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Text of the page (random words):
old album cover illustrated in glorious metal fashion by shel kahn this sinewy no stretch goal kickstarter begins late on january 20th and will run for only two weeks sign up for the mailing list so you won t miss this spread it like marmalade share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit like loading my typing machine posted on october 22 2018 by epidiah typically i use my phone for writing that and a nice slightly cramped bluetooth keyboard that folds up to fit in my pocket whenever i need to get some work done i pop open my jotterpad and type merrily away very recently i ve been experimenting with novelist but i m not yet ready to report on that yet this has served me well for a while it had its drawbacks my phone has a wonderful battery life but leaving the screen on while typing all day and nonsense decisions made with the latest android update have taken their toll the battery has begun to evaporate plus the keyboard needs a sturdy surface beneath it or it ll fold back up so as long as i can find a nice table or desk near an outlet i m golden except you know for the incessant notifications but we ll get to that however a few months ago the whole keyboard to phone situation began to slow way below the point of viability i don t really know why anecdotal evidence suggests this happened when my wi fi was spotty but who knows during these troubling times the virtual keyboard still worked fine and a few cursory tests have shown that usb keyboards worked as well i suspected it has something to do with the bluetooth but what do i know well i mean i know a keyboard physically plugged into my phone works so i began looking into those superfriends narrator voice meanwhile back at the halls of instagram one anandronamedsue posted an image of an alphasmart neo 2 that drew my eye same way say a pic of a hp 91 desktop calculator might seize my attention a brief inquiry followed by a short bout of internet research showed that the alphasmart neo 2 was indeed a usb keyboard as well as an independent word processor and one could be had for under 30 sold originally the alphasmart family of word processors were meant for the classroom a cheaper alternative to a full on computer that the teacher could control more closely they ve since been discontinued but authors all over the place are buying used ones up at discounted prices for some of the very reasons i ve listed below why i m digging it i ve been using this keyboard just about everyday for months now it has become my tool of choice and i d like to tell you why starting with how i use it on its own but eventually getting to how it works with my phone on fucking ready i timed it from the on off button to blinking cursor in four seconds literally the only thing faster is pen and paper and even that can take a bit of scribbling to jump start the engine you are right where you last left off across the top of the keyboard there are eight file keys that let you jump around in your eight active files you can have more than eight files on the device but these eight slots are the quickest to navigate between i have a garbage file file 4 that i just start typing in to get a little warmed up in the morning i m typing in it right now actually this afternoon if i feel there s a need to keep this i ll either move it to another file or upload it to my phone more on that later for now though i just want to praise how delightful it is to go from wait i have a stupid idea to typing that stupid idea into a pile of garbage in less than 5 seconds sturdy light comfy keyboard i m not so picky about my keyboards which is odd because for decades now i ve been making my living with them given a half hour to get used to the peculiarities in most qwerty keyboard layouts i m usually good to go i am also quite used to typing on tiny keyboards this is not a tiny keyboard it has full sized keys that are nice and clicky but not annoyingly so it s a bit of a joy to type on actually if that s your thing right now four months on i m still in the phase where i look for excuses to write on this beast which is a good place to be in for a writer but more important to my needs it s light and sturdy it s just over a foot wide and a couple ounces shy of two pounds it fits nicely in the lap and provides enough support to be a stable typing platform there without being unwieldy which makes it perfect for carrying around from desk to standing desk to couch to hammock to whatever mine is missing its rubber feet perhaps a minor cosmetic flaw accompanied by the annoy habit of sliding away from me if i m typing with it on a smooth surface fortunately i found a simple and delightful solution to that here since the device doesn t appreciably heat up i can safely cover the whole back with slip resistant netting the only drawback is that it ll be a bit of a pain when it comes to replacing the batteries but battery power this beast takes three aa batteries for day to day operations and one cr2032 lithium battery for backup the aa compartment is normally easily accessed from the back if you haven t modded it like i have the manual for the alphasmart claims 700 hours of active battery power internet testimonies support this claim 700 hours even if i type for 8 hours a day and i do not for five days a week that s over four months of batter power no plugging it in no charging overnight no outlet needed just change the batteries every 4 months or so right now after about about four months of daily use the battery power is around 90 i m thrilled with that when you do change the aa batteries that s when the cr2032 comes in it keeps your memory nice and warm during the operation it probably also pops in to give those aas a chance to nap when things aren t too active how long that does battery last then you might ask if you were a bit more cautious than eppy then you would do a little research and discover about 5 7 years and if you were a wee bit more cautious yet you may just think i wonder when they discontinued these things oh about 5 years ago you say and then if you weren t eppy you d link about replacing that cr2032 right away but if you are eppy you ll wait until you get a message asking you if you replaced the lithium battery recently y n you can say y or you could say n it doesn t matter at this point your data is already lost and you ll be digging through weird error messages until you replace that damn battery so you know do that right way g g g ghost typing one of the reasons i m not too upset about the loss of data due ye olde backup battery being olde is because i back things up on my phone at the end of every workday let me tell you the thrilling tale of how this beauty talks to my phone as mentioned before it s both a usb keyboard and a word processor even without batteries you can plug it into anything that can use a usb keyboard and be typing in a matter of moments there s a key way up in the top right called send therein lies the elegant beauty of this interface plug it in as a keyboard open a document or app on whatever device its plugged into and make sure your cursor is where you want it to be just as if you were about to start typing press send and marvel at how the tiny ghost that haunts your alphasmart swiftly types out your document character for character it s so simple no file formats to worry about no compatibility issues well no issues if you aren t using umlats and characters like and such the ghost types fast especially for a ghost but not lightning fast in my experience it types about 210 words per minute or very roughly a page per minute if you have a particularly large document this may take a few minutes to transfer during that time you won t really be able to do anything on either your alphasmart or your device it s just as if you were standing there typing it in but you re not so you can go get a snack or read a goddamn book while it s happening or you can stand by reading your work as it is being typed out realizing you need to tighten up a sentence or correct typo i mean you can t right now because your ghost buddy is busy typing but you can dream about it and if you re really lucky you ll remember to do it when your ghost is done because when your ghost buddy is done typing the whole thing pops right back into being a usb keyboard so you can just pick up where the ghost left off if you like seamless aside on several occasions now going back and forth between using the alphasmart as a word processor and as a usb keyboard for my phone i ve subconsciously tried to ctrl c on my phone and ctrl v in the alphasmart that does not work because there s no reason why it should but this is how interfaces get inside your brain and make you forget they re not magic distraction free you re going to come to terms with this on your own but for me it s a problem in many respects posting on the internet is my business when i m out there shilling for my games there s a marked increase in sales a handful of those sales will turn into games folks play a week a month a year or more down the road a handful of those games will inspire excited posts a handful of those posts turn into sales especially if i see them and use them as an excuse to start my shilling again it is always in my interest to be posting online but it s not always in my best interest if i don t write stories and make the games in the first place i m going to have trouble selling them the problem is in the moment it s not always easy to know when i should be doing one thing or the other wait that s not quite right it s not that it s terribly difficult to know it s just that it s an issue for middle management to decide i ve already got writer eppy designer eppy editor eppy social media eppy accountant eppy and personal chef eppy all vying for control of the company i don t need to throw fucking middle management eppy into the fray avoiding middle management altogether is one of the seven secret keys to a successful business along with supporting universal health care and strangling upper management this is the true benefit of a distraction free tool it s not that it helps with your willpower it helps with your power period it lets you use whatever that energy you would have wasted on management on something that s actually productive i truly appreciate that no blank page syndrome at the smallest built in font there are some fan made fonts you can grab here that are smaller but still readable the most you can fit on this screen is six lines of text to give you some understanding of how much that is this paragraph takes up exactly 6 lines on the lcd screen in that small font ultimately the font you choose has no effect on the output or layout of the document it s simple how big the writing appears on the alphasmart s screen i often use the large and very large fonts because they are clear and easy to read under most conditions and they help my sins swiftly scroll off screen i use the fan built nano and femto fonts when i m rewriting because they fit the most context on the screen at a time but my old eyes need decent lighting to use them no matter which font you choose though moments after you start typing that screen looks full there s a nice psychological effect to that you feel productive right away and there s less impulse to let your eyes trail over your previous work or lack thereof this turned out to be more important to me than i thought it would like a glove about 91 of the work i do that requires more than a simple text editor can be done on a smart phone i m no fan of typing on the virtual keyboards that smart phones offer but i dig the rest of it especially their portability which brings us full circle back around to why i was looking for a keyboard in the first place the alphasmart neo2 is also very much a usb keyboard with the right cords i can plug it into my phone and no matter what s happening on either device it painlessly switches over to a phone with physical keyboard and as an extra bonus the little depression for the lcd screen by some glorious accident of fate is just about the perfect size to nestle my phone in landscape it s not a stable enough platform for typing with the whole jenga tower in my lap but if i have it up on my desk it s just about perfect bonus slapped together like this with it s cords dangling all over the place it looks a bit like a piece from a terry gilliam movie the typing timer as mentioned early on the alphasmart was meant for classrooms it comes with a bunch of features that you may want if you re teaching students to write and type most of these revolve around delivering quizzes and whatnot and i have removed most of them from my device one of these features however has not been removed partly because i m not sure it can be and partly because i have other uses for it the typing timer ostensibly it s there to test your typing prowess you can call up the typing timer with the cmd find keys and your screen will look a little like this as it commands you just start typing and a timer starts which will make your screen look a little like this while this timer is up all the editing features you take for granted on a word processor are disabled that means no backspace no delete and no arrow keys presumably this is so you can check your timed typing for errors once your ordeal has finished but what a glorious combination of features an onscreen timer and a way to forcibly silence your editor imagine coming into work every day and spending a half hour just writing whatever bullshit comes into your mind with no possibility for refinement no chance to get lost in the wording just typing onto what is for all your purposes simply a virtual typewriter then imagine taking a five to six minute break while your haunted keyboard types those 1 200 or so words into a garbage file on your phone just in case just sit there with your coffee and a book because as you may recall you can t use your phone during this process imagine how lovely that would be now imagine you made the terrifying choice of swapping morning for night coffee for cheap whiskey and a private garbage file for a public stream behold the night writer spread it like marmalade share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit like loading loren teaches eppy about beer posted on august 28 2018 by epidiah person teaches eppy about thing returns with perhaps the most important topic yet beer loren peterson a beer professional and enthusiast teaches me the differences between an ale and a lager what makes a sour beer sour the proper way to pour for aromatics and much more check it out and in case you were wondering about the sword s...
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