruptly put an end to the imaginary world where he could tell himself they were dating there was one person in the whole book not her eventual husband not her mother but a random old irish woman born in the 1890s who told her that that douche bag s feelings were his own i find it kind of telling the way the author comments about this that she didn t have much use for men i remember back when i had any use for men how much internal pressure there was to give them the benefit of the doubt make excuses for their behaviour and manage their feelings the memoir talks about the author questioning whether her poetry had been published a whole book published at twenty because her publisher thought her work was good or given that he d alegedly talked pretty crassly about what she was getting up to in ireland while he handed her forwarding address to her stalker if he also had an imaginary potentially fuckable version of her in his head superimposed over her real autonimous existence the answer to that one is who the fuck knows at least with regards to her very first book but given that she s had a number of books published through goose lane and palimpsest press since turning fifty she presumably knows what she s doing as a poet i can understand waiting until the dude canadian painter jack wilkinson a man who sexualized and claimed to be in love with his own daughter who surprise went no contact as soon as possible had died before talking about this stuff in any official capacity i can understand how someone who grew up and had to deal with this garbage decades before no means no was ever a thing would feel like some man s decisions and behaviours were somehow her s to bear the memoir is well structured i may not love the author s voice sorry there s a little too much wine and bread and brie soft focus whimsey to the way she looks at her youth almost like she s carrying around her own fictional version of herself that s equally too naive to know what s going on and still absolutely to blame for it as another formerly twenty something middle class white girl with a university education but not a tonne of street smarts i ll give her the former but definitely not the latter but the story she s telling is sound this is the kind of book i d give my mother someone from the same generation as the author but i might also recommend it to some of my artist clients and to anyone who s wondered was it my fault when someone else decided he wanted to take things the wrong way on purpose tags body policing book review books feminism modeling social morees comment monogamy cosplay filed under poly polyamoury leave a comment april 20 2026 for the first time in nearly 20 years i can see the appeal of monogamy keep breathing your favourite parasocial polycule isn t going anywhere but i have got to talk about this i m used to doing monogamy cosplay when house hunting which my polycule is doing right now or job hunting or going through airport security talking about being a married lesbian rather than a polyamourous bisexual talking about how my wife and i sometimes my partner and i if the landlord is already misgendering one of us live with family or i m traveling to visit family for three weeks of vacation time dealing with the realities of landlord insurance only covering x number of people who aren t legally recognized as related to each other or staff parties being plus one only i m used to it being a careful lie of mostly omission wedding ring firmly on my left finger for the same reasons that i m wearing afterthought pearl drop earrings and carrying a kate spade bag i want to use glamour and camoflage to present a certain image to a potentially prejudiced employer security guard or landlord what i m not used to is doing monogamy cosplay because a partner and i have come down sick at the same time that my other live in partner is out of town for a week meaning that suddenly two of us have the house to ourselves while also having cancelled every date with our outside the house partners in the interests of nobody else getting sick i m not used to doing it at home you know the joke about how it s not the jealousy it s the scheduling that makes polyamoury stressful it s truer than i really understood my first seven years of polyamoury were mostly spent as one of someone else s partners sharing my now wife s time energy and attention without having to share my own once i did get myself an additional long term partner she was long distance to the point that we only saw eachother for a few weeks out of the year scheduling was still mostly a problem for other people but in the past few years i ve not only started dating a third partner and had that initial long distance beloved move to canada and into our house with us but my wife has also acquired an additional sweetheart and now four out of seven members of our polycule are at the honey we need a bigger house stage of polyamoury i knew i was stressed about scheduling housing and everyone getting enough personal space and enough time both to ourselves and with various configurations of each other but ye gods i didn t realize how badly i needed a week with just one partner i have seriously felt while being sick and full of horrible mucus no less like i was on vacation like sure yes part of that is going easy on myself and doing the bare minimum at work due to said illness but a lot of it was just not having to pack an overnight bag not having to get out of the house at the right time to make it to date night on time not having to split my attention not constantly stressing about whether or not i was neglecting anyone not having to leave the house and spend money to just get a few hours of one on one time and the opportunity to curl up with the same person every night for a week amazing last summer one of my live in partners headed off on a ten day adventure with one of her other girls getting that sustained at home time with just one partner even without cancelling my dates with my other in town girl made a big difference in both my stress levels and my ability to connect with my sweetie so maybe the need for this this shouldn t have surprised me as much as it did my third partner my solo poly girl who loves having a place to herself and i are going on a romantic getaway shortly it s not the same thing as sharing time at home together i won t fingers crossed be dealing with ongoing malurgy and we will be on actual vacation complete with a balcony hot tub and a couple of fancy restaurant meals but still sustained one on one time it has me wondering again how much it would cost to rent a local b b or a downtown hotel suite in the off season for 3 4 days per partner just to make sure i get that kind of together time reading books on the couch side by side and making at home dinenrs for two with each of them so pro tip date nights they matter 20 minutes of one on one catch up time multiple times per week per partner that matters too but so does building in some multi day re connection time for each of your dyads so that the two of you and the other two of you and the next two of you can each get reacquainted with the smell of each other s skin the way your bodies fit together and what it s like to share space and time when nobody s attention is getting split i m missing my other partners right now and she s missing hers we re both looking forward to getting time with our respective other loved ones again soon but for a few days in a given year monogamy cosplay has its benefits tags fam intimacy long term relationships nonmonogamy polyam polyamoury relationships comment book review carry on unpacking your internalized transphobic and queerphobic baggage by mx nillin lore filed under books queer 1 comment march 6 2026 disclosure i signed up to be a reviewer for thornapple press books and so was sent a copy of nillin lore s carry on unpacking your internalized transphobic and queerphobic baggage specifically so i could make my opinions known about it on ye olde internet am i getting paid for this no am i getting a free print edition of the book for this yes synopsis as provided by the publisher queerphobic and transphobic messaging can arrive from nearly any direction and once queer and trans people are exposed to the fear disgust and judgement people have for otherness it can easily fester into internalized oppression in a society that promotes the narrative of self loathing queers loving and accepting ourselves can be hard to imagine let alone achieve author and activist mx nillin lore has first hand insight into the complex inner journey of decluttering the guilt shame and anxiety that can feed our inner discriminator and in carry on they provide a guided expedition through the source material of our own erasure a self reflective journey and a toolset for dismantling inflammatory inner frameworks this is a practical and encouraging guide for those ready and willing to unpack their internalized queerphobic and transphobic baggage what i thought of this book first thing s first i m cis i ve been out as bi queer for roughly thirty years i have a very straight and very mono normative but also supportive immediate family of origin and i grew up with out gay aunties who had bi books on their shelves that and i went to an arts high school full of fellow queers and somewhat it was the nineteen hundreds supportive teaching staff and cultivated a tonne of bi babe friends to hang out with irl during my teens and then twenties so hearing my mom say i don t really understand this bi sexuality in 1998 didn t phase me all that much and having a now ex husband who didn t like me talking about my queerness mostly just made me louder about it whereas this book is definitely written for people who a aren t out yet or aren t out beyond having told a couple of really trusted friend and maybe hitting up a regular queer event on the other side of town and b are having a hard time imagining a life where being more i m not sure if these are the right words but publically and consistently their full selves if i can put it like that isn t worse than staying hidden meaning i am really really not the target audience for this book that said it s not like i never have a bad brain day due to my own mental health crap and back when i started dipping my toes into kinky stuff and open relationships while dating actual women omg post divorce i was absolutely carrying around a sick sense that if i didn t end up in one or more happily non monogamous kinky long term relationship s where i wasn t failing to adult milestone in spite of my outside the charmed circle relationship structures that somehow my horrible ex would have been right all along or i d have to go back to dating men or something so i might have been the target audience for this book 15 20 years ago when i was hitting up what s now the bi amore group at the local queer community centre and dreading running into lesbians who thought the b wasn t queer enough 1 what i thought of the book while there were elements that i didn t love the odd phrase that rubbed me the wrong way small stuff like that and while as i said this book definitely isn t aimed at me given where i am in my life for the right reader it would be a huge help carry on is written in really accessible language and at least if you re reading this blog the casual cussing vernacular will feel like you re chatting with a friend it includes lists of things you might be running into or need to take into account and is gently seasoned with questions you can ask yourself about what situations make you feel confident and powerful what behaviours you won t put up with from other people and what you ll include in your plans for advocating for yourself or removing yourself from situations where people aren t treating you right it s got chapters on how to find and sometimes create spaces to attract people like you and anecdotes about why people stay closetted even when it s hurting them to do so that i think will have many readers feeling really seen and understood especially if they don t have many queer peers in their real life social circles new concepts i liked i liked the description of a quality world one where you use the block function liberally and mostly keep your so...
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