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Text of the page (random words):
e the prospective challenges of fixing my house and or my relationship with my mom are so so overwhelming like i automatically shut down the parts of my brain responsible for turning thoughts into actions so i can ignore the giant tangle of problems attached to all potential actions its so fucking hard to do anything like this i feel like im trapped inside a dead body here and the more alive my inner self gets the more it starts to poke through the thin parts of the dead skin it burns because the environment is too caustic for anything that isnt buried under layers of forced apathy and despite all the insane shit i just said im still like well its not that bad i dont need to complain so much aaaaaahhh i need to hold on to how good it felt to be doing stuff independently like remember waking up without feeling dreadsick at the idea of getting out of bed remember being able to complete simple tasks without feeling like theres a gun pointed at the back of your head this is what i need a tattoo to symbolically indicate more stuff to draw later now i have to go to bed in my bed that only has 1 blanket on it because none of the rest of them got washed laa diary pieces 1 energyspider diary post of may 19 i woke up at 4 am to catch my flight to catch my train to meet my mother to get driven back home and just 14 hours later here i am so vacations is officially over for now because im already planning where to go next possibly in like october but more likely after the new year due to some bullshit i dont know but i think i want to see everything in the world starting with wisconsin i gained so many levels on this trip i can feel my skill tree expanding grotesque rhubarb stretching noises im ready for my next run unfortunately this does require dollars which im forbidden by circumstances from acquiring in the usual ways but magbe someone can mail me about 2000 worth of gold bars cause im awesomeplease im also verytired so im going to sleep now goodnight beautifuls bubbles of sleep diary 2 energyspider in addition to everything mentioned previously i also need to get a tattoo energyspider giga diary of mays 15 16 17 18 may 15 art museum they did not even have any henry dargers on display which was ostensibly the reason i wanted to take this trip in the first place lol but it was still a really awesome collection i took lots more film pictures too so im very hopeful that the xray does not in fact ruin them completely and then after the museum walking in the park for a little bit i got to meet hover my friend hover and we wandered around for like thirty minutes trying to find a place to park their car and then we ate leftover macaroni because we didnt want to go out to dinner after all that ️ the colds together ️ may 16 we got insanely delicious banana bread french toast from the hotel restaurant for breakfast and then we went to the zoo where it was very hot and sunny and also we got lost looking for the reptile building but thats ok i didnt actually take that many pictures either phone or film so heres three terrible images of me pointing at some gar and we got dinnerburgers and hung out at the hotel and ordered cookies and ice cream delivered which is insane to me you can get a cookie and cream delivered to you at like 11 pm on a sunday edit i mean saturday just because its a city with 500 000 people in it why cant i have this in my world fuck well its probably a good thing actually because i would definitely abuse the power high key i would be abusing the power it wouldnt be right may 17 to the public museum which is the history museum and also the butterflys museum basically took the bus here because it was too far to walk but not far enough to be worth walking to the car which itself was like 20 minutes away i love tha city anyway we saw their fossils and their bugs and their big empty galleries of signs informing us that the exhibit objects were removed in accordance with the native american graves protection and repatriation act and then we ate leftovers and i watched hover play balatro like damn so thats joker poker and thatsreally it i dont know what to tell you folks im just not the type of guy who does more than 1 interesting thing in a day may 18 now and we didnt do anything today except have an extremely fucking scrumptious early lunch at hotel restaurant and like get sad about having to go back to our respective homes ai ben shapiro voice i got sad whatever its all going to be okay trust me bro i cant tell you any more about it right now or im going to start crying but literally its going to be ok in chronologyical order heres what i need to do laundry in the hotel basement wirh their stupid fuckingggg laundrycoins already in progress finish packing all my stuff back up shower go to bed as soon as possible so i can wake up at four am ️ for a 7 am flight spend 30000000 dollars on a donut or something at the airport so i dont starve gaming reference travel 2000 miles and 2 hours back in time to the beutiful city of seattle wait in a train station for like 3 more hours to go back to the beutiful city of kelso get driven home 1 more hour back to the beutiful city of details withheld for privacy protection not freak the fuck out get my film developed continue not freaking the fuck out while i look into getting a drivers license because i think i do need one even though im soooooo so scared and i hate the car so much sorry i started crying even though i said i wouldnt embarrassingmyself inthelaundryroom 2026 continue not freaking the fuck out while i look into getting a job that 1 will not kill me 2 makes some money but not so much money that it disqualifies the household from health insurance alternatively i need to like reeeally get into the grindset of monetizing creative skills via the patreon hustle or i dunno some kind of contract work for an indie game studio that wants art assets is anyone out there still making visual novels or rpgmaker games or some shit i will work for criminally low rates paid in amazon gift cards i literally dont care i just need my money supply to increase at a slightly faster rate than cd interest of like 50 dollars a year alternatively alternatively hit the juckport by making the undertale of cybernovels and everyone gives me so much money because they like me fucks still remaining eternally unfreaked plan another vacation on dead grandmas money so i dont go insane and start doing drugs like a lab rat living in a bare metal cage consult on top surgery save the world ok i can do some or all of these things probably its going to be okay it all has to be okay move forwards with me im reaching my hand out to you my lovely follower we are going forwards always no matter what diary what was the tag i was using for images of me i had one for a second there but i forgot it visualized there it is its that one 5 energyspider diary post of may 14 the second day of vacation i flew on an airplane all by myself 23 years old and survived two minor events water bottle eruption on plane hotel room door confusion without freaking out and now i am in the city chilling all night i considered doing some light touristing after i checked in but only briefly because i was sooooo fucking tired from the plane had to wake up at dawn and stand in lines and walk around the airport and i fell sort of asleep for like an hour on the plane but it was not enough so i just immediately took a shower and a nap as soon as i got into the room and im gonna order dinner deliverized having a little objectfriend to take pictures of while traveling is really awesome i think everyone must do this tomorrow art museum to see henry darger drarwings and some other crap walk around the lakefront take photographs dinner with electronic musician sleepover with the very same i hope everyone else is having a good week even if you arent on vacation thats ok you dont need to be on vacation to have a good time and look out the window and go wowww because actually everywhere on earth is beautiful awesome if you know how to look go outside and be awed awwww awwwww diary 2 energyspider diary post of may 13 the first day of vacation i took the train from kelso to seattle and checked in at the hostel where they almost put me in the wrong room but the situation was resolved without incident and i walked around and took some pictures and got dinner and now i have to go to bed giga early so i can get up at 5 30 for a 9 30 flight thanks 9 11 here are some photos of my traveling companion the common cold looking cute in locations goodnight every body see you brighrt and eaely diary 3 energyspider reblogged rnismatch follow one more visit from the energy spider and im through 7 9 energyspider diary post of may 12 vacation begins tomorrow holy hell in 24 hours i will be in seattle in 48 i will be in milwaukee its really happening everything is packed and ready to go yes i am horribly nervous but im also so so so excited to go places and see things and take pictures and have fun and no one can tell me what to do its really happening diary 1 energyspider diary post of may 11 got my testosterone refill today so i went ahead and just did it immediately my plan now is to do it on six day intervals so itll go monday sunday saturday friday because i like having it on friday even though all the days are the same to me due to my neet nature and i packed almost everything for myvacation i still need like 2 more things to come out of the laundry though ive laundered every clothe in this damn house the clothes have never been so clean but as it turns out i do have a limited number of underwears that are not horribly frayed in the elastic oops but underwear is like 30 dollars these days so what the fuck am i supposed to do also some of my shirts have like grease stains on them which dont compromise their function at all but i dont want to wear them on an occasion so i have to be picky i did coordinate my daily outfits with thematically appropriate shirts and socks though because i am gay also also i cant find my non gay belt so i have to only wear the gay belt which is like fine because as mentioned im gay but its also more worn out than the other one what if my pants fall down at the zoo and all the animals laugh at me and i get my dick ripped off by a tornado many many things could go wrong here but they wont everything will go awesome and im going to havw a lovely time yes diary 1 energyspider diary post of may 10 hung out with hazel todayyy playing touys and watching vhses and then i came home and played noita in between switching laundry and thats kind of it i need to finish packing for my trip augh auooogh its in just three days fuck diary 1 energyspider dream 3 energyspider diary post of may 9 lots of chore today cutting back plants and washing car and dishes and i tried to do laundry but the washing mashing had other ideas its fine though i picked out packed some already clean clothes i know i want to wear on my vacation which is imminent im so so so excited i know ive been saying this for like three months but straight up this is going to be the best five days of my life so far so im allowed thank you racist grandma for leaving me some money in your will even though i never got baptized diary 1 energyspider diary post of may 8 auuhhhhh not a great day today not getting my hormone until monday due to some bull shit and i was tired and unproductive and guess what i still am i have too many things to do so i dont want to do any of them i just want to hide in my room for everandever every time i go downstairs my mom has a new task for me to remember to do or a new tiny inconsequential thing to gripe about latest i dont put the hand towel back on the rack straight enough when im done using it or a new bizarre attempt at small talk that will go nowhere and then i get scolded for not being friendly enough shes very determined that i need to be friendlier and itslike sorry man but we are not friends im not going to put on a big smile and go yayy yippie and throw confetti every time you tell me something and all her attempts to engage with me about my interests sound like one of those extremely stilted customer service training videos where a guy with dead eyes is talking to a child like have you decided what youre going to have for dessert genuinely i ll just be getting water or something and she ll approach like how s the coding going and i just say fine because literally every time i have tried to explain in more detail something im excited or frustrated or whatevered about she at best just stares and nods because she doesnt understand what im talking about and at worst tells me im wasting my life on that bullshit so why would i ever do that i dont think having a conversation with her has made me feel better about anything since i was twelve she has proven on almost every occasion to be unwilling or unable to help me when it matters and i just have to ignore this because otherwise i dont get food or a house haha diary 2 energyspider naked in bed will save me 1 energyspider diary post of may 7 another day with nothing much to report wrote a little musicked a little ate a mango more strained strange interactions with my mother which tbh im not even gonna get into right now because it does me no good except by collecting sympathy points which are a highly volatile currency i have noplace to spend anyway happynews vacation is in less than 1one week ️ i need to like plan my outfits to make sure everything is laundered and ready to be packed i need to adjust my phone music library i already put a fresh roll of 400 in my camera plus i prepared a bag with an additional 400 a 200 because i might actually be shooting in bright sunlight the extremely important roll of scotch tape surely that will be enough thats like two hundred pictures i could bring the two more rolls of 400 currently in my possession but it just seems unnecessary two hundred pictures is a lot gonna cost many dollars to get all that developed to the point where im considering not paying the camera shop for scans just development and figuring out a way to do the scans myself hmm mmm not too important right now though what else do i need to do for vacation i need to buy sunscreen and i need to squeeze my various cosmetic fluids into these silicone jars i bought aaaayynd i need to find a working battery brick for my phone and a water bottle that doesnt suck and a book to read let s be real im just gonna read into thin air for the 125th time and i need to focus all my hopes dreams into manifesting that the lack of expected menstrual activity so far means that 8 weeks of testosterone was in fact enough to stop it entirely please god thank you amen diary 1 energyspider i need vacation now 1 energyspider i like cats a lot better than dogs but honestly i dont think i even want a cat in my future i dont want to be responsible for anything other than meeee can maybe i just be my self for a couple years please 2 ...