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ur adulation i know these may be foolish dreams but they re ones i can t let go your death has left me hollowed out my life now veiled with sorrow although i know the sun s the same it doesn t feel as bright nothing feels normal now nothing feels quite right i wish i could be angry i d scream and throw some things but all i feel is nothing a numbness from within i smell your clothes every day but the scent is quickly fading i m struggling to recall your voice i m scared my memory s failing i m petrified i m going to forget my life before the pain your clown like smile and playful eyes your love that never waned your life was taken quickly stolen by a thief and all i m left with is fading memories and this terrible pain called grief if only we had one more moment photo credit funkybug via photopin cc poems death grief loss love poetry sorrow 0 are you addicted to being happy july 29 2014 katboyde we all want to be happy all the time right i know i certainly do but what happens when we are not what happens when the fix has worn off we feel bad like a failure and start the search again for this perpetual state of happiness yes it seems as if we are all searching high and low for this so called happiness and once we find it we believe life will be all puppy dogs and roses well this is certainly what i used to believe anyhow that was until i had one of those light bulb moments whilst reading a book called inviting a monkey to tea by nancy colier as i was reading this book i felt myself nodding along with every page and felt relieved to realise that it is not an achievable goal to expect to be able to be happy all of the time partly due to the fact that happiness relies on controlling circumstances that no matter how hard we try we cannot control it relies on circumstances staying the same life s circumstances do not ever stay the same this is the nature of life so is there a workable alternative if we cannot maintain perpetual happiness what is it that we should aim for instead in order to feel a sense of well being according to nancy there is a way to feel grounded and well even when the contents of our life are not that way she talks about achieving contentment which means allowing whatever is going on in your mind the monkey to just happen without trying to control or change it and then making peace with it and distancing yourself from the emotions and feelings in other words not letting the emotions or feelings dictate your whole being once you master this nancy believes that you can always feel content and well the book details how you go about achieving this as well as topics such as fear acceptance and surrender as i said earlier reading this book was like a switch had been activated in my head it makes so much sense to me to be able to get myself to a point where i can feel well and content even when the circumstances in my life are challenging and difficult so from this point on i am doing away with my happiness addiction and instead of trying to hunt it down i will be grateful for the times it appears in my life i am also going to try to achieve contentment and work towards not letting my monkey mind take over but instead just allow it to natter away in the background who knows i might even invite the monkey to tea disclaimer i am in no way affiliated with nancy colier or her book inviting a monkey to tea i have not received any compensation and all thoughts and opinions are my own photo credit eljoja via photopin cc life acceptance addiction being happy contentment fear happiness monkey mind nancy colier surrender 4 mid life crisis or transformation july 7 2014 katboyde i am quickly approaching the middle of my life assuming i am lucky enough to live until i m in my eighties or as carl jung famously termed the afternoon of life as the curtains begin to open on this period of my life i am starting to notice some changes going on some may deem these the signs that i m suffering from a mid life crisis however i like to look at what is going on as more of a transformation than a crisis when we think of a mid life crisis it often conjures up ideas about men trading in their cars and wives for sexier younger models and although this does actually happen to some a mid life transformation is different for everybody and happens to women as well as men sometimes this change can be triggered by life changing events such as illness or the loss of a loved one where people are forced to contemplate their own mortality and think about how they want to spend the rest of their lives other times it can be when the family dynamics change such as kids leaving home or starting school and people find now the children are not so dependent on them they have time to think of themselves and their own needs and interests now that my youngest child is due to start school next year i am beginning the process of trying to figure out what i m going to do with myself what work i want to do what interests i d like to pursue etc however thinking about career choices is not the only thing going on there are a number of subtle changes and thoughts that seem to have only just surfaced recently questions it feels a bit like i m a four year old again constantly questioning everything however instead of asking why the sky is blue and looking to my mother or father for answers i m interrogating myself and expecting the universe to provide me with what i am searching for the kind of questions go a bit like this what do i want out of life what is my passion is it realistic to pursue your passion why am i not where i want to be financially emotionally physically how do i become the person i want to be will i ever have the answers it is an exhausting process but i believe it is an important phase in my life as it is giving me the opportunity to really take the time to think and start forming a bit of a blue print for what i would like my life to look like from here on in i also realise that these kind of questions are not going be answered by simply googling or by any other external source they will only be found by taking the time to look within myself and listen to that little voice inside feeling different in the past couple of weeks i have started to feel different everything on the outside has stayed the same i look the same and have the same issues and challenges as i have always had but there has been a subtle shift in how i feel about things i feel more calm and at peace but ready and confident to take on the next phase of my life and whatever it may bring i feel i am now in a place where i can welcome change and embrace new opportunities friendships relationships the thing about change or transformation is that everybody changes at different times and in different ways this means that friendships or relationships may alter and you may not have as much in common with the people you once did although this can be a sad realisation i believe it also represents an opportunity to meet new people and find those who are really on the same wavelength as yourself not recognising yourself in the mirror lately when i look in the mirror i often get a fright i see a new grey hair a wrinkle starting to appear or a piece of cellulite i never knew was there and think who is this staring back at me i still feel young inside but how i feel internally doesn t always match what i see staring back at me i guess this is when some women turn to botox and the like to try to turn back the clock and others embark on a new exercise or eating regime to get themselves looking more like the way they feel i have noticed many of my friends starting to really get fit and they seem to be loving it and feeling great i think it is fantastic and it is definitely an area of my life i need to pay more attention too however i also think getting old is just a part of life and with age comes wisdom and often a new clarity about who you are as a person so with this in mind i am going to try to be kind to the person i see staring back at me and love her just the way she is so my mission is to welcome this transformation that mid life is bringing and see it as an opportunity to reflect and assess exactly what i want for the rest of my life and embrace the ever changing version of myself with open arms how are you feeling about the afternoon of your life are you anxious about a mid life crisis or are you optimistic about what this kind of transformation could bring photo credit 1 paulstarpics via photopin cc photo credit 2 jurvetson via photopin cc life mid life crisis transformation friendship beauty life s questions passion immortality life empty nesters 4 it s that soup eating slipper wearing time of year july 4 2014 katboyde i ll be the first to admit that winter is not my favourite season i hate the cold it makes me want to curl up in my warm blankets and stay there all day it makes me less inclined to exercise and less likely to want to go out of the house whenever this time of year rolls around i think of the bears yes i think the bears are on to something stock up on food and then hibernate for the winter brilliant however as you and i both know i am not a bear i am a human a wife and a mother so there will be no hibernating for the winter season for me damn shame so now that we have established i can t just curl up in a ball and ride winter out i thought i better start looking at the bright side of the season so here is what i do love about winter slippers and winter pyjamas if only i could live in them 24 7 i would be loving winter even more soup i want to write soup but i really don t like soup all that much it doesn t really feel like a meal to me and although it is nice and hot i m just not really a soup girl although saying that jamie oliver s seafood chowder from woolies passes my fussy eater food test hot pools when i lived in nz i loved going to the hot pools the one in my home town is salt water so you get to sit in the beautiful warm water and also get all the benefits of the salt lovely however these type of hot pools are not so prevalent here in newcastle australia so a hot bath will have to suffice slowing down i always feel the need for slowing down and taking time to reflect on things when winter comes around and through doing so i always discover how grateful i am this year i am particularly grateful to my friends my friends who have cooked me meals looked after my children shared a bottle of wine and listened to me when i ve been feeling lonely and home sick so as i sit here in my slippers with a hot cup of tea i would like to thank winter for blessing me with a season to sit contemplate and be grateful for all that i have what are your favourite things about winter photo credit blmiers2 via photopin cc friendship winter soup slippers gratitude friends reflection jamie oliver hot pools 4 where s dot june 21 2014 katboyde after a couple of weeks cooped up in the house with sick children a day out with my friend dot was just the tonic i needed today we headed to newcastle s east end i haven t spent a lot of time around here so was excited to have a mooch around after searching the narrow streets for somewhere to park the car we headed off to find a nice spot for a coffee after a short stroll down hunter street we ended up at soul foods where we enjoyed a coffee sweet potato chips and bread and dips yummo our next port of call was the hunt and gather markets at pacific park this was my first visit to the markets and i had a fantastic time wandering around the stalls which included clothing designers mens fashion labels accessories leather ware jewellery flowers soap and more plenty of people had bought a picnic rug so they could lie in the sunshine and listen to the live music i was mainly looking today put did purchase a heavenly smelling soap and of course a couple of doughnuts to take home to hubby who was minding the children dot is one of those salt of the earth types she is pregnant with her fourth child meaning by the time christmas arrives she will be mum to four kids under the age of 5 however this doesn t slow her down she surfs cycles competes in iron man competitions and renovates her house in her spare time however you would never know all this because dot is humble and never one to brag about her achievements she truly is an amazing lady and an inspiration to me what a lovely way to enjoy the shortest day of the year winter solstice thanks dot let s do it again sometime friendship hunt and gather markets newcastle east friendship winter solstice pacific park soul foods hunter street newcastle 0 time to green my routine june 18 2014 katboyde i have known for some time that there are nasty chemicals lurking around in my beauty products but until recently i hadn t taken the time to find out what they were and why i should be bothered about them that was until this happened a couple of months ago i noticed that the skin was starting to flake off the palms of my hands so i just put it down to dry skin and starting applying various lotions and potions in the hope it would solve the problem however it didn t and the problem just got worse soon strips of skin were peeling off my hands and they were getting red raw and itchy not pretty to look at and definitely embarrassing when having to shake hands with people the strange thing was that the problem was confined to the palm of my hands everywhere else was fine this lead me to conclude that something my hands were coming in contact with on a daily basis must be the cause of my problem which lead me to take a closer look at my body wash facial wash shampoo conditioner and the dishwashing liquid i was using guess what they all had in common sodium lauryl sulphate sls which was listed as the 2nd or 3rd ingredient on the list meaning it was one of the main ingredients in the product s make up when i investigated sls further i found that it is a known skin and eye irritant and is often used to test other products against to see if they will soothe the irritation so that made sense as to why the skin was constantly peeling off my hands this must be harsh stuff because my skin is pretty resilient and i have never reacted like this before sls is highly effective in removing oily stains and residues and is therefore used in engine degreasers floor cleaners etc it is used in products such as shampoo and body washes for its thickening and lathering effects apparently large concentrations of sls can also act as an effective shark repellent source wikipedia all good to know but not really what i m after in a beauty regime as well as sls i started looking at the other ingredients listed on the products i was using and found things such as parabens propylene glycol mineral oils urea triethanolamine edta just to name a few if you have a look into these chemicals alongside others such as talc you will see there are some pretty unpleasant side effects which can do some long term damage and potentially have some devastating eff...
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