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bomb had exploded taking away my health shredding my future and destroying my hope but on the other hand this is the day that my journey began and i cannot erase the dark painful days without giving up the miracles and blessings that have come about while climbing this myeloma mountain it has been eight years four years longer than my first prognosis i am healthy and strong my lab results show no signs of myeloma is it gone will it come back i don t know but i am going to ride this wave as long as possible and maybe mm won t crash back into my life again i can t ask the what if s anymore instead today is a time to reflect and share some of the miracles and blessings i have received during this journey spending time with my family in star valley wyoming 7 new family members since diagnosis and a new daughter in law and a grand baby both coming in may spencer my youngest just starting his senior year of high school he was 10 when i was diagnosed trent and lys are getting married in may aren t they cute these kids are my amazing wonderful crazy grandchildren eight years ago i wondered if i would ever get to be a grandmother i started back up in martial arts it took a while for my body and brain to get back in shape my son tyler and i after my senior brown test i have slacked off the last several months because this happened i got a teaching job after graduating 25 years ago in family and consumer science education i finally get to teach i am teaching 7th 8th and 9th grade it is challenging hard and exhausting and i am loving it besides junior high kids can t scare me i ve had cancer at october 29 2016 7 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels diagnosis grandchildren healthy lab results martial arts remission march 13 2016 this is what i believe to my father my brother my mother in law my grandparents and many other family members and friends this is what i believe at march 13 2016 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels jesus christ lds org august 05 2015 on top of the world it has been six and a half years since i was diagnosed with multiple myeloma three and a half years since i finished treatment and maintenance and 7 months since i was finally able to get off all pain medication over the past several months i have felt new life and energy returning to my body on top of the world it feels so good to feel so good no pain no fatigue no treatment i actually have energy i wake up every morning excited to start a new day believe it or not i actually get excited to clean my house my son is thrilled last week the opportunity came to hike the y this is a large painted letter y it is made of concrete and is 380 feet high and 130 feet wide near the top of the mountain above brigham young university this popular hike is not very long but it is fairly steep with 12 different switchbacks rising over 1000ft in elevation even though i had a cold i jumped at the opportunity to check this off my bucket list i was lucky to have two of my sons come with me i had no idea how much this hike would affect me when i started out early tuesday morning with each step memories of my past mountain climbing experiences with multiple myeloma came flooding into my mind and occasionally dripping down my cheeks i recalled a post i wrote on january 12 2009 titled shaking out my shoes many of the feelings and thoughts i had when i started this journey were vividly symbolized with each step i took up y mountain i recalled these words sometimes when you climb mountains you have to take time out to sit down in the dirt and shake the rocks pebbles and sand out of your shoes sometimes while i am climbing this mountain i have to shake out my shoes with a box of kleenex by my side this is a pretty steep mountain and there are times when i don t feel like taking another step sometimes this upward climb becomes more of a mental than a physical challenge this trek was harder than i had envisioned and my view of the y disappeared within the first few hundred feet of the hike it wasn t long before i had to stop catch my breath and take a sip of water the higher i climbed the harder my heart started beating and the more often i had to stop and rest along the trail i watched young children and older adults pass me with ease i had to remind myself this isn t a race and i am not competing with anyone else on the trail but myself as the incline increased i grabbed onto the strap of one of my son s backpack i found this helped keep me moving a little further between breaks eventually i hooked my elbows between both my sons and hiked up the rest of the path to our destination we were rewarded with a beautiful view of the valley i was overcome with emotion that i was able to accomplish something that a few years ago i thought might never happen i was overwhelmed with gratitude that my body has healed and my life has been blessed with more time to enjoy with my friends and family i once again realized that i can t climb my mountain alone just as i a leaned on my sons to help me climb to the y my family friends and my faith in god help me keep going i can t compare myself to others and where they are on the trail their steep places are not mine and the rocks that i may stumble on and grow from may be a walk in the park for them sometimes i can t see where a path will lead or when a trial trail may end that is the time when i need to stop take a drink of water gather strength from those around me and take another step knowing that god is bigger than any mountain i may have to climb and with his help no matter what challenges any of us face if we are willing to keep moving upward he will bless us by the way i m writing this from the hospital i had labs a pet scan and now an aredia bone hardening infusion i have had plenty of time to write after waiting a half hour for the medication to come from the pharmacy the nurse started the two hour infusion and the pump started beeping 30 minutes later when she came over to check it out she stepped in a puddle of aredia dripping off of the tube by my recliner apparently she had forgotten to hook up the line and i was just getting saline so she had to order it again she was embarrassed but no harm done as long as i don t have to pay for that puddle four hours later i m finally headed home just in time for rush hour traffic gotta love it it makes for an interesting day to what has become my three six month routine at august 05 2015 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels y mountain climbing sons december 26 2014 merry christmas as christmas approaches i want to take this opportunity to give an update on how i am doing and reflect on my life over the past several years i wish i could take a magic wand and wave it over me six years ago filling me with the knowledge of the future i am living today my future was looking pretty grim as i received the diagnosis of multiple myeloma filling 80 90 of my bone marrow the prognosis did not look promising i began treatment by preparing for a stem cell transplant just a few weeks before christmas then spent a year undergoing chemo tandem transplants and powerful steroids that all completely wiped me out the fun continued over the next two years with more medications and a weak immune system everyday was a challenge to stay positive live in the present and learn to rely on the countless kind and generous acts of my family friends and my faith when you are in the middle of the dark tunnel it is hard to stayed focused on the light at the end there were many days i honestly never thought it would get better then gradually with out me hardly noticing my health has slowly improved i actually can go several days without even thinking about cancer i never imagined that was possible six years ago has my health returned to normal no although my labs continue to improve i still have some lowered kidney function a lower than normal immune system and some lingering nerve pain i used to be in constant pain and on lots of medications i have managed to decrease my pain meds to the lowest possible dose and my daily medications are almost down to normal i try to live everyday with gratitude in my heart i have been so blessed i know far too many who began on this mm path about the same time as i who are no longer alive in remission or are struggling to gain their health back i will never know why i got cancer or why it is now in remission and my health is returning i also don t know how long or if this remission will last but i do know i don t want to waste this experience i know that there are many things i have learned and will continue to learn and grow from from having lived through this life and death journey i am a stronger person i am learning that i have the ability to decide how i choose to live my life i am learning to get rid of the i should s and i have to s and instead dwell on the i choose to s much of the busyness of the past have slid off my plate i am learning to replace them with things of more lasting value i am by no means perfect at this but i know that cancer was a catalyst in examining and changing my life for the better one of the new blessings in my life has been the opportunity to be involved in my church i am helping in the relief society of my lds church of jesus christ of latter day saints ward this is a voluntary women s organization in my local area it is amazing how good i feel when i am serving others and have a purpose which reaches beyond myself my husband continues to be my rock he has a tough job with lots of responsibilities and has had some of his own challenges over the past few years he still manages to keep this ship afloat my family is growing our oldest son and his wife just welcomed their third child into the family beautiful little violet joined her 4yr old sister and 2 yr old busy brother on december third our daughter and her husband built a home about five miles away their jobs school and a busy two year old daughter keeps them on their toes our next son was married last january and i gained another daughter they are both juggling work and school i am so lucky to have all my married kids live close by the best part is getting to see and tend my grandkids regularly being a grandmother is one of the greatest blessings in my life our third son is serving an lds mission in west virginia he left last july and will return home july of 2016 two years is along time for this mom but i do this with faith in god that he will be able to serve teach and turn the hearts of the people to christ i cherish his emails each week it is amazing to watch the growth that is taking place in his life as well as those he teaches i get to talk to him on christmas can t wait our youngest son is still at home he is a sophomore in high school i am so glad i get to be involved in his life he is such a good kid with the exception of our missionary our whole family will be getting together for christmas eve music games dinner and our own nativity i better get off the computer and start checking off my list i am so thankful to be here to feel well enough to enjoy my family and to celebrate christmas together i love christmas and the opportunity to reflect on the birth of my savior jesus christ i know that his life neither began in bethlehem nor concluded on the cross that he lives today that because of his life and atonement i can have peace in my life and hope for the future no matter what may come because of him i know that their is a purpose and a plan in all of our lives and we all have the opportunity to live with him again merry christmas and may the new year bring you love and peace at december 26 2014 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest may 27 2012 great views the sun has been shining over the past several weeks and i just wanted to post something a little brighter than my previous post the weather is beautiful and the last few weekends have brought our family a chance to work in our yard and garden even tabitha helped water the tomatoes we planted 300 tomato plants as well as onions peppers watermelons catalops beets peas radishes beans raspberries and i m sure there are more i have forgotten my son in law and two sons plan on selling most of the produce at the local farmer s market kirby and zoey enjoyed the outdoors too here are a few good men outstanding in their field trent always works better while listening to a few good tunes on his headphones see the blue beehive in the background that s the new home of 30 000 bees thanks to my son in law and another one of his new hobbies eggs anyone what a great life i have the views from the top of my mountain are amazing i am learning to live joyfully in the moment at may 27 2012 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels bees chickens garden mountains sons tabitha trent may 06 2012 giving in and giving up every few months or so i make the same stupid mistake sometimes i just get so frustrated with my poor health never ending infections and pain that i just decide to throw it all up i mean literally and figuratively lately i have been dealing with nausea from too many antibiotics resulting in stomach aches and another ulcer also my liver decided to quit functioning properly so a few weeks ago i had a liver biopsy the liver doctor inserted a long needle between the ribs on my right side and pulled out a sample of tissue to be examined it was not nearly as painful as i had imagined thank goodness it s been over three long anxious weeks and i still have not received any results th e nurse did tell me over the phone that it s not likely cancer from the lab report she read whew but still i must continue to wait very frustrating so to sum it all up i am sick of being sick yesterday i decided to quit instead of getting out my 2 day pill box filled with antibiotics pills for this side effect and another for the side effect of that side effect as well as a host of vitamins and minerals i just gave up and threw the box up onto the shelf i tore off my pain patch and decided it was all in my head maybe the reason i am always tired have no appetite and can t sleep or can t sleep enough is just because of all these stupid drugs at 2am i woke up in pain it hurt from my toes up to my nose my body was stiff and grating i managed to hobble to the bathroom to get a drink i can do this i said giving myself a pep talk i turned my ipod on plugged in my ear phones and forced myself to go back to sleep while listening to my middle of the night lull me to sleep music it finally worked for a couple hours until the pain grew and gnawed me awake i lay there gathering my thoughts and then finally my strength to do what i had to do i hobbled back to the bathroom pulled down my pill box and took the few most important pills including a pain pill i grabbed ...
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