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ll hate to save yourself from any further and unnecessary ex boyfriend drama have your boyfriend ex s best friend sit his best friend down to let him know trust me your ex would rather hear it from his bro than from his ex lady friend don t gloat the first thought for your ex and anyone who knows you and your ex is that you are dating his best friend to get back at him if that s the case shame on you but if you have fallen for him legitimately that s great just don t gloat remember to be mature about it okay so you probably will never have this kind of relationship but don t break up bros it ll come back to haunt you photo courtesy of ryan jones d on t make him choose never make a man choose between his bro and you bro code is stronger than you think plus messing up a friendship can really come back to haunt you your boyfriend probably is having a hard time as it is dealing with the feeling that he took his best friend s girl be supportive and allow them to be friends stay out of it whether they will remain friends depends on the break up and the level of friendship that your boyfriend and your ex have in some cases it won t faze them and other cases they ll say peace out faster than you can say jealous much let the boys handle it and stay out of their friendship stay private your ex and your ex s friends don t need to know all the little deets about your new relationship with the best friend the less they know the less they will think differently about you ask questions or tsk tsk in your general direction don t compare it may be hard to not naturally allow your mind wander down the comparative road make a conscious effort to keep your ex and your boyfriend separate just because they are best friends doesn t mean they are the same or that one did something better than the other you are starting fresh keep it that way don t be ashamed of who you have fallen for and remember that you are grown adults who can make decisions that benefit yourselves your happiness matters as much as your ex s so do what is best for you and your new boyfriend there will be challenges but the long road will be worth it good luck and happy dating copyright 2012 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 9 comments from uncategorized simply solo spotlight you ve got the love i need to see me through september 18 2012 tags advice break up breakup dating finding love loss love marriage men people relationship relationships self help simply solo spotlight single women this week s guest post is written by alicia franklin with the break up study alicia is currently completing her doctorate in clinical psychology at the australian national university as part of her program she s doing research on break ups and how they affect us psychologically i hope you enjoy the post and will consider helping alicia with her research quick shameless plug do you have a story to tell advice to offer did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it i d love to have you as the next simply solo spotlight find out how you can be the next writer for simply solo here you ve got the love i need to see me through after trying to process the reality that it s over that old familiar question pops into your mind why why did he leave why doesn t he want me back why does this always happen to me these questions can send us into a tailspin as we survey the landscape of our lives with a faultfinding searchlight we run the spotlight over the usual suspects perhaps it was his fault or bad timing or his family or work got in the way but all too often the search ends when we turn the harsh light on ourselves our inner critic rises and claims that this could have all ended differently if only you weren t so _______ fill in the blank with hurtful self judgment we turn ourselves inside out with such recriminations as it was my fault i wasn t attractive enough good enough interesting enough funny enough smart enough we innocently embark on the search for answers with good intentions hoping that we will find peace of mind or a sense of closure in reality we often end up feeling faulty broken or inadequate not exactly the place from which to launch your new and improved single me at a time when we most need comfort and compassion we seem to turn upon ourselves picking at all of our real or imagined faults unfortunately this type of thinking can lead to feelings of regret and longing that make it even more difficult to let go and move on so how can we make a shift so that we are our greatest support rather than our harshest critic it is worth asking what would you do for your closest friend at a time of loss perhaps you would sensitively tend to her needs listen with patience and understanding to her story or be loving and supportive in her darker hours perhaps when she sobs i wasn t good enough pretty enough smart enough you would remind her that she is enough exactly as she is what if we could offer the hand of friendship inwards what if we could be an unwavering loving presence in our own lives how different would it be to tune into your own needs listen and tend to yourself with patience and understanding and even remind yourself once in a while that you are enough exactly as you are this may sound a little strange at first even a little fluffy but science has started to provide support for these ideas recent research from the university of arizona indicates that self compassion assists us in our emotional recovery after a relationship breakdown further research from the university of texas has found that practicing self compassion increases our levels of happiness and optimism and reduces our chances of developing anxiety and depression so perhaps florence welch was onto something when she sang you ve got the love i need to see me through and perhaps it is worth asking what is one thing i can do today to be kind to myself whilst this is a good starting point much more research in this area is needed one in three of us experience the pain of a break up each year yet very little is known about how people cope with the end of a relationship the australian national university is currently running the break up study to start answering these important questions we are hoping to gather information about your experiences reactions and attempts to cope with the end of a relationship results of this study will enable us to better understand and assist people who struggle with relationship break ups in the future if you have experienced a break up within the last year and would like to help please take the time to fill out an anonymous online survey before november 2012 by visiting click here to complete the survey do you have any ideas for how we can be kinder and more loving towards ourselves what acts of self compassion have helped to mend your heart copyright 2012 simply solo blog by catherine gryp all rights reserved 8 comments from uncategorized timeline of change september 12 2012 tags buying a house family humor life life decisions my life people personal real estate self help single 10 30 p m friday it s friday night and i m waiting for my realtor to send me the paperwork to sign to make an offer on the house i love when the hell did i become such an adult a year and a half ago i was going through my quarter life crisis and making lists about signs you are an adult when i read those old posts i m amazed at how far i ve come the past few months i ve been looking at townhouses and condos with a realtor you see i wasn t supposed to buy anything for another month or so because i am um currently under a lease at my apartment but let s not let that get in the way of the house i love the moment i stepped foot into this house my stress levels went into overdrive i loved the house everything about it but it was a little okay a little more than a little outside where i wanted to be on price so i spent more than a week agonizing i wondered if i should wait another year to get a house save more money then i couldn t stop thinking about the house and how much i wanted to build my life there i budgeted then i looked for savings then i budgeted some more i finally decided i could afford it but i would definitely have to make a few sacrifices now i m making an offer at some point today i transitioned from agonizing over the decision to getting excited really super excited earlier tonight i went out with my friend megan and we walked through several art galleries and shops i started to mentally decorate the house i haven t even bought yet the color scheme the paintings i want to put on the walls the type of hand soap i ll have in the guest bathroom i nearly lost it when we stumbled across someone selling terrariums i ve been obsessed with the concept of owning a terrarium since i saw these in oprah magazine i began thinking about what kind of terrarium i was going to buy for my house we ate from the food carts delicious lettuce wraps and blue crab stuffed wontons from thai cabin and i thought i m going to make wontons in my new house okay i didn t really think that i never cook but i wanted an excuse to share these yummy pictures delicious lettuce wraps from thai cabin here they are making the fried wontons megan took this awesome picture on her phone here s a picture of me when we stopped to have a drink i m so happy and so nervous the point is i m so excited i m buying a house an amazing beautiful perfect house 11 20 p m friday my realtor just told me that there is an open house scheduled for sunday any open house in my house aka strangers walking through my house messing up the brand new carpet and touching all the doorknobs strangers possibly putting in offers better offers and buying my house for the record i don t think i could ever be a real estate mogul this is just too damn stressful so i m just here with my thoughts i decided to write to get my mind off of it god i haven t written in so long i have so many things i want to write about you should see the list of blog topics i have on my phone i ve started calling it the list of things i ll never blog about because i never blog anymore i ve been so busy with other things going on i ve been enjoying my summer ok i m also super lazy maybe i ll write more once i have an office the house has three bedrooms and one of them is going to make the perfect office yeah that s when the blog will pick up i can t hardly wait 10 a m saturday we have submitted our offer i wonder how long it will take for them to get back with me i have a busy day ahead of me i m getting my hair dyed and cut i know shocking i m not a natural blonde i figure i could be homeowner at any time and i ll need to be more careful with my money therefore i should buy everything i need now smart i know while i m getting my hair done i tell my hairdresser about the different houses i ve found and by hairdresser i mean a woman who mostly does men s hair because she works in a barber shop gabe s barber shop to be specific this is the same hairdresser who set me up on a blind date when i was newly single people always think it s funny when i tell them that i get my hair done at a barber shop but i love my hairdresser and i would follow her anywhere and sometimes a barber shop can provide good scenery if you are looking that is while she painstakingly applies a bleach like product to my hair i tell her about murder house the house that i sort of liked for like a minute i found murder house one night while scrolling through the house listings online everything in the house was white the walls the countertops the cabinets white white white chef and i are in the middle of a breaking bad super marathon so i have illegal activity on the mind i told my realtor i thought the previous owners had murdered someone and painted everything white to cover the evidence clearly that s my future home but really it wasn t such a bad place the upstairs layout was awesome and everything was workable it had an amazing walk in closet and a nice yard and deck it had pretty hardwood floors and a big kitchen but the downstairs living space was awful there were two very small living rooms in which neither could fit a couch and a tv and there was nothing you could do about the layout it was just going to be like that forever then there was chinese food house named because it was on magnolia lane and my realtor and i kept accidentally typing mongolia on text which made me crave chinese food hard to follow i know that place had a nice kitchen and downstairs floor plan but it backed up to a somewhat busy road and the upstairs bathrooms needed some serious work neither of these houses were quite right and neither of them had a pool which i had decided was a must have after laying by this all summer my amazing apartment complex pool pretty amazing right 3 30 p m saturday i m blonder than i started the day and i ve lost about three inches of hair they haven t responded to my offer yet it feels like it s been days i bug my realtor and he promises an answer soon i take a nap to make time go by faster 6 p m saturday i wake up from my nap and think about how i totally wasted the afternoon i should have gone to the pool instead especially considering i won t have a pool for much longer you see my dream house isn t my dream house after all it doesn t have a pool everywhere that had a pool was either way out of my price range or they had homeowner association fees from 250 400 a month i want a pool but i don t want a pool that much and i don t want to give this house up this house with everything i want simply because there s no pool luckily the house is right by pony pasture a place where richmonders go to swim and lay out on the rocks of the james river i could bike to pony pasture if i owned a bike but first things first i have to get the house finally a counter offer we begin negotiating which feels sort of surreal because i don t know what the hell i m doing i follow my realtor s lead it s also kind of fun i may just get my house today 7 p m saturday i need a drink i enlist dawn and dakari to go to don pepe one of only two restaurants in walking distance of my apartment i drink strawberry daiquiris and eat lots of chips calories don t count because i m pre celebrating you only buy your first house once a sad part of the evening is when i find out my grandfather from my step dad s side has died it s been a long time coming but i still feel bad for my step dad and his family i ll miss bummer that s what we called him i really think he d be proud of me tonight though i bug chef while he s at work i tell him how anxious i am to get an answer i can t wait for him to get off so we can celebrate together 9 30 p m saturday it s strange to me how far i ve come a few years ago i wasn t sure what i wanted to do or where i wanted to live then i spent so much time traveling and really missed being near my family i felt like i missed a lot of my sister s pregnancy i realized how much i lo...
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