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Text of the page (random words):
oving over her starting in the chest our muscles flexed in waves the sensations were not sexual or even sensual i felt heat rising in my core there was no sense of threat just implacability after fifteen or so of these confusion took hold in response to her wordless plea i babbled aloud you re doing something new you re doing something new the tree entered the field of our struggle keeping her mind in the shelter of my heart she extended her crotch towards the trunk momentarily dumb founded i recovered to announce it wants to come inside she accepted it inverted ascending through her womanhood rising up through her torso filled by the trunk then the branches stretched down her arms and up through the pathways of her mind twigs budded into leaves stretching from her fingers and through her hair a brief pause as the energies harmonized with her personality broken by the entry of the root system stretching through the cauda equina down into the legs sensitive toes spread gracefully as the flow entered the subterranean realms bearing witness to the integrity of her personality i held space during her spiritual expansion before drifting into sleep then waking to silence mystery had what she wanted a barrier had been established lauren no longer needed me ok how to respond the morning hours were a feeling for a way out of the cave you know the tree is a conception of my mind i can reclaim it lauren found a toehold in the thread of her intentions this was her choice originating in hopes that were incompatible with royal privilege all of life deserved love all of it what do i tell them invite them to participate in the manifestation of your intentions bride captures queen posted in personal spirituality tagged bride embodiment john s revelation life love spirit tree of life love and life co creation posted on august 7 2026 by brian balke 1 comment in navigating towards the redemption of creation a daunting prospect among all others proposed we pass through barriers of fear secure only in the belief of others that a way must be found one such encounter was with pope john paul ii who came to me in a vision at midnight to promise i am your father i will die and leave all my power to you a year later as i was entering the bookstore a man blocked my way to announce you know the pope is looking for someone after karol s death i played a requiem that included the fourth movement of beethoven s ninth a counterbalance to the brutality of the third reich i fell back through the decades to find him in a warsaw stone quarry encouraging him to come find me another incident occurred on my seven of sevens birthday visit to taos unexpectedly i found myself at the pow wow the edge of the arena was encircled by drummers from the attending tribes an elder circled the fence inviting the drummers nearest me to initiate the proceedings as i was absorbed in the rhythms i fell through a red veil to encounter tecumseh imprisoned in washington d c he pled is there any justice offered the testimony of barack obama s presidency the great chief found solace the temporal discontinuity of these events reflects the power available to those who desperately seek a way to the spiritually sensitive this desperation is rooted in the psychology of pain in its origin pain is simply a signal that something is broken along with that awareness however comes a compulsion to do something pain relief does not necessarily involve logical proof of efficacy that toddler presents an owie so that mother may kiss and make it better the mystic feeling the pain of a community fearing love s abandonment may render unto christ in lauren s case her work revealed to me her struggle with this compulsion sensitive and profoundly feminine she not only was conscious of the pain projected by others but internalized it organically a process that may have factored in her long debilitating illness in high school her debut album is full of pleas for christ to enter in and heal i will trust in you here s my heart lord and most profoundly once and for all the last offering the surrender oh let this be where i die my lord with thee crucified as a public figure however the projection of pain from her constituency must have been unremitting rendering unto christ was not sufficient here then we have the terrible paradox of mystical surrender we feel the sacred presence reaching out through us and are compelled to declare its willingness to those that need its ministration how though to make that declaration without arrogation of its authority well only by framing the declaration as a personal assurance that the love allocated to us will be offered to those in need this was clear to me in the interim years including rescue and an official video that shows lauren standing in a hospital room with a man dying of cancer and his grieving wife rescue was a jolt of hope for in the official video lauren stands in natural settings most vulnerable to global warming i understood that a patriarchal priesthood would find offense and it factored in my sensitivity to lauren s sense of vulnerability light of the world seemed a suitable retort what do men know anyways about how grace comes into the world it was these anthems that i had pinned to my playlists i did not fully integrate the meditations of her dark night of the soul most potently expressed in look up child until after attendance of the strawberry festival concert my romantic aspirations were embodied in a lauren playlist that started with peggy lee s comedic reflections and anita baker s sacred pledges i pinned a collection of similar pieces most compelling among them a female blues singer on celebrate me home finally however i was letting youtube extend my redemption play list one day and was submerged in the shadowy seas of thank god i do and a love like this it was following her commitment to the divine feminine that when considering what to share with her one morning i announced that i needed to sit with these starting with thank god i do i set the player on single song loop and soaked it in shame and grief and i use shame in the therapeutic sense from the depth of our heart connection i looked back in time and judged what is wrong with me that i abandoned her to this pain with each repetition i held her in my highest esteem with articulations gestures and energetic support the sense of abandonment abated but still what was the purpose the analytical mind rendered the elevated counsel that she needed to confront the lie of feminine subordination before she could enter into the truth of her nature we traced this growth culminating with the conviction that she was capable of supporting my purpose as though in a mirror i recognized my own vulnerability over the last ten years where mystery has corrupted every attempt to offer myself in service to others my frustration had soured as bitterness too frequently manifested as harshness toward my intimates when in our early colloquies lauren had agreed that our ministry should extend to the natural world i found myself once again beginning to hope and thus we have the ascending cycle organic surrender inspires compassion inspires grace inspires virtue inspires healing inspires creativity inspires life inspires love we cannot exist without one another and in fact only exist because the other was calling to us from the future posted in personal spirituality tagged bride cocreation life love redemptoin spriit love and life the sacred feminine posted on august 6 2026 by brian balke leave a comment since my spiritual awakening after 9 11 a number of beautiful and fantastically wealthy women have made it clear that they would be happy to take care of me my intimates observing my reluctance believe that trauma in this lifetime has put me off romance nothing could be further from the truth love is committed to charting a course for your redemption i arrive as a material projection that seeks to diagnose your resistance that resistance is often elaborated as complex theological rationalizations of natural behaviors that justify selfishness as documented in the bible these often involve violence and sexual politics when i was in college i had a co ed admit to me one evening you don t need a woman to do your thinking for you this is half the truth but reveals something that is obscured by the abstraction of the patriarchy our romantic culture adopts the convention that a woman should be able to lead her man there is no woman alive who has been able to lead me that should not be attributed to obtuseness or obstinance on my part as i observed to lauren i intuited that she was one of the rare women capable of understanding the challenges that i represent as a little pseudopod of christ reaching into the world i am guided by the sacred feminine the mother of revelation 12 and the bride of revelation 19 and 22 if i appear to be resistant to feminine influence that is because she has been unable to find a woman willing to submit as i have to christ to her projection into the world that rejection is stimulated by the whore of revelation 17 and 18 babylon or the queen who does not mourn as her men self destruct in seeking redemption of these impulses women are handicapped by their organic wisdom this is difficult for me to express with the sense of appreciation that i feel there is nothing more sacred and beautiful than a woman surrendering her body to her beneficial intentions pregnancy is the most obvious example though in our litigious culture that has become a pathway to power leveraged by babylon in lauren s case another manifestation is evident in the grace and subtlety of the surfacing of emotion through her body and face she beguiles her audience into entering through barred psychical doorways christian theology leaves women adrift in their navigation of these gifts and hazards rather than a recognized figure of comparable power and authority to spirit the bride is usurped by the masculine church in responding to lauren s projection of organic bounty it was this confusion that i sought to address if i am going to have a woman in my life she must learn to channel the sacred feminine as a precondition the influence of babylon must be isolated and repudiated to the inversion of our financial status lauren came to respond everything that i have was prepared by him the physical age difference was laid to rest with after so many traumatic incarnations i will be happy to care for you so that you may depart this life in peace lauren sings that when the power of christ comes over her she trembles i am guilty of such aggression when she offers herself to me i am seized by the urge to reveal the depth within her a process realized with surges of energy projected from the larger personality that i embody though i witness and articulate the effects i have no plan in those moments i feel compelled by her organic wisdom as with a mother in childbirth she is impatient to fulfill her purpose through these violations of her internal barriers i am the tool that the sacred mother employs to that end this was validated in our next in person encounter as i poured energy to the audience through her i allowed what would have happened if you had not been prepared already to allow that gift to flow through you this culminated more tenderly at the end of the performance she closed with a meditation from her dark night of the soul as the women in the audience began to sing with her lauren went under in grief burnishing her heart and mind i poured them again through her voice before settling into my chair pantomiming an embrace as she relaxed into it i anticipated that she would push this consolation out to the woman singing with her signaling let me hear their voices the stage was ceded to the musicians and i felt my embrace flow out through lauren to each of them individually whether astrally or in person after each encounter i recognized the increasing proximity of her mistress until the commitment was tendered well if that is what is necessary to you then i must be that woman posted in personal spirituality tagged babylon bride healing life love spirit love and life mutual appreciation posted on august 5 2026 by brian balke leave a comment i have been reticent in documenting my spiritual process to risk exposure of my collaborators i am going out on a limb now because the experiences i am sharing with lauren are so impossibly beautiful that people should appreciate what is possible when love works in the service of life i have maintained playlists for the last decade that focus authentic faith along with the default liked list i have specific lists for children syrian and gaza crises advent and redemption among all the featured artists i am conscious of categories articulation of conventional theology personal struggle of surrender to faith and facilitation of corporate union then uniquely we have lauren whose music bypasses metaphors to deal directly with the emotions of those engaged in the process as i have shared with her these songs have always pierced the veils around my heart through the last half of 2025 my appreciation was disturbed by a deepening sense of foreboding that she was beset by projections from her fans of dependency for problems that they needed to solve themselves through a surrender to love this became pointed in the new year so i booked a ticket out to florida for the strawberry festival concert in february the flight was already fairly full so i ended up booking a middle seat fully expecting that i was going to arrive with back spasms i boarded and found myself seated between two women as departure time neared the younger one seated to my right on the aisle pointed out two empty seats across the aisle she offered that she would move over if they were empty during taxi but did that pre emptively with the observation you understand that the universe is taking care of you this allowed me to move to the aisle and angle my legs under the middle seat i landed without serious discomfort still i had a day to spend in plant city before the concert after visiting a local park nature reserve i drove down to the fairgrounds to buy a pass and wandered among the booths having tapped into the context i want back to the hotel for lunch and to meditate the meditation led me directly into a heart of tender concern i don t know how to organize the visions images flowed in reflecting the frustration of my intentions by other parties compassion for the wounds i have suffered in past incarnations and the hope of healing for all of creation these images evoked lyrics many triggering deep psychic trauma which i attempted to deflect to restore focus on the work to be done ahead we can get through just about anything so long as it has meaning i need to put all that behind me but what was obvious was that i was being welcomed into a heart of beatific and authentic concern for my well being unable to rest i went out for coffee and then r...
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