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early march and then we are off to the races this time i will be flying and taking both girls with me and hopefully my teenage niece to help we will spend about a week in fl soaking up the sun these are our last two embryos and whatever happens happens we have been ttc for over 17 years and i am so ready to finally put this chapter behind us it will be an amazing feeling to no longer have to think about future transfers when making life decisions i can return to work in 2 years we can buy a house finally it will be awesome to just be it will be even better if we can be a family of five but i am more than content with my family of four how can i not be look at those two posted by jess at 2 18 pm 3 comments monday march 23 2015 not so wonderland it has been way too long since i posted i can t tell you how busy life has become i decided to post today because i just have so many things swirling around me head that i just need to get it out i am not even sure where to start i feel like alice in wonderland having fallen down the rabbit hole in an unknown world but this one is not full of wonder but of fear i fear for my oldest daughter to begin nothing going on is life threatening as far as i know anyway but we are facing some health issues and maybe some neurological issues maddie is now 4 5 years old she has always been a horrible no good very bad sleeper it began with chronic ear infections that caused us to develop bad sleeping habits this past year we tried to change the bad habits and still she was a bad sleeper she can not wind down and needs melatonin to fall asleep she also wakes often sometimes staying awake for hours at a time then she spends the entire day in a state of overtired but if she naps she doesn t sleep at night and with the overtired comes bad behavior it is a viscous cycle we are helpless to break this is maddie s first year in preschool and someone from mental health services was there for another student and observed maddie throwing a fit the person stated that maddie may need to be evaluated by a neurologist that something wasn t right thankfully hubby and i had been praying about what to do so this was not completely shocking news i called her pediatrician and she believes that it is sleep related she referred us to a sleep specialist but in the meantime checked her ferritin levels this is your iron storage and a better indicator of your iron levels they like children to be between 50 150 maddie is at 7 just 7 she is extremely anemic and in children anemia can cause a host of problems some of which are sleep issues restless leg syndrome and behavioral problems maddie began iron supplements immediately and we saw a sleep specialist last week she was diagnosed with restless leg syndrome as well learning this has really helped us understand some of the sleep habits she has and allowed us to be more understanding of her behavior at night but her sleep is not better yet while anemia can affect behavior i am not sure if her problems are all from anemia the past week or so her tantrums have escalated considerably it is almost like she is a different child when she is spiraling out of control and i am scared scared that there is something more going on scared that my maddie is gone don t get me wrong my sweet thoughtful compassionate witty fun maddie is still here but i feel like we are walking on eggshells waiting for the next blow up most days we are heading off tantrums before they happen our prayer is that it is just from the anemia and will correct itself my fear is that it is not i also fear that her anemia is from another cause being a mother is a scary thing as of right now we are giving the supplements and rechecking her levels at the end of april and her teacher is going to document her tantrums what set them off duration what calmed her down i will do so as well and will document her sleep patterns too if at the end of april her levels have gone up but her behavior remains the same or is worse i will ask for a referral if her levels have not gone up at all then they will begin looking for causes for the anemia my mommy heart is sad to see my baby struggle she doesn t want to be like this i can see it in her face and she hates bedtime she has vivid dreams from the anemia as well and she is scared of sleeping i hate making her do something that she needs to do but is scared to do i hate all of this to be honest and the thoughts that something else could be wrong makes me nauseous but i am trying not to borrow trouble and just focus on the day if you could pray for my maddie i would appreciate it posted by jess at 4 46 pm 7 comments friday november 14 2014 embryo adoption awareness day november is national adoption awareness month and what better time to bring attention to embryo adoption if you blog please share this with others and on the 25th take a moment to post this to your facebook wall and help spread the word posted by jess at 2 01 pm no comments tuesday november 11 2014 has it really been 4 months wow i cannot believe that it has been 4 months since i last blogged i have no excuse other than exhaustion and a crazy busy hectic schedule but really there is no excuse and i will try to do better here is the main reason on why i have no been around miss olivia is now 6 months old she is a teeny tiny thing at 16 lbs she is sitting up and rolling everywhere she is the sweetest little doll but a bad sleeper she likes her nummies breast feeding and eats every 2 hours at night but i love her so i will forgive her here is the other reason that my life is so crazy miss maddie is now 4 years old and in her first year of preschool she is loving it she is a tall slim rambunctious ray of sunshine she started ballet and tap dance class tonight and it was a blast watching her dance around she is an entertainer and thrives on being the center of attention life is hectic but i am loving every minute of it we are still planning on trying one last time for another baby but the timing is not decided originally we wanted to try in the spring but i don t think that i will be quite ready to stop breast feeding in time to make that happen i want to focus completely on the girls we do have and not on the children we may have these two deserve my full attention and i don t want to miss a moment of these early days so how is everyone else doing please update me i feel so out of the loop posted by jess at 7 38 pm 4 comments thursday july 17 2014 i am still here wow it has been two months since my last post i always said that i wouldn t be one of those bloggers you know the ones that fall off the face of the earth once they have a baby or two i honestly didn t mean to go mia but i really have been busy maddie starts preschool this fall i know i know it s hard to believe that she is old enough and we are trying to fit a lot into our summer we are going swimming parks and local attractions it s been fun between that and a newborn i feel like there just isn t enough time in the day it is so bad that olivia s nursery still isn t ready sad just sad everything is going fabulous with olivia she is a joy i have always heard that love doesn t divide that it multiplies it really does i am still in awe of just how much i love these two little people i love them both so completely yet so differently they are polar opposites maddie is my outgoing wild child so full of life and energy olivia is calm and laid back i love watching the two of them grow and become their own people we are enjoying our girls but we also feel like we are missing someone we are anxious to meet our last two embryos yesterday maddie told me that she and livvie needed a brother then she said that they needed two brothers twin brothers yikes but i would take it i have no idea if the last two embryos will yield a baby or two or not but i won t feel complete until we try our goal is to return for them in march that about catches you up on our life i will try to post some pics soon you really need to see my girlies they are super adorable posted by jess at 8 58 pm 3 comments friday may 16 2014 finally my body did something right since the whole infertility thing started almost 16 years ago my body has refused to cooperate oh i ovulated like clockwork which sounds great and i know many of you wish this were true for you i know but a fat lot of good it did since endometriosis destroyed my tube and later damaged ovaries then there were the polyps and fibroids add to that failed iuis and basically my reproductive organs are just there for show but finally we had success with embryo donation and my body would get with the program right right wrong i had pre e the first time and had to be induced of course that didn t go well and i had to have a c section after 36 freaking hours of being induced and having a migraine and not eating i was starving then i had maddie and i tried to breast feed yet again my body failed me maybe not necessarily failed me but everything was against me maddie was very jaundiced and i felt pressure to formula feed her i was exhausted from the days of induction not sleeping or eating and the migraine then we came home and maddie was still on a bilibed and very lethargic she refused to nurse anymore then 8 weeks of migraines i finally just gave up and i regretted it fast forward to this pregnancy everything went great with it no pre e i felt great life was good i thought my body was finally figuring this whole birthing thing out then we found that i was low on fluid and baby had to come out asap after a second c section we learn that had i delivered vaginally i would have most likely ruptured my uterus as it was too thin after the first c section and my tailbone was in the way and my body just wasn t built to give birth soooo not only does my body refuse to conceive it refuses to let the baby out as well how screwed up is that this time i was determined to breast feed though i wanted something anything that resembled a normal experience now please don t misunderstand me i am not saying that those that are unable to breast feed or that choose not to are less than a mother or less than normal i am really not i am completely pro do what is best for you and your baby i really didn t expect to want to breast feed as much as i did but i did and this time i contacted a lc and i worked with one in the hospital as well i wanted this experience and almost 3 weeks and we are doing it i am so excited to get to nurse this baby it is so hard and there are times i want to give up but i am doing it it is no small victory and i can t help but be proud of little livvie for allowing me to do this posted by jess at 10 03 am 7 comments friday may 2 2014 baby olivia is here olivia shaye was born 4 29 14 at 4 07 pm via c section we were planning a vbac but she had other plans i will share that below she was a tiny little peanut at 6 lbs 1 oz and 19 5 in long maddie was 8 4 lbs and 21 5 in long so this little bit is new for us she is perfect and healthy and we are all in love with her i wanted to take a moment to share how god watched over me and olivia it truly is a miracle that everything went so well this entire pregnancy has been easy no problems at all when discussing a vbac with my ob he wanted to get a growth scan on olivia around 36 weeks before we decided if it was a good option or not i had difficulty progressing with maddie and if this baby was large he was afraid that i would have some of the same problems at the growth scan she showed to be small but still fine also the sonographer commented on my fluid levels saying that it was great at my appointment on tuesday 38w4d the nurse put me in an available room and it just so happened to be the one with the u s machine olivia has been difficult to find on the doppler so he skipped it and just did an u s he would not have done one had things not happened this way it was a god thing he immediately noticed that my fluid was low it should have been above 10 and mine was 2 4 this was alarming as i had not been leaking any fluid that i knew of and since my cervix was still high and closed there was no way to rehydrate or to induce i was given 2 hours to get to the hospital and get on the monitor her heart beat was strong but she was at risk for the cord wrapping around her neck everything looked great on the monitors and the c section went as planned however the next day i talked to my ob about a future pregnancy we will need to pay the storage fee soon and don t want to if we were unable to ttc again and he said that i can ttc again but i cannot under any circumstance try for a vbac when he got int here he said that my uterine wall was thin where my previous incision was had i tried for a vbac this time i would have almost definitely ruptured my uterus i would have been the 1 that this happened too and would have put the baby at risk and possibly had to have had a hysterectomy he also told me that the position of my tailbone was most likely the cause of me not progressing last time and that i probably would have broken my tailbone too i am so thankful that god watched over me and the baby and we are both safe and healthy posted by jess at 2 09 pm 11 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom search this blog followers my blog list expecting miracles birthday fun 4 years ago snowflakes in the rain i can t stop time 6 years ago adoption homestead school days 8 years ago living our miracle lake trip 10 years ago life with the shacks mckinley s two year pictures 10 years ago the journey of our lives wow how far we ve come 10 years ago the thomas family chronicles just wondering 11 years ago wishing on a snowflake i m not ready 11 years ago the road less traveled the month of celebrations 11 years ago aaron and jennifer 9 000 people you didn t know existed and we re adopting again 11 years ago baby on mind hello it s me 12 years ago to get me to you and then you were three 12 years ago adopting miracles as usual 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