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Text of the page (random words):
oved where do you place your self respect in that balance which outweighs which i m not choosing a man who chooses me because i m the only option available at the moment because i love myself too much to beg for fragments of love from a man i m not auctioning myself or proving my worth for a man s love i know my worth and that is enough and if a man cannot see the worth in me that is on him and i never blame women for falling for the wrong man we make mistakes but we learn and in choosing to stay despite 15 red flags you are choosing to destroy yourself at that point you cannot blame the man entirely leaving is painful but we grow and that is the point of living learn grow and make mistakes like an exponential graph we can never reach absolute perfection but we strive and choose the best path to live our best life in the end choosing a partner for me is choosing someone who never makes you feel lonely in their presence someone who loves you for you curious about learning who you are and what you love someone invested in listening to your everyday mundane stories not because they are extraordinary but because they matter to you love is less about intensity and more about peace it is being with someone who makes you feel safe to express yourself without being called difficult or too emotional for simply wanting to be understood someone ready for mature conversations instead of avoidance someone who grows with you instead of making you feel ashamed for still growing and perhaps that is what real love looks like someone who includes you in every part of his life in highs and lows in the decisions that shape the relationship not someone who only reaches out when you are convenient or available someone who chooses you with intention consistency and care further reading date someone who is interested in you by gor it s easy to find people who are attracted to you it s harder to find someone who is curious read on substack date people in the same emotional bracket as you by gor read on substack i want to discuss surah al kahf and fyodor dostoevsky by aqilah jamaluddin i want both read on substack become a safe place for yourself by gor read on substack read more media reflect the practice of slow consuming the books i love are usually the ones i find relatable and my list of favorite authors is made up of those who make me feel as though they can read my mind obsessed with reading through substack often finding myself nodding in agreement with every paragraph the details the over explanations the science behind every theory and argument makes my mind go oh no wonder why new knowledge unlocked i m currently reading beartown by fredrik backman and as i ve said before he is one of my favorite writers so many of his quotes resonate with me usually i just place colorful tabs on the pages instead of writing them down in my hobonichi tracker i know some phrases trigger my thoughts but oh no pen with me at the moment so i let them slide instead of writing them down or sticking sticky notes on them just more colorful tabs tabs stick and yet for someone who consumes so much i ve come to realize how difficult it is for me to articulate what i ve actually learned whenever i m asked to explain my thoughts my mind goes blank how do i explain this i know it inside but i m struggling to let the ideas out especially verbally the israel gaza conflict iran usa tensions i struggle to respond when others confidently spread misinformation i feel triggered inside how can they not know this yet my tongue feels tied most of all i m afraid i might be the one spreading incorrect information even though my intentions are right and pure because intention doesn t justify being wrong in moments when people share their concerns with me words fail me all that comes out is it must ve been hard for you i understand you sabar ya it feels as though my brain stops processing what the right thing to say is that s when i started noticing a pattern even though i consume a lot of media i still have a hard time articulating my own thoughts i know when i agree or disagree with something but i don t always know how to explain the how and why i read quite a few books in a month i know when a book is a good book but i sometimes forget what makes it good and what the actual point of the book was i read two to three substack articles in a day then forget about them by the very next week maybe the issue isn t that i m not learning enough maybe i m consuming too much too much information too much knowledge shorts after shorts checking my phone while eating watching youtube or even during a long slow movie somewhere along the way i think i ve been spoiling my own dopamine balance i do have thoughts that counter some of the arguments i read but i often let them slide away instead of double checking them perhaps i should start putting sticky notes in my books from now on so i ve started doing something different writing things down what i learn why i agree or disagree and the lessons i m applying from every piece of media i consume because one thing i truly love about learning and consuming media is this my thoughts do not exist in a vacuum i do not need to agree with everything i read i can filter it and make my own judgments it is a synthesis of everything i ve consumed a blend of what my parents taught me growing up with my religious beliefs as the core and foundation of my personal values i get to choose what to apply and what does not align with my values while still appreciating it as useful knowledge hardships new experiences and meeting new people may sometimes change my perspective and i learn along the way and so my personal blog will become the medium for these reflections a brain dump something messy and colorful from a blank canvas to develop and create a digital garden where i can seed and grow my thoughts from every book i read every film i watch and every substack article i love i m so obsessed with substack that uninstalling instagram threads and twitter and living only with substack and pinterest might just be my end goal and i truly believe there is always something to learn from every piece of media we encounter no matter how bad it is because at the very least we learn what a bad piece looks like this new series is going to be like the 12 things per month project i did during the pandemic era but this time less about personal moments and more about personal reflections the new series is going to be called my personal slow digest but let s see how consistent i can be it s going to be a slow reading journey but that s exactly the goal read more read my best books of 2025 finally after postponing this post for so long i forced myself to sit down in front of my pc and carefully select the best books out of the 48 i read in 2025 2025 is the first year i didn t hit my reading target since i got back into reading four years ago i learned that as much as i wanted to achieve my reading goal this year it had started to become counterproductive reading slowly turned into a numbers game i could have sprinted through december and finished the two books i brought along during my long flight hours but i stopped and asked myself what s the point of hitting the goal if i didn t get to read them deliciously so for 2026 i m reducing my reading target i want to read slowly intentionally and without the pressure of chasing numbers 2025 might also be the year i followed booktok trends less i bought fewer books and focused on finishing what s already in my tbr cart watching my unread pile grow gave me a headache i felt irresponsible owning so many books without reading them and even more irresponsible for continuously adding to them for no real reason i couldn t narrow it down to just five for my top 10 percent so i ended up adding two more so here are the seven books i carefully curated from the 48 books i read last year the simple seerah this book has been on my wishlist for a long time sometimes you just feel the need to revisit the sirah of prophet muhammad and his companions every time i return to these stories there is always a new detail to learn even if i have heard them a thousand times before the storytelling is engaging and easy to digest that is why i love it it is easy to follow and each chapter ends with lessons and iktibar that can be applied to daily life i find myself reaching for this book when life feels heavy in difficult moments there is a strong urge to return to the seerah and reflect on how prophet muhammad handled hardships then reflect on my own life isn t that the ultimate purpose of allah choosing a prophet among humankind so that we may learn reflect and apply those lessons in our daily lives i truly truly love this book for how it provokes self reflection at the end of chapter i am planning to continue with the next series and am currently looking for the rest of the trilogy imperialisme intelektual another powerful work by syed hussein alatas i m glad the salesman at bibliobooth recommended this book to me during klab last year because it did not catch my eye at first although it is thin it is intellectually heavy and not something you can finish in one sitting it requires time to read sit with and properly digest his arguments through this book syed hussein alatas exposes the impact of colonization in malaysia western powers did not only colonize our resources but also shaped our intellectual framework as a result we were conditioned to look up to western civilization as superior as a teaser he defines imperialism through several characteristics exploitation and control by the conquering power over the people the people are treated as subjects under a guidance system designed by the colonizer organized according to the colonizer s objectives the people are expected to conform to the colonizer s lifestyle organization and rules the people play secondary roles within the structure of power imperialism is rationalized under the pretext of modernization and the civilizing mission the country ends up being governed by individuals of limited capability can you see how this extends into the intellectual sphere as well intrigued i highly encourage you to read it yourself it is truly worth reading for every malaysian citizen another powerful work by him is intellectuals in developing societies it is equally empowering and essential i would recommend both to every malaysian there is a river in the sky if you follow my instagram you ll know how many times i ve talked about this book elif shafak has always been one of my favorite writers but this novel brought her to another level for me it has become my favorite among all her works there is a river in the sky follows four characters all connected by a single drop of water each has a story of their own there is king ashurbanipal of mesopotamia a powerful and ruthless ruler arthur a boy born in the sewer who rises beyond his circumstances with remarkable intelligence and narin a yazidi girl who becomes a victim of terrorism during a time of conflict eventually the narrative reaches a woman in 2025 whose life is falling apart leading her to impulsively move into a houseboat in an attempt to pause and escape as everything around her crumbles the story made me reflect on how small we are as human beings yet how deeply interconnected we are without even realizing it shafak s writing has always resonated with me in the way she weaves history emotion and philosophy together once again she did not disappoint well the world is changing faster than minds can grasp it s picking up speed like a steam engine all these smartly turned out people with their polished boots and affected airs you look at them and you think they must know everything educated and cultured as they are but i ll let you in on a secret when times are confusing everybody is a little lost no one is as inwardly confident as they present themselves to be hence the reason we must read my boy nineteen eighty four nineteen eighty four is a dystopian novel written in 1949 yet it feels unsettlingly relevant to the world we live in today it portrays how those in power manipulate control and gaslight citizens for their own advantage it is disturbing but at the same time uncomfortably relatable in our current era the story follows winston smith as he quietly attempts to free himself from the government s oppressive control along the way he begins a forbidden relationship with julia i won t give any spoilers but the plot completely blew my mind and its central message still lingers with me to this day definitely worth reading laut bercerita laut bercerita is an indonesian novel published in 2017 that has gained renewed attention due to recent political issues in indonesia for context in 2025 protests erupted over reports that some members of parliament were receiving salaries of not less than 100 million rupiah around 23k myr per month while many citizens lived on far lower wages one protest incident even involved an online taxi driver being run over by the police highlighting the bold and unaccountable actions of authorities the novel is set during the suharto regime and portrays the fear and enforced silence of citizens under authoritarian rule i was recommended this book by my indonesian friend at first the pace felt slow but the patience is rewarded by a powerful message at the end it shows how citizens voices were silenced and highlights the importance of intellectuals in raising awareness and advocating for people s rights the novel also captures the emotional weight carried by families and victims during the kidnapping tragedy of 1998 the story lingers long after you finish reading a film adaptation is expected to be released this year and i m looking forward to watching it my brilliant friend a coming of age story about elena greco and her best friend lila cerullo growing up in a small neighborhood in naples italy both struggle to escape poverty while navigating friendship family womanhood love and intellectual ambition the story feels raw and realistic though the many family names can be confusing at first the dynamics of the neighborhood become fascinating once you settle into the rhythm of the narrative elena is sometimes criticized as a flawed friend for constantly comparing herself to lila but you can t fully hate her because you understand her insecurities and her point of view i definitely need to continue the rest of the series i guess that s all from me i hope one or two titles from this list piqued your interest if you re on goodreads let s connect and share our thoughts on books here see you in my next post read more newer older subscribe to posts atom welcome i m ain malaysian based blogger i live for the smell of fresh pages the quiet scratch of a pen on a journal and the perfect cup of coffee to start my day here i share my adventures my thoughts and the small joys that make life feel a little magical get 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