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here in covid cactus town and i can tell you it s one shit place to be did i mention we had 41 000 new covid cases yesterday in the uk how many will it be today come on roll up place your bets view all 5 comments hair today gone tomorrow may 12 2020 meet the carmichaels bangs coronavirus covid 19 diy hair hairdressers selfhelp mrscarmichael yesterday i cut my fringe this was a first time thing i have achieved my advanced age never having felt the need to take to my own locks with sharp utensils others better qualified indeed qualified for i am not coiff me on a regular and pleasurable basis i ve always considered it a treat i now know it to be a necessity i pray that taking to my crowning glory with scissors bought to trim my cockapoo s eyelashes another story entirely was a last time thing but in this time of covid needs must and i did in the process i made a couple of schoolgirl errors followers i did not do a very good job actually i ve just been overgenerous it s a habit and in this corona induced solipsistic state i find myself i m sure i m not alone i must find the willpower to cease and desist at being kind and generous to yours truly simply because i ve managed to get through another day week month and it s now wine time wine i hasten to add is not being kind it is like hairdressers a necessity one is out of bounds the other fills the thirsty void but back to my hair the fringe alone demonstrates with devastating ease and sublime efficacy at least four results best avoided when attempting to allow oneself to be able to see without having to part a waterfall of darkening roots gurl s got this one cracked mrscarmichael my mother used to have a weekly blow dry we fondly referred to it as a helicopter haircut so heavy in hand was the artiste with the hairspray mum could regan like spin her hair without her head moving she was not alone although i like hairspray i do not heavy hand it now however i would love a helicopter haircut or any haircut done by someone else someone with qualifications mr carmichael after seeing my good work on lyle the cockapoo with the eyelashes suggested i give him a much needed trim with the boy s clippers what could go wrong of course my husband was focusing on the equipment and the fact they were designed for dogs they re the only ones we have in casa carmichael which answered one question leaving the begging question unanswered my aptitude and talent or lack thereof now that the love o my life thinks i resemble a demented three year old with bad wrinkles and an attitude he s opted for a silver locked tarzan effect from which he cannot be budged i don t blame him he s made the right choice who knew that 1 hairdressers cut your fringe at the end of the haircut when your hair is dry well i did but i must have forgotten 2 hairdressers take a little off at a time with a feathering motion and section the fringe from the surrounding hair me again but it slipped my mind 3 hairdressers don t curl a wet and what might prove to be very short fringe because that will make it look worse if that were possible i didn t know this having never had a fringe cut from hell at the hairdressers my god my fringe looks terrible and what about the rest of my hair i have never been ably to blow dry my hair it s just a fact i m shit at it which is why i don t do it but now i must i wash my hair as infrequently as possible and have moved with alacrity through the stages of mourning for my once coiffed bonce i would be lying to say i don t care but in some ways i actually don t care that much i m no longer riding pillion in a convertible bentley nor dining in pall mall certainly pretending to be a happy housewife is out the proverbial window along with the baby s bathwater now i m just getting through like everyone else and trying to stay well and safe while not looking in mirrors my roots are coming through apace and i have been sent these by my colourist easy peasy mrscarmichael thoughts view all 10 comments killing me softly march 18 2020 mrscarmichael is away from her desk achieverstrips mexico resortlife travel mrscarmichael blood red mrscarmichael mr carmichael and i are recently returned from a trip to mexico the pacific side los cabos well not exactly los cabos our 5 or was that 6 star spa resort was half was between cabo st lucas and los cabos on a very fast road actually all the roads we travelled in mexico were very fast roads due mainly to the fact that all our drivers drove very fast and when i say fast i mean muy fast muy fast indeed gracias a dios that mr carmichael was not at the wheel of any motor vehicle in mexico we had been informed that driving was not part of the plan and i for one or two because i do speak for mr carmichael at almost all times was were very happy to go along with any plan that included no carmichael driving another part of the plan we were told was that we were to have a very good time on the company because this was an achievers club a presidents club a club for people who had done all their numbers and more in the year previous mr carmichael is good at doing his numbers this is something i love about mr carmichael mr c and i have a history joint and several of achievers clubs we have been lucky over mumble years to have done our numbers been counted as company success stories and jetted to continents various there has been much back slapping cheek kissing prize winning alcohol drinking laughter and bonding on beaches in far eastern capitals olive groves the coliseum and with micky mouse good times or not so good but arguably amusing in hindsight although metoo could have had one hell of a field day with some of my experiences it was the 80 s and i did come out unscathed sorta harvey where were you when i needed your help examples comprehensive but not complete follow below in and out of years and foreign hotels yours truly has been chased around a suite in sydney salesman heading home from manila but not yet arrived at his wife been forced to share my super superking bed with a salesman whose roommate was sharing his bed with someone he d spent a bit of money on and got more under the sheets than he bargained for that was in bangkok and the clue as they say is in the name and been pushed up against at fire exit stairwell wall classy by an over amorous and obviously polyamorous salesman from down under who when rebuffed sashayed back to melbourne and told everyone in the office that i d come onto him but his marriage vows were sacrosanct i wonder how that marriage is going mrs c before she was blissfully married had to alternatively beg and drag a previous live in lover multiple times off an wang founder and ceo of wang industries on a dinner dance boat circling alcatraz because he the l i l wanted to sell her boss s boss s boss s boss s boss shares my colleagues cheered and guffawed at my expense as the self centred self serving l i l went in for a fifth try with mr wang up at the prow of the vessel perhaps my dislike of cruising stems from that night i must speak with alacrity to my psychiatrist i am certain that my husband has similar stories not too similar i hope but they are his to tell suffice it to say we are us two veteran achievers trip travellers and up for anything never however has anything included being sent to the murder capital of the world it s true mr carmichael has done his due diligence and discovered why so many people were telling us to travel jewellery naked hire no cars and stay as much as possible within the confines of our be butlered sanctuary this would go a long way to ensuring that the have a very good time plan panned out most sancturyesque mrscarmichael i had booked myself a day trip to todos santos on the hotel it s one of their perks but a friend who was wasn t was wasn t coming came i flagged the trip and chose instead a gaggle of sun loungers to the right of this picture of paradise where b g i and husbands various stayed slumped for four days sometimes you just have to go with the flow and surely it was safer the flow included my sunhat and bag getting the 5 or was that 6 star treatment i m certain heidi klein would approve waiting to be worn in style mrscarmichael i flowed to the hair salon to be coiffed it was included in the 5 or was that 6 star package i managed to kept my hair dry and elegant for the remainder of the event keeping my hair dry and elegant is something i have perfected over the mumble years and am a pretty good hand at it today bandana in the beauty salon where yours truly had a comprehensive rub down and oil up courtesy of the resort how good is this and by not going in the ocean not going in the ocean was mandated by the 5 or was that 6 star spa and resort and impressed upon us also by mr c s employer who wanted to ensure we all stayed happy having a muy good time and as a minimum alive entering the sea of cortez by our hotel would we were told kill us watching the churning dragging high waved water from our breakfast table ensured compliance by all safety first our new motto and my hair stayed perfecto winwin feeling drugged by leisurely happiness b g and i needed little more than the free flowing free food and extremely free flowing free alcohol that our daytime butlers provided for us oh and the sunshine and warmth mexico turned on we relaxed into a hedonistic and safely sybaritic existence enhanced by tequila it s another tequila sunrise mr carmichael we dined on the beach it was low tide spotlit at sunset mrscarmichael the boys played golf brave souls and as a group we did venture out jewellery naked on the last night to flora s farm for supper negotiating the taxi down from an ambitious 900 00 to a reasonable in the context of every else being free 160 for the six of us another win in hindsight i think we could have bejewelled ourselves judging by the cost of the wine and the cowboy hats in the onsite shop we were not in that kind of bandit territory and the place was wonderful i must say but returning to murder where is it you ask the danger discomfort and near death experience i ve brought you to this point under flagrantly false pretence are you cross with me next year s achievers trip is to be held in the democratic republic of the congo i m channelling william faulkner already view all 12 comments lasting friendship a recipe august 8 2016 mrscarmichael is away from her desk cambridge facebook girlfriends humour recipes travel mrscarmichael friendship recipe pixaboy ingredients four women of a certain age thirty years of history one defunct computer company bouquet of facebook large measure sense of humour one converted barn one small and very warm mini one free weekend in august wine add as required desire to press on through as much as necessary method take four women of a certain age who all thirty years previously worked in london for the same company having just arrived on the shore of blighty mrs carmichael reneged on her vow to never never never work in the computer industry again and joined a computer company that promised to pay her more than others she interviewed with and was more importantly based in the pulsing heart of london s red light district soho and just behind liberty of london her favourite shop here she met many sales colleagues who liked a laugh a drink another drink and a bit of commission she also met a secretary k a customer support rep d and an in house trainer l they also liked a laugh a drink another drink and a good lunch and or dinner out infuse facebook friendship with copious slugs of liking each others life events k d l and yours truly all moved on to other companies lives marriages more marriage not speaking for myself here and for some yet more marriage we all joined facebook we became friends on facebook we admired the children and dare i say grandchildren not speaking for myself here that s the beauty of birthing late we congratulated new ventures and commiserated over sadnesses illnesses accidents and stupidities allow to marinate for three or four years three fours years on facebook easily equates to the 25 30 years that in reality most of us had not seen each other k and i have holidayed together a soupçon of times some of which you ve devoured dear reader and enjoyed both barcelona and marrakech through our hazed glazed eyes the other thimbleful is for another time and another post or not combine and bring to the boil one of us suggested a get together we all agreed it wasn t the first time suggested or the first time agreed but with the incorporation of time and aeration it seemed that this time the venture might just have wings transfer to converted barn converted barn mrscarmichael l now a sales training mogul invited us to her casa just shy of cambridge but not in the fens sprinkle with a free weekend in august we scoured our diaries calendars and fading minds coming up with the weekend just gone we were all free willing and somewhat unnaturally keen garnish with a liberal desire to press on through i do like a private facebook group don t you it gives me the opportunity to be secretive top up photos as and when i choose and to keep any designated flock under control and on track we called our group soho slummers don t ask in my back catalogue i found an evocative pic of k in a soho shop sporting a long blonde wig just perfect for the cover photo everything was going so well that is until l had a pacemaker fitted d s sciatica got no better but maybe a touch worse k broke her right foot at work and i fell down a rabbit hole in orford and nuked my left foot that too is another story suffice it to say i did not come out of the tumble as well as lewis carroll s alice but thanks be to god a helluva lot better than k smallmercies top up with more pressing on through and a side of black humour we agreed the adventure would continue as planned add one small bright blue manual non air conditioned mini note this ingredient is optional there are both trains and much bigger better more comfortable cars but this is the original recipe and so for veracity s sake i have included this is how three of the four plus k s boot come to be squashed on one of the hottest weekends of the summer in mrs c s dog walking mini on our way to a good time in cambridgeshire but not in the fens yours truly the only one uninjured enough to contemplate doing the drive it was very hot windows up very noisy and windy windows down and very very cramped k and her boot were pressed into the passenger seat dashboard d spreadeagled in the back had more room to move around but not much due to the amount of luggage women of a certain age pack for one night away a generous dash of unopened wine oh and the coupla dozen bottles of vino did not help the space or windows down noise scenario either pour continuous glugs of vino verde and a bit of aperol prosecco and red wine for seasoning purposes we did not stop laughing we laughed at the barn at the pub back at the barn still at the barn at another ...
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