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n twenty four hours the orphans were booked into some of the hottest venues in the dfw the studio club luanns the pirates nook phantasmagoria teen a go go and the box in fort worth mark lee was turning down gigs because he had only two bands we wouldn t have friday and saturday nights free for two years and even less free time in the summer when bookings took up most of each week we were booked to play a christmas party for parkland hospital at the famous adolphus hotel in downtown dallas pulling up to the front in our 57 caddie hearse caused a stir the bellman politely told us the bodies were picked up at the rear we got the joke and proceeded to the loading docks the party turned out to be for the doctors nurses and administration folks in the next ballroom braniff airlines was having its christmas party but with no band it didn t take long before the airline parties spilled over into the hospital party and that s when it got crazy these people supposedly responsible adults were dancing on the tables had a conga line going on the bar top and we had our own go go dancers on either side of the stage three of us were under the age of 18 but that didn t stop the inebriated partiers from pumping us full of hooch in the form of cute little airline bottles by the last set we had gone from charming and talented to stupid drunk and were glad the gig ended we couldn t locate our keyboardist marshall so we loaded up his gear and headed out he showed up a few days later with some dumb assed story he couldn t talk about the hubba hubba s got him again more to come in part 3 share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured ohhh the hot mess we re in featured phil strawn 14 comments here in texas we have a pickup truck full of local sayings and down home descriptions and one of our favorites that covers most of our female induced situations is called a hot mess sounds sort of like a hormonal induced biography of marilyn monroe s or elizabeth taylor s life what it really means is everything is fubar another good one that came out of wwii my father wouldn t tell me the real meaning until i was a teenager f up beyond any repair you get the drift all of us kids used it because all of our fathers served in wwii we heard it daily i can clearly hear those angelic acidic voices of my mother and grandmother talking about an unruly cousin usually cookie or an aunt or uncle or a neighbor being a hot mess or a situation that is out of their control which was usually me i wasn t a bad kid like sinatra i did things my way and paid for it in the usual way a tupperware 9 x 12 hard plastic cake storage container to the butt i still have a faint tupperware emblem scar embedded in my left buttock a free lifelong birthmark compliments of my sainted mother with the arm strength of an nbl pitcher then to make matters worse she put my birthday cake in the same container and i had to suffer the humility of blowing out those candles of that lovely cake sitting atop that cruel instrument of punishment dr johnson my pediatric md would always ask me about that scar when giving me my monthly penicillin shot in the butt for whatever ailed me it was a fairly new drug back then so you got a shot for everything he would say well at least she made you a cake he was an old army doctor and smoked unfiltered camels while he examined me i think he died young while mowing his lawn if i m seeing things right this country is in a hot mess we got ragheads with missles and exploding drones blowing up large oil filled ships sitting in bean bag chairs working their gameboy controllers i ugh atolla s killing all the young folks that want a normal life crazy ass socialist trying to take over our governement and are succeeding a smiling sleezy assed commie mayor of new york trying to turn one of our greatest cities into a third world shithole a million somali s ripping off us taxpayers and driving around in lamborginis and porsches lake wobegon has gone to hell and all the strong women and good looking men and above average children have left and moved to texas and florida even old garrison split for new york and is now trying to escape from madison ave to somewhrere where he can go for a walk without hearing a call to prayer five times a day on a sound system bigger than lynard skynner s i m telling you folks we are in a hot mess one thing about texas is we all have guns ammo lots of coldbeer and pork rinds heb frozen pizzas and we are pissed off most of the time because it s so hot so the hot mess the rest of the world is in doesn t faze us that much governor abbott already issued hunting tags for all the terrorists we want to shoot limits don t apply and the taxidermy mounting fee is fifty percent off don t get me wrong we still have a hot mess down here but ours isn t as bad as it is where you are so if it gets unbearable in your hometown come on down to texas we ll watch out for ya share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured don t ask the addled texan floating on the lone prairie featured phil strawn 16 comments this picture is only partially ai generated me the hair the hat the background and the mandolin are real the suit is taken from porter waggoner i hate ai being a native texan is a damn challenge and not every one of us can pull it off without a series of small nervous breakdowns panic attacks and of course a few bottles of coldbeer it s considered a form of cultural blasphemy to pronounce it as two words in texas so we tend to meld our words into one it makes it easier to speak without sounding like a high roller walking around in high cotton we do have our own language down here in the lone star state i consider writing my job now perhaps my trade so far i ve not made a nickel for any of my literature possibly because it s about texas my childhood country music and all the characters i ve met along my journey on the lone prairie there is a book of short stories in the works but an addled mind has a problem picking out twenty of the four hundred i ve written over the decades gardening was a passion for a while i became a master gardener and imagined my landscape to equal george harrison s friar park or martha stewart s backyard it s too hot in this part of texas to keep anything alive so all of my plants are expiring begging for me to put them out of their misery i had a small service for two purple salvias this morning and last night i saw another rat at our bird feeder momo would cook for the little avians every morning if i didn t stop her music would be my other pursuit of happiness still i mostley play with our church band which is primaraly worship songs ain t no amie the weight or like a rolling stone getting played in the sanctuarary even though we have the intrumentation to pull it off and some of the musicians actually can play that type of music mostley myself since i am the oldest old codger on stage and the rest of the bunch is in their 40s and that leaves me as the old relic from another era the woodstock generation that played hendrix and the band and tried to change the world but failed miserably and had to go back home with our collective tails between our legs our parents laughed see you stupid ass we told you so they were half right my main interest now is mandolin bluegrass jazz country the music played by ricky skaggs sierra hull mike marshall sam bush molly tuttle and billy strings and of course bill monroe when i was a wee child maybe five my father brought home a tater bug mandolin likely given to him by a musician friend i learned four or five two finger chords and then grew bored with the instrument cartoons were more interesting my father was a professional country fiddle player so he should have whooped my butt and made me stick with it but my mother intervened one musician in the home was more than enough now that i m older and bored with the guitar i ve been playing since the age of twelve i ve gone back to the mandolin and fiddle i m much too far down that rabbit hole to stop and momo my wife says it s the only thing except a trunk full of medications keeping me alive she is always right if i stopped playing within twenty four hours i would assume room temperature and the paramedics would have to bag me and haul me away so i keep playing and writing it s a vicious circle one that i created for myself there is no escape and i can t take it with me when i go and neither can any of you reading this everything stays here except your new suit and no shoes we are taking a road trip to mount rushmore in september and i hope that seeing those big faces custer s last stand and maybe yellowstone will revive us and add a few more years on our punch card i plan to watch not by northwest before we go so i can see how i could climb on teddy roosevelt s nose and not fall off i also have plans to run with the bison which is the newest form of self destructive dopamine hits that old folks do these days i ve always wanted to pet a buffalo or a wolf so this will be my chance i m no travel writer or influencer so don t expect anything spectacular or even interesting when we return i may do a podcast full of rants but that would be it god bless the alamo and texas the texan share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured ai has ruined writing and will eventually get around to us featured phil strawn 10 comments i recently joined substack a supposedly writer friendly site i may be leaving it as soon as today ai has taken over the site and flags most everything written on there as ai generated or assisted i put a few of my stories from wordpress on there and it was immediately labeled ai generated i ll call bullshit on that one many of you like me have read the great authors over the years and remember their writing so yes we might be influenced by their ability to weave a story there are only so many words and ways you can use them and ai has taken everything into a database that thinks it knows best so why write at all is the day of writing over for the non educators i say that with a bit of menace in my mouth i took a poll a while back at half price books and found that most of the writers who are selling are women past and present educators or professors of whatever and spit out garbage gone are the days of wolfe hemingway steinbeck welty stein and others amor towles may be the exception but there aren t many at this point i am pondering whether i should even bother share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured scratch a little to the left featured phil strawn 8 comments i ran into old buddy mooch at whataburger a week back i was waiting on my number 1 meal large fries and dr pepper when he walked in with his little cloned chihuahua gravy attached to his chest via a baby papoose holder giblet the original mean as hell chihuahua finally bit the dust and he had him cloned as well as his wife s cat here kitty which is now the clone cat called here kitty kitty you have to live in texas to understand the way we think down here mooch looked pretty good even though his overalls still had the same ketchup stains as they did last year what i did notice was that his fingernails were perfect and he was wearing an expensive rolex watch what the hell mooch has always been poor as a hobo with no train to ride so this was perplexing i knew better to ask but it had to be done i spit it out mooch where did the rolex watch and the fingernails come from did you win the texas two step or sell a body part no little buddy he says me and the missus started us a nail and back scratching salon over by the old mcdonald s she got a bunch of these little vietnamese girls to do the nails and with those long nails they also do back scratching while you re having your nails done feels real good and they finally got that one spot that s been itching for years turns out it was a big old blackhead and that little gal dug it right out with that sharp little fingernail now we re rolling in the dough miss mooch got her a new kia and i got a new bass boat and a pickup lunch is on me today i appreciated that i usually pay and that damn dog bites me gravy is more mild mannered than the long dead little demon dog giblet i will admit i have some scratchy spots on my back and momo scratches me like a mongrel dog once in a while so i said i ll stop by for a manicure and some scratching every man needs a good back scratching once in a while by a little dragon lady with talons happy trials god bless the alamo and i ll catch on down the line 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