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uy visiting someone who s dying and gets all this wisdom he has to share i have a deep distrust of books like that but that probably makes me a monster in some people s eyes this leads to the first part of the if betsy was a man dying inside a house segment when i picture betsy speaking i don t see her doing it as an actual dog remember dogs can t talk if one did it would be horrible and i would want to jump off the roof of the building i picture betsy as an old man with tuberculosis who is dying at home surrounded by his loving family i visit him every thursday to keep him company and to take his mind off the eternity he will soon face all alone because even when you die with other people you die alone i wouldn t go to see him every thursday i would only go when i felt up to it which wouldn t be all that often because dogs aren t supposed to take the forms of sick old men when they do it they should be destroyed but i don t know if i would have the strength to kill betsy i don t always have it in me to do what must be done suddenly it s bizarro world betsy and bizarro world bobby bear you can see what s coming right even if betsy goes all morrie and imparts wisdom which she does though it s not the wisdom we re expecting in fact when i see his version of wisdom i feel like killing him myself or at least smacking him across the face heroism means doing what must be done but who gets to decide what must be done it s pretty easy to decide a dog running into the street should be restrained but what if it s just a pug named betsy that s suddenly an old man talking to you and you think that s an abomination so you kill him her what other things are you going to decide are abominations so this is where other strands of the braid come in like what the river taught me where heroism was witnessed though imperfectly imitated like the things we love can hurt us i thru iii which is about how the love of dump trucks gets grisly like not all heroes are treated right i and ii which starts out about prometheus and socrates but then goes sideways when our hero suddenly starts feeling entitled surprise heroism corrupts surprisingly remember i think that s what i see most in this things change into other things the story changed while foreman was writing it the story changed foreman he changed the story with a little help from his wife as mentioned in about the author my impression of the story changed as i read it and as i started writing about it which is why i write these things at least partly about the author changes povs betsy the pug changes into an old man and maybe here is the point heroism changes foreman though i think it s mostly imaginary like betsy turning into an old man the story he tells about saving betsy changes like a fish story where the fish goes from being a foot long to being 600 pounds i mean he said the dump truck passed so it wasn t the threat any more other cars on the road were the threat but there were no other cars at least not that are mentioned of course it s better that he grabbed betsy since it was dangerous for her to be wandering around on a road where cars could come and hit her or swerve to avoid her and crash themselves but was she really doomed and when he says still i think i deserve better than i got in the end i wish everyone would stop giving me such a hard time and i don t mean they give me a hard time for my heroism i just think i shouldn t have to work anymore i do not want to have to go out and have a job now we have a protagonist because i refuse to believe this is actually foreman the book description by the publisher calls it a hybrid form so i think nonfiction has changed into not fiction exactly but imaginary territory see it changes who felt kind of heroic then hurt and now resentful and a murderer in bizarro world but it s hard to come down too hard on this because there s also playlist for walking dogs i and ii which is sweet in that foreman is a dog walker for a local no kill shelter see why i refuse to believe he becomes as entitled as the story would have him sound he s a vegetarian for pete s sake and cringey in that he really really hates certain dog songs and anyone who likes that dog song people are complicated y know he d probably rescue a person who was singing how much is that doggie in the window if they were drowning but he d also ban them from contributing to his playlist that s a fair balance i think like i said this is all an interpretation another reader might see it very differently i d love to talk to other readers of this book and see what they think and that s not going to happen because i ve been here to make friends and trying to talk to people on social media for years and years and all anybody here wants are likes and reposts and followers not actual discussion one exchange at most and that s it i should probably give up but i keep hoping and i do have a couple of people who talk to me though foreman isn t one of them i suspect he thinks i m a pest but i keep reading his books except for the weird pig one so he puts up with me i guess that will have to do resources you too can get a copy of heavens to betsy from cutbank literary magazine where it was a runner up in their annual chapbook contest check out the author s website to see a more professional description of the book though he s since abandoned substack a post foreman wrote outlined his experience with ai and how it started this project and includes the weird book cover pictures ai generated you have to scroll down a bit but it s there natalya balnova a person rather than a computer program did a much better job where betsy looks a bit surprised herself on the actual published chapbook if you re curious about mathematical braids and there s no reason you should be but just in case there are several videos about them on youtube like this one and this one and there s a more complicated article about braids as life and spacetime on nautilus share this share print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on reddit opens in new window reddit like loading 2 comments posted in in between reading 2026 non fiction what i ve been reading writing reading tagged robert long foreman jake weber the prince of zendia 2026 ibr2026 posted by karen carlson on february 5 2026 cover art by jerry king tom williams is a forty plus year veteran of nsa and the last zendian language analyst at the agency most nsa employees think zendia is a made up country meant to teach new analysts but tom is one of the few people read into the romanaclef program who knows the real truth zendia is a real country but one whose very existence is so sensitive it had to be kept secret which nsa has done by hiding it in plain sight pretending it is a made up country tom has seen how zendia has been a hidden influence on u s policy from the cold war to the war on terror in all that time he has never let on anything about zendia to outsiders but two events have conspired to force him to spill everything he knows one is a plot by zendia to destroy the world a plot tom discovered but now doesn t think is real second is his son s ongoing struggle with mental health issues which tom thinks can only be fixed by telling his son who he really is set against the backdrop of the trump presidential campaign of 2016 this novel tells the truth about the national security agency and america in the only way anyone could do it and get away with it by making it all up jake weber book summary on amazon jake weber yes that jake weber my blogging buddy for the past decade or so who just happened to also be a translator for the nsa though i didn t know that for a couple of years did such a good job summarizing his novel in the amazon description i ve decided it s better than anything i could come up with but that summary leaves out a few things and those things are what make this book unique like tom s zendian wife who s obsessed with john ritter and thinks three s company is real like his son who despite all his literary education can t write a publishable story like the workplace intrigue over a counter intuitive coffee maker she had probably picked the most idiotic coffee maker she could find specifically so she could berate people for messing it up yes i ve known bosses like that like tom s childhood experiences with church his father s experiences in war and the history of zendia that and the way it s told it s what vonnegut would have written if he d been a spy jake says in his description yes that s exactly it there s a fragmentation a jumping around from family to work to zendia and it isn t until chapter 24 of 27 that i finally had a grasp of the whole timeline in fact those final chapters reminded me of a short story with an inciting incident and rising action and a climax and a denouement that ties everything together in a satisfying way i don t listen to just anyone s secrets the national security agency isn t going to pay me to listen in and confirm or deny what you suspect about your husband and the dry cleaner or get dirt on the mother in law you hate but i do hear more than my share of intimate knowledge you think that just because you re a black market arms dealer you don t get the clap from your mistress or have to beg your father humiliatingly for a loan even an arms dealer has more secrets than just what he s selling and to whom and dollars to donuts if he had to choose he d rather the world find out about the secrets having to do with selling weapons than find out he s got the clap even though the first kind of secret could put him in jail let alone kill teenagers in some impoverished nation but i see it as not about the nsa not about plots and politics not even about family but about storytelling and writing and the importance of storytelling to all those things we think are more important what better way to emphasize the importance of something than by removing it my son has to be forgiven for his inability to tell good stories and his ridiculous name my son is half zendian his mother was full blooded zendian was in fact descended from what some would call zendian royalty the zendians do not tell stories the original founders of their country were half made up of portuguese crusaders who were more concerned about conquering than missionary work the other half were muslim imperialists who had tried and failed to convert ethiopia if their country was ever going to survive they couldn t afford to fight over religion since stories so often were linked to religion in the cultures of both founding parties it was determined that there should be no stories told among the zendians this policy brought a surprising level of harmony to early zendia within a very short time but there were a few drawbacks parents lost an important tool when trying to soothe children to sleep and the segment of the population that might otherwise have gathered a few stray kalebs the ancient coin of zendia by means of wandering minstrelsy were forced instead to found tiny shops where they dipped fish heads into buckets of boiling oil the world s first fast food establishment the zendian shadow rep to the un would have us believe this is reportedly how the zendian proverb better a fish head than a sensual novella rife with gracious flourishes recognizing one s own corporeality got its origin zendian proverbs are incredibly difficult to parse i have a very hard time making heads or tails of them although i try to hide this secret from my bosses at the national security agency who still think i am an expert on the subject tom also has a lifelong distrust of fiction and hasn t read much i remember learning the word fiction in school and keeping straight what it meant by substituting the word baloney for fiction so maybe it s nature or nurture that son menekob we re forgiving him for the ridiculous name remember can t write a decent story and now tom finds himself with a problem that he feels can only be solved by writing a novel exposing secret truth to the world he asks his son to help him and this is where i had a lot of fun menekob keeps giving him creative writing 101 advice that tom thinks is nonsense but he did ask for help do you know what menekob wanted me to include instead of that aside about the role the war played in developing weapons something he keeps calling significant detail for example he wanted me to say something about imam ahmad ibn ibrahim al ghazi s appearance i said i don t know what he looked like he said it didn t matter that this is a novel and i should try to make readers able to see taste smell hear and feel things that are in it the whole point of writing this book is for menekob s sake because i want menekob to feel better about himself i ll indulge him here imam ahmad ibn ibrahim al ghazi who led the somali ottoman armies into ethiopia had perfectly manicured toenails this was unusual at the time because clippers hadn t been invented yet al ghazi had to painstakingly grind them down with the side of a stone he kept in his pocket he put this effort into his toenails because he thought the ends of toenails were crescent shaped like the crescent moon which is a holy symbol in islam he had developed a theory one he kept to himself that human toenails were sacred he was afraid another imam might think this theory was heresy so he never told anyone why he kept his nails so perfect and he mostly did all his work on them out of sight of others like i said at the beginning we all have secrets i ve always felt the best way to get anything across to engage interest in anything is to tell a story i d read fifty pages just to hear more about al ghazi s toenails ok maybe five pages which for me on kindle is quite a lot but it s still an amazing passage and the later application of chekhov s gun to a knife is perfect this book is a writer s dream not necessarily because of the writing but because of the centrality of writing and hey remember that fragmentation i mentioned turns out menekob keeps shuffling the pages as he reads what tom s written tells him to move sections around this isn t the normal editing process but it s what they have as it happens i got to the final chapters where the need to learn storytelling becomes a compelling interest to well never mind to whom just know it does a fascinating tidbit rolled across my bluesky timeline it turns out the richest man in the world is trying to hire expert storytellers at a laughable price confirming his view of their worth to help grok learn to tell stories and this is while interest and funding for the humanities including creative writing and literary critique is declining in favor of vocational training i d laugh my ass off if it weren t so ...
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