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Text of the page (random words):
normal 4 the down key on my keyboard is stuck you wouldn t think it d make that much of a difference but it does it makes excel sheets hell and every time i open my laptop and the key doesn t strike properly i think ah yes this this is the time when the misstriking key will break the camel s back 5 there are some words i just don t like so i don t use them and i frown when other people use them because they just don t sound right i have no explanation i act with instinct here but like damn that s such a terrible word 6 he walked in as i was writing these and i noticed how much i like the bridge of his nose where it bows out a little bit do other people like random parts of his face too how many times has someone sat next to him on the bus and thought how nice his nose bridge is or do you have to clock in a certain amount of hours spent looking in the vicinity of someone s face before you can start to say my what a nice nose bridge my good man 7 i do nothing all summer and think of all i could have been doing all i could have done instead of crying on the floor with a fan going in the window if other people were me they d be so accomplished by now if i were better than i am why am i not better than i am i would already have published and chosen a specific field and be doing radio spots filled with love and success and people citing me instead i can tell you how great the goodreads top twenty high fantasy romance novels are 8 my mom worries my brother doesn t sing enough to his son she thinks the baby won t be talking enough and you know she s already worried that the mother isn t quite the thing and doesn t quite talk enough to that beautiful baby girl i say mom it s probably okay and then the next day here i am worrying that her vocabulary is a little small 9 they want to know what to get me for my birthday when all i want is money i m moving across the country just give me the cash well no honey i want you to buy something frivolous instead just for you maybe some clothes you ve had your eye on like lady give me my free pass go tax and leave me alone here s a link to a sweater i say instead 10 it was even bad on vacation you know i was even having trouble getting out of bed on vacation like at that point it has to be not my fault right like i was going to get onion rings at a place i like and go to a bookstore that s prime i want to shower so i can go motivation and yet i was stuck on the bed with the water running for twenty minutes telling myself to get up and then saying well we don t have to shower we can just turn on the faucet then we can pull the curtain then we can not be such a failure my goodness this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged free verse new poems poetry ten poems writing on july 2 2022 by some bad plankton ten poems for a rainy june leave a reply 1 he just wants to help me get out of this depression i think is what he means can i make you a checklist to get things done but i don t want to offer that because it wouldn t help in the long term i apologize for being broken he says it s okay will he stay when i m all better or will he leave when i m always broken 2 i can t move i open the fridge only to eat nothing because you have to cook everything in there so i don t eat all day and get a headache i d rather have a headache than eat celery and stew in my sadness 3 how can i explain to you what it is to be stuck i know to break it into smaller pieces i know to do one thing at a time i know i m already late and pushing it i m aware i know what to write and who to cite the work just isn t done can t you see that well it can just be a draft it doesn t have to be perfect done is better than nothing and i start crying the second i open the document tomorrow will be better and then all the tomorrows turn into mush and this was due in november and it s still not done 4 i broke the down key on my laptop from playing n64 games that one thing sounded like i could do it it was something i could do wanted to do and i was so happy to want to do something i went for it and i played so much i broke the down key on my laptop and i can t afford to get it replaced 5 my mom bought groceries for a lady from her church but not her daughter maybe she hasn t put it together that i m not working right now that i was told i have to get my other work done before i get a job so i have no income and can t afford groceries i told her but maybe she didn t process that she could give me money to buy meat instead of a stranger because it feels more jesusy that way 6 she told us she doesn t like it when we end a call and she s not happy i told her that is her emotion to handle she said that s why i m telling you i cut off the conversation because i ve never figured out how to tell my mom to be an adult 7 there s a woman in my program i don t like just flat out don t like one of those who doesn t quite do things for the right reason not in a bad way in a way that isn t okay if you want to be a good person and it makes me just a little nervous we don t ask nasty questions of each other in this program we don t offer criticism if it s not building something and i don t see anyone checking her and that makes me nervous 8 i keep hearing the same thing in my head well then maybe you re not cut out for graduate school each time i miss a deadline and end up lying on the floor because i m so sad i can t shower we value your mental health they have on a banner in green over the doorway but make no accommodations for disabilities in their program timelines it s me it s me that doesn t fit in here who s not good enough 9 they gave me a megaphone did i tell you they gave me a megaphone at the rally and i got the best compliment i ve ever gotten in my life she said i think you were the only one of us who didn t need that megaphone 10 my sinuses ache and i m so sick of brown carpet he made us soup that tastes like bean skins he doesn t keep butter in the refrigerator there are beard hairs by the sink there are batman mats on the floor and i hate this brown carpet but other than that the living together is going okay this entry was posted in uncategorized and tagged poems poetry ten poems writing on june 12 2022 by some bad plankton ten poems for march leave a reply 1 please just love him body why can t you work right he s perfect perfect for you just the right amount of flaws perfect he s such a good man mom warned me when i told her she said if you marry a man who you don t love want to have sex with love you ll meet someone you do and you ll have an affair and run away together trust me as a divorce lawyer i said mom i don t know if i m even capable of that kind of love when have you ever seen me go head over heels 2 we listened to whitney houston and drove to get slushies and we took a detour so i could tell him about fleetwood mac and have him listen to silver springs and go your own way with all the context it s like layla is never as good a song until you know he was in love with george s wife 3 they re going on their honeymoon before they get married i find this weird then i find it weird that i find it weird for one minute i think i can move in the world without carrying notions about women and love just kidding no way look how judgey i can make you about a person s vacation 4 i said we ll go to the wedding if we re still together and they said are you thinking about breaking up i said no i m just bad at relationships 5 his mother wasn t happy apparently that he might move across the country with me i gave him this article about parentification and he was like yeah this is what my mom does so i think he s pulling away from her and i feel like a wedge to this invisible woman i ve never met who lives in his phone and calls him while we re eating 6 i called my favorite old friend to get an opinion because someone not the nice boyfriend exploded at me when i told them how i felt and he made a good point he said maybe you re not compatible as friends if you re having to work around them so much like you would a co worker maybe you re not compatible i told him that line about not wanting to be with people who make you edit your soul and then we talked about other things and i got to hear him laugh 7 why is it sexy to be on mute with your video off in a conference call kissing your boyfriend or making eyes or touching his body somehow it s just sexier checking that you re on mute for that instead of eating crackers too loudly 8 he told me he loved me almost in so many words he said can we use the l word now because he agreed to move across the country with me if i go to school in new york he thought it was time we had a good dinner out and he sat in the car with me and he said before you turn the car on i hid in the high wool collar of my black coat and said this is scary but i had been watching too much of the bachelor so things like falling in love with you made me suspicious 9 i can t get through the muck in my head to get anything done i spin my wheels and then cry about wasting time i take breaks on purpose that turn into day long hour watching i can t get out 10 i was not acting out of love i don t know how to tell someone they hurt your feelings and also act out of love this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged family love new poems poetry the bachelor writing on march 17 2022 by some bad plankton ten poems about the boyfriend leave a reply 1 do i have other things to do today deadlines to not miss people not to let down well yes but instead i thought i d write to you about my boyfriend 2 i haven t gotten a chance to tell you about him what would you like to hear about what he looks like a bit pudgy 5 11 brown hair like a bad fbi agent white and long limbed how he treats me he bought me tulips for valentine s and will pick me up from campus and tell me i m pretty how he is in bed he s very nice takes forever but really wants to see me cum too does he have money well i think his family has some and he doesn t have debt but he hasn t been working very long after he graduated what s he do he works at the same place i go to school academic advisor like but in a different department do you like him i m still not sure my whole body wants to like him but i still feel almost nothing i keep waiting for me to get attached and it keeps not happening 3 he eats every meal on placemats he has three eyebrow hairs that stick straight up he is very endearing he walks like a cowboy he tells me from all the lunges he did in his teens he sprays his vents for spiders every weekend and he vacuums with his headphones on he doesn t eat gluten or butter or sugar really he won t wear sweatpants in public he doesn t know what to do with his hair he told me he missed my leg hair when i shaved he has an earthing blanket he leaves on his bed the first time i heard him say that i heard birthing blanket and got very confused he sleeps with ear plugs and a mask on elevated pillows the old southern woman in me wants to tell him oh bless your heart 4 we bonded over batman funny enough we both have the animated series in a collector edition boxes he hasn t told me he loves me but he stares at me when i m not watching he s trying to get better at dirty talk in a way that makes you smile but not laugh i told him he s the nicest boyfriend i ve ever had and he said that s kind of sad 5 he watched period dramas with me in all their costumes and follows the plots and yells at the characters no willoughby what are you doing he tells the screen from next to me on the couch and he doesn t complain about it because i watch wrestling with him on wednesday nights and can now tell you the storyline of hangman adam page 6 he didn t touch me for three dates when i only went out with him for sex oh my god i wanted sex i finally texted him asking have you been tested recently trying to get things moving you know and he sent a text back that said i really like you i want to do this right we should talk about the relationship before we get into all that 7 he had to go to the hospital at the same time i had to go to a wedding and i took care of him on his couch even though the nurse gave us both covid and he looked and looked at me saying no one ever treats me like this when i m sick his mother i overheard on speaker phone told him he should stop calling 911 and that nothing too serious was wrong with him and what was he thinking spending all that money then i understood why me saying it ll be okay got me the wobbly wibbly eyes 8 there are songs i sing in my head when we have sex first it was that slow hands like sweat dripping down my dirty laundry then it was shakira shakira but just the guy s voice saying the name not the rest of the song and now it s been this old song about needing to let go of past flings so you can love the person in front of you he s a good man he s a good man i keep telling myself to just let go i have to let go 9 and he is he s such a good man read more about mental health when i told him all my problems sends me cat pictures when he knows i m having a bad day makes me food even though he can t afford a ton of meat right now winks at me when he smiles and blinks let me use his office when i had a paper deadline told me it s his job when i say thank you 10 it s not supposed to go this well right i m not used to people respecting my boundaries i m so suspicious of how well it s going i told my therapist annoyingly well it s very odd to me here s this support system and it s like working is this what happens to normal people like we get in fights and then he thinks about it and we come to an understanding and then he doesn t do it again this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged boyfriend love new poems poetry ten poems writing on february 23 2022 by some bad plankton ten poems on baking with the cake bible leave a reply love letters to rose levy beranbaum 1 no one understands me like you do will i mix this with a hand mixer instead of a stand mixer you ve thought of that you ve given me adjusted mixing times for that it s because you love me you are the richard simmons of baking you anticipate when i will be tired when i will skip a direction or forget to do something and you gently tell me to just keep going you can do it look i gave you extra information for why you shouldn t shortcut 2 mix the sugar with the flour not cream the butter and sugar together first i am not sure this will work but my cake turned out perfectly forgive me for doubting you you knew all along of course it would work 3 you give me ounces for measuring and cups for conversation because you know somedays i will want to be precise and measure in the quickest way the easiest way and sometimes i won t trust myself to know how to measure a cup i want external proof i have enough flour and you provide both just for me in that little table before the steps 4 but that sound so complicated and involved my mother says i could never do all that work you don t understand m...
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