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per gump and she says that these new candies contain a concentration of a special nut oil that s engineered to make folks want to be muslims i think it might be a plot by al qaeda to take over the country one candy loving woman at a time my late father s late late uncle orem back in the prohibition days drank a whole case of moonshine and it affected him so bad that it turned him into a baptist so i guess sustenance and libations can affect folks adversely turning them into something else i would find a priest to perform an exorcism and get that pesky brain worm demon out of her and get rid of those candies buy her some of those lady godiva chocolates i m sending ya ll a cd of my favorite movie to kill a mockingbird and a box of cherry bombs so you can blow those dubai candies up keep in touch share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured one day after the parade of slovenly zombies and the flannel pj people featured phil strawn 12 comments the hype season is upon us thanksgiving is in the rear view mirror and everything is christmas and it started in october walmart skipped thanksgiving and halloween and went from summer to christmas which is fine by me i only visit that store when forced and i was forced against my will a few days before thanksgiving to accompany my wife for prescriptions and a few last minute grocery items for the turkey dinner with the family on tuesday instead of thursday which we spent eating lunch with her brother who is living in a rehab center in dallas every person in granbury seemed to be there thinking they were saving money which is the big trick that the waltons pull on the public they mark some things way way bottom down low and then raise the price on others tricking the poor shopper into believing they are getting a great deal and saving their hard earned money or ebt money which is really mine and your taxes financing all those overflowing baskets of junk food hair extensions and fancy dragon lady fingernails i did notice more young women in full bedtime attire this year jammy bottoms and tops along with fuzzy house slippers some of them should have at least combed their hair and brushed their teeth one girl had a long string of toilet paper dragging behind her pjs what is wrong with women these days they think it s fashionable to come to a public place in their sleepwear they look like morons one older lady was wearing a pioneer woman house robe a shower cap and hospital socks the kind with the little rubber bottoms so you don t slip and fall she was pushing a basket full of pork rinds and dr pepper which here in rural texas are considered one of the survival food groups along with coldbeer and baloney thinking back decades ago in the mid 1950s i would accompany my mother to the grocery store piggly wiggly which was her favorite haunt i would see women with their hair in rollers peddle pushers keds and nice blouses there was always a cigarette hanging out of their mouth which made them look a bit sleazy but back then everyone smoked and used hair rollers my mother loved to smoke she was a world champion and would have a burning one in her mouth and one in each hand ready to replace the other she had a lot of big hair so there would be at least two dozen rollers of all sizes shaping her follicles into a work of art it seemed that these women all knew each other they would stop and say look at yeeew how s your mama and them did you get a new dress or is that hair color just darlin makes you look ten years younger and as cute as a christmas puppy this went on for hours as the ice cream melted and the meat grew dangerous e coli bacteria and i lost a large part of my childhood that could never be reclaimed at least they didn t wear pajamas share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured a performance to remember cookie becomes a beatnik featured phil strawn 11 comments in the fall of 1958 the first beatnik style coffee house opened its doors in fort worth texas calling itself the cellar fort worth did not welcome its presence or the inhabitants it attracted conservative city fathers asked where did these people come from have they always been here it was a cowtown of shit kicking cowboys cadillac driving oil men and country club debutants wearing justin boots my cousin carmalita who preferred the name cookie was a perfect fit for the coffee house and secured a job as a waitress at the new establishment being seven years younger than cookie the other cousins and i had limited interaction during her teenage years still i know from the family stories and the almost out of earshot whispers that she was a real hellion of a girl her mother a rosary clutching catholic believed her daughter to be mentally disturbed and demon possessed she was neither just a rebellious girl born twenty years too early who refused to fit into the conservative society of the 1950s immersing herself in books by kerouac and ginsberg that glorified the new lifestyle of the beat generation cookie began dressing in the style of the beats she envisioned herself traveling west with dean moriarty and sal paradise as they motored their way to new mexico in search of god and the meaning of life fueled by marijuana sticks and two dollar a bottle liquor jack kerouac was her hero waist length black hair and a resemblance to a young ava gardner didn t endear her to the sandra dee loving girls club at school she was labeled an outcast she dropped out of paschal high school at sixteen to live in sin with her next to worthless greaser hoodlum boyfriend a motorcycle riding teenage hubcap stealing thief from the north side of town this decision resulted in her instant banishment from the family polled by a phone in family vote she was christened the little trollop her name was not to be spoken at gatherings and her mother requested all photographs containing images of cookie be returned to her for proper disposal by fire in the backyard bbq pit her father was brokenhearted by her rejection unable to watch her sweet sixteen birthday present a ford fairlane convertible sit abandoned in his driveway he sold it the rebellious type was not tolerated well in the 1950s especially in texas and our extended family the cellar grew in popularity and crowds of unwashed self appointed poets and deep thinkers found their way to the dark smokey den cookie grew tired of the bland poetry readings from ancient books and tried her hand at writing her heart was full of self induced resentment and it didn t take long for her to dish on everyone and everything she felt had done her wrong her parents were number one on her list she asked the club owner to let her perform a personal poem about her life and he agreed saturday evening is reserved for the serious night dwelling hip beats they convene and hold literary court to anyone who will listen mixed groups gather around small tables arguing about poetry politics religion and the meaning of life old crow adds the extra kick to the strong coffee an occasional strange cigarette might be passed around sensing the time is right cookie takes the stage cradling a cardboard box under her left arm and a large pair of sewing shears in her right hand she sets the box on the floor next to a tall stool tears stream from her eyes forming dark streams of watery mascara onto her peach pale cheeks a thin tinsel string of snot drips from her left nostril resting on her upper lip and glitters in the spotlight bathing her face in an ethereal glow she sniffs and gags a few times composes herself and begins her poem she retrieves her favorite childhood doll baby from the box and lays it on the stool top she grabs a large meat cleaver from the box and beheads the poor toy a gasp erupts from the crowd earlier for maximum effect she filled the doll s plastic head with heinz ketchup and potted ham to simulate blood and brains the ketchup splattered patrons recoil in horror when the doll s head is guillotined and bounces onto their table by the stage next she pulls a beautiful 8 10 glossy photo of her parents from the box and cuts it to shreds with the sewing shears she pulls a girl scout uniform from the box and rips it to pieces throwing the all american remnants of the uniform into the audience cookie leans into the microphone takes a long drag from a pall mall and in a low growl says i never liked dolls or toys but you made me treat the little fakes like real people i fed them imaginary food bathed them in imaginary water changed their tiny poopless diapers and dressed them in stupid clothes and for that i hate you and cut my hair with that statement she grabs a chunk of her beautiful lady godiva s length hair and removes a six inch portion with the sewing shears she continues i didn t want to be a bluebird but no i had to be like the other girls on our street you know i don t like the color blue and for that i hate you and i cut my hair then whack another large section falls to the stage you hate my boyfriend because he is a bad boy and he is all that but i love him and want to spend my life on the back of his ratty ass motorcycle holding a nursing baby in each arm as we travel west to find the meaning of life she then whacks the left side of her hair to within inches of her scalp the audience is on the verge of bolting for the door fearing her next move may sever an artery and expire in front of them a voice from the back of the room yells this chick is crazy man cookie ends her act and exits the stage leaving a pile of black hair mixed with ketchup and photo paper the crowd of poets and hip cats give her a lukewarm reception this performance was too unhinged for the normally unshakable that performance at the cellar that night was the debut of what would become known as performance art cookie got her wish less than a year later with a baby in her arms she and her boyfriend made their way to california and that s another story share this share on x opens in new window x share on bluesky opens in new window bluesky share on mastodon opens in new window mastodon share on nextdoor opens in new window nextdoor share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on telegram opens in new window telegram share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp share on threads opens in new window threads share on facebook opens in new window facebook print opens in new window print share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email like this like loading featured facing cancer my mri experience at ut southwestern featured phil strawn 21 comments back in 2019 this texan caught myself a case of cancer it wasn t contagious like the flu or a norovirus but it was a bad case my first doctor wanted to do the standard treatment but my wife a dedicated nurse did some digging and found a new treatment available only at ut southwestern in dallas we live in granbury and i grew up in fort worth so going to dallas was painful it s something we fort worth ians didn t do back in the 1950s fort worth is where the west begins and dallas is where the east peters out it s an actual historical fact so i had to swallow my family legacy of pride and prejudice and go to dallas to save my life round two of my cancer diagnosis commenced on may 13th 2019 at 3 45 pm going to ut southwestern oncology for treatment was a no brainer it s the best their staff radiates positive vibes so naturally i feel better it is battling this evil little demon that has invaded my beloved earthly form with its sights set on the destruction of my body that keeps me focused this course of action is my main goal and will receive my full attention for the near future today is the oh so specialized 3rdt mri i m amused at the star wars comparison to r2d2 at least r2 would show me a hologram of princess lea for my entertainment as with any procedure it is inserting the word specialized into the mix that assures the method will be expensive and painful i was right my bright eyed and bushy tailed mri nurse accompanies me to my changing room where i change into a scratchy blue hospital gown accented by yellow non skid socks after my wardrobe makeover he inserts an iv pic into my arm and leaves a young woman maybe twenty one or so also wearing the blue gown sits down next to me she has two iv pics in one arm and appears scared at this age my shyness with strangers is minimal so i ask her first mri without looking over she says no sir this is my sixth one and there s more to come it s cancer she looks at me and asks how about you at this point i feel like this young girl needs a laugh even at my expense in a deadpan voice i say complications from the racoon flu my entire body is pulsing with it never saw a garbage can i didn t love she knows this is total bs and laughs i crack myself up ten minutes later i lay on the mri table iv in place earplugs inserted headphones on and the nurse tech leans over and tells me this might be a little uncomfortable he smiles and snickers as he says it i ask how big is this thing you are inserting into my earthly temple he laughs and says not too big just enough to get close to the subject and light you up with some good old radiation i plead let me see it and i ll be the judge of that what kind of radiation are we talking here rather proudly he exclaims this is the good old american stuff came straight from los alamos labs the same material used to build the nuke back in 1945 it s so pure that dr oppenhimer personally endorses it its the bomb from behind his back he produces a probe that looks like a 1 24th scale model of the hindenburg blimp attached to the business end is an evil pigtail coil that is glowing g...
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