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Text of the page (random words):
ering him with questions about how kindergarten s going he wore a green bucket on his head because he thought it was a hat and the next day he came to school in pink bunny ears meanwhile amanda and i breathe a shared sigh of relief as any parent will tell you the transition into kindergarten is a big one it s vast reaffirms a queer friend of mine whose own children are now grown it s like when you look at their baby feet and you realize that someday they re going to use those feet to walk away from you the first day of kindergarten feels like that and sure enough as we first entered the classroom together my son holding hands with both moms i felt a pang inside a strange mix of excitement pride and wrenching grief i didn t actually tear up until the next day when i had to say goodbye to him in the line up outside and then stand back as he filed into the school with the rest of his class his growing feet taking steps away from me already right before he was swallowed by the massive door he turned back and blew me a kiss my sweet boy i blinked back my tears and blew one back loving him with my whole heart and missing him already another queer mom had forewarned me that kindergarten hardens our sons and in that moment i found myself praying that this wouldn t happen anytime soon there s no formal pre k program here in bc so kindergarten literally marks a child s entry into the school system where they ll spent the next twelve years of their young lives amanda and i were all too aware that my son was moving from the safe cocoon of the preschool he d attended three mornings a week with fourteen other kids to an all day program at the neighbourhood french immersion school with over seven hundred students he s so ready his preschool teachers had reassured us in the spring but like most parents we wondered and worried about how it was going to go can he handle the gruelling all day schedule we asked ourselves will he make new friends will he listen to the teacher will he eat anything for lunch my son is not yet five one of the youngest in his cohort he still struggles with snaps zippers and shoelaces yet he s already as tall as your average six year old will people expect too much of him will he be able to hold his own on the playground will he play nicely with others will others play nicely with him essentially we were rehashing the same kinds of concerns we d had when he d first started preschool revamped for this brand new age and stage at play dates and kids birthday parties over the summer it s all parents could talk about are you ready for kindergarten i for one longed for the summer to stretch on forever my son may have been ready for kindergarten but i sure wasn t as queer parents there s always that additional niggling worry how will our family be received by the school and most importantly how will our gentle sensitive trusting boy continue to grow and make his way in a world that doesn t always smile kindly on queer families we d been dismayed to receive a five page welcome to kindergarten form from the school over the summer along with my son s assignment to monsieur l s class name of mother the form asked off the top name of father amanda took a deep breath crossed out father and penned in mother here we go we thought welcome to the next twelve years of tirelessly advocating for our right to exist as a family and while we were excited by the possibility of our son having his first male teacher we were also left wondering what kind of a man is monsieur l let s just hope he s the kind of man who s open to a family headed by lesbian moms amanda noted grimly on the first day of school we were greeted at the door of my son s classroom with a warm bonjour from a bright eyed young teacher so far so good moments later as monsieur l enthusiastically welcomed his new students and the gathered group of parents something caught my eye in the corner of the class i did a double take could it really be a small rainbow flag was sticking out of the pencil holder on monsieur l s desk i nudged amanda not only are queer families welcome here but oh my goddess he bats for our team monsieur l organized short interviews with all the parents that first week when amanda and i went in to meet him one of the first things out of his mouth was an apology for the welcome to kindergarten form thank you for crossing out father he said that really helped when i raised the issue with our principal at the staff meeting this week amanda and i exchanged a glance our small action had already made a difference these forms have been used by the school for a long time he went on and they no longer reflect the reality of our student population i told the principal i can t believe this form was distributed to families in my class of all classes he went on to say that he does a unit on diversity with his students every year and gets his male partner to come in and talk to the class we couldn t believe our luck in fact we feel like we ve won the lottery a month and a half in now our son still skips into to school every morning eager to see what new and wonderful things monsieur l has in store a teacher who can get kids excited and motivated about learning is worth their weight in gold a strong male role model for a boy with two moms is a huge bonus and an openly queer teacher who not only welcomes but champions our family what a spoil of riches i cannot think of a better start to kindergarten and to our relationship with the school system posted in gender heterosexism kindergarten out in the world parenting role models school uncategorized tagged kindergarten motherhood queer parenting school school system teachers 4 comments mother s day musings posted on may 12 2012 by queermommy my mom s first mother s day was particularly memorable as it was the day she first became a mother she laboured through the night and i popped out bright and early at 7 22 am that sunday morning just in time for her to be showered with mother s day greetings along with congratulations on my arrival her 27 th mother s day was equally memorable as it marks the occasion where i in a horrible lapse of judgement came out to her for the first time i d been out in my life on the coast for years it had reached the critical point where if i wanted an authentic adult relationship with my parents i had to tell them i was queer i was only passing through my hometown for a few days and wanted to break the news early enough in the visit to give us time to talk it through needless to say my timing wasn t as impeccable as on that very first mother s day nor was my announcement greeted with the same joy as my happy arrival into the world i d actually given my coming out a lot of angst ridden thought and after weighing the multitude of pros and cons had naively concluded that doing it on mother s day wouldn t be such a big deal my mother who d grown up in england had always downplayed the significance of mother s day along with all the other north american hallmark holidays it s just another day she d say as we showered her with flowers and cards you really don t need to make such a fuss until the year i dropped the lesbian bomb not only did i destroy her life as she knew it by turning out queer but i d completely ruined her mother s day she was so upset that she retreated into her garden for days tending to her flowers and barely talking to me for the rest of the visit every time i approached she d dissolve into tears live and learn hallmark holidays do matter no matter what she says i ve spent every mother s day since overcompensating for my cringe worthy twenty something faux pas one of the reasons my mom was so devastated by my coming out i later found out through the family grapevine was that she assumed it meant i wasn t going to have children of my own she was so looking forward to having grandchildren my aunt relayed sadly to her own kids as she processed the latest family tragedy which actually wasn t such a tragedy to my savvy adult cousins who says sara s not having kids two sets of ovaries two wombs being a lesbian actually doubles her chances of becoming a mom my aunt was totally floored it s amazing what you can do with modern reproductive technologies one of my cousins went on my aunt s eyes widened as she scrambled to process this was a bold new world that she and my mother had never before considered i d actually tried to reassure my mom that day i first came out to her i still want to have kids i d insisted i ve always wanted to have kids and that hasn t changed at the time this upset her even more i don t know if she didn t believe me didn t want to go there or was just too overwhelmed by my newly announced queerness to really hear me luckily my entire family has since come around to a place of acceptance the process took years my mother couldn t even bring herself to mention my sexuality for almost a decade by the time i met amanda the first girlfriend that my mom actually liked and got engaged it was no longer to possible for her to dismiss my queerness as a passing phase our wedding ceremony marked a seismic shift for both my parents seeing me and my beloved up there warmly supported by our gathered family and friends declaring our love and commitment to one another in the same way that straight people do finally seemed to make them get it that we were a couple like any other and that this was love end of story my mom hadn t lost a daughter after all in fact she d gained a daughter in law my son s arrival a year later sealed the deal i d finally given her the grandchild she d so badly wanted the one she d given up on that mother s day so many years ago the fact that he had two moms and was conceived with donor sperm no longer mattered we were a family my own first mother s day was also memorable my birthday happened to land on sunday again that year meaning there was much to celebrate another year older after a year full of exciting changes birthday cake intermingled with family celebrations as amanda and i jointly marked our first mother s day as new moms there was something extra special about sharing that first mother s day with a partner as well as the ones that followed it gave us a wonderful pause in that crazy busy first year an opportunity to stop grumbling about sleep deprivation lack of couple time and all the other myriad of complaints that pepper life with a newborn and instead reflect together on the miracle of our son s birth and growing little family we marvelled at how much had changed in our lives in such a short time and how we d both been challenged to stretch and grow in positive ways in our new role as parents that first mother s day also marked something for me personally a happy reminder of the bridges i d been able to rebuild with my own mother by becoming a queer mom i was amazed by the power of my small son an ambassador of the next generation to bring my family back together in spite of the initial fears prejudices and differences that had ruptured my relationship with my parents when i first came out my experience is not unique i have seen similar scenarios play out in many queer families in my community it seems that the very act of bringing a child into a queer partnership and creating a family by whatever means known or anonymous donor birth or adoption has the potential not only to help legitimize our relationships in broader society but also to promote powerful healing within our own extended families posted in coming out extended family gratitude and affirmations misconceptions mother daughter relationships uncategorized tagged coming out lesbian daughters mother s day mother daughter relationships motherhood queer parenting same sex marriage 1 comment tommy mommy posted on may 7 2012 by queermommy mama i have to go pee ee ee my son announced at the top of his lungs he was on the cusp of four and every trip to the loo was deemed worthy of broadcast with the same volume and intensity as a boxing day door crasher announcement on this particular occasion he was visiting science world with his other mom and managed to make himself heard even over the formidable prehistoric roars of the extreme dinosaur exhibit all eyes in the room were suddenly on my wife and small child okay amanda responded cheerily and took our son s hand acutely aware that they now had an audience let s go to the bathroom some parents exchanged knowing smiles with her as she led our son out of the exhibit hall but as she approached the women s washroom he tugged suddenly on her hand and pulled her towards the men s no mama over here he had to go so badly he was practically dancing wait a minute amanda said gently stopping him we can t go in there but it s for boys i know honey you re a boy but you re too little to go in by yourself but you can come too no i can t she explained i m a girl never mind the countless times she d endured double takes from confused patrons in the ladies room our son just looked at her wide eyed for a moment and then laughed as though this was the funniest thing he d ever heard nooo he squealed you re a boy just like me no i m not she insisted even though she was once an eight year old tomboy who stole a pair of her male cousin s boy briefs and longed to change her name to paul i m a girl our son scrambled to process you re not a girl he reasoned you re a mama as if that clinched it but as contradictory as this statement might sound in any other context it actually made a whole lot of sense coming from the mouth of a preschooler talking to his butchy non biological lesbian mom yes i m your mama amanda assured him hurrying him now into the women s washroom and i m a girl just like mommy which is why we have to go in here they headed into a stall together and took turns going pee as our son hiked his pants back up over his buzz lightyear underwear he regarded amanda carefully mama you re not really a girl are you he asked again half giggling yes i am she smiled back no ooo he responded in a sing song voice look you have a penis and i don t but mama he implored you are a boy just like me and there s the rub he desperately wants an image of himself reflected back by at least one of his parents it s developmental stage that all kids go through where they want to identify with the same gendered parent and that gets a bit tricky when you re a little boy with two moms amanda told me about the incident later after they d come home and our son had breathlessly debriefed about how scary the dinosaurs were but how he d kept going back through the exhibit with his mama until he wasn t afraid anymore he went to play trains upstairs and amanda and i quietly shared a laugh about the bathroom escapade we figured this was simply the latest chapter in the mama daddy saga that our son had been continuing to try to make sense of himself and how he fits into the bigger world and like all children his age wanted to see himself mirrored back by one or both of his car...
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