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Text of the page (random words):
yself thinking about my own interests my life used to revolve around theology and especially academic study of the bible some time in the last decade i lost that interest here s how i am finding it again surprising life twists i never saw coming in 2013 i de converted from conservative evangelical faith i could not reconcile my exegesis of the bible with issues of justice for lgbtq people but the actual moment of my departure was when i realized just how much my theological paradigm compelled me to be constantly othering people i had been categorizing the entire world in terms of saved and unsaved and then treating people accordingly that paved the way for me to explore my own gender issues in 2015 i transitioned from living as a man to living as a woman in society i have never been someone who makes changes gradually i went from presenting 100 male to 100 female in a single day i had all my legal documentation changed in the space of two months i didn t mess around i tried desperately to hang on to the faith that had once been so important to me but the more i interacted with my community that had been so deeply hurt by conservative faith the more i found myself pushed toward secularism after all it s hard to cling to a system that empowers a small minority of privileged people by marginalizing a great deal of others for a few years i tried to find my place with liberal christianity i was on track to enter ministry with metropolitan community churches mcc was founded in the late 60s by a gay pentecostal pastor after he was kicked out of his church it seemed like a good fit for me as a queer refugee from the church i reenrolled in seminary to continue pursuing my master of divinity degree i love mcc deeply but i found myself still endlessly striving to make sense of faith i had spent two decades constructing an intellectual edifice for evangelical theology i simply could not find resources robust enough to remodel my faith to make sense i couldn t separate the parts i loved about my evangelical heritage from the toxic parts i could no longer connect with the vitality and life giving energy from faith that had once sustained me and of course the outrageous costs of seminary classes didn t exactly help involuntary loss of faith i somehow stumbled onto atheist youtube to my dismay i found their arguments more and more compelling i concluded that much of my conversative faith had been built on faulty epistemology in other words i discovered that many of my beliefs about god were not well founded the cost of continuing to believe was that i would feel i was lying to myself the price tag was too high at long last i yielded my faith immediately i stopped feeling joy at my vast theological library only pain and loss my bookshelves shouted as me constantly that the faith i once loved had been forcefully ripped away from me in an act of mourning i boxed up my jesus and the victory of god my word biblical commentaries all ten volumes of my theological dictionary of the new testament and hundreds of others and finally i found peace but what would take its place once covid hit i found community again in tabletop roleplaying games we met online once a week to tell stories about fantasy worlds together in place of a vast theological library i began to accumulate volumes about imaginary places that my friends and i could imagine inhabiting my sunday night group thwarted the great dragon tiamat from taking over the known world my tuesday night group traveled to the first layer of hell to rescue a fallen city that had been claimed by devils it was a new mythology this time unburdened by the demand to be true it provided the community i desperately needed so okay i confess i am a nerd i enjoy pursuing fandoms i know on the map where the planet hoth is in the star wars galaxy i collected a couple dozen wonder woman graphic novel after the first movie made me fall in love with the character i accumulated nearly every volume wotc has published about the forgotten realms from fifth edition d d so here s a question what if i come back to the bible with that same sense of wonder what if i strip away my expectation that the bible can only be relevant if it provides a metaphysical map of reality what if instead i just come back to the text and appreciate it for what it is what if i nurture my love for the narrative world it creates or in other words if i approach the bible simply as fandom suddenly the whole project is fun again i can appreciate paul simply for his brilliance as a thinker i can follow the academic arguments about the historical jesus without needing to predetermine the answer and my years studying greek and hebrew have to be at least as valuable as if i had studied klingon right lets face it there s something fascinating about anyone who has learned a made up language thus begins my reentry to biblical studies i have started unboxing the books that have been patiently waiting to be loved again i need to find shelving for them all in my current office yesterday i upgraded my logos bible software to version 10 the new version has a cool feature that lets me catalog my print books making them searchable and my upgrade package finally gives me access to the bdag greek lexicon without having to schlep around a giant print volume so it seemed like a good time to fire up this old blog again glad to have you along for the journey leave a comment about your own journey categories uncategorized chivalry september 28 2015 rya n t jones leave a comment so far chivalry has been the scariest thing i have dealt with as a transgender woman it is scarier than coming out to my entire facebook friend list scarier than the first time i used the lady s room scarier than giving a speech as a woman to a room of hundreds of people and all those things were scary but chivalry worse than those things yes let me explain tonight i took two of my children to a traveling magic show my parents had two free children s tickets i only had to buy one adult ticket for myself we sat near the back the performer thanked the local masonic lodge who organized the event he pointed out the row of half a dozen masons sitting in the row directly behind us we all clapped to thank them the show began at one point they paused the show to give parents an opportunity to buy their children an overpriced candy bar some of the wrappers had red dots inside them which meant you won a free glow stick magic wand i didn t have much cash on me but i was going to buy one for the three of us and we could split it one of the masons behind us says do you kids want candy bars i ll get them for you do both of you want one they said yes we politely thanked him and the two kids went up with him to the back of the line at the stage he proceeded to buy seven candy bars two for my kids one i saw him give to someone else on the other side of the room and i don t know about the other four something about it felt weird then it dawned on me there i sat with my son and daughter and no wedding ring now someone could say well that could have happened to you as a married woman or as a single man you don t know that s why no you re right i don t but i ve lived a lot of years as a man and no man ever came up and offered to buy something for my kids no men do not typically offer gifts to other men or to children of other men it would be perceived as what i don t know it s hard to say because it s all non verbal but if i had to try to put it into words it would be perceived as attacking his masculinity you re implicitly saying that he cannot provide for his kids and that s why it s scary for me i just benefited or rather my kids did because i was presenting female instead of male but what if he finds out i m transgender what if he finds out that he just crossed this unspoken man boundary because i tricked him would it hurt his pride would he want to retaliate would he want to hurt me moreover having lived most of my life according to the man rules i actually did feel like he was attacking my well not masculinity but competency i guess i may be a woman but i still have that old knee jerk reaction to defend my masculinity what if i had unintentionally acted non verbally a flash of the eyes a facial expression a body posture would i have given myself away probably not but it s a very scary space for me to occupy as a recently transitioned woman then after the event one of the other masons came up to me and told me how much my son was getting into the music my son has musical ability he said and i might want to look into enrolling him in some musical program i told him i d consider it and we quickly left again i could be reading into it it is possible that he may have said the same thing if i was presenting as a man but i highly doubt it men don t give advice to other men on how to raise their children well not to strangers anyway but to a single mom who s lousy husband left her alone to raise the kids well maybe he thinks she needs that masculine input actually it felt more like maybe he was looking for an excuse to strike up a conversation with the single mom without a wedding ring what would he do if he found out that this average looking soccer mom he was considering hitting on actually used to be the lousy husband i m not saying yet that i think chivalry is necessarily bad though a lot of people i respect would say exactly that at this point though i m more concerned about making sure i present well enough that i m not scared for my safety image god speed by edmund blair leighton 1900 categories uncategorized bet you didn t see this one coming september 10 2015 rya n t jones 2 comments 2015 has been a year of huge changes for me i left my old church and joined the episcopal church i withdrew from my program at seminary as an m div student let s see what else oh yeah i transitioned my gender i am no longer presenting as male i had my name legally changed from ryan to rya i started on hrt hormones my drivers license now says i m female i pretty much did the whole thing no it s not a joke and yes that s really me in the picture it was quite a whirlwind and it all happened so fast in the moment though it seemed like it couldn t happen fast enough of course i didn t make this decision lightly my wake up call came in mid spring when in a moment of intense emotion i took an action that i intended to result in suicide at that moment i preferred to die than to either go on living as a man or transition to be a woman with the help of my family i realized that even though the negative effects of transitioning were enormous the cost of not transitioning was even higher it s been three months to the day that i publicly transitioned looking back on it i can say without a doubt that transitioning has been the worst decision of my life i can also say that transitioning has been the best decision of my life but the best outweighs the worst by at least 2 to 1 so i m glad i did it i m happier than i ve ever been now i begin the long process of working out the details for me a lot of that means sorting out my beliefs which are pretty much up in the air right now i m not sure where i ll end up but the ride just got a lot more interesting categories gender tags transgender why reason must stand above scripture september 20 2014 ryan t jones leave a comment i was walking down the street with a homeless gay man my college roommates and i had been letting him crash on our couch for a few weeks while he put his life together we left my apartment and headed for the coffee shop down the street he walked with a limp it bothered me how slowly i had to walk in order for him to keep up with me finally i couldn t take it any more i was irritated sit down right here on the curb i m going to pray for you i put my hand on his leg and commanded it to be healed in the name of jesus get up how does it feel i asked it feels better he exclaimed he started jumping up and down he was immediately able to walk at regular speed completely without a limp he couldn t believe what had just happened for me this was just normal christianity we proceeded to walk to the coffee shop where we sipped our flavored coffees and inhaled the perfect aromas that wafted over to us from behind the counter i counseled him that he needed to yield his life completely to god give up homosexuality and follow the bible the bible as foundation through my 20s my faith was grounded my personal experience that the power of the bible is real i saw miracles received amazingly answered prayers and had god reveal things to me that i couldn t have known any other way experientially i knew the power of christian faith was real if i encountered something in the bible i disagreed with i would yield my belief and conform to the bible but i began to ask myself how did i know that it was true these simple questions devastated my world couldn t it be that lots of what we believe about god is wrong but that god meets us where we are at anyway and couldn t god meet other people in other religions where they were at too how did i know they were wrong just because i had seen miracles those questions started to bother me a lot i couldn t seem to find any answers that satisfied me if experience alone can t prove the truth of the bible then there must be other good reasons for believing the bible but none of the reasons on offer seemed very compelling to me you can look at fulfilled prophecy but most of the prophecies in their original contexts seemed to be talking about something else you can look at the historical accuracy of the bible but being historically accurate does not make something the word of god we have lots of history books which are historically accurate you can look to the resurrection of jesus but i found that the evidence for the resurrection was not nearly as strong if i didn t already have a reason for believing in it and since belief in the bible was the very question on the table my previous reasons for believing were quickly evaporating i almost lost my faith how my faith was saved then i encountered george lindbeck s the nature of doctrine it reoriented my entire understanding of faith drawing on the work of modern religious anthropologists like clifford geertz lindbeck observes that religions are social constructs which provide religious rules for the members of the community he compares doctrine to the grammatical rules of a language members of a religious community must be taught the language of the religion in order to function within the community he calls this a cultural linguistic understanding of doctrine what struck me about lindbeck s proposal was that it was grounded in our best anthropological insights in other words it is very difficult to disagree with him without also completely ignoring a vast body of anthropological evidence religion may well be more than just a cultural linguistic system but it is certainly not less when i combined this insight with ...
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