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description= Humor, mutts, menoapuse & merlot..bloggie style;
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ok share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 3 08 am filed under cell phones comedy friends hand bags humor menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands satire satire comedy family teens children tagged aviation bells blogging college facebook freshman gaming hd kentucky fried wings navy ships shipyard smart phone technology texting transportation videogames 13 comments april 13 2013 the hills are alive with the sound of blogging it s raining it s pouring my husband won t stop snoring he went to bed turned his head and i kicked him out this morning i know snoring is no laughing matter especially to the other person occupying the the right side of the bed who can t sleep due to the massive logs being sawed next to her more like a buzz saw emanating from those nostrils how does this rhythmic rhino sleep through his own band of breaths how does he manage to open the floodgates of an airway to bring in da funk bring in da nose relentlessly causing him to not breath right this is nothing to sneeze at the only semi cure to calm his turbulent turbinates is to roll him on his side so his schnoz is facing east if he is resistant to that change in venue and chooses to remain on his back pausing to inhale he will face the pillow of doom hovering over his face as he s waiting to exhale i tried that once it was a mere threat in jest ure my recidivist snore hog snog awoke to the scent of a woman who uses too much fru fru fabric softener in the laundry so he hurled a ginormous sneeze onto the pillow case were you holding a pillow over my face he asks eyes wide shut incrusted with sleep particles no darling you were dreaming she coos replacing the deformed microfoam to the head of the bed for her eyes only you were holding a pillow over my head thinking to smother me with down feathers he smirks with laughing eyes don t be batt y sweet heart that material contains too much airspace if i truly wanted to off you i d use the fiber filled decorative throw pillows everyone knows polyester doesn t breath so you were trying to kill me in my sleep he spills out trying to suppress laughter not exactly honey pie it was more like adding a muffler to your mouth piece you re snoring i don t snore he deniably stated looking through the eyes behind his head oh that s right how could you possibly hear yourself snore over the the clamor emitting from your palate as you lie there in your sleep number coma oblivious to the affect is has on your neighboring bed mate she beamed through her betty davis eyes that was the last time i tried the muffle effect my next approach was during a visit out west staying with relatives and i tried the extended arm prop to the back technique this enables your snog to remain on his side for the night quieting the rumbling gasps however it will leave you sleepless in seattle with an achy breaky arm in the morning one night i chose to use the retractable limb method once your snore victim snortims is on his side your arm repeatedly jumps out into action with the slightest inkling of him turning onto his back sometimes this method calls for two arms to be utilized as you are dealing with unconscious weight weight that has been tipping the scales of late night snacking there are repercussions when using this tactic especially if you work out at the gym three to four days a week as my husband once fell victim to the floor you pushed me out of bed he blew out after the thud landing no darling you were dreaming she winces eyes squinting in guilt you could have killed me he puffs out no sweetums the chili peppers you loaded onto your late night burrito will kill you thus the thud when you hit the carpet i was merely administering a minor love tap to your back helping the jalapeno s adjust she quips as her eyes search for a eurythmic s lyric would i lie to you hone y ok ok you were snoring i don t snore he freely denies again this lead me to my third and final modus operandi which is a full proof formula so easy a dog could master it this ritual not only works but will provide your slumbering snog the body of evidence that which he is being accused of disturbing the peace ful sleeping wife i video taped him i filmed him in all his snore glory i showed him my presentation after i jiggled him awake just try and deny the snoring now my little sweet apnea you filmed me sleeping he says as as his eyes roll to the heavens yes pumpkin now there is no confusion as to your snoring or not here you are in living color lying on your back breathing and expiring the snuffle shuffle through your nose to the tune of she drives me crazy so what do you have to say now mr i don t snore her eyes have it that s not me rolls over fade to black eye give up share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 2 17 am filed under comedy dogs gym humor menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands sarcasm airline satire comedy family teens children tagged aviation bring in da funk bring in da noise cars decorative throw pillows eurythmics eyes wide shut fabric softener massive logs pillow polyester sandman scent of a woman snoring 9 comments april 5 2013 to blog or not to blog that is the question i have been trying for months to sit down and tackle my keyboard to try and coerce some nonsense out of my brain i believe my mind has been on hiatus longer than a new hit series featured on hbo it was as if the harder i tried to think of something to write about the more the thoughts escaped and tunneled out faster than andy dufresne through the sewers of shawshank it just stinks when that happens it s like i m held prisoner in my own head and i am facing a cell block that refuses to sing a schwann song in order to get the synapses in sync i usually will take long walks with my dog or tackle the elliptical at the gym i stress the word usually lately i have found it harder and harder to get out there during the winter months which seem to drag on longer than holiday visits from my mother in law the motivation to dress in layers jump into a cold car drive in sleet just to arrive and get out of a now warmed car into the cold and enter a gym that smells like like a gym then strip off the soaked layers and step up onto a piece of equipment that was formally occupied by a wet wookie has left the building as far as the long walks with my dog are concerned he avoids nasty weather and will withhold potty time longer than a camel craving an oasis a lot of my inspiration would attack me at random times times when i didn t have anything handy to jot the idea down this frequently happens while driving to the store and circling the parking lot for a space at the same time averting run a way grocery carts searching for a head on one time was in a bank as i stood eleventh in line during rush hour i found myself digging through my bottomless pit of a purse for a pen a pen i always carry in the zipper portion of a pocketbook which inevitably gets devoured by the hand bag monster lying in the abyss below the hole in fabric lining a pen that sits there in clutch camo teasing the grasp of my pre arthritic fingers sticking it s partially opened tip out leaving it s mark on my manicure to let me know it s there and unattainable at the moment a pen that refuses to surrender by the time i reach the front of the line to make my deposit in addition the bank employee reprimands me to sign the check and offers me a pen there i stand with a pen and teller and no vacancy written all over my brain and as fate will have it my thought for the day had vanished only to possibly resurface during another inopportune moment much like that pen of inequity did when it decided to show itself as i returned to my car outside the bank never walk and blindly fish for keys in an open receptacle whilst trying to recapture your initial brainstorm it leads to a dropped hand bag adjacent to the car door causing an accessories crisis spill onto the the black top and watching a pen that is mightier than my satchel to roll under the car i got down on all fours to locate its final destination i tried to retrieve that slippery shut in but it was out of my reach and i risked bumping heads with a header pipe and that would exhaust me gathering ideas to stimulate a blog thought is not an easy task and can prove to be hazardous depending on your surroundings at the time i ve had many afflatus attack me in the middle of a shampoo while showering maybe scrubbing the scalp stimulates that a fore mentioned cell block and whips a body out of the bath dripping without a towel sliding towards a pen spotted on the countertop only to land on the cold tile floor in the process which brought my brain to a conclusion that all ideas brought on during that scenario are wait for it slippery when wet spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 11 25 pm filed under comedy dogs hand bags humor menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands satire satire comedy family teens children tagged aviation banks brain cells cars gaming hbo outdoors pen and teller purse schwann shawshank transportation videogames 10 comments march 28 2013 a re blog to wet your whistle as i prepare to return charlywalker s blog my high school son announced the other day that he was getting a tattoo i told him that s nice and when you leave for your ink appointment make sure you take extra clothes with you he stated back why do they make you change your clothes no i smiled back at him you ll be needing something to wear when you find yourself no longer living in this house for doing something stupid my friend jordan got one he mocks back it s scripture written under his arm well i breath out between gritted teeth i m sure god will be pleased to know that his word is being spread through jordan s armpit he carries on you know i turn 18 soon and i don t need your permission that s what jordan did i hate that sense of entitlement and the continual referencing of the legal age of consent being thrown view original post 888 more words share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 9 10 pm filed under 1 2 comments january 19 2013 guess the age cw has a birthday coming up please be kind feel free to lie flatter share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 10 09 pm filed under 1 14 comments november 30 2012 twinkie defense i am sorry to hear that hostess will no longer be offering their twinkies to the public mind you i don t buy or eat twinkies i had one once in the 60 s a grade school chum offered me the second twinkie in her double pack after school one day i remember the twinkie being larger than my hand and i can still remember the taste and texture of that twinkie today i remember the soft spongy yellow cake oozing the cream filling with every bite i don t think i had ever tasted anything like it as my mother didn t let us eat sugary pre processed food maybe a home made chocolate cake for a siblings birthday or an under baked tart from my easy bake oven but never a hostess twinkie fruit pie ding dong or ho ho i guess i can thank my mom for my impeccably clear arteries to this day twinkies came on board around 1933 and now they will become extinct and for some reason that saddens me i m sorry hostess had to declare bankruptcy couldn t they just repay their creditors with an abundance of sweet snack cakes twinkie s developed quite the resume besides clogging coronaries and sending children into sugar coma s the twinkie found itself costarring in movies like grease die hard and ghostbusters and also wound up in the courtroom at the 1979 murder trial of harvey milk where dan white claimed he overdosed on twinkie s an was acting under a delusional influence of a sugar high hmm maybe he needed a glass of milk i think twinkie s were a part of our society whether we indulged in their cream fillings or not i am guilty of offering a twinkie to my children when they were young around the same age when i had my first twinkie my son came home from school and wanted to try a twinkie i of course objected and then after a lengthy conversation with a six year old who ended all my statements with why i decided to give in i went to the store and found the hostess aisle and searched for a twin packet of twinkie s there were none apparently after thirty years twinkie s now came in a box of twelve my son was with me and was grinning from ear to ear with that bit of news i managed to spot a double pack twinkie stand toward the checkout and grabbed one the first thing that hit me was the size it was no longer bigger than my hand in fact it barely covered my palm the second thing that hit me was the price my son and i returned to the car with the twinkie s in hand i had as much anticipation as he did when opening the twin pack i gave him his half and watched as he bit into the yellow cake and licked the cream filling out of the center i m assuming that was twinkie protocol i held my twinkie for a few moments before taking the first bite i examined the cake and it appeared to be a little more on the orange side than i remembered i chose to break my twinkie in half to witness the airy fluffiness of the spongecake and cream filling spilling out onto your fingers but when i flexed the cake it just seem to sag and bend i wrestled with it s rubbery texture until the cake pulled apart like my unbaked cakes cooked by a 60 watt bulb from my easy bake oven built in the 60 s after successfully separating the twinkie i had to put my glasses on to find the cream filling i guess this was the first indicator that hostess was having difficulties cutbacks of the cream filling followed by more red dye and gluing agents i took a deep breath before i took the first bite of what seems to be a deflated expectation there was something different about this twinkie from what i remembered it lacked something and i couldn t put my tongue on it it was missing the the basic ingredient from the 60 s that gave twinkie it s popularity it lacked taste i spat that wad of chemicals out into a napkin and turned to grab the remains of my sons twi...
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