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description= Travels through life as an obese woman and the process of bariatric surgery.;
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r any minute he arrived and it was almost as if i heard a choir of angels he sat down and started to go over a list of questions i d sent back in january if you ve had surgery you know they will draw on you so everyone is in agreement before the surgeon makes a cut he started to do that and then then he got to the sagging skin he lifted it up and the rash the whole reason i need the surgery was too infected for him to operate it s exactly where he d be making the incision and the risk of an infection getting into my system something i d be dealing with for months was too high there was no room for negotiation the risk outweighed the benefit at that moment i tried my best to not lose it in front of him he was visibly upset telling me i ve known him for years and we ve shared some very heavy conversations he said he d put me on a 10 day course of antibiotics and an anti fungal and advised me to take impeccable care of it until we schedule again for 2 or 3 weeks i asked for 2 weeks but of course it depended on when there was a time slot available in the or the nurse couldn t come in fast enough to yank out my iv so i could put on my street clothes and get out of there i just wanted to go home if you recall any of the story of my bariatric surgery it was the same outcome of a failed attempt that time however i was under anesthesia and my blood pressure plummeted to the point where i nearly died the pumped meds into my iv for 40 minutes trying to get it back to a normal level but it never leveled out when i woke up and was asked if i was in any pain i was pleasantly surprised to say that i wasn t only later did i find out why and i was devastated i had been working towards that day for 4 months and done 2 weeks of a liquid diet only for it to fail this was just reminiscent of that one thing the doctor hadn t told me at my initial consultation was that in his experience only 1 in 30 or 40 people get approved for insurance coverage that s about 2 3 i m not sure if it was the amount of information put in front of the reviewer or the content but it worked i feel so thankful and so blessed to have had k and my mom advocating on my behalf let me say if this is a procedure in your future or that of a loved one please see a doctor often and make sure there is consistent documentation of the issues your excess skin is causing don t be discouraged by the numbers above be consistent with getting those medical issues documented i m convinced it s what made the difference what had me in that 2 i hadn t gotten home yet and k had called leaving a message that she put me on the schedule for 4 6 i just had to call her to confirm when i did she reiterated that the doctor was really upset and that she was shocked after all we d been through to get the approval if you re a prayer warrior i d love any prayers for my patience during this time and as i struggle with understanding why the disappointment if positive thoughts are more your style i ll happily take those so now i wait again i d like to think that i m not waiting alone i d like to think that anyone reading this blog is waiting with me i d like to think that my little blog can be far reaching the goal of my transparency with this little blog is to impact others i want to be there to answer questions to offer encouragement not only with my bariatric journey but in general but if you know someone having bariatric surgery or considering it don t hesitate to give out my blog information reach out to me have someone with questions reach out to me if you ve read my blog for any length of time you ll see i m somewhat of an open book with many difficult topics i try to be intentional with what i share and sit back and hope that it touches someone better yet lots of someones make comments ask questions reach out posted by jen b at 9 55 pm 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels abdominoplasty anxiety gastric sleeve incision infection insurance journey obesity panniculectomy prayer skin removal surgery sleeve gastrectomy wednesday february 7 2018 how do you feel i often hear the statement you must feel so much better wow define better if you would please do i have a stamina for physical activity i lacked at 326 pounds without a doubt do i feel less ashamed by my appearance especially when meeting new people or seeing people i haven t seen for years for sure am i relieved to not be the proverbial and literal it felt like elephant in the room while being totally invisible all at the same time you bet but do i feel better that s a loaded question in my world you see i feel i feel deeply i feel pain i feel the pain of fibromyalgia i feel the pain of a mental illness i feel the pain of being a trauma survivor losing nearly half of my weight well that doesn t change those feels in fact i can no longer try to eat away those feelings i can t shove a bag of candy down my throat in an attempt to turn off feeling all of that there is no box of cookies to numb that losing nearly half of my body weight doesn t make me able to work again it doesn t shut off all the reasons i became disabled in the first place it s easy to assume and i choose to presume a very innocent thing to tell me how much better i must be feeling but if i m being honest this is probably the hardest thing i ve ever done so in some ways i feel worse this isn t an easy fix none of it is i know around any corner is a monster waiting to steal from me not in the physical sense not having my wallet taken or my car broken into but stress is a thief for me stress is a direct arrow shooting towards a decline in my mental health stress is everywhere and i work hard to manage it but i remain aware of the damage it can do to me in no time flat i don t harbor ill feelings towards anyone who says that to me who assumes i m fixed because of having lost so much weight i walk away frustrated by the ignorance our society holds regarding so many of the issues i had at my highest weight issues that didn t disappear when the weight did i work with a trainer twice a week do i feel like getting up and going to work out not usually i don t feel energetic enough lately to get out of bed and pushing my body to its limits in fact i d rather do just about anything before going to that gym but i do it it doesn t feel good i do it because i know i need to i do it because i ve worked too hard to gain back the weight i ve lost this may sound like a bit of a pity party and it s not i assure you i will say that at my highest weight getting up in front of a group of people to work my direct sales business felt more overwhelming than there are words in the english language to describe i have gained confidence both from losing weight and from having a successful business but let me define success because it s not the same for any individual who s reading this for me working my business staying an active consultant helping people that is success i was a social worker it s in my blood to help people now helping just looks different than it did i help people find solutions to problems i help a local food bank or cancer center by doing a fundraiser that that is success will i ever be able to go as far in my education as i d hoped it s not likely i was going to get my psyd possibly simultaneously getting my jd so i could be an advocate for those who can t advocate for themselves but because of my chronic illnesses furthering my education is unlikely i have had to redefine success i want to inspire people help people prompt positive change in people that is success for me has my weight loss story been a successful one if you ll allow me to use the word in a different context i d like to think so in fact exactly one month from today i m scheduled to go in for a panniculectomy to have excess skin removed from my abdomen pending insurance approval praying for insurance approval a surgeon doesn t even consider that procedure if someone hasn t been successful in their weight loss journey it s a long and tedious operation it carries some risk but he sees it as a good thing for me he feels confident that insurance will approve the surgery am i at my goal weight yet not exactly although i m a matter of a few pounds away from being half of what i was i ll lose a few pounds of skin and that s a good thing i don t have pictures to show since i last wrote in fact i ve had a few difficult weeks and have put some food in my body that s not ideal i won t get on the scale i won t let those few bad weeks define my journey my success but this surgery feels like the next step so i hope you accept my honesty and bluntness but know that assuming anyone feels so much better because of no longer being super obese the actual bmi category when my number was over 54 isn t a safe assumption there was more to me than my 326 pounds and there is still so much more to me than my 167 pounds do i feel better that s complicated posted by jen b at 8 51 pm 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels anxiety bariatric surgery bipolar bmi depression eating embarrassment emotional eating food gastric sleeve obesity pain panniculectomy personal trainer skin removal surgery sleeve gastrectomy tuesday january 9 2018 time marches on i can t believe it happened again i ve gone months and seemingly ignored this blog although i haven t forgotten about it honest since i last posted life has been rather hectic a couple of weeks after my last entry i drove myself 7 1 2 hours to columbus oh for thirty one s annual national conference i was admittedly anxious it was a long drive alone and i d never met anyone on my team nor the women with whom i shared a room in person this was a leap of faith on many levels i also wasn t sure what to expect with food so went prepared with plenty of protein bars and i stocked up on healthy snacks so i didn t find myself getting overly hungry but the anxiety was real i will say that i am not a fan of bridges and tunnels and never gave any thought about needing to tackle both just to get through pa i also don t drive in cities i ll be honest i was scared the lord has a sense of humor because as soon as i saw the first set of tunnels the songs from my playlist entitled breathe came on all i could do was giggle and breathe the songs served as a necessary reminder it was mostly smooth sailing until i neared the city of columbus now living near philly i didn t plan on columbus being city driving another example of me simply not thinking it is a city period it s not philly but it s not suburbia either once more god moment when the skies opened up and an old jars of clay song flood played the rain turned out to be a good thing though because it slowed traffic and allowed me freedom to read street signs going slowly and merge into the lanes necessary as for eating and conference it was a challenge but one i handled pretty well our team did pizza one day but i stuck to my protein bar as hard as that was one night i met with a new group of friends and actually just snacked on peanuts and raisins a childhood lunchbox staple altogether forgetting to eat a meal i may have been lacking in my daily protein intake for those few days but i didn t eat junk so it s a fair trade off plus while i can t stomach plain water anymore and you can t take bottles into the arena i took individual packets of crystal light and bought a bottle of water everyday it got the job done i did get back to work with my trainer after some significant time off following hand surgery i swear some weeks he s trying to kill me but seriously i need the accountability so i keep going but then august hit i was in a rough place and keith went and developed a couple of kidney stones ouch one of them was so large he required surgery for it to be blasted with a laser he spent 2 nights in the hospital a week later he had the stent removed that same day early september i was admitted to the hospital for 24 days once again food became an issue but i was armed with protein shakes and bars i actually lost weight while i was there after that break i was back with the trainer until we went on vacation leaving 2 days after our 22nd anniversary the same date we d left for our honeymoon we took a brief cruise to on disney cruise line and then took several days at disney world and for fun hubby gave notice at his job as soon as we hit land it wasn t ideal he would have much preferred to tell his boss in person but out of respect he wanted to give the full 2 weeks notice anyway it wasn t for fun because he had a great job offer on the table we got back from vacation 12 14 and his last day of work was 12 22 one huge non scale victory for me not needing a seatbelt extender on the plane even better i just kept pulling the end tighter and tighter it was a great feeling i was incredibly concerned about food at disney it s always been one of our favorite things about our disney vacations this was my 13th trip it was our 9th trip together including our disneymoon we got the text that our room was ready and it turns out we d been upgraded to club aka concierge level you know what that means free food it also meant that we walked out onto our balcony the first night at the wilderness lodge after a long day at 2 different parks and watched the fireworks over cinderella s castle we were downright giddy we d also been eligible for the free dining promotion they offered we weren t going to pay for the dining plan i simply don t eat that much but it was free so we grabbed on i tried some new foods and did well until the last day when i tried a few too many new things in one day and my sleeve rebelled i vomited other than that i did quite well i even lost weight because of all the walking we do at disney it was an extraordinary vacation we still enjoyed some great food we had the upgrade we were at our favorite place on earth the adult exclusive beach called serenity bay at disney s private island castaway cay where we floated on mats in the clear ocean and just hung out talking all the while our backs getting burnt as we were laying on our stomachs and we were on a phenomenal new ride seven dwarfs mine train during the nighttime fireworks and those were just the highlights 12 29 marked two years since i joined thirty one as an independent consultant what started off as a bit of a roller coaster has become a consistent and thriving business i love the company and what they stand for and the products can t be beat i know i m partial but i love what i do since i m not able to hold down a full time traditional job and remain on disability this is perfect 12 30 was two years since my initial consultation with the bariatric surgeon it was the day my new life started even if it wasn t my surgiversary it was the day this portion of my journey began it was the day my eating changed and i slowly began to add exercise into my life it was the day i met the man who would give me a major tool fo...
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