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magine the tendons moving smoothly under the flesh like steel lift cables as the contracting muscles react to the electric jolts shooting down the nervous pathways spread across the body both of my legs work in tandem with my left arm to leverage the accelerator and clutch pedals in a fluid series of movements to change the engines gear whilst the right arm keeps the steering wheel stable my eyes keep a steady lookout at the road ahead alert to the changes around me and the weather before me as the grey clouds break and heavy raindrops start to splatter the windscreen a quick flick of my index finger switches the front wipers on my ears are primed to the sounds of passing engines or the screaming sirens of emergency vehicles perceptibly but just i can feel my heart beat that much faster as my right foot presses down on the accelerator at a stretch i d say it was beating in time to the song playing but that may be poetic licence and an exaggeration broken bones convoluted as a medical history it has been just over a year since i first started driving in a daily capacity after passing my driving test a few years ago it has been a long and somewhat patient journey to get to this stage i had passed the theory and practical tests almost two years beforehand but a well timed pathological fracture to the right tibia and fibula bones of the lower leg as when a tibia breaks the fibula acting as a supporting lateral strut to the larger and more robust tibia bone and connected to it by a tough fibrous tissue also often fractures kept me off the road for a good while after having just ordered a car for the first time after healing from this fracture the third such transverse fracture for these two bones i was again ready to hop in the car and onto the road but this time as a fully legitimate legal driver no longer in a training vehicle my body however had different ideas as i went on instead to fracture the right humerus bone of the upper arm in an accident shortly before receiving the said car delaying once again my time to drive and the time on the tarmac as a direct result of these two separate fracture incidents i gained two new titanium plates as permanent and palpable bodily additions and welcomed though somewhat initially delayed doses of entinox and morphine to subdue the immediate pain from the fractures themselves after the initial throbbing pain of a fractured bone which is enhanced by the muscle spasms and contractions that often accompany a break of a major limb bone the pain starts to wear off to a gentle ache once the limb has been stabilized protected and padded from any further movement or injury where necessary the bone is reduced to the correct alignment the reduction of the bone can without anesthetic be as painful as initially fracturing the bone itself as indicated above my fractures were treated surgically to correct long standing problems using metallic alloys fashioned into a sturdy plate screwed onto the bone which help prevent stress shielding and allow the natural responsive dynamics of bone modelling to continue it should be stated here that fractures can also be treated conservatively with limb immobilization and pain relief given whilst the bone heals itself if a good enough reduction and union can be carried out without the need for surgical intervention humerous triptych pre surgical and post surgical fixation with the use of a permanent titanium plate on the right humerus upper arm following the pathological fracture i sustained in an accident in july 2014 as a result of having mccune albright syndrome and the associated polyostotic fibrous dysplasia pfd disorder where bone tissue is replaced with a fibrous tissues my skeletal system is weaker than normal with a higher bone cell turnover rate pathological lesions in the bone which can already be naturally deformed in size and shape can lead to fractures so called ground glass visual which can be found on x rays of pfd bone if reproduced elsewhere please credit as appropriate and inform the author of this blog i said it was a long and patient journey because the majority of the time spent waiting to drive was spent silently healing my head often buried in an article or a book whilst devouring coffee it took a long time for the two pieces of the bone shafts to become one again as the callus formed and bridged the fracture site the woven bone that is initially laid down changing over time to lamellar or mature bone so much so that in some cases bone fracture sites can be completely remodeled with little noticeable sign of a historic break ever having taken place during this time i was shuttled from appointment to appointment as a passenger in my assigned vehicle wondering what it was like to dictate the journey and the destination what it was like to take control on starting you may think that i would be wary of driving due to the above described frailties that my body imposed on my life but i was ready to go and ready to face the roads of my country i was and remain eager to explore the freedom of the road alongside the exploration of the idea that that freedom represents in itself many of my friends had started driving at 17 or 18 years old had passed their tests and then drove aimlessly to gain experience on the roads around the regional towns only to abandon their cars as they themselves started undergraduate courses at universities in other towns and other cities across the country running a car and having the money to fund the fuel bill insurance road tax and other associated costs was an expense that many didn t have and didn t need at that time in their lives i too had started to learn to drive at that age but i soon gave it up frustrated at the confusing methods used by the teacher and wary of the upcoming femoral fixation surgeries that i faced at that time to limit what appeared to be regular interruptions of forced stillness in my life i was happy to ignore the need to drive for another decade or so not needing to do it for my undergraduate and postgraduate university courses and happy to use the trains and other methods of public transport for work and pleasure indeed i came to love the numerous hours spent commuting to volunteer placements work and journeys to see friends and old companions it was time to relax to speak to other passengers to sit and to read or simply to sit and to stare at the countyside unfolding before me as every driver informs every non driver the convenience of the car is the epitome of freedom over the strict timetable of public transport as an ardent user and lover of the train the misery of the delay is trumped by the friends made in the carriage and by the regulars who recognize you in turn i remained somewhat skeptical of this claim what i had not counted on however was how it actually felt to have that freedom when i drove myself both for my own pleasure and as a matter of commuting to and from my workplace there have been times when i am driving down an empty flyover at 1am with the twinkle of the industrial north to my right and the disappearance of the work office behind me and as the song i m listening to reaches its crescendo i feel somewhat at peace with the world around me this is of course the thrill of riding an empty road listening to your favorite music and soaking in every last note sounded and vocal moaned but driving with a crowd is different but it is different for me in particular to drive to think the car for me and the act of driving the car means that i can merge in with the public body at large in a seemingly innocuous manner when i walk i use crutches for short distances and for longer distances i need and use a manual wheelchair as such it is an obvious difference that is noticed immediately on sight one which signifies that i am different in some significant way from the majority i have had and continue to have people treat me differently in ways that they would not my friends or family say by speaking to someone other than to me even when it is i who have raised the question or query or by treating me in such a way which invokes past experiences of relatives or loved ones in states of profound impairment despite the fact that my experiences and needs are different that is in such cases my personal agency as an actor or individual with my own views worries and questions is abated i am viewed as a representative therefore i am not an individual there is no such differentiation between specialized or adapted vehicles for the physically impaired or disabled individuals on the road compared with normal cars we all flow into the same lane or road the caveat here is of course parking bays where disabled bays alongside mother and child bays are given proximity priority but i am strictly talking of when the car is in motion as such i am intrigued by the possibility of me in the car being treated in a similar manner as to everyone else who is present on the road that our actions speak for themselves rather than the prejudices present on seeing the physical self as a first judgement i ve briefly touched on my own experiences here and a few ideas above but i want to move forward to acknowledge a few thoughts that have swirled around my mind over the past year or so on the open road i have become somewhat intrigued by the notion of driving and the path of the road as a cultural symbol and as a personal experience as such the following are thoughts somewhat vague in nature of driving a marker by the side during the first six months of my experience as a driver i passed a personal marker on the road to work a curve in the dual carriageway where a silent single fluttering jersey indicated a geographical spot where a young life had been cut short the car skidding from the road late at night killing one of its two occupants the jersey by the side of the road aptly demonstrated both the family s singular pain and the danger of driving without due regard for the road conditions a memento of the often tumult path of life it acted as a constant reminder for me then when i saw it throughout the different seasons of the year and i remember it clearly now in my mind s eye it is easy to be self contained in a car if you are driving alone thinking only of yourself and not of the actions that you yourself have on others and those around you that the road is open and easy to see yet drivers especially of cars can be subdued too easily by the sheltering in the cage of metal and glass too easy it is to shut out both the weather and the sound of the road too easy to become disconnected from what is in front to the side and behind death is the ultimate outcome of driving dangerously or incorrectly each person who drives should understand that they are both responsible for themselves any passengers and for the safety of those of who the car comes near be it other vehicle drivers or pedestrians a friend who rides a motorcycle near year round has spoken of their wish that each person who learns to drive does so first on a motorbike where every second must be concerned and concentrated with the movement of your bike and your body where the dangers in the driving blind spot become that much more pronounced as there is no clear boundary or distinction between the body and the tarmac it is an interesting idea i think and it shows that although the majority of the road users in most countries are car and truck drivers there are different experiences of using the road out there that even though we may be all drivers we do not each experience the same sense of driving or the same sense of security from the vehicles we choose to use to get from a to b it is my suggestion that this is the experience of the other in this environment the one that car and truck drivers must take extra special care for motorcyclists as well as cyclists due to the physical differences in the size of the vehicle and the position of the body on top of the vehicle rather than the notion of what it feels like to be on the inside of it thoughts on interior vs exterior however within the confines of my personal anthropology of driving there is also a need to define the personal space within the interior of the car and the exterior public face of the vehicle i e the personalization of the interior as a representation of the identity versus the need to drive responsibly and react accordingly to the changes in weather traffic density and normal or exceptional road hazards we have all for instance seen the personalized number plates or stickers attached to the exterior surface of cars or the use of rosary beads dangling from the rear view mirror possibly signifying a religious connection to catholicism or perhaps simply a physical item in which to grab and to hold to reassure and to connect these are markers of expressed individual and group identity through the modified material culture of the car which could be symbolic of the beliefs of the individual and possibly an indicator of the nature of their personality although there must also be a distinction between these leaps and not infer beyond the unreasonable these do of course differ dependent on the circumstances the cliché of a boy impressing a girl by driving fast is indicative of the use of the vehicle to express dominance or perceived masculinity and not the expression of the material culture of the individual within the car there are as such different signifiers at work when we consider the expression of identity with regards to vehicle ownership and use see photograph below warning if you value your life as much as i value this truck don t mess with it seen in san francisco in april 2015 photograph taken with a digital camera by the author if used elsewhere please credit as appropriate so what is in my car you can expect to find the odd physio stretching band placed in the car from before i started to drive so i could exercise the muscles of the right arm on the way to and from work to regain the majority of the extension of the antebrachium back i have permanently lost the ability to fully extend my arm due to the somewhat intimidating and unnerving bend of the right humerus it isn t immediately noticeable the bend but when i point it out in person you may be surprised and somewhat horrified at what once was and now what is look into the main storage box and you ll find a whole heap of cd s covering a fairly wide range of genres and musical styles from the cut and thrust of fugazi and their 13 songs album to the emotional tape loops of steve reich s different trains and guitar counterpoint you could probably tell that the cd medium is the one in which i invest the most in for music listening just via the car haul of discs themselves i m forever rotating my classic selection of favoured albums that i ve purchased more recently such as joanna newsom s divers the godspeed you black emperor album asunder sweet and other distress or sufjan steven s hauntingly beautiful carrie and lowell album th...
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