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s people s lives and senses of self are structured around and support one confesses one does not indict i avoid talking about gender dysphoria or gender dissonance you ve probably noticed i don t frame access to transition related medicine in how much it hurts to have your body not look or feel or move like you want it to i frame it in terms of risk of violence of economics of freedom of movement of control of the body but why one wants to transition i leave out i don t frame being transsexual as being about identifying as a sex other than the one i was assigned at birth it s about the state institutions of medicine religion science with a capital s etc undermining the way i want to live my life in trans form rebecca since that s how y all know her using her last name feels weird talks about something i ve heard a lot before about the pain of seeing pre transition photos of herself contrasted with the desire to not hide one s history i myself have had a lot of angst about it the only picture that i have of me and my girlfriend from high school i can t bear to look at we each got it in matching frames and it s sitting about three feet from me still in its frame face down because i can neither get rid of it nor look at it prior to yesterday i thought maybe there are things i can t talk about because i refuse to talk about that pain of gender dissonance because i refuse the confessional maybe there are limits and maybe there are but not this time when cis people talk social constructionism they want to figure out why we transition why we re trans and how that has been socially constructed but why we experience being trans in the way we do e g as painful is ignored at best and generally naturalized the story stops at happily ever after and prince eric never beats ariel or pressures her into having sex with him suddenly having different genital equipment is never a problem for her and nobody ever tells mermaid jokes on tv because none of that needs explaining or analysis but while trans people often fall into the trap of debating why or otherwise biologizing transness a social constructionism from a trans perspective asks why the hell is looking at these pictures so goddamn hard it starts from the assumption that more analysis is needed and understands gender dysphoria as socially caused not being trans my brand of strict constructionism attempts to explain why that hurts so damn much without recourse to a naturalized gender dissonance not because i m sure it doesn t exist but because i hate the confessional because i don t want pity i want answers because i think our lives can be better and because pain is more likely to be oppression than deficiency i can t be all not gender dysphoria gender euphoria i love being trans because well that depends on the day but i can focus on other things on transphobia and how transphobia structures our understandings of ourselves and the pain we feel internally what i realized when i heard about the photo albums and the pictures on the walls of her parents house was that these were the memorabilia of an occupation held onto and commemorated by its collaborators witting or unwitting yes they represent a historical truth a past one does not want to deny but so do guns and chains and whips and bombs and you don t see them in the family photographs well not if you were on the receiving end anyway in the logic of the confessional all my past is my true past attested to by photographs that i can either speak display or hide conceal but this truth was caused these pictures document oppression on my body they are the memorials to transphobia s impact on my life and in my skin they are not only the memorials to that time when i was still forced into appearing male but memorials to that coercion itself what these happy memory photos evoke is not that walk in the park or my high school graduation it s the 21 years of my loved ones complicity the eleven or so years of transphobia holding me so tightly in its grasp it re wrote my face with the ink of testosterone and it is precisely the medium of the photograph that purports to tell the unmediated timeless unavoidable natural truth on which nothing has been written that propagates that violence across time to the present day that amplifies the memory of oppression it is precisely how a camera takes a person and makes a static image an object that can be reproduced moved or displayed without my knowledge or consent that reiterates cis power to determine my body its appearance its reproduction and its movement and puts it on display without my knowledge or consent so find some other way to remember me you don t have to get rid of them i m not getting rid of mine but don t put them anywhere you wouldn t put a picture of a painful violent complicated at best memory i m done confessing the pain of those photos and i m done feeling ashamed and ambivalent of not being radical enough to embrace my past now take them down sorry i got hooked on tvtropes i m not linking you ll get stuck there for weeks on end ironically i apparently both look really uncomfortable in the picture and was uncomfortable in the moment it was taken for reasons that said ex girlfriend ascribes to gender stuff i have a harder time seeing or remembering posted by cedar filed in uncategorized 13 comments why trans people should mobilize for high speed passenger rail october 16 2009 so for those of you not following us rail politics earlier this year the house passed its 2010 spending bill on transportation allocating 4 billion to high speed rail but the senate s version is a measly 1 2 billion capital improvements on already existing airports on the other hand are getting 3 5 billion in both bills they re working it out in committee now and you should tell them to make sure high speed rail gets the four billion you re probably wondering why the hell i m posting about this yes i m an environmentalist but that isn t really the point yes compared to a direct flight 110 220mph rail would reduce total travel time including public transit to and from the airport station and time spent at station airport dramatically not only on short trips like chicago to milwaukee or 400 mi trips like chicago to st louis slightly shorter than a trip between tokyo and osaka or minneapolis but even an 800 mile trip from chicago to new york city would take a similar amount of time and less money and much more accessible for the large numbers of us that are poor as with single payer health insurance i really doubt anyone who s lived anywhere where high speed rail was prevalent needs selling on it but as important as environmental economic and convenience reasons are trans folks and undocumented immigrants have a lot more at stake specifically airport security airports are not a good place to be trans and they keep getting worse with body scanners and mandatory gender reporting at flight booking on top of the id checks randomized pat down searches and sexually harassing invasive baggage inspection e g putting the inspected tag around a dildo or packer or confiscating sex toys floggers etc that we re already used to railway stations on the other hand have minimal if any such procedures putting trans people at risk what are you going to do hijack a train and do what with it you can t exactly fly to damascus with it let alone into the wtc so in the interests of a transportation future that s not so awful for trans folks and in fact better for everybody go support rail fourbillion com midwest high speed rail association us high speed rail association national association of railway passengers posted by cedar filed in uncategorized leave a comment trans superpowers september 25 2009 it s time to admit it we have superpowers you heard me right trans people simply by virtue of being trans have superpowers after all there s only one of us to every 200 500 cis people or according to the official statistics every 20 000 yet we are solely responsible for upholding or destabilizing the gender binary you realize that means each of us has the political strength of over 1000 cis people maybe more like 40 000 talk about superpowers we can even turn an obscure three letter word into a weapon for another example in women only space trans women aren t allowed in because our penises might make the space unsafe might trigger people just our theoretical penises mind you we don t have to take our clothes off or even actually have penises just lurking threat of our bodies makes the space totally triggering and unsafe think about it a half a percentage of us but we can make a space more triggering than 49 of cis men can the power at the same time we d dominate all the conversations even the one s we re not in but especially the ones where we re outnumbered fifty to one we are truly amazons forget about spike or buffy or edward cullen or the centurions even the mighty glorificus would be quaking in her heels teetering even don t forget while we re at it we re creating an empire and making cis women obsolete in our spare time since we spend most of it pursuing bizarre sex fantasies or relentlessly pawing at straight men think what we could accomplish if we just went public and admitted it stop hiding our strength stop pretending to be normal stop disavowing what we we all have men women and genderqueers male privilege in its purest most concentrated form far more potent than cis men s and that s just one of our powers why if we just really put our heads together we could pass enda in fifteen minutes and finish off universal health care in the rest of the hour without even breaking a sweat we really need to aim for the sky like eradicating poverty and bringing about world peace only you can stop forest fires so save the whales posted by cedar filed in uncategorized 6 comments the myth of in visibility august 27 2009 i can t count how many times trans men have complained of being invisible or where they or admittedly transphobic cis women justified paying more or exclusive attention to trans men s issues because of their lack of visibility or implied that my visibility as a trans woman was a form of privilege but in visibility is an incoherent idea one is not simply visible or invisible like harry potter putting on his cloak invisibility cloaks don t exist some people can see you even if you are wearing one and one is always standing on the other side of a wall behind a tree relative to someone and the near side of the wall in front of the tree relative to someone else what invisibility universally fails to ask is to whom is one visible and why under what circumstances and in what light am i visible to the friend looking out hir window for a houseguest through the binoculars of a peeping tom or within the crosshairs of a sniper rifle the concept invisibility implies that these things are all linearly correlated so that as my chances of being harassed on the street go up so do my chances of finding a partner who will know about and be sensitive to my issues and be a fierce advocate for me and the fact that trans men don t get murdered at anything approaching the same rate as trans women drag queens and crossdressers is something that will change as they get more spots on oprah hah these things are only weakly correlated trans women are the targets of the large majority though by no means all of cis feminist transphobia and almost all pathologizing objectifying fetishizing misgendering transphobic non feminist sociological psychological sexological and anthropological research while trans men and conflatedly faab genderqueers get the bulk of positive sympathetic though not necessarily trans positive feminist research maab genderqueers in this scheme are subsumed into drag queens crossdressers trans women trans women have the overwhelming edge on number of autobiographies the surviving ones for some weird reason are all with two mid 90 s trans woman bashing smash the gender binary exceptions of the disempowered desexualized pity me medical model variety despite empowered trans woman writers of the period like susan stryker sandy stone and angela douglass who did in fact write an unpublished autobiography and several also problematic pornographic autobiographies no longer extant see joanne meyerowitz how sex changed 198 202 but trans men s books have on the whole taken a much more empowered line with sexuality discussed on their own terms in a non fetishizing way as serano writes in whipping girl these were the only stories of trans women s lives that were allowed to be told some might say better something problematic than nothing and while there s limited truth to that up until sometime in the 1990s there s no room for argument in 2009 and though with serano s book there is a public and empowered voice for white trans women s issues and films such as still black attempt to broadcast the admittedly under publicized lives voices and issues of trans men of color our women of color s self advocacy has never or almost never been amplified by publishing or filmmaking institutions yet trans women of color are all over self published media the blogosphere and murder reports and fetishizing exploitative media articles that almost universally omit their voices and ideas see my 2008 post about this phenomenon the closest thing to an exception would be paris is burning and if you ve read butler and prosser on the subject you ll likely agree that it s not really an exception though it is a highly enjoyable film to oversimplify trans women are visible as a sexual threat as sex objects as objects of derision and hate and as objects of pity trans men are visible as potential partners as activists and revolutionaries as an invisible group that deserves your advocacy and recently as parents the thomas beatie case is the exception that proves the rule the unusually degrading media treatment that drew totally justified anger and analysis happened only in response to his pregnancy and open defiance of cisnormativity and transphobic eugenics where that kind of media coverage is par for the course for trans women regardless of what they do and doesn t get that kind of attention analysis and anger simply because it is so common and you know because fewer people and institutions care that many trans men victim blamed beatie for this coverage and were angry about this making them look bad represents a tacit understanding that visibility isn t inherently good or bad but only good or bad relative to specific circumstances and situations let s dump visibility and start thinking about to whom as what under what circumstances when why to what end and at what cost a bit of a tangent related is the idea that trans men pass better either a because people don t think about trans men or b because testosterone is powerful manly and dominant while estrogen is submissive and weak rather than being related to a the ways in which masculinity is seen as natural and femininity as ...
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